Monday, May 31, 2010

Challenge Over

Well, I did it. One month; over 31 posts. Now obviously I'm not gonna do this again any time soon because it was just hard as all hell, but it's nice to know I can do it even if some of them are pretty half-assed. For those who been reading and watching every day, I thank you and I hope you continue to log in. Now I'm go take a break because I am video game burnt out.

Sunday, May 30, 2010

You Know What Pisses Me Off.....

......People who talk out their asses about topics they know nothing about. My favorite one is  the one where they go "bla bla bla is damaging our kids." Now I can talk about this all day about this, but for now, let me give you my theories as to why they do this in terms of video games. Notice how I say theories and not using speculations to pass off as fuckin facts!

1. The 6 o' clock new
Notice how whenever there's an outbreak of some virus, everybody rushes to the hospital the minute they have so much as a cough. This is in part because the news makes a monstrous deal out of it. Sometimes it's warranted (like the bird and swine flu epidemics), but more times than not it's not that big of a deal, and the news just makes it seem that way. Why? Because you're gonna watch. Same thing with video games. The minute some parent buys a rated M game by accident, the news will fuckin run with it because they know parents are gonna watch. Whether or not it's accurate is irrelevant. Fow News: go fuck yourselves!

2. No one knows the fuckin rating system
This is probably the biggest problem. When people come to me at work asking for a game for their kids and I tell them it's rated M for mature, the first thing they ask is "What does that mean?" or they give this completely dumbfounded look. Point is if they know about the rating system, they will stop wondering why these games are made for kids because they will know these games aren't made for kids, but then again....

3. They don't wanna know
....maybe they don't give a flying fuck. Maybe they just don't wanna learn about them. Maybe they want these violent game gone simply so they can just blindly buy whatever the kid wants. One less thing to worry about right? Listen, we're not getting rid of M games because you're too lazy to do fuckin research.

4. Polititions
I used to think that the people finally caught on to political bullshit, especially after the Bush administration, but after New Jersey voted Chris Christie as governor, I couldn't have been more wrong. People really are sheep.

5. Some people are just downright ass retarded

6. People don't kids credit.
I think people think kids are completely incapable of reasonable thought. Seriously, if you think your kid is dumb enough to copy some of the most dangerous shit in games, it says more about you than him/her. Kids know right from wrong; that's why they lie when they want a certain video game and pause it whenever their parents walk in the room.

Saturday, May 29, 2010

VG Exiles

Someone asked me to share these, so I said cool. Not the creator though, which would have been cool.






Friday, May 28, 2010

Retro Review - Deathrow


It's not really a retro review if the game came out last generation, is it? Ah well, let's roll with it. Deathrow is one of those games that...well...no one has ever heard of it. No press release, no commercial, no friend telling you how good or bad it is, nothing. I mention this game and people give me that WTF look. So if it's so unheard of, why the hell is amazon.com charging so much? Fuckers. Anyway, Deathrow is about the made up sport sometime in the future called Blitz, which is a cross of hockey, basketball, ultimate frisbee, and MMA, and it all works quite well depending on which mode you play on. The goal is to score as many points as possible by throwing a disc into the opponents goal. You're free to whoop your opponents ass as you see fit (i.e. all the fuckin time). If rules are on, you can't hit someone when they're down. Sounds like something you want to do, but remember the AI takes full advantage of that rule too. It is possible to beat up on some till they can't get up anymore, and when you take out the whole team, you've won no matter what the score is or how much time is left on the clock. There are 4 quarters, and between each quarter, you can manage players' health, assuming you have enough money for it.


Season mode is really all about beating every team all the way up to the top. Each team has different tactics. Some like to coordinate offensive schemes, some are very defensive, and some are just in it to beat the living shit out of you, and unless your team can match that aggression, you're gonna wish you had rules on. There are two views: one is the sports view and one is the action view. The sports view looks like the camera angle from most hockey video games with the camera hovering over the action. The action cam puts the camera right behind the player you're controlling. For some reason, the arena you play in depends on what view you're in. The sports view plays fine, and get a friend to join and you can some damn good games of Blitz going. This is probably the most fun I ever had playing a fake sport. Then there's the action cam. Tell me if this makes sense. Left stick moves and looks, right stick strafe left and right. Does that make sense? NO! The controls are fuckin horrendous! Okay, Okay, I understand it was 2002, and the whole left stick to move - right stick to look things wasn't that well known or implemented then...actually YES IT WAS! What the fuck were they thinking? Didn't they see that this shit didn't work? I have never played movement controls so bad in my life. Somehow, they brought out the best and worst in me all in one sitting. One minute it's a great game; the next it's a piece of shit. I say if you can find it for cheap, pick it up and stay on sports view.

NOTE: I was told there was a way to change the controls, but I couldn't figure out how to change the sticks. Apparently, some people have no problem with the controls which I believe is fuckin amazing. Those are some well-trained hands.                                                       

Thursday, May 27, 2010

Sonic Shorts

Well, we're 27 days into this and I keep running into the same problem, I don't know what to talk about. So here some more videos.











Yea, I'm being lazy. So what? Fuck you.

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Q & A

Q: Did you hear that Sonic 4 is delayed till fall for quality control?
A: If only they did that for Sonic Unleashed. Then again it would be delayed to 2012

Q: Have you figured out how to keep everyone alive in Mass Effect 2?
A: No and it's pissing me off. It's always fuckin Jack dying! STAY ALIVE BITCH!

Q: Where do you get the money for all those games?
A: It's the damnest thing, I don't know. Somehow I always have money for what I need, and then money for all these games. It's un-fuckin-believable. I think when I go to sleep, I sleeppimp. I think that's what I do. Some people sleepwalk or sleepeat. I sleeppimp. It's the only way to explain it. While I'm snoring I'm smacking bitches for asking questions.

Q: What will be your next game?
A: *SMACK* Bitch, don't ask me no question.

Q: Lakers or Suns?
A: What are those, renewable power sources? Suns I understand, although I don't know when you're gonna find another sun, but what the fuck is a laker? Let's see, a lake is a body of water, so a laker would have to do something in a lake. Is it a type of dam? So are talking water energy? Well, you know, both solutions sound like great alternate power sources, but I'm gonna go with the most reliable of them all...Kobe Bryant.

Q: Who is your favorite character?
A: GI Joe with the kung fu grip. Oh, you mean in video games. Well..ummm...it would have to be........GI Joe with the kung fu grip.

Q: How come you don't make any videos?
A: I tried, but the girl won't get naked in front of the camera. Keeps talking about "I don't want my body all over the internet" and I'm like "Don't worry; it'll only be on my laptop," but she still wouldn't play ball. Sigh* Ah well. I guess I can make video game videos in the near future.

Q: Stop baggin on Sonic so much. What's he ever done to you?
A: ......Ahem* Sonic Adventure 2, Sonic Shuffle, Sonic the Fighters, Sonic R, Sonic 3D Blast, Shadow the Hedgehog, Tails Patrol, Knuckles Chaotix..........

