Friday, July 23, 2010

Transformers & Crackdown 2

Huh, this is actually funny and completely unexpected. On the one hand, we have a game I expected to be a shit taco, but turned out to be a 5 layer beef burrito with nachos, cheese, and a sprite. Now that's a damn good meal. On the other hand, we have a game I expected to be filet mignon with a baked potato, but turned out to be chicken wings and french fries. It's still good but is in no way the gourmet meal you wanted. Transformers games has loyally followed the path of suck, and it's no doubt most people believe this would be no better, but hold your corny, overused Transformers jokes and metaphors; this one is actually good. If you were a fan of Crackdown 1 and couldn't wait to get your hands on Crackdown 2 and see what they would do to make the game better, then prepare to be disappointed because you will be playing Crackdown 1.


Transformers takes place on the mechanized planet of Cybertron. The Autobots and Decepticons have been fighting for eons apparently, and the game picks up right before the Transformers have to leave Cybertron for Earth. This game is pretty much the prequel to everything Transformers. For you fans, Optimus is not yet a Prime, Starscream is still an Autobot, and the Ark has not yet been built. Bumblebee still has his gay little name though, which sparks what I think is a very smart and legitimate question. Why is it that the name Bumblebee, a name given to a giant robot (although small compared to the others) that shoots lasers and shit, is generally accepted by the public in this context, but try that shit somewhere else and it's gay? I get it, he's small (again, compared to the others) and yellow, but c'mon. Everybody else gets cool robot names or names that match their vehicles, and he get Bumblebee. My favorite names are Ironhide and Barricade....don't know why. There was one other name I like, but I can't remember. Hmm...this is gonna bug me all day.


I would first like to say that I am NOT a Transformers fan. I love the concept (2 teams of robots that can change into vehicles beating the living metal out of each other), but I never actually followed the storyline of Transformers because I...well...I don't give a shit. I say this because fans tend to overstate how good or bad a product based on their beloved franchise is, and it's sometimes hard to tell whether you should take the words of the reviewer when he/she has their head shoved so far up the franchise's ass. So, from a non-fan to you, I say you should get this game. So crowded is the maketplace with cover based shooters that it's so refreshing to see a game that run-n-guns it. In fact, this game drives and guns it. Yes, it's a standard 3rd person shooter, but it's done so well what more could you want? Battles can get hectic as all hell, and some of the set pieces are just downright awesome. Some of the boss battles are pretty epic. You can transform anytime you want, and when you do, you hover over the ground allowing you to aim and shoot as if you're in robot form. Hold R2 or RT and your transformer drops its wheel (or fire up the thrusters if you're using a plane) and take off like a regular vehicle should. I like how you can hover in vehicle mode because if someone is just off to the side, you can't just simply turn around on wheel. My only 2 gripes about the single player is that its short and the graphics repeat themselves - both very minor complaints. A seasoned gamer can beat the game in 6-8 hours depending on how many times you die, and while that is short, I don't feel cheated by paying full price for this long of an experience. As for the repeat graphics, you'll notice that environments start to look alike. I know its a machine planet, and I can tell they tried their damnest to make each place look different, but that still doesn't change the fact. With that said, the average person probably won't give 2 shits about that, and nor should they.

Quick Note: This is only a review of single player as I couldn't do the multiplayer modes. My friends won't get this game and I refuse to play co-op games with people I don't know. I want the ability to bitchslap anyone who's being an asshole and I can't do that if I haven't (or can't) meet the person. I heard people rave about online, and competitively it's alright. It's nothing really special except the ability to transform, which is useful as all hell when getting your ass kicked. Without trying the co-op aspect though, it's best to leave multiplayer alone and not add it to the review.


One of the criticisms about Crackdown 1 is that it didn't have much of a story....or any at all. Hey agent, there are three gangs; go kick their asses. That's it. Somehow that feel a lot better than what we got here with number 2. It's 10 years after the events of Crackdown 1, and one of the gangs that was taken out was working on the T-virus apparently and it was spread throughout the city, turning citizens into freaks...known as freaks. The problem might have been fixed if not for some terrorist group call the Cell, who wants to keep the freak population around in order to get rid of the Agency because the Agency are power hungry dicks and this is "for the good of the city." Is it just me, or are terrorists normally retards? So not only is the story bad, but it almost completely disappears after the opening cinematic. There are audio logs, but fuck that. Most of them are hidden. Why the fuck do I have to LOOK for the story? The truth is, you don't because the story is donkey dick. Now that I think about it, Crackdown might be the only series that actually BENEFITS from not having a story. Do we really care why we're raising hell here? In other sandbox games, you need a story to give you a reason to go through the missions, otherwise you'd just fuck around all day. In Crackdown, all you do is fuck around, so what's the point? The terrorist group has released a virus that will....yea, yea that's great. Now get out of my way; I'm gonna throw this jeep.

