Bla bla bla...Halo...bla bla bla...jetpack!...bla bla bla...pwning noobz
Rating: The Fuck Do You Think?
NOTE: Seriously, why am I here?
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Halo Reach
Bla bla bla...Halo...bla bla bla...jetpack!...bla bla bla...pwning noobz
Rating: The Fuck Do You Think?
NOTE: Seriously, why am I here?
Saturday, September 11, 2010
Spider-Man: Shattered Dimensions
When Spider-Man Shattered Dimensions was announced, the first thing people said was "What the fuck is Noir?" The second question was how is having 4 different kind of Spider-Men going to play like. Well, the first step was to ditch the open-world New York setting. About fuckin time Activision. How many times can we swing around New York before you realize that shit was getting old? 5 times apparently, or is it 4? It was 5 games, right? Well, it was at least 4, and it was time for a change. Activision and Beenox did a great job, but some nagging issues kept this from being the Batman Arkham Asylum of Spider-Man. Dude, what the fuck happened to Ultimate Spider-Man's eyes on my box art!?
While fighting the man with the fishbowl for a head Mysterio in a museum, Spider-Man accidentally broke what is called the Tablet of Order, and it's pieces spread throughout the 4 universes: Amazing (classic Spidey), Noir (Spidey in 1933), 2099 (Spidey in 2099...well no shit), and Ultimate (a teenage Spidey). This not only put every single universe in jeopardy, but also made Mysterio into something he's never been before...relevant. Now under the guidance of Madame Web (Yea, I have no idea who that is either), the 4 Spider-Men must put the tablet back together all while trying to avoid Mysterio's 619.
You take control of 4 different Spider-Men in 4 different worlds and if you think the gameplay will be different with each Spider-Men, then shame on you for believing their marketing pitch. Only Noir is different. The rest are combat heavy. Let me quickly describe the gameplay for the Amazing, 2099, and Ultimate universes: punch, kick, punch, kick, web swing, bad joke. In all fairness, Ultimate Spider-Man actually tells funny jokes, but that's not the point. The only 2 real differences is how they fight and their settings. Amazing has the grainy, old comic book/cartoon look to it, and his attacks uses a lot of webbing. Ultimate has a sharper, new comic book/cartoon look to it, and fights with more tentacles than a Japanese rape monster in a all girls high school. 2099 graphics look more realistic, and he fights with his hands because he's a man dammit. Also he's an old white guy. Seriously, why does Miguel O'Hara sound like an old white guy. Yea, I wasn't expecting an accent, but c'mon. Anyway, the stages and combat are set up nicely and the changes in settings do add that little something to make it more interesting. The change in dimensions also brings about changes in bad guys. For example, in the 2099 universe, Doc Oct is a chick....and eerily hot. It's mindless fun, and in the end, isn't that what we came for?
NOPE. Chances are you're buying this game for the one universe that actually does play different: Noir. Spider-Man Noir is dark, gritty, and the most realistic looking of the 4 universes. Noir is as overpowering as the other three, so he has to use stealth to do what he needs to do, which raises an interesting question. Why doesn't any other Spider-Man use stealth before? How come none of them ever said to themselves "Hmm, you know what? I don't like dodging bullets. Maybe I should just sneak around." It would definitely make life easier. Just ask Noir. Okay, 2099's suit is built to take hits like that, but you get my drift. Noir feels like it needed to prove itself to Batman, except Noir has a hellava lot more shadows to hide in. Your Spider sense is even used the same exact way as Batman's detective mode. Basically you try your best to stay in the shadows and pick people off one by one. Knowing this, the game likes to fuck with you from time to time. In one stage, a blimp overhead kept fuckin following me with it's fuckin spotlight. Another stage had fireworks going off, illuminating the whole stage. Just because you're not in the shadows doesn't mean you can't get stealth takedowns, but just remember that light is bad and shadow is good.
The combat get repetitive after a while. You can only punch kick punch kick web swing bad joke so many times before it grows stale, but luckily the game doesn't last long enough to overstay its welcome too long. Another little annoyance is the task of rescuing people. It breaks the flow of the game, and it's really unnecessary. In Noir's case, the villains always threaten to kill the hostages if you're spotted, but they never do. Maybe it's because I'm playing on normal. Maybe if I play on hard, they'll actually pull the trigger. But the most annoying aspect - something I'd expect them to fix after all this time - is the camera. Apparently, the developers still haven't figured out that when you're climbing on the ceiling, you would like to see WHAT THE FUCK is under you. They had it right way back in the PSX days. Why did they change it, and more importantly, why didn't they change it back knowing full well it's not working. This gets especially annoying when you're playing as Noir and the camera is so fuckin determine to point to you and the wall instead of the people who needs to be taken down.
If you are a Spider-Man fan, you pretty much need to get....yup it was 4. Spider-Man 2, 3, Ultimate, and Web of Shadows. Damn; that's 4 Spider-Man games where you swing around fuckin New York. You know, I've heard people complain about the fact that it's not open-world anymore. If you are one of these people, get the fuck over it. You have 4 (count 'em 4) games where you swing around NY. Why do you need a fifth game where you're doing the exact same thing!? Just play one of the old ones. The rest of us are gonna go play Shattered Dimensions and have fun.
Rating: Sweet
NOTE: I think Madame Web was on the old Spider-man cartoon, the one from 1994.
Monday, September 6, 2010
What 3D Sonic Got Right
Yes, I like to bash on Sonic games...A LOT. It's just so amazing how someone so iconic could crash so easily. Because of this, Sonic has been ripped time and time again, and rightfully so. The games have been outright terrible, so much so that they had to put him back to 2D for Sonic 4. Well, some people have cried foul on this saying people like me only focus on the bad. Yes, they're saying we shouldn't just focus on the bad despite the fact the game overall is bad....true. So today, let's please the fanboys for once and see what 3D Sonic games got right.
Sonic Adventure:
In 1999, this was the 3D Sonic game fans wanted...as long as you only played as Sonic. Sonic ran a good speed, the camera was decent, and the stage layout was great. The story was very well put together.
Sonic Adventure 2:
Once again the running is good, and the new grind ability adds a whole new dimension to the formula. The game also runs faster at 60 fps as oppose to SA's 30 fps. It also introduced Shadow, probably a necessary anti-Sonic.
Sonic