Saturday, December 26, 2009

Sonic the Hedgehog (W)


This is the review I wrote for the Sonic Bash blog, which is now gone. However, I wanted to save this review since it's relevant to the site and the 'Worst Game' segment, and also because I put a lot of thought into this review (I usually just freestyle write my posts), making it my favorite. The review has been edited to make more sense (and to be funnier), and I've added a paragraph for Shadow seeing as how someone pointed out that I didn't really bash him at all. Hope you like the small changes made. If you haven't read it yet, here's your chance, and hopefully, you'll find it funny as well as informative. All right, let me shut up before I get too boring. In fact you probably should have skipped this paragraph. Ah well, too late now, BITCH!

Well, here it is. Allow me to introduce to you one of the worst and most disappointing Sonic game ever: Sonic the Hedgehog. Look at the title. It's the same as the original Sonic game for the Genesis. That sort of shit symbolizes a new beginning for a series. In fact, Sega had the fuckin audacity to state that, but 5 minutes into the game and you'll realized that Sonic Team hasn't learned a god damn thing from its failures in the other games. It's like that girl from the club that you fucked despite knowing she has a man. Your instincts told you not to mess with her, but you did it anyway because you're fuckin horny. You wake up the next day in her bed because, like a fuckin idiot, you thought it was a good idea to go to her place instead of yours, and now her boyfriend is knocking at the door. You hide somewhere waiting for an opportunity to sneak past this guy when you hear him asking her who's car is it near the place. Apparently, this happened before or else he wouldn't ask such a question. Of course it has. Did you really think you were her only one night stand? She can't be anything else but a slut. Anyway, you finally get your chance to get out, but then all of a sudden, the guy decides to turn back and head to your exact location. Now you run with your underwear on and the rest of your clothes held tightly in your arms. You may have dropped a shoe, but fuck it; you'll buy a new pair. You haul ass down to the street with the big burly manchild in hot pursuit and make it to your car where you jump in Dukes of Hazzard style, start it, and drive off just before the man can reach in to rip your colon out through your ear hole. Thinking the worst is over, you head home to take a cold shower, but before that you have to take a piss, and right in mid-pee you start feeling an intense burning sensation. Okay, maybe that was a bad analogy, but shut up; I'm trying to make a point here. As a Sonic fan, you can try to play this game while convincing yourself it's not that bad, but every time you deny the fact, it adds to that burning sensations.

....plants make sparks now?

The game is divided into 3 storylines, and right there, a red light turns on. What is up with Sega and separate storylines? Can't we just have one cohesive story to follow? I think they finally got the message in Sonic Unleashed, but I digress. Each story follows a hedgehog through their respective story arch. You'll control Sonic, Shadow, and Sliver as you try to complete each story. WAIT! Got another red light. I thought this was SONIC the hedgehog. Where did the other 2 come from? Shouldn't they have just called it the Hedgehogs? Makes more sense to me. And why another hedgehog? Can't we think of something else? What about a mongoose or a bearcat? OH, what about a land shark?

In Sonic's story, Robotnik (I'm not calling him Eggman) is trying to kidnap this princess for one of his schemes. Then again, that's what Sega tells us. For all we know, he could just be trying to get his little eggs to squirt, and he has an awkward way with women, but what the hell let's go with their version. Of course, it's up to Sonic to protect her because....that's how he rolls. During the whole story, she keeps getting kidnapped, and you have to keep saving her. It's like Sonic and Eggman....Oh shit I let it slip. Sorry. It's like Sonic and ROBOTNIK are constantly playing tug of war with the bitch, and the winner gets a princess with 2 broken arms. So, as Sonic, your goal is to run from point A to point B as fast as you can. That's always been the case with Sonic (as it should be), but Sega couldn't have fucked it up any worse if they programed the game with their toes and occasionally with their man-breast (no woman's breasts obviously; that would be sexual harassment). The controls are all over the place. It's a fuckin challenge just to make Sonic go straight. Despite that, making him turn sharply is an even bigger bitch. If you want to go an alternate route, you're better off coming to a stop than trying to turn into it. The camera man is clearly fuckin drunk because he can't keep the camera fuckin steady when Sonic makes a left turn, let alone follow through the whole map. The biggest sin this game commits...well actually second biggest (I'll explain later) is the fact that Sonic moves so fuckin slow. It's so painful to watch him move as if he's lightly jogging through a game that's supposed to be about FUCKIN RUNNING! This makes the Werehog look like a formula one race car. Okay, maybe not that slow. Once in a while you get to control one of Sonic friends. If you thought Sonic was slow, wait till you play as Tails and Knuckles. No exaggeration, it's walking speed. They're not even that fuckin useful. You usually use them to turn on all the panels to open a door (or some shit like that) and once you do, the game switches you back to Sonic. What's the point? Sonic can do that by himself. In fact, why even have that in the game? I'm supposed to be FUCKIN RUNNING! The load times are so fuckin atrocious in this game. It takes no less than 30 seconds ever time you go to a new area in the hub world. Oh, did I forget to mention there's a completely fuckin useless hub world?