Q: Why do parents have such a problem with video games?
A: ....Sonic the Hedgehog for 360, Sonic Riders, Sonic and the Secrets Rings, Sonic and the Black Knight, Sonic Unleashed, Big the Cat in any he's in, Sonic R again!........

Q: When can we expect any Wii reviews?
A: You can expect them when you want to, but the fact of the matter is I don't own a Wii. Funny story: I finally saved up enough money to buy the damn Wii, and the week I decided I wanted to get it, fuckin 360 went on the benz. The shit overheated for no fuckin reason and just cut off randomly. It was my 3rd 360 too, so I was gonna call it quits, but then I remembered I kinda needed it for this blog, so I used the money to buy a brand new 360. The fan is so quiet on the newer models. The old ones sounds like they're about to blast off or some shit.

Q: When are you gonna review No More Heroes 2?
A: Ahem* look up.

Q: Have you ever stopped and think you play too much video games?
A: I tried, but then I got bored and started playing video games.

Q: You know what would make Split/Second better?
A: Ninjas.

Prince of Persia: The Forgotten Sands


I'm a fan of the Prince of Persia series starting with the Sands of Time. I always said gaming needs more puzzle platformers, and this is as good as it gets. There was a little hiccup with Warrior Within (it sucked), but the ship was righted with The Two Thrones and the book was closed on an epic storyline. 2008 introduced us to a new prince...who for some reason was not a prince (at least not yet; not until he knocks up Elika) and is played by Nolan North, the guy who does the voice of pretty much every single mother fucker in games lately. Jesus, if he keeps this up, he'll put Steve Blum and Cree Summers out of business and that's no easy accomplishment.....and it just occurred to me that you have no idea who I'm talking about. Despite the overused voice and a wardrobe that looks like a runaway ninja crashed into a Skittles factory, 2008's POP was a good game all around and a good launch pad for the next trilogy. I was getting syked about what they would for a sequel, then I finally got to see that the new POP...has nothing...to do....with this contingency.....wait what?

To make as much money as they can off the new movie coming soon, Ubisoft released a game in the Sand of Time storyline, effectively confusing everybody including me who thought they were fuckin done with that storyline and moved on. There's gonna be some trouble when both games are shelved side by side at Gamestop. You play as the Prince, not to be confused with the Prince who is not yet the Prince but probably will be Prince if he hooks up with...ah fuck that shit; let's just give them names. In the Forgotten Sands, you play as the Sands of Time Prince (who we'll call Sandy). Despite popular belief, this is not based on the movie, nor is this a sequel of the 2008 game starring Reject Ninja. The events takes place after the Sands of Time and before Warrior Within where Sandy visits his brother who despite actually having a name we'll call him Spongebob to keep with the theme here. Spongebob's kingdom is under attack and is about to go down like almost every Xbox 360 before 2009, and in order to save it he's releases the legendary Solomon's Army to aid in this fight. Sadly, evil sand pours from the vault...AGAIN...and creatures I'll called Beach Shoes emerge to destroy everything in their path. Now it's up to Sandy to do what he always does and hop, skip, jump, and repeatedly die his way to victory with some help from the woman who helped seal the Beach Shoes centuries ago: Water Hoes. It's a fine story but doesn't add anything to the overall story-arch. Hell, I don't know if it's really relevant at all. In my opinion, you can put Stone Cold Steve Austin in the game and it wouldn't make a difference, and in hindsight that might be for the best. We don't need a side project to fuck up to story here. Ask Metal Gear Solid fans.


As I describe the gameplay, stop me if this sounds familiar. You will run, jump, climb walls, climb poles, jump from pole to pole, wall jump, wall jump repeatedly between 2 walls, run on walls, run up walls, hang from poles, swing from poles, balance on beams, jump from beam to beam, dodge traps, solve puzzles, and inevitably fail a lot at trying to do all of the above. It's a tried and true formula that never gets old despite how many times I do it. It's one of those games where you say to yourself "Okay, I'll stop at the next checkpoint", and you're still playing 7 checkpoints later. Instead of sand, all your powers are given to you by Water Hoes to do what you need to to get from point A to point B. You can also upgrade Sandy like every other action game, making his health and attacks unfairly awesome, which leads to the biggest and probably only worth-noting change: combat. Instead of the stiff combat of Sandy's past games or Reject Ninja's stupid ass one on one move as slowly as possible duels, combat in this game is a little more fluid and a hellava lot more fun once you upgrade yourself to badass proportions. Not only that, but as much as 50 Beach Shoes can be on-screen at once. If you can win that fight without getting hit:
1) send a video of it, and
2) let's see you do that shit on Batman
If there's one thing that Reject Ninja has on Sandy, it's that he has a partner who won't let him die, unlike Sandy who is only as alive as how often you're allowed to do a rewind. Now I know everyone made a big deal about not being able to die in Reject's game, but after playing Sandy's game, I can confidently say that you guys can shut the fuck up about it. In the Forgotten Sands, it's filled with so many save points. It seems like every time I go into another room, the game autosaves. It's funny how everyone likes how you can die in this game, but the effect is still the same. Am I the only one noticing this shit? Yea, in Forgotten Sands, you go back a little further, but a lot of times I don't even use my rewind because I know I'll spawn close by. How is that much different from Reject Ninja getting saved by Floaty Bitch? At the end of the day, Reject Ninja made you feel like you got bailed out, whereas Sandy makes you feel like you can't fail, but it's the same shit.


Rating: Sweet


NOTE: What was that? A closing paragraph? Bitch, I got 2 posts to do today. I don't have time for a closing paragraph.

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

2 Posts Coming

It is now 11:40 at the time of this typing, and I just got home from work an hour ago, which means I had time to eat, shower, and watch the end of the Lakers/Suns game, and now I have to go to sleep just to wake up at 4:30 to go back to work. So yea, I can't really provide much of a post again. To make it up to you, my daring public (the both of you), I'll do 2 posts tomorrow, one being a review, and I promise it won't be half-ass like that Red Dead review. Seriously, it's just GTA4 with horses!

Monday, May 24, 2010

Red Dead Redemption

 
You know, I had this big review prepared and everything, had pictures and videos selected for it, and even had commentary from a couple of friends, but then I realized that all of that is useless because I can describe Red Dead Redemption in one sentence and you will get the jist of it: It's fuckin GTA4 with horses! It's the same exact format; the only difference is time period. Cars are now horses, streets gangs are now bandits, skyscrapers are now cactuses...or is it cacti, and hookers are now.....well, they're still hookers, but you get my point. The only real gameplay difference is that RDR also uses the mark and execute and does it better than Sam Fisher every could. Does this make the game bad? Well, that depends on how tired you are for GTA. If you still like it after all this time, then pick it up and have yourself a good time. For me, it's good, and I plan to continue playing, but damn is this experience too familiar. The story is well-written, the characters are voiced nicely and are at the very least interesting to listen to, and the gameplay is still. I suggest you think about how much you love sandbox games before buying this.