In 2007, this gameplay was very original. Now, it's typical. For a game that started a lot of trends you see in sandbox games today, it does nothing new in the sequel, and that's not only a shame, that's bullshit. With that said, most of the problems stem from the fact that I'm comparing it to the original. If you never played Crackdown before, you're missing out on something awesome. You play as a superpower clone who's job is to clean up the streets of Pacific City with an assortment of kickass weaponry and abilities. When you begin, you start out more powerful than any human and most freaks, but you're abilities can be increased to insane levels, and that in itself is half the fun. Your upgradable stats are agility, strength, firearms, explosives, and driving. Upgrading firearms and driving unlocks new vehicles and weapons, which is fine and all, but unlocking vehicles seems pointless to me unless you really wanna unlock the tank, and when you've beefed your agent up, you won't want the tank. You'll probably just throw it. Strength not only increases your arm strength, but also your health. Agility increases your jumping height and explosives increases the blast radius of your grenades and boomsticks. How do you increase these stats? By fuckin around! Drive into enemies and do stunts increases you know what, punches and throwing stuff at enemies increases strength, making enemies go boom increases explosives, and guess how to increase firearms. Yep, hurting enemies in specific ways increases just about every stats...except agility. All around the city are green orbs that you collect to increase to increase your agility. This is probably the most addictive aspect of the game as you cannot say no to these damn orbs. I dare you to play the game and ignore one. You can't do it.


The missions are more varied than in the last game, but not as fun. You have to activate all the beacons in the city, but first you have to activate the absorbtion units first, then you can call for a beacon drop in which you have to protect it from the freaks. Once the beacon goes off, it kills the freaks in that area. Also, you have to take over Cell strongholds, which provides spawn points and drop points for items. In the first game, you kill the numerous gangs leaders....that's it. For some reason, that's more fun than Crackdown 2's formula. Why? Probably because it's simpler and there were more gang members to shoot. Also, Crackdown 2 is boring by yourself. This game needs to be played with friends...not a friend, but friends! Four people tearing ass all over Pacific City is as fun as it sounds.

While all this makes it sound different from the first game, it really REALLY isn't. This really is nothing more than a fuckin exspansion pack. Having the city mostly in ruins is unappealing, and the graphics seem worse than the first game. I can kinda understand since there are literately hundreds of freaks onscreen when they come out at night, and graphics might have to take a hit to make everything run smoothly, but you didn't have to destroy the city. Speaking of city, why are we back in the same city? Why couldn't we be in another city kicking gang ass? Melee combat is is stiff and unresponsive, which wasn't much of a problem in the first game, but why wasn't it improved? They could have at least programed stiff and unresponsive combos. What really pissed me off was the absence of transforming cars. In the first game, the Agency had vehicle that transformed based on your driving level, and it was cool to see a sports car turn into the freakin Batmobile as you drive off. Now they're gone. What the fuck happened!? It's the future; they should be transforming more! Sigh* Playing Crackdown 2 always just makes me want to play the original. The only 2 new additions (what few there are) that I love are the helicopters and the flight suit, both which could have simply been DLCs for the first game. When you max out your agility, you unlock your suit's ability to glide, and when you learn how to use it right, it's a lot of fun.  Crackdown 2 does have competitive multiplayer, which once again could have been DLC. There's a standard deathmatch and Rocket Tag. Really? That's it? Okay, this is just proof that the developers got lazy. How fun would capture the flag be with a bunch of agents with flight suits? Rocket Tag is exactly how it sounds except instead of one guy with rockets trying to hit people, everybody has rockets aiming for the guy who's 'it'. You score points by staying 'it' as long as possible, kinda like oddball in Halo. You'd think a mode where everyone has rockets would be fun, but.......