Sonic the Arsonist

Shadow's story is...ummm...you know, I can't remember. I know he works for GUN and was on assignment, but I just can't remember shit. When I played this game and wrote the Sonic Bash version of this review, it was August 31/September 1, so it's been a while since I've looked at the game. Ah well; he didn't really seemed that important to the overall story anyway. You could have replaced him with a bar of soap and still get the same effect. Hell, the soap probably would have had more personality than Shadow, aka Captain Emo. As for gameplay, he pretty much plays exactly like Sonic with a few noticeable changes, mainly the vehicles. Sometimes, it's required (keyword: REQUIRED) for Shadow to get into a car and use it for an objective. For example: I had to use a 4x4 with missile (or rocket) launchers to destroy all the nodes to bring down a forcefield guarding the entrance to a base. So let me get this straight. So you're telling me that Shadow, the ULTIMATE LIFE FORM, needs to use a fuckin car? You mean to tell me that Shadow, the ULTIMATE LIFE FORM, needs a missile launcher? So I'm to believe that Shadow, the MOTHER FUCKIN ULTIMATE LIFE FORM, couldn't do what Sonic does on a daily basis with nothing but his own 2 fuckin feet? BULL...FUCKIN...SHIT! Shadow can control time itself. He's just as fast as Sonic. Hell, he could fire energy blasts with a finger DBZ style if he wanted to. So why the fuck would he need any type of vehicle or ordinance whatsoever? And if you're going to make him use this stuff, can you at least makes the controls functional? Yes, Shadow has help like Sonic, and yes, they suck too.

The Holy Trinity of SUCK

Silver is from a fucked up future where he and Blaze the Cat are constantly fighting a monster name Iblis, and this is where the Sonic canon gets fucked up:


In Sonic Rush for the DS, Blaze comes over from another dimension to find and defeat Robotnik Nega, but in this game she's from the future with Sliver. In Sonic Rivals for PSP, Sliver comes back from the past to find and defeat Eggman Ne....shit!...Robotnik Nega who is now also from the future. So does that mean that what was once thought to be another dimension is actually the future, or was there a mix-up when writing the stories for each game?
The answer is rather simple: nobody fuckin cares, and you're a fuckin loser if you actually think that's important in any way. Don't look at me like that. I just happened to noticed, all right?


Anyway, he is tricked by the main villain Mephilis to go to the past to stop Sonic by telling Silver that Sonic is the one who caused Iblis to arise. I knew I was in for shit....well, when I played through the first 2 stories, but even if I didn't, I knew this would suck when Amy ran into Silver thinking it was Sonic. REALLY AMY!? You know, for a girl madly in love, you'd think she would recognize who is and who isn't Sonic. A silver colored hedgehog who's fur on his head is shaped like a potleaf is clearly not Sonic. She did this shit to Shadow too in Sonic Adventure 2. No wonder Sonic wants nothing to do with her; what a dumb bitch. Silver plays very differently from the other 2. His doesn't run through the stages; instead he using psychic abilities to attack enemies and getting past obstacles at a normal platforming pace. Silver's gameplay sucks, but not because it feels broken like Sonic and Shadow. His psychic powers are never really used in numerous ways. All you do is make paths for you to get across gaps, pick up items to throw at enemies (which to my knowledge is the only way to attack), and bend girdles to use as springboards. That's it. With such limited options, Silver gets boring almost immediately, which is a shame because this actually had a lot of potential. He should be doing the kind of shit we've seen in Star Wars: the Force Unleashed. Like the other two, Silver also has friends, but unlike Sonic and Shadow, you'll feel like you've played most of the story with the help. The main one is Blaze who plays exactly like Sonic, and therefore sucks. Apparently, they figured since Sliver is slow, they'll make the player play as Blaze longer. So, instead of evolving Silver's powers until he is actually fun to play, they added more running. Well, if they felt it was necessary to do that (and I could be wrong, but chances are I'm not), why even add Silver in the first place? Why not just make it about Sonic and have him FUCKIN RUNNING!? All 3 campaigns suffer from bad level design, which falls somewhere between pretty shitty and porta potty shitty. Damn, do I have anything nice to say about this game?

.....wrong...as...hell...