Rating: Sweet

NOTE: What do you want from me? That's all it is

Sunday, May 23, 2010

Split/Second


One day, a little company that could called Black Box came along and created one of the best, if not the best skateboarding game of all time called Skate. Then I did my research and found out that the company I'm actually looking for is called Blackrock. My bad. Blackrock is known for the under-appreciated and very kick ass game Pure, which funny enough was published by Disney Interactive, probably the last company you would expect to publish an ATV version of SSX. Instead of making a sequel to Pure (damn), Blackrock decided to make a good ol' fashion arcade racer - the kind of racer you would expect to find in an arcade somewhere, except more awesome. I haven't played an arcade racer this fun since the San Francisco Rush series, and despite being rated E10, I've blown up more shit than GTA4 and Just Cause 2 combine. Needless to say, I fuckin love this game.

The game is set up like one of those shows you would see on FOX, with the cheesy music ripped straight out of Jerry Bruckheimer's Ipod and everything. When you play through Season Mode, each stage is setup like an episode of the show. There are 12 episodes in all and 6 races (2 that have to be unlocked) in each episode. It doesn't sound like a lot, but you would be surprised how long it takes to complete it, especially if you gonna try to get 1st place in every single event. Shit the only thing missing from this game is the promos for a new season of House.

I guess the best way to decide this game is it's the love child between Burnout and...pretty much any and every game that has random shit exploding. At any moment, pieces of the environment can randomly attack you and the other racers, and these events are triggered by you and the other racers. You fill a meter by drifting, drafting, jumping, and other stunts, and once that meter is full enough, you can trigger one of these power plays when you have racers within range. There are 2 levels of power plays, and while level 1 normally gets the job done, level 2 is just ridiculously awesome. Trigger a level 2 and you can either cause an event that can take out pretty much everyone in the race, or take out pretty much everyone in the race AND fuck up the course so bad that you end up changing the route. As cool as they look, level 2 also takes the longest to build up, so it may not be the best option. Besides the usual race, elimination, and time trials, there are special events that you can do, one of them is seeing how long you can dodge missiles fired from a helicopter.

This is an arcade racers, and like all arcade racers it suffers from the same exact problem that causes people like me to curse every 5 minutes: unfair AI. No matter how far away you get, or how good you're driving, they will always catch up. A big lead doesn't mean shit in this game and eventually someone will be on your ass. I guess it was done to make the racing more exciting, but what's the point of trying so hard to get to first if I'm just gonna lose it anyway. Might as well just wait till the last lap to even try. Oh wait, you can't do that because that leads to you ending up in last. Unless you get a lucky sequence of power plays, if you're behind, you'll won't catch up. It's also worth noting that you won't win a lot later on until you know the courses, but the game is more fun when you have no idea what the course layout is, and shit is exploding around you. It's a conundrum.

Despite the AI, this game is kick ass, and is worthy of the company that produced Pure, and for the love of god, go out and get Pure. It's like 20 buck now and it kicks ass. Trust me on this. It's only fault is that there's no split screen multiplayer. I don't know why that was left out. It's not left in Split/Second though, so we're good there. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to try it online because my internet is acting retarded, but maybe it'll work if and when I do my next VS: Split/Second vs. Blur. That should be fun.

[Update]: I was finally able to play the game online, and it's nothing special. I do like the fact that AI cars can be used to fill up the remaining spots, but other than that, there's not much to say about it. Playing with friends though is an absolute bitch! They have private race, but if you and a friend want to race against other people, who have to invite him into the lobby you're in and hope he gets in. There's no other way, at least no other way I can find. I tried an xbox live party, but that didn't do shit. Multiplayer is pretty much an afterthought in this case, and that's a damn shame because racing with a friend is fuckin hilarious. I originally gave this game a rating of fuckin awesome, but with online the way it is now, I have to knock it down one.


Rating: Sweet

NOTE: I like the running on the Backbreaker demo. Passing....not so much. Also, memo to ESPN, stop it with the fuck Lebron James coverage. Jesus Christ, if it's not him, it's fuckin Farve. Fuck both of them!

Saturday, May 22, 2010

I'm working 3 reviews, all at once, as we speak. One should be up by tomorrow. Until then, he's a video.

Friday, May 21, 2010

Lots of Games

Right now, I'm just typing to keep up with my challenge, but dude I have a LOT of games. Not only do I have new games for 360 and PS3, I have old games I'm playing for Dreamcast, N64, and the original Xbox. In the last 7 weeks, I picked of 7 games, and I aint finish shit. Needless to say, it's zapping a lot of my time, which is why despite having a post every day, I only really have 4 reviews. I can't finish them all to review them promptly. To give you an idea of what I'm doing, here's a list of all the games I'm playing now.

Xbox 360:
Red Dead Redemption
Split Second
Skate 3

PS3:
Prince of Persia: The Forgotten Sands

PSP:
Power Stone Collection (so I won't be looking for the DC version)

Xbox:
Jet Set Radio Future
Deathrow
Conker: Live and Reloaded

Dreamcast:
Street Fighter 3: 3rd Strike
Jet Grind Radio
Rush 2049
Ready to Rumble Boxing Round 2
JoJo's Bizarre Adventure (yea, still)

And just for the hell of it, I decided to bust out my old N64 and play my old games. Now, they'll probably all be talked about in just one post, with maybe just one or 2 that gets their own review, and the good news is I've played the hell out of all these games already so I don't really have to play them extensively (if at all), but just look at this list.

Nintendo 64
Super Mario 64
Super Smash Bros.
Deadly Arts
Star Fox 64
Mario Kart 64
Diddy Kong Racing
Rush 2
WWF Attitude
WCW/NWO Revenge
1080 Snowboarding
Spider-Man
Mortal Kombat 4
Pilot Wings 64
WWF No Mercy
WWF Wrestlemania 2000
Wave Race 64
and of course.....
Goldeneye 007

Oh, and all of this was going on during the Halo Reach beta, not to mention that I'm still playing old games like Dragon Age, Mass Effect 2 (I WILL HAVE MY WHOLE FUCKIN CREW SURVIVE DAMMIT!), NCAA Football 10, Forza 3, DJ Hero, NBA 2K10, MLB 10 The Show, and surprising enough, Sonic and Sega All-Stars Racing (I know right?). I play demos when they come out on the marketplace, I got my PSP when I'm on the road, I'm saving up for the Wii (there's an interesting story about that; I'll tell you later), and eventually I'll convince Neil to let me borrow his PS2 so I can play some other games. All this, while working and maintaining a social life of sorts. So yea, I'm pretty much fucked.