I would recommend wholeheartedly Crackdown 2 if Crackdown 1 never existed. Unless you want 4 player co-op or are REALLY interested in Rocket Tag, pick up the first game. Seriously, it's like 12 bucks now. If you can't find it, then I guess you have no choice. Don't get me wrong, this game is fun, and I'm gonna give it a good rating, but it's a 3 year old game packaged as new. As for Transformers, I believe everybody should at least try it; you will be pleasantly surprised. I know it seems like a game for 10 year old kids (made more evident by the fact that the few games I played online had nothing but), but don't let that deter you from JETFIRE....that's the other name I like!


Transformers: War fro Cybertron   Rating: Sweet

Crackdown 2   Rating: Sweet

NOTE: I've had like a month long writer's block that I'm just now getting over. It's a real pain in the ass.

Friday, July 16, 2010

Things I Wanted to talk about

I've been gone for a couple of week, and they're are some things I wanted to say, but didn't get the chance to. So here are all the things I wanted to talk about but didn't get a chance to.


Playstation Move:
I was originally Impressed by the Move, but as time passed i realized....it's a fuckin Wii. I guess if you can't beat 'em, steal. The product is basically the Wii-mote and nunchuck except wireless, and had a big glowing ball at the tip that may give your girlfriend the wrong idea. Oh, and instead of using Motion Plus, they use a camera to capture 1-1 movement. Now why in the world would I pay 100 bucks on a motion control dildo when for 200 you have an already established product? Also, you need to own a PS3, so that's $400 altogether. Luckily, they seem to be targeting people who already own PS3's, so that's a plus. Sure, it's more focused on the hardcore crowd unlike kinect, but that doesn't mean the games will be good. Besides, motion controls require moving, and real gamers don't exercise, which leads me to.........

Kinect:
Microsoft's demo for Kinect just feel like it gave the installed fanbase a cockslap to the teeth. Hey MS, I don't know if you know this, but the people you should be targeting are the people who already fuckin own 360s. Instead you're going to try steal some of Nintendo's bitches....I-I mean casual gaming Wii owners by making games mommy and daddy can play with little junior son of a bitch. For those of you would are fans of wrestling, the Wii is WWE and Kinect is TNA. Believe it or not, casual gamers are not as dumb as you think, as if they already have a Wii, they're NOT buying Kinect even if they do own a 360. As for us gamers, we bought a 360 because we wanted grown man games. We want games that are badass. We don't want to spend time with our families; that's why we have 360s. It's called 'Me Time'. Besides, a lot of 360 (and PS3) owners have a Wii to do exactly what you were displaying at E3.


I was right!:
Six days after that Mortal Kombat movie showed up on youtube, I made the post about where it came from and what was it's purpose. I did a lot of digging (kinda) and posted what I thought was the answer. Well, I WAS RIGHT BITCHES! Somebody needs to greenlight that movie pronto.

The Big 3:
So Lebron James and Chris Bosh will be joining Dwayne Wade in Miami. What does this have to do with video games? Every fuckin body will be picking them when you play your favorite basketball game. Ugh! I really hate this shit. You almost never face anyone different. It's always the 2 teams that went to the finals or the inanely popular team or the Lakers. It's like a fuckin sea of bandwagon jack-offs who don't really know any better. What's worse is if you are an actual fan or you found a team that fits your style, and your team goes to the finals (or in  the case of the Heat pull off some bullshit free agent signings), you yourself will be annoyed to the point of kicking puppies as people pick the team you worked hard to know the ins and outs of. I was the shit in 2K7 with the Cavs mainly because everyone I played thought I would just jock with LeBron and I killed them with everybody else, especially with Larry Hughes, Daniel Gibson, and Shannon Brown. I'm dead serious; LeBron almost never made it to double digits. When I did use him, teams were fucked. I had learned the Cavs in and out. Then they went to finals, and in NBA 2K8, everybody was picking the Cavs! It pissed me off. Nobody wanted to play against me because either they wanted the Cavs or they were tired of playing against them. I got so pissed off, I said fuck the Cavs and used the Pheonix Suns. They were great, but it just wasn't the same. I say all this as a precautionary tale. Prepare to play the Heat over, and over, and over, and over, and over again until you go insane.


Alpha Protocol:
It still sucks balls.