You wanna know what's so wrong about that picture above? Do you really want to know? Fine. Throughout the story, the relationship between Sonic and the princess grows into something...ummm...intimate. Yes, the male hedgehog and the female human fall in love. I wish I was fuckin joking. There's one scene towards the end where Sonic gets killed by Mephilis (yea, I'm ruining the story; I don't care), and the princess, in her grief, kisses Sonic in the mouth and somehow brings him back to life. Then he transforms into Super Sonic and bla bla bla. First off, why are two beings of different species falling in love? Okay, maybe if Knuckles and Rouge got together, that would make sense, but they're both anthropomorphs. A human and an anthropomorph isn't acceptable. Second, she kissed Sonic in the fuckin mouth...while he was dead! She didn't really know her kiss would be him back to life. Now let me ask you something: what's worse? Is it the fact she made out with an animal or the fact she made out with a corpse? Well, it's dealer's choice, so pick your fuckin poison. Now THIS is like that girl from the club that you fucked despite knowing she has a man. Your instincts told you not to mess with her, but you did it anyway because you're fuckin horny. You wake up the next day in her bed because, like a fuckin idiot, you thought it was a good idea to go to her place instead of yours, and now her boyfriend is knocking at the door. You hide somewhere waiting for an opportunity to sneak past this guy when you hear him asking her who's car is it near the place. Apparently, this happened before or else he wouldn't ask such a question. Of course it has. Did you really think you her only one night stand? She can't be anything else but a slut. Anyway, you finally get your chance to get out, but then all of a sudden, the guy decides to turn back and head to your exact location. Now you run with your underwear on and the rest of your clothes held tightly in your arms. You may have dropped a shoe, but fuck it; you'll buy a new pair. You haul ass down to the street with the big burly manchild in hot pursuit and make it to your car where you jump in Dukes of Hazzard style, start it, and drive off just before the man can reach in to rip your colon out through your ear hole. Thinking the worst is over, you head home to take a cold shower, but before that you have to take a piss, and right in mid-pee you start feeling an intense burning sensation. For those of you who have been paying attention, you probably noticed that I never referred to the princess by name, and now you know why. What a sick bitch. For those of you who haven't...[CLAP] [CLAP] FOCUS!!

You know, I would run from Tails too

If Sonic is a dying franchise, then this game is the tumor the doctors found in its brain, and it's gonna take a hell of a lot of chemo to get rid of all the sick it left behind. Until I played Sonic R and Sonic the Fighters, I pointed to this game as the worst in the series. I literally cried from the pain of playing this shit. Really. Ask Neil. If someone said to you that you would have to play this or else your child dies....okay, that was going a little too far, but you get my point. I've played a shitload of Sonic games, so when I (and basically the whole gaming community) say a game is awful, you can depend on my word. FYI: the princess name is Elise. I just wanted to point that out just in case someone was thinking I didn't actually know her name. I know some of you were thinking it.

Rating: Red Rings of Death

NOTE: I blame Fox and it's 4kids block for making Sonic suck. Watch Sonic X and you will agree with me. It would have been better...with ninjas!

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Assassin's Creed 2


All right! No more side-quests. Time to get back to doing what I do best, and that's game reviews. Now, you probably already own this game and know how badass it is, but that's just gives me more reason to talk about it. Now I don't have to hold back, or explain too much of the shit to you (sweeeeeet). If the unlikely event you haven't played it yet, go steal 60 bucks and go get it. Come back when you buy it. We'll wait. Trust me. We won't start without you.

.......is he gone? Sweet.

The story is probably the weakest point of the game seeing as how it's fuckin hard to keep up, especially if you take too long a break from playing it. All I know is that the men in Ezio's family got owned, and he wants revenge. There's also some bit about ancient artifacts...and an apple, but fuck it. You need fuckin cliffnotes to make any sense of it, but who cares really? I just wanna stab someone, preferably in the throat. As for Desmond, why do they insist on making him relevant? Will this lead to Assassin's Creed 3 being in New York or some shit? Actually, that's not such a bad idea. It'll be like Splinter Cell....and Spider-Man. Anyway, after 2 games, I honestly don't give two shits about Desmond or his frog faced assbag of a love interest as it just delays me from stabbing people. The stories of Altair and Ezio can stand on their own. The fuck do we need Desmond for?

Almost all the annoying bullshit from the first game is gone, which is great because if I have to ease-drop on one more fuckin conversation, I'm going on a mass homicide tirade (in the game of course). Instead of doing retarded tasks to get info, the game following a linear path similar...well, exactly like Grand Theft Auto. This is good if you want to get through the story without any deviations, and it allows you to do side stuff when you want to and not when forced upon you. Another big complaint from the last game is tha Altair couldn't swim, which sucked. Thankfully, Momma Ezio give Jr take some swimming classes, and now falling into the water is not only safe, it's encouraged. You can also perform new stealth kills from different positions, which makes it more fun to murder, and (depending where you are) makes it easier to go unseen. I like stabbing people from underwater. My favorite change is that now it's not so fuckin hard to keep a low profile. In the first game, move any faster than a brisk walk and suddenly you're being chased by armed guards who apparently has something against people who have to get somewhere in a hurry. Maybe their king was killed in a freak running accident; the fuck do I know? In AC2, you pretty much have to stab someone right in front of a guard to get their attention, which I normally DO. Other than that, it's the Assassin's Creed we all know and killed.