Thursday, May 20, 2010

THQ Charges Too

Last week, I reported that EA is implementing one-use online codes for their sports titles, which will come with all new copies of the games, and anybody who buys the games used will have to pay an additional $10. I also mentioned how this is fuckin retarded and will only piss off gamers, resulting in less sales, and EA will continue to lose money. After that post, I thought Activision would be next in line, but not only are they not, it turns out EA won't be the first. THQ announced that UFC 2010 will come with its own codes, and anybody without a code will have to pay $5 to play online. Sigh* Whatever. Like I said, I never buy used games unless I have to, especially since asking me to pay 55 bucks for a used when it's 60 bucks new is fuckin ridiculous, and since I already ranted about EA, there's no need to go into it again. I'm done. I'm washing my hands of it.

[Update]: Apparently, Ubisoft is getting into the mix as well. They didn't say what games though.

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Just Cause 2 Easter Eggs

One thing I forgot to mention about Just Cause 2 was the easter eggs. In fact, I showed you a video of one of those easter eggs in the review. Not only are there many of then, some are just downright awesome. Ask anybody who's been to the island all the way up on the left hand corner. Instead of talking about it, which is what I originally intended to do, I'm gonna take the lazier approach and show you as many easter eggs that I was able to find on youtube, most of them presented by the guys at Achievement Hunter.If you're wondering, yes I found some of these on my own, all by accident.


















Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Just Cause 2


Just 5 minutes ago, I sneaked into a military base, planted C4 on most of the jeeps, stole one for myself, got chased by the military police who were driving said jeeps, jumped onto the hood of my car, triggered the explosives, blew up the jeeps, and opened my parachute to sail away just before the jeep I was surfing on crashed into the side of a building. That is Just Cause 2 in a nutshell. This game puts new meaning to the phrase 'fuckin around'.

You play Rico...ummm...was it Rodriguez? I think it was Riviera. Hold on; let me see. Where the fuck did I put that instruction manual? Alright, here it is. Rodriguez, there we go. Anyway, R-Rod is sent to the extremely fake island of Panau, to cause as much chaos as possible to overthrow a bla bla bla. I stopped paying attention after chaos. I cared little about the story and even less about the characters. Everyone in this game have horrendous accents, even worse than the Saboteur. In fact, even the American accent is bad, and it's voiced by a fuckin American. Is it really so hard to find Asian people to do the accents for you (I forgot to mention that the island was in Asia)? It's not like you needed real talent - as proven by who you hired in the first place - so I think any ol' group of Asian people would do. They don't even sound like they're trying to be Asian; it sounds like they're trying to make fun of Asians. On this island, you're treated to jungles, forests, deserts, snowy mountains, plateaus, and cities all in one locale, and the cool thing is it's all arranged so that it makes sense to have all these different...geographical......shit. At the right height, you can actually see the whole island. There's no fog or anything to hide the island in order to save processing on rendering draw distances or any of that technical bullshit. No; you see everything, which is amazing seeing as how good the graphics are and how fuckin huge the island is. Seriously, with the fastest plane I could find, it took me a little under 5 minutes to get from one side of the island to the other. That is ridiculous. 


It's a sandbox game, so I think we all know how these games work. I travel to a spot, start the mission (usually involves shooting), finish said mission, then go back to fuckin around until you're ready to start a new mission. The difference is that where most games encourage fuckin around, it's almost a requirement in this game. Almost everything destructive you do adds to your chaos, which acts like currency to unlock new missions. Sometimes I'd have no missions unlocked, so I went and blew up a few military bases for the hell of it. Sure enough, the chaos brought about new missions. Another outstanding feature is the grappling hook. It's used as you would think: Batman your ass all over the place. You can also tether 2 items together. Unless you're pulling someone off a sniper tower or mounted gun, the hook is pretty useless in a fight. Now, I said useless, but I didn't say boring. For example, while getting shot at by one lonely pathetic soldier, a helicopter appeared to take me out. So I hooked the soldier, tethered him to the helicopter, and ran away as the copter gave chase with his buddy hanging on. Helpful no, but fuckin funny. One time, I tethered a guy to a propane cylinder (at least I think it's propane; it's shaped like a helium tank), shot the cylinder, and he rocketed all over the place before blowing up. To round out this list of unique features is the insane stunts you can pull off. In the beginning, I mention I was car surfing while being pursued. That's just a little bit of a taste of what you can do in this game. Any vehicle in the game can pretty much be rode on top of and steered somewhat (except helicopters and planes). Combine that with a parachute and a grappling hook, and you are ready to have some fun my friends. Is it realistic? Hell no, but who cares? I can only imagine how that meeting with the game designers went........

Head Designer: Alright guys, I like the way this game is coming out
Designer #1: Well, we still don't have a bonafide hit here.
Designer #2: We have to separate ourselves from the other GTA clones 
Head Designer: Does anybody have any ideas on how to do that?
Designer #3: Hey, what can we do to make the game more realistic?
Head Designer: I have an idea.
Designer #3: What?
Head Designer: You're fired.

The point this game treat realism like NJ Governor Chris Christie treats the public school system (Sad but True.....by Metallica). They are 2 complaints I have with this game. Until you upgrade your weapons, it takes a million billion bullets to put someone down, unless you get a headshot of course, but the weapons aint that fuckin accurate. And with a game that emphasizes chaos, shouldn't I have assess to heavy ordinances a little earlier in the game? This game also doesn't have mutliplayer, but seeing as how massive the game is, adding that might actually break the fuckin disc. 


If you like fuckin around, then this is your game. It's been tailored made for people like you. Admittedly, the storyline take a long time to finish than you would expect, but when you think about it, you won't care about the story, and if you're not finish with it, it gives you something to do, something that this game is almost never short on.


Rating: Fuckin Around Awesome

NOTE: Anybody knows where I can get Power Stone 2 for Dreamcast on the cheap? Seriously, I'm not spending more than 20 bucks on the bitch, so these online prices I found can suck my dick.

Monday, May 17, 2010

Top Ten Superpowers

Why do we loves superheroes? Is it because they stand up for truth and justice? Is it because they're always willing to do what is right? Is it because they give people hope in desperate times? FUCK NO! It's all about the kick-ass super powers. But which one do you go with? It's time for another top 10, and this time we're counting down the best super powers you can possess. Remember: to make the list, that super power has to have appeared in a game somewhere. Magic doesn't count.

10. Fire
I like to burn stuff, don't you? No? Oh...ummm....sooo anyway. When you're walking napalm, people tend to back up away from you. You know when's the best place to catch fire? On the basketball court. In my opinion, NBA Jam makes use of the power better than anyone (second place: Scorpion).


9. Spider Powers
I was only gonna limit it to just wall crawling, but why not have the whole package? Remember: he does whatever a spider can. I'd use it to swing past BBQs and steal people's sandwiches, just 'cause it would be funny.



8. Lightening
We already have this power to a small extent. Just rub your feet across the carpet and proceed to annoy your sister. Lightening powers are awesome (just ask Cole from Infamous), but if you want something with a little more bang, I say go with the Force. That's right Star Wars fans, I'm talking Force Lightening. It's the only reason I played the Force Unleashed. Hell, I'll take the whole package the Force has to offer (as seen in this vid), but I'm in it for the lightening.