There are still some issues that keep this from winning an award (has been nominated 3 times...that's something). Remember those fun loving leopards and beggar women who kept getting in your way until you could no longer suppressed the urge to stab...right in front of everyone? Now they take the form of street musicians who get in your face to sing you a song. What the song is about I don't know because I immediately stab them before they can get a verse out. Of course, you desynchronize if you kill civilians, which leads to my next problem. Why can't I just stab who I want? Let me have my fun, dammit! In the next game, you should play as Jack the Ripper. That would be kinda awesome. You can kill prostitutes as a diversion to kill important people. Hey, maybe those prostitutes WERE important people. Just throwing it out there. OH! Fuck that. You should be a ninja in the next game. Wouldn't be great if......sorry; lost my train of thought. Battle is still slow and boring and still mainly involves me just countering beacause every other strategy is pointless. You can run up shit like the wind, but fight like you got bombs taped to your balls, and too much movement will make them explode (also a good idea for AC3 when used on enemies). I heard people complain that it's too easy, which is true, but given that it's 15 hours straight through, it might have been for the best. Or maybe it's because we're just awesome assassins.

Raise your hand if you think Assassin's Creed 2 kicks ass? How many hands it that? Keep them up; I need to count. 1, 2, 3.....16....23.....if your hand is actually up at this point, your an idiot, but thanks for playing along anyway. There's a reason why I nominated this game 3 times, and it's because it's just all around fun. If you........

Oh hey, you're back. No, we didn't start yet; we've been waiting for you to get back like we said we would. Got the game I see. Well, let me start off by saying...

Whoops. Out of Time. Gotta go.


NOTE: The average man's Xbox website does not advocate randomly stabbing people, including prostitutes....unless, of course, you're a ninja.

Saturday, December 12, 2009

Madden 10 vs NFL 2K5 Post-Comment

*Sigh. I didn't want to do this. In fact, upon retrospect, I don't know why I did the comparison to begin with because I've should have known numbnuts would fuckin bother me about it, and yes, most of them come from the 2K5 camp. Disagree just a little bit about their beloved game, and they throw hissy fit like they're fuckin 5. And now, people are challenging me on my inbox to respond (which is weird because I need you to leave comments, not emails). So you know, I'm gonna respond, and I'm gonna do it the only way I know how: by insulting the shit out of both camps.

Before that, I'd like to address the guy who started it all by leaving that comment who (despite the EA hate emitting from his post) was probably the calmest of all the people I heard from. You made some valid points, as well as went through the trouble of finding youtube videos to prove your point, and although you were right about what you said, the only problem with your argument is that I didn't noticed them when I was playing, and when I did I didn't care. Yes, player moved more realistically, but it didn't affected how I played too much. I still ran the ball nicely, and I still got to the QB with relative smoothness. Unless you're a stickler for detail, these points don't really matter. Now that I played nice with the only guy who wasn't rude to me (at least I don't think so), it's time to turn my attention to you assholes, especially those on 2K side.

Madden fans, you got NOTHING to boast about; not a GOD DAMN THING! You got beat by a fuckin budget title, and not just once, but almost every fuckin year afterwards. How is it that a game series takes 5 years to beat a fuckin rival that's no longer relevant? Face it! When 2K5 came out, your lord and master EA Sports practically, figuratively, and quite possibly literately shit their pants. And then after buying the license, do they go out and prove that they're number one? Nope. They went out, had too many drinks, played with themselves, and then after contracted chlamydia forgot they were a fuckin game company and sat on their asses for Madden 06. And yet, you ate that shit up. You ate chlamydia in disc form. And then when the 2K guys challenge your game, you can't come up with any real arguments as to why your game is better because you knew deep down it wasn't. The best I've ever heard was "It's Madden Dude." So the fuck what? Having no competition has made you guys soft, and when that contract is up at 2012, you better pray to whoever the fuck you pray to that 2K doesn't get that license back. All-Pro Football may have been weak, but don't think for one minute that they'll fuck up the NFL license because they can't afford to.