7. Super Speed
As an old school Sonic fan, I can't help but to love this one. Go across the country in under 2 minutes? Why the fuck not? Again, I would use this power to steal sandwiches.


6. Flight
Duh. It the most basic of powers. Besides, no more airports.


5. Teleportation
What's faster than running? Teleportation my friends. Oh, how my commute to work would be so much easier. Oh, how quickly I can get stuff done. Oh, how many sandwiches I can steal with this power. What a very versatile power. It's like the hemp of superpowers.



4. Ice
Polar opposite to fire, and in my opinion, a hellava lot cooler (no pun intended). Not only can freeze people, you can travel by making ice bridges, create weapons out of ice, use your power to start an impromptu hockey, and if you do decide to freeze someone, you can taunt them as they look on unable to move.



3. Ki Blast
If Dragonball Z has taught us anything, it's that Ki can be a dangerous fuckin tool. Technically, it's not a super power, but how many people can pull it off? Alright then. The only negative is that Ki blasts pretty much invented spamming (aint that right Ryu and Ken?).


2. Regeneration
What does Wolverine and every modern first person shooter have in common. Oh, I think I just gave you the answer, didn't I? Either way, how awesome would it be to heal from anything? Who the fuck would need health insurance? Every time you get hurt, it'll be like that Monty Python movie. "Tis' but a scratch."


1. Money
Who are we kidding? Nothing is better than money. The more money you have, the better things are. Shit, you can buy yourself a superhero. In fact, make yourself a superhero. Just ask Tony Stark and Bruce Wayne. If you really think about it, with the exception of aliens and natural born mutants, all superheroes were byproducts of some science project, and for projects to take off, what do you need? Yup. Money. I would have a video for it, but I don't have any money......

Sunday, May 16, 2010

Street Fighter Flash Collab







Watch the original on newgrounds.com. Must be 18 years or older. Fair Warning: DON'T WATCH STAMPER'S SHORT!

Saturday, May 15, 2010

God of War vs Dante's Inferno
























God of War wins........what? Okay okay, fine. I'll do a fair comparison. I feel it's kinda redundant seeing as how Dante's Inferno is a complete rip of God of War, but I've been asked to do this anyway so that people can see that Dante's Inferno is a great game and can stack up against one of the greatest. I never said the game was bad in the first place. I just don't get why you would buy this when a much better version of the same fuckin game is out.

But you know what, let's be fair. Let pretend that the creators of Dante's Inferno never heard of God of War and just judge the game on its own merits.......oh yea, it has no merits of its own. Alright, enough bashing on Dante. Its has enough going for it to warrant this comparison, so let's get to it. I'm going to leave story out of the equation because both stories are real fuckin simple and only serve to more the combat along.



Characters:
Apparently whatever store these two shop at don't sell shirts, but nonetheless both were made to look bad-ass, and they manage to pull it off somewhat. I have some questions about their design. Seriously, Dante won't wear chest armor, but he'll keep the helmet on? And why is Kratos wearing a skirt? Apparently, Ares was killed by a Scottish man. As far as personality goes, Dante is depressed and desperate, while Kratos is angry and psychotic. Dante's struggle does make him a more interesting character (and human), but sometimes you gotta get behind a guy like Kratos: a man who just don't give a fuck.

Winner: Both

Fighting Style:
Both men are insanely brutal in their tactics, and this goes back to their personalities. Kratos is brutally psychotic so you expect him to eviscerate everything that looks at him...then everything that doesn't, but why is Dante so brutal? I get that he's in a desperate situation, but those are the type of kills you see someone who enjoys killing do. Either way, both get the job done in satisfyingly devious fashion. If you like dismemberment, you can't go wrong with either.


Winner: Both

Combat:
Kratos' Blades of Chaos/Athena/Exile reminds me a lot of the ninja weapon kunai with chain, then that's why it's awesome. Dante's scythe looks cool and all, but doesn't compare to a ninja tool in concept. Despite that, both seem to have similar range. The weapons are cool and all, but it don't mean shit if you can't use them right, and GOW flows so much better than DI. DI's combat flows fine, if you mash quick attack over and over. The problem with DI is that you don't really mix light attacks with heavy. In fact, I don't remember any combo that used more than one face button. So in order to do a heavy attack, you have to stop you light attack combo. It's different in GOW. Both attacks flow nicely together to create combos, and in GOW3, you can switch weapons mid-combo. The final point is that with DI, mashing heavy attack repeating gets you through almost any situation, whereas GOW KINDA requires you to think about what you're doing.

Winner: God of War

Setting:
Like GOW, DI's world...or hell...is big, epic, and awe inspiring. The only problem is it doesn't stay that way. The first few circle were cool as hell and extremely grotesque, especially the part with the giant lady with mouths for nipples climbing the side of the shaft while you ride the elevator, but after a while it seems like you've seen everything hell has to offer. It's like the developers ran out of time and ideas. As for GOW, you never lose that sense of epic-ness.

Winner: God of War



Winner: God of War


NOTE: I would have done more categories, but GOW would have won in those anyway. Besides, I covered the most important elements. Oh, and GOW definitely wins in the hot tits department, just in case you were wondering.

Friday, May 14, 2010

EA Charges

Once again, I have to canceled what I planned to do to address something retarded again. Apparently, EA is charging for you to download an online pass to play their sports games online if you buy them used. Read this link:


http://consumerist.com/2010/05/ea-goes-nuclear-against-used-sports-games-sales.html?ref=fark

Now, from a personal standpoint, I really don't give a shit about it because I never buy games used unless I need to, and I don't play EA sports games except Madden (which I don't play online). With that said, that is the stupidest shit I have ever heard in gaming. What's the matter EA? Not happy with Activision taking your spot of evil video game company? You're probably doing this since you've been losing money for maybe 4 years, but there's a reason for that. Yes, you games have sucked, but that's not the main reason. You've pissed off gamers for years, and not only are they're not buying your shit, they're telling other people not to buy your shit. You know what's the worst part? With everyone mad at Activision right now, you had an opportunity to get on everyone's good side, especially after signing the guys who were fired from Infantry Ward, and now you're gonna fuck that up. Now you seriously better hope 2K doesn't make a push for that NFL license or you're done son. Never have I seen a company so disconnected from its consumers, and I work at Toys R Us.

Thursday, May 13, 2010

Super Strip Fighter 4 (I'm not kidding!)


Ladies and gents, I think we hit a new low here. I really could not believe this shit. This is so fuckin crazy that I had to cancel what I planned to write about today. Super Strip Fighter 4 is exactly what it sounds like; and Street Fighter parody...with titties. I found it by clicking on random links on the internet (I know that's dangerous but I was bored) when I saw an ad for this game. I clicked on the ad which took me to a japanese website I couldn't read, so I had Google translate for me. Once I found out the name, I spent an hour looking for a website I can download this from (for free of course). When I finally played it, I said to myself "This...is the dumbest shit...I have ever seen...in my life." Is it good? No. Is it funny? Kinda.