As for you 2K5 circle jerkers, you people are slowly becoming the BIGGEST assholes on the internet. The minute someone even talks about Madden, and you're ready to sound the fuckin alarm and go on the offensive. Seriously, what do you hope to accomplish by pissing off everyone? Ok, you were pissed when EA took football away from 2K; we all were. That was one of the biggest dick moves in gaming, but you know what, it was also BUSINESS. If you're not trying to take out the competition, you're not trying to be a successful business. I can't believe you're still playing it so hard after 5 years. Shit, the disc can't believe you're still playing it. It's probably spinning around in the system wondering "What the fuck is an Xbox 360?" Yea, I think Madden 10 is better, but you know what? With all the bantering, insulting, and parading you do, I'm probably a bigger 2K fan than you. You guys proclaim how awesome 2K5 is and how Visual Concepts are the best makers of sports, but let me ask you...WHERE THE FUCK WERE ALL YOU ASSHOLES WHEN 2K3 WAS RELEASED? Nowhere; no fuckin where. That game sold like shit. I think X-Blades moved more fuckin units then 2K3. It sold so bad that Sega gave up the 2K series to Take-Two. I remember going to the mall one day to find 2K3 sitting there for 10 bucks...3 MONTHS after the game was released. I was fucking stunned. Still, best $10 I ever spent, unless you count your sister. 2K4 came out, but that didn't sell well either. It wasn't until 2K Sports released its line of 2K5 for $20 that you fuckers decided to take notice, and now you want to be their fuckin spokesperson? Get the fuck out of here. Besides, I didn't hear anyone bitching and moaning when 2K took MLB. Oh, right this is a football country. You guys are like the people who preach on the sidewalk. Maybe one person will stop and listen, but everyone else wants that bitch to shut the fuck up. YOU are that bitch. Seriously, what's up with all the fuckin youtube videos!? Is all this just a sadly, pathetic attempt to try to get 2K back, or are you people just dildos who won't be satisfied until everyone thinks like you? You idiots need to get on with your fuckin lives. 2K is dead. I should know. I was there when they put the shotgun to its head (cleanup was a bitch). Your attitudes and your die-hard loyalty is getting on my fuckin nerves. I hope you and those Madden pricks I was just talking about get wiped off the face of the Earth in the most painful way possible. You people make gaming look bad.

Before you send me the hate mail, I'm not talking to everybody, obviously. I'm only talking about those that go to the extreme with this shit. That's why I made it my business to address the guy (or chick...no discrimination here) who left that comment so they would know I'm not talking about them. If you think 2K is better, that's fine. If you want to voice your opinion online, knock yourself out. If you want to be a pompous assbag who degrades other people for thinking differently from you and/or you feel the need to convince everyone that you're right about it, go fuck yourself in the ear canal.

NOTE: YEA THEY DESERVE TO DIE, AND I HOPE THEY BURN IN HELL! (Chappelle Show)

Sunday, December 6, 2009

NBA: 2K10 vs LIVE 10

It's finally here; the contest to see which game is better. Each side will be awarded a point for each category they win. The most points at the end wins. Fair enough? All right then.

Graphics:
As far as players are concern, 2K10 seems more photo-realistic and pays more attetion to the lesser known players, but for some reason, the white players still look like freaks (i.e. Steve Nash). At least Live gets that right (sorta). 2K also has better crowd and sideline graphics. My problem will both games is when the ball goes out of bounds, there's this invisible barrier blocking the ball from going into the crowd. I don't know why that bothers me, but it does. Anyway, 2K10 wins this one, but that doesn't mean that Live doesn't look great either.

Point: NBA 2K10


In-Game Presentation:
By that I mean the stuff you see in the game and not stuff like menu layouts or the gym when you boot up Live. This is strictly game time stuff. When the game begins, both games have animations like teams warming up and talking to each other. You know, shit we've been seeing for years. With Live though, player rituals (like Lebron and his stupid ass chalk) are accurately recreated for the most part. Live also does a better job displaying the starting 5 line-ups for both teams, depending on the game's setting. Speaking of which, you can set the game to have a regular season, playoffs, or finals feeling to it, and the crowd's reaction matches the feel you choose. Sadly though, the crowd isn't as good as 2K's no matter the situation. Again, Live still doesn't have a halftime show, but since 2K half-assed theirs, I guess it doesn't matter. 2K postgame wrap-up is still my favorite, showing up...pretty much everything you wanted to see and not just mere stats. I like how 2K ends, but I like how Live begins.

Point: Both


Commentary:
I fuckin hate Clark Kellogg, but he and Kevin Harlan are better than Marv Albert and Steve Kerr because they at least seemed to be into the game they're watching. Yes, the guys at Live sound more knowledgeable and provide more info, but that also means they're late on A LOT of plays, especially during fast paced games. Yes, 2K miss calls too, but they sometimes cut themselves off when a big play happens (something Live used to do). The big difference though is that some of the commentary in 2K is sometimes contextual. What does that mean? Well, if you're connected to Xboxlive, NBA Today will update you on scores. The cool part about it is that it's presented in-game, and spoken about by the commentator. So if they're a series of games coming on on TNT tonight, the game and commentators will makes a note of it during a dead ball. Also, during your Association, let's say you need to win the next 4 games to gets into the playoffs. Kevin will actually make a note of it during the game. Kick ass.

Point: NBA 2K10


Controls:
The shot stick sucks ass! Yea, I said it. When taking a jumpshot, it doesn't fuckin matter which direction you flick it; it's the same damn jumpshot. Okay, you can fadeaway, but you can accomplish the same shit with X and the left stick. The one thing that pisses me off about it is it makes driving through the lane a pain, even as Kobe. When I wanna dunk, I should be able to fuckin dunk. It seems like the stick register your commands as somewhat as a suggestion. Alot of times when I have a open lane and want to either dunk or lay it in, the stick will make my guy stop and pop. And you know what, I normally MISS those! I should be able to do what I want when I want (if the opportunity presents itself), and that's something Live gets right. The controls can be complicating...okay, they are complicated, but when you learn them, you do exactly what you want. You're not hoping the controls will register correctly. Live's analog control passing also makes things easier.