FYI: This game is a sex game, so you won't see any pictures or videos about it.

Since it's a Street Fighter clone, I don't need to explain how it works, but instead of six buttons (3 for punches, 3 for kicks), you get five. One of them is for grabs and the other is for focus attacks. Yep, they even copied the focus attacks. You have a decent size group of fighters. Most of them are female of course with only 3 males. One of them I didn't even know was a dude. Creepy. This game has supers and ultras too, but I think to fill up the ultra you have to fall 5 times. Some of the moves are just fuckin nuts. This lucador chick punched me in the mouth. One girl fuckin humped me to death. Well that's not fair. How could I stop her? Why would I want to stop her? When you beat your opponent, you knock the clothes off her. OOOH, okay; I get it now. That's why it's called strip fight...what the fuck were the creators thinking!?They must got some good drugs in Japan. Either way, I was very surprised by how each fighter has been balanced to....aHAHAHAHAHAHA. There aint no damn balance. Combos suck; characters suck; everything fight-wise suck. There are some cool specials, but who the fuck cares?

Let's see: scantily clad women?
Check.
Super moves involving sexy body parts?
Check.
Nudity?
Check.
Just about every element stolen for Street Fighter 4?
Well, it's a parody, so Check
What are we missing?
Oh, yea! Rape!

That's right, you can actually rape your opponents in this game. I think, at least I'm hoping that everyone agreed to this before signing up for this tournament, otherwise I'm gonna feel very uneasy. Isn't that one fucked up insult to injury? You beat your opponent; now it's time to buttfuck her. You know, I heard that all the time in games when someone gets their ass kicked, but I've never seen it literately happen. It's a new one. Apparently, not everyone can rape, and you can only rape if it's of the opposite sex. This is where I would have a joke, but it's.......ah I don't know. I'm speechless.

You know what's funny? This isn't the first game in the series. Yes, they made a Strip Fighter 4 when the original Street Fighter 4 came out; but it goes farther than that. The very first in the series goes way back; it was a parody of Street Fighter 2 called Strip Fighter 2 (there was no 1). Even funnier is the fact it didn't come out for PC. It came out for the home consoles. Granted, it was for the Turbo-Grafx and was never release in the US (thank you wikipedia), but it's still fuckin hilarious. Well, this was a fun adventure, something I don't plan on repeating because I'm afraid it'll break my computer. As a parody, I can't help but to laugh, but as a game, this is fuckin terrible. As porn, it's even worse. Maybe that was the point; I don't know.

Rating: Ass

NOTE: Can't wait for Super Strip Fighter 4 Turbo.

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Quick Thoughts on Super Street Fighter 4

Before I rant about my point today, let me just basically tell you what's new in this version. 10 new fighters join the fray, including some from SF3, Alpha, and never before seen characters (if there is someone who can use Hakan, I'll be fuckin amazed). Everyone's complained by how online is structured. That got completely re-worked to be or streamlined and...well...fun. Everyone now has 2 ultras you can chose from, balancing between fighters have been tweaked (except with Seth apparently), and Bonus stages are back....for what it's worth. I'm sure somebody's happy about.

I've heard a lot of people complained that all this could have been done as a downloadable (some of them don't even own neither game so whay the fuck are they running their yaps?) and that Capcom is lying when they say they can't. I have to agree with Capcom for 2 reasons. The first reason is the revamped online mode. Explain to me how that would have worked out with the online mode already on the disc. You can't delete the old one. You can't rewrite it. You can't do shit to it because once it's written on the CD, the content is permanent. You know when you get an update on a game, and it fixes some of the problems in the game (like lag)? It normally uses save files or creates its own files into your hard drive. If you were to take that same game to someone's house and play it, none of the fixes would be there because they're on your hard drive, not your drive. What you are basically asking (and some demanding) is that for Capcom to fuck with the CD, which is fuckin impossible. Point number 2, and the most important part I might add, is that even if it is possible that they can do that, even if they can add all that shit by downloadable, what difference would it have made? YOU WOULD STILL HAVE TO FUCKIN PAY FOR IT! Would it have been cheaper? I doubt it. The fuckin extra costumes in the first game set you back 10 bucks. Imagine what just one character would have cost, let alone TEN! Then you have the ultras, the bonus stages, the new stages, and online mode that'll probably have to be added so everyone can play online. At the very lowest, we're looking at 30 bucks here. A $10 difference here is basically just splitting hairs (just ask GTA4 owners). Besides, why wouldn't you want a disc to carry around to a friend's house or two? You that lonely? The only reason I can see people complaining about it not being a downloadable is because they either don't want another CD (which is reasonable) or they thought that shit would have been free, and that's fuckin retarded. Damn, now I feel like playing Street Fighter

Someone asked me if I would do a review for Super Street Fighter 4. I say no, but I'll think about it when they release Super Street Fighter 4 Turbo.

Monday, May 10, 2010

MLB 10: The Show vs. MLB 2K10

As someone who truly sucks when it comes to baseball.....I am more than qualified to tell you which one is better because the way I see it, if I can figure it out, anyone can.

Pitching:
In the Show, you still use the tried and true meter. Press X button to start a pitch, press it again to choose power, and press it one more time to get it in the sweet spot. Easy. In 2K10, you have to move the right analog stick in the motion dictated by the pitch (i.e. back then forward for fastball). There are usually 2 motions: the first motion is your windup. As you windup, 2 circles appears, one small one that expands as you windup, and one stationary. The second motion is the pitch and that releases the ball. You want to release the ball when the expanding circle aligns with the stationary one for max power, or at least close to it. If it expands too large, you'll overthrow it, and underthrow it if it's too small. Yea, I really can't fuckin explain it, that's why The Show is better. I will say this. In the Show, even if you're off by a little bit, you're pitch can go way the fuck off-course. It depends on the pitcher and what pitches he has good command over. 2K10 is more accurate, but you'll fuck up more often.

Winner: MLB 10: The Show


Batting:
The Show once again takes the easy route: press X for contact and press Square for Power. You can use the left stick to have some control over where the ball goes....SOME. 2K10 is pretty easy too; flick the stick up for contact, flick it down then up for power, and flick it left or right to take a defensive swing. That's right, defensive swings. Now you can hit a ball foul if you think it's a strike but you won't get good wood on it. On the easier difficulties, you can pretty much knock everything foul, but up the difficulty and you'll see pitchers' best stuff, and even defensive swing can regularly get you out. I like it.


Winner: MLB 2K10


Fielding:
I can't fuckin stand fielding in 2K10. You'll almost always the wrong person to make the play, they throw the ball to slow, and they overthrow/underthrow it too fuckin often. Fielding is just too fucked up.