Point: NBA LIVE 10


Offense and Defense:
Defense has certainly beefed up this year. Players get all up in your face a lot faster and more often when you try to drive into the lane. They also attempt more steals too, so don't even try to sit in the paint. 2K's defense plays tighter, but Live generates more turnovers, so it balances out. As for offense, 2K wins hands down. With Live, players wait for passes out of bounds, they don't take good advantage of mismatches, and they don't pass to the open guy in the paint every time. In 2K, if you screw up on defense, the offense killed you for it, and that's on fuckin Pro difficulty (second easiest). When playing offense in Live, sometimes you get the ball stolen and don't know how, or maybe you get pushed out of bounds and forced to give the ball up. That's fuckin annoying. In both games, you can get caught in animations and have no control over your guy. When I bump into a player, sometimes it does this little dribble move out and away from the defender, and I'm flicking the absolute hell out of the left stick wondering why I can't move. Next thing you know Brrrrrrrrrr! Shot clock violation. Fuck....you! Well, I guess 2K wins because overall, the offense flows better while Live seems a bit sloppy.

Point: NBA 2K10


Game Modes:
2K has more, and they're all fun to play. I could get into it, but what's the point? Both have fun games modes, but 2K has more. Why get into specifics?

Point: NBA 2K10


To be fair, Live gets a point for importing players from March Madness to the draft pool. So what if 2K Sports don't have the NCAA license anymore? It's their own fault because they decided not to make anymore NCAA games. Well, technically they couldn't afford it, but again, their fault.

So the score is:

NBA 2K10 - 5 Points/ NBA LIVE 10 - 3 Points

Looks like live is getting back up there, but still inferior. Well, at least they've rebuilded back to respectability because when your basketball game is worse than Sony's, you got a huge fuckin problem (*cough cough Live 07 cough*).


NOTE: Yes, I've played both Association mode and Dynamic Season, and despite being very different, I didn't think one was better than the other, so it was a wash.

Friday, December 4, 2009

NBA: 2K10 vs LIVE 10 Update

This is taking longer than expected because I wanted to get my details straight before I did this post. Plus, I had to try out the new Season modes both games are boasting about for an extended period of time before I can tell you the difference. Until then, here's a youtube video to tie you over, and debate amongst yourselves.

Thursday, December 3, 2009

Favorite Music in Gaming

After playing through Portal again (great game by the way), listening to the end song made me think about my favorite music in games. So, as a change of pace, I like to talk about (in no particular order) my favorite songs, soundtracks, and songs based on games. And no, it's not only regulated to Xbox.

Sonic the Hedgehog 2 & 3 Soundtrack
If I had to describe the Sonic 2 soundtrack in one word, I would ask you for 2 more words, then I would say "Catchy as Hell!" My 2 personal favorites are Chemical Plant Zone and Oil Ocean Zone. Sonic 3's soundtrack just fit with everything you were doing, and to top it off, it was made by Michael Jackson.....it's true.




Super Mario Bros. World 1-2
Do do do do dodo....do do do do dodo....do do do do dodo....do do do do dodo....dodo do do do do do do do do dodododododo do do do. Yea, World 1-1 is iconic, but 1-2 is just plain hot. You can kick a freestyle off of that if your good enough. Imagine that


Portal: Still Alive
This is was inspire me to make this post. After beating the game, instead of being treated to cake (lying bitch), your treated to a catchy little tune sung by the A.I. GLaDOS who you just blew up. Little note: On the Left 4 Dead 2 demo, there's a jukebox in a shop. If you press X, it plays one of 4 songs. Continually shuffling through all 4 will unlock a 5th song, which is of course...Still Alive. Somehow that song fits while in the middle of a zombie apocalypse.


Mortal Kombat: by some dude
This song was actually made for the movie, not the game, but fans refer to it as the unofficial theme song to Mortal Kombat, mainly because it kicks ass. I don't know what it is, but when I hear it, I'm inspired to just go out....and kick some ass; it's UNEXPLAINABLE!


Mickael Jackson's Moonwalker for Sega Genesis
Yea, the game sucked more balled than what Michael himself was accused of doing, but it featured some of his best songs, and they sounded awesome, especially for a system who's soundchip wasn't that advanced. 8-Bit music has never sounded this good. Plus, it's freakin MJ.


NBA Live exclusives
Now, most of the time, the music is licensed, but when EA asked an artist to do a track exclusive to the game, it almost always comes out hot. My favorite is by Sean Paul in 2004 (think it's calling Number 1, not sure) followed by Still Bigger Than by Dead Prez....which upon retrospect is just a remix of their hit Hip Hop, but who cares; it's HOT!


Grand Theft Auto 3's Game FM
We've been through this 6 times with GTA, and yet GTA 3's Game radio still beats all the other Hip-Hop stations. The songs aren't necessarily better, but the fact it didn't use any well knowns (Rotce the 5' 9 is close) makes it more impressive. Plus, it was the first, and you can never forget your first.


DJ Hero's Poison vs. Intergalactic by DJ AM (RIP)
This entry doesn't count, by I don't care. This mix is fuckin hot. Go to my DJ Hero review if you want to see the vid.

LittleBigPlanet's Soundtrack
It just has that laid back feel no matter what stage your on. It's the kind of music everyone can enjoy....when you're playing the game of course. I'm not putting it into my Ipod anytime soon. My favorite music is when you're in the fake Mexican land.


I feel like I've done this kind of post before, but whatever. It's Just something I threw together because of Still Alive. Also, there is a way to find the cake in Portal. There are plenty of ways shown on youtube, but I've only seen it done on the PC version. I tried on the Xboxlive version....didn't work.

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Dragonball Z Burst Limit & Raging Blast


You know what's funny? The title Ninja Assassin. The assassin part of the title is so redundant. When have you not seen a ninja assassinate something? Okay, maybe in fighting games, but there are rules and regulations; nothing they can do about that except maybe assassinate the chair committee. The point is ninjas are known for killing. If you're signing up to be a ninja, chances are you are going to be responsible for the deaths of hundreds (sometimes thousands) of people within the week. Those gravity-defying flips don't come free chief; you have to earn them with the blood (and the occasional body part) of your enemies. Anyway, if you're a fan of ninjas and ninja related injuries, I suggest watching this movie because ninjas make everything awesome. Seriously, is there any game with ninjas that sucked outright? No. There's been some faulty ones (Ninja Blade), but none that were bad, which leads me to my review. Where are the ninjas in Dragonball Z!? How can a franchise like this not feature at least one ninja? Think about it.....flying ninjas shooting shit out their hands, destroying chunks of the planet, all the while being stealthy. That would be awesome. No, Naruto doesn't count (fake ass ninjas).

Too all the DBZ fans out there, it's hard to talk about these 2 games without bringing up the previous games because...let's face it; they're the same fuckin games. Burst Limit is a predecessor of the Budokai/Shin Budokai series, and Raging Blast is a predecessor of the Tenkaichi series. Besides graphics, both games took a step back with their new entries, but only one of them suffers for it. Burst Limit's gameplay remains fun, and something you can put in your system for some DBZ goodness, while Raging Blast's gameplay feels old and stagnant. Granted, I've played all the recent DBZ games, so the formula would seem boring by now, but then again what kind of excuse is that, especially since I still find Budokai fun? Raging Blast may feel like a true DBZ experience, but Burst Limit feels like a true DBZ 'FIGHTER', and fighting is what we came for, but now I'm starting to get ahead of myself. Let's start with Burst Limit. Oh, before I do, I would like to say something that proves I'm a fan of DBZ before I start bashing because after Sonic and NFL 2K5, I really don't wanna hear it. You know how Vegeta can go SSJ4 without going SSJ3? I have 2 theories. One, Vegeta may have had the power, but couldn't pull off the transformation. Goku learned how, but he was dead, and certain rules containing to the body don't apply. SSJ3 is an extremely difficult transformation, and Goku can't hold it for long when he's alive, so maybe Vegeta can't do it at all since he didn't die long enough to learn. My second theory (and probably the correct one) revolves around the mighty Oozaru. When a saiyan transforms into the great ape, their power increases 10 fold. So since Vegeta's power increased so much when he became a Super Ooozaru (created my own phrase there), he had enough power to put him over the edge to transform to SSJ4. This isn't something DBZ fans don't already know, but still....suck it fanboys!

Hey! It's Super Soni....oh...

Burst Limit is almost like your traditional 3D fighter, except a hellava lot easier. Your offense can pretty much be about mashing buttons, but if your opponent knows how to play defense, he'll own your ass, and that's the surprising thing about Burst Limit. It seems like a game where you can do random acts of violence, but the minute the difficulty raises or you're facing someone who knows what they're doing, you'll be defeated by what Team Fourstar (look them up) calls the Wheel of Bitchslaps. The gameplay is so simple, yet demands skill to play. The fights are fast as hell, and at one point, I forgot who I was controlling before getting hit by a dodon ray. The best thing about this game is that moves like the kamehameha wave don't deplete your meter, forcing you to stop and recharge like every other game. In fact, you don't even have to recharge. The game does it automatically, and does it fast, unless you're getting hit. Then the meter stops charging until you you stop getting smacked. The only time the meter depletes is after a ultimate attack (like the Spirit Bomb), transformations (ie Super Saiyan), or when you enter Aura Spark mode which boosts your stats. The one thing I don't like is the drama pieces. Drama pieces activate in mid-fight as a cut-scene (sometimes featuring a partner of your choosing) to help you, whether it be increasing attack power or giving you health. It sounds nice, but in practice, it sucks. The scenes break the flow of the fight and they can't be skipped once activated. It does make the fights more cinematic and truer to the show than past DBZ fighters, but in the end, I always turn them off. One time, I showed this game to a couple of friends, and they liked it. Mind you they hate the show (mainly because it takes forever for stuff to happen, like the fact that Frieza said the planet would explode in 5 minute, yet the fight lasted what seemed like 17 episode, and wow; what a long parenthesis) and didn't think much of the games, which leads me to believe that even non-fans can get into it. It ain't Tekken, but it'll do. A good game all around.