Winner: MLB 10: The Show


Presentation:
The commentary for The Show is awesome. I believe most of it is stuff you heard in previous games, but because they add new stuff every year, it seems like they have something to say for every situation. Top notch. 2K10, on the other hand, repeats itself way, way too much. Announcing went downhill for the series ever since John Miller and Joe Morgan left. The Show also features once of the most realistic crowds in sports game to date, and fan reactions are so lifelike like going for foul balls. Also, the number of people in the stands match real life. In the start of a Rays game, there are little to no people. Maybe the crowd increases as the game goes on. With a more popular team like the Mets, the arena starts off half empty, then is full to capacity by the 3rd. Of course, Yankee games are almost always fuckin full.

Winner: MLB 10: The Show

Game Modes:
Same modes all-round. Nothing special in my opinion. I will say that in MyPlayer/Road to the Show modes, being a catcher is boring as all hell. At least in the Show, you can call out pitches. In MyPlayer, you're just sitting there.

Winner: Draw


WINNER: MLB 10: THE SHOW

Sunday, May 9, 2010

Idea for a Game

This is gonna sound weird, bit I say bring back Sonic the Fighters. I know, I know, the first game is number 3 on my Sonic shit list, but it was the mid-90s and everyone was excited about 3D and 3D fighters in the arcades. Of course Sega would be compelled to make a Sonic fighting game. It just didn't work out. But you know what, Sonic Battle for the Game Boy Advance was not that bad. Hard as fuck (or maybe that's just the emulator) but not bad. I think it's time to try it again, but this time, we bring in the pros. We either call on Arc Systems (creators of Blazblue and Guilty Gear) or Capcom. I prefer Capcom because they have worked with Sega before. You make it a 2D fighter that's simpler than Street Fighter but still demands a lot of skill. It can be done; they did it for JoJo's Bizarre Adventure on the Dreamcast.......look it up. I say we bring in the entire video game roster (which is pretty fuckin big to begin with), and we have fanart characters too. You'll really give hardcore fans something to nut about when you add Ashura, Venus, and Purity (aka Becky...for some reason) the Hedgehogs. Yes, I know about them because I do my research....by clicking random links on Youtube. Hey, you can even use these fanart characters to make new games to experiment with instead of fuckin up Sonic games. Anyway, add as many people as you can. If you can, see if you can add characters from the Archie comics, too.Yea, there's gonna be a lot of clone fighters, but it aint a Capcom fighter without them in my opinion. Plus it's pretty much unavoidable. Some of you are thinking "This isn't gonna work." If you are, you must not know Capcom. They can make anything work in a 2D fighter. Just ask Marvel. And drop the 'the' in Sonic 'the' Fighters. In fact, call it Sonic Fighters 2 just to trip people up.

[Neil] How the hell did you come up with this idea?
Watching sprite battles on Youtube....plus I had like 45 minutes to type something before it was midnight and the day ended, and I couldn't just say 'hi' again.

Saturday, May 8, 2010

Top Ten Sequels That Need to Be Made

 After the announcement of Marvel vs Capcom 3, it had me thinking. What other games need to make another appearance? So, after days of contemplating and playing old ass games, I've come up with my top ten games that needs a sequel.
Okay, here are the rules for the top ten list:
No insanely popular games like God of War or Halo (because that's just a gimmie)
No games with sequels already announced (NBA Jam)
No games that are part of a trilogy (Mass Effect) or finished their trilogy (God of War)
No games released in 2009 or 2010


10. Vector Man/Comix Zone
I couldn't pick one, so I decided to add them both. Hey, it's my list, and I can do whatever I want. And let's give it up for vectorman's kick ass soundtrack. It's pretty fuckin Impressive for a Genesis game.


 


9. SSX
This is undoubtedly the most awesome snowboarding series of all time. I was gonna say Snowboard Kids, but thinking of that game made me wonder...what the fuck happened to SSX? EA....make it. It'll help your company from sucking.



8. San Francisco Rush
Burnout, meet your daddy. This arcade game was freakin nuts with its shortcuts and crashes and people cursing when they crashed while going for a shortcut....or maybe that was just me. Let's bring this one back, and keeps the wings from SFR 2049.




7. Battletoads
It was 2D beat em up goodness, and I want another one. And don't fuck it up like you did TMNT: TIT (ha).




6. Star Fox
Normally, I would say this is a gimmie, but I don't know anymore. They've been unusually quiet on this one. The only statement they released (to gameformer magazine I believe) is that they are looking for a studio they can do the fox justice. Let's just hope he STAYS IN THE PLANE this time, and maybe the occasional tank. Oh, and add 4 player local and online co-op.




5. Power Stone
That review is coming soon, as soon as I get a hold of Power Stone 2....that doesn't run me 100 bucks.




4. Wave Race
How many jet-ski games have you played in your life? Think about it......that's what I thought. Wave Race made you care.




3. Killer Instinct 3
Rare....we want it. You know we want it. We know you want to make it. So what's the fuckin holdup? I wanna do my ultra combo dammit. The funny thing about it is that when you first look at it, you think Mortal Kombat clone, but then you play it and it takes a life of its own.




2. Jet Set Radio
I must be the only person who loves this game. Why is that? Maybe not a lot of people heard of it. I don't know, but you owe it to yourself to play this game, either the Dreamcast's Jet Grind Radio or Xbox's Jet Set Radio Future.





1. Conker
You know, I used to think - like everyone else - that Goldeneye was the best damn game for the N64. Then I played Conker's Bad Fur Day, and in my opinion (I'm almost positive you'll disagree with on this) Conker shits all over 007. It's very simple really. 007 aged poorly, and now I can't really go back and play it. Maybe for a little bit of nostalgia, but not for a long session of serious gaming. Conker, on the other hand, plays better than half the platformer games out now, and that's the N64 version. I'm not even talking about the Xbox remake. This should have had a sequel a long time ago. What the fuck happened? What are they; allergic to awesome?



Thursday, May 6, 2010

Splinter Cell Conviction


Yes, I am no fan of stealth, but that doesn't mean I can't have an opinion on it. One of the main reason why I never liked stealth is because I was never any good at it. I get caught so easily, and because I'm a run and gun type of person, I tend to try to shoot it out which never works (except Metal Gear Solid 3 for some reason). Knowing that people like me suck, Splinter Cell tries to appeal to us by making the game as easy as possible without losing that sense of accomplishment, so if you're a regular jack-off who might be interested in stealth, then this is the game for you. If you're like me and don't like stealth at all, then this game can go fuck itself with the skull of Sam's dead daughter. If you are a stealth master, then this game (unless played online with other stealth masters) might turn you off because it's patronizingly easy.