Damn! Punched Frieza right in the Cooler!

Raging Blast is a lot different from...well....any other fighter you played. Here you can fly freely around the environments and smash people through things. In a way, it's kinda like Burst Limit, except with a list of moves that takes advantage of the 3D shift. You can quickly fly behind people to attack from behind, you can warp from side to side in mid-combo, you can throw people into the wall and wail on them as they're stuck, you can fly away when things get too hectic, and your special moves are handled by the right stick. As an added bonus, you can start in any unlocked transformation you want, something Burst Limit should have done. So, if you want to start off a Super Saiyan 3, you can. This all sounds like Raging Blast should be better than Burst Limit, but there are so many fuck ups that irritate me so. First off is the camera, the fuckin piece of shit camera. Its a fuckin struggle for it to stay on your opponent, especially if he flies either straight up or down. If he's above you or under you, you won't be able to see him, and there's no way to know how far down he is. You could always rush him, but what's stopping him from bitchslapping you once you get there? I shouldn't have to play this kind of fuckin guessing game. When you're fighting near an object like a mountain or cliff, the camera gets stuck, and won't pan the fuck out so you can see. You can change the camera angle by pressing left or right on the d-pad, but while you do, KAMEHAMEHA up the ass! I've lost so many fights because of the camera. Punches and kicks aren't really worth it in my book. They do such little damage, you're better off just chucking fireballs all day long. Yes, they open players up for bigger attacks, but I would like them to be a real offensive threat. The biggest problem with Raging Blast is that it's fighting style just isn't fun anymore. As I mentioned earlier, the formula doesn't age well as I was bored out of my mind after maybe 3 days. It may seem fun to those who haven't played the 3 Tenkaichi games, but for us fans, it's lather, rinse, repeat. Really, the only people I see playing this are those who are really curious about SSJ3 Vegeta and Broly, and if you're really that curious, you can look it up on google images and save yourself 60 bucks.

.....Your aim sucks...

Both games host the same set of problems. The story mode doesn't tell you shit about the story. They just assumed you've seen this before and know what happens next. That's fuckin unfair to those you haven't seen the show before, and will probably be turned off by the fact that they don't know what's going on. Nice job building on your fanbase numbnuts. The roster is short. Coming after the series before them, you would think the roster would be packed, especially since Tenkaichi 3 had roughly 120. I can understand trimming the fat for more balance, but key people are missing. Burst Limit stops at the Cell saga, meaning there's no Super Saiyan 3 or 4, nor is there any fusion or Majin Buu. Raging Blast stops at the Majin Buu saga, meaning no Super Saiyan 4, and even more so, no Dragonball characters either. The official name of the game is Dragon Ball: Raging Blast. The absense of the 'Z' made me believe that it would start when Goku was a kid. Nope. Super moves don't do shit from long range because they're easily side stepped. The guy's gotta be a noob or an idiot to get hit. The graphics suck as the environment is concerned. They look very PS2-ish while the characters are rendered nicely. It looks weird. Speaking of characters, although Raging Blast looks more like the cartoon, I like Burst Limit's graphics better. My biggest problem with both games is that...well...WE PLAYED THEM ALREADY! Really, who are you fooling!? We move on to the next generation of gaming consoles, and Atari makes the same shit we've played last time. What really pisses me off about it (for some unknown reason) is that they have the nerve to market it as if it's something new. You must think really little of us. Actually, I work in retail, and consumers are really that stupid....but still....

He kicked the HD off of him!

Not so fun fact: Raging Blast was not published by Atari, but by Bandai Namco, yet it was made by Spike, the people who made the Tenkaichi series. Hmmm, maybe the publisher does make a difference. Anyway, Burst Limit is simple fun to be had and is a pretty good buy at $20. I've had it for almost a year, and I still play it. As for Raging Blast, don't waste your time if you played the Tenkaichi series or not a fan of the series. I've had it for almost a month, and I'm fed up. This game could have definitely benefitted....with ninjas!

DBZ Burst Limit Rating: Sweet

DB Raging Blast Rating: Ass


NOTE: Idea for a new game....Ninja Hero! Comes with it's own katana peripheral. Ninja Stars sold separately.