This game takes place after the events in Double Agent, which leads to the first problem. The gameplay is built for newcomers at heart, but you have to play the last game to fully understand what the fuck is going on. Sam leaves the people he worked for and goes into hiding, his daughter's dead, yet that was part of a conspiracy. Sam's friend is dead, and I think he used to run the agency, which is run now by some dick who wants to take over the United States simply because this is a Tom Clancy game and someone is always trying to take over the U.S. for no real fuckin reason except they can. It's basically a lot of information to digest, and since you can only cover so much in one game, this leaves a lot of fuckin plot holes to those who haven't play the game before, and no, I haven't played the game before. And why is it that everyone wants to fuck with the U.S.? I like to play a modern game where the U.S. just fuckin chills in the background while the rest of the world duke it out. America doesn't have to be the center of every fuckin thing that happens. Do they think gamers won't like it unless they're fighting under the American flag? I would love to play a modern real world game where the U.S. isn't mentioned once bit. Some might say I'm being un-American, and they can fuck off. This is the most pro-American statement in gaming because I'm tired of my country being fucked with (especially by republicans).



I, for one, don't fully like the controls because they depend too much on the A button. In order to get Sam to do stuff that don't involve killing, you press A. Not only that, but you also have to be looking at what you need Sam to do in order for A to work. For example, to climb a wall, you have to look up and press A. Sounds simply, but when you're in a hurry, it's real easy to fuck it up. If you look too high up, you won't see the command to jump. Same thing if you look to low, and that pisses me off when I'm trying to hop a fence before the enemy sees me. Another example: to open a door you press A, and to peek under the door you press A. Confused? You have to look roughly waist high at the door in order to open it and look down at the floor to peek under it. Sounds like it's setup in a way you can't really fuck it up....until you fuck it up. There have been many times where I have accidentally opened the door to a room full of mercs who couldn't wait to show me a demonstration of their new-found love of killing dumb mother fuckas who open doors when they meant to peek under it because the controls are dick! The one thing I do like though is to take cover behind a wall or something, you hold down a button instead of pressing a button and being stuck like Velcro. The developers must not think likely of people like me because the AI is dumber than fuck with less brain cells than nuggets. These fucknuggets like to shout out exactly what their plans are like I can't fuckin hear them. Thanks guys; for a minute I thought I'd have to brain to figure out how to kill you. Shit, there are even times where I didn't really have to do shit. I'd just chuck a grenade in one direction, wait till they all run in that direction, and then run in the opposite direction. When the game calls for stealth, it's easy to crack some necks and keep it moving, but unbeknown to me were there moments where you don't really use stealth. The game provides you with little cover and tells you to go, and this happens ahellava lot during the last part of the game. So now it's a action game? Funny; I thought Sam's wasn't built to take a million billion bullets. Lets try shooting it out.............nope; doesn't work. Apparently, this is where you really need to use the mark and execute move, and it just occurred to me that I never explained that. When you kill an enemy with a sneak attack (B button), you earn a mark and execute which allows you to mark all the enemies you can and press Y to watch Sam kill them all. It felt so unless early in the game that I didn't even bother with it. It only after I've gotten my ass handed to me on several occasions by a large group of soldier with very limited cover at my disposal that moments like this were made for the mark and execute. I guess Ubisoft thought you would be a fuckin expert by now that you should be able to figure that shit out. Well excuse me mister game designer for wanting to use stealth to get through a situation, which is something this game is suppose to promote. In case you're wondering how to use mark and execute on the fucked up parts I mentioned, you mark everyone you can (guns have limits to how many people you can mark), you sneak attack one person which will probably alert the rest, and you use your now earned execute skill to clear the room. Only in hindsight can someone think of that shit. The leg of the game gives in way too much to action, which means trying to be stealthy may be the dumbest thing you can do. By the way, the mark and executes don't add up. If you sneak attack 2 guys, you can still only use it once, and once you use it, you have to sneak attack someone else. Well that's fuckin rewarding. Now you see why I didn't even bother with it to begin with. And don't even bother using stealth against other Splinter Cells because they know where you are using their own sonar goggles. I'm not saying you can't, but at this point, why would you want to.

Splinter Cell just doesn't appeal to me, which me the number 1 stealth game for me is still Batman (just kid; I have no favorite). I normally find stealth games a little hard for me, and when they make them easy, it's way too easy. Maybe I'm just too hard to please. I like to go on record to say that I don't hate stealth; I just like it better when it's an option rather than a requirement like Uncharted 2. Conviction doesn't strike any chords in people jaded about stealth, but maybe it wasn't meant to. If you're not on board by now, why bother, right?

Rating: Meh

NOTE: Months later and I'm still trying to beat Dragon Age. That bitch is hard even on casual difficulty. And the bosses....bull fuckin shit. They go waaaaay beyond cheap.

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Halo Reach Beta Preview Pt. 2

Ok, there's some new stuff that I learned. Juggernaut mode has changed to be fuckin awesome. Before, the goal of the game was to kill the juggernaut to be the new juggernaut, then kill as the juggernaut. Kill the juggernaut will earn you a point, and every kill you get as the juggernaut earns you a point. First to 10 wins. As the juggernaut, you got an overshield. Now that's Halo 3. In Halo Reach, you get a strong ass overshield and a gravity hammer. Every kill earns you 10 points. What makes this version awesome and the Halo 3 version weak is that with a strong shield and a grav hammer, all the other players learn REALLY quickly that shooting each other is pointless and everyone aims directly at the juggernaut. Before you would kill the person next to you before he or she had a chance to kill the juggernaut, but that won't work this time because the superpowered juggernaut will own you all.

Funny story: while playing juggernaut, one of the other guys had managed to chip away at his health. Then I came in and stole his juggernaut kill. Hey, it was every man for himself (no teams). Right after I took his kill, I heard him scream "OH you got to be kidding me!" as I turned around and smacked him in the face with the hammer. Because everyone was just having a ball killing each other and not paying too much mind at the juggernaut, I went on a fuckin tear! Everyone tried the lone wolf routine, and all promptly ate hammer. It became apparent to everyone that maybe they should stop fuckin with each other and aim directly at me. After dominating for so long, it was now time for me to haul ass. I spent the last part of the match running from the large group of angry spartans. One guy tried to cut me off at the pass, but as they should have learned by now that's a really stupid fuckin idea. Every once in a while, I would catch someone by themselves and make 'em eat it, and when I finally got back full health and shield, I turned around and told the remaining people who were chasing me to Bring It! I crushed them all for the win. Good times.

One of the new game modes I got to play was called Headhunter. The goal is to collect skulls by either killing someone or picking them up from the ground and returning them to the base where they will be counted. If you die, you lose all the skulls you were carrying and they will fall on the ground for scavengers like me to pick up. This game is a hellava lot harder when someone is packing a rocket launcher I can tell you that. My new favorite weapon is the needler rifle which shoots exploding needles at enemies from sniper distance. It doesn't go BOOM like the regular needler gun, but damn this thing is potent. That's it for my preview of the Halo Reach Beta. I suggest you all play it for yourself and see what the fuss is about. Of course, you would need a copy of ODST, and if you don't have ODST you probably won't be interested in the beta....hmmmm....why did I do this preview again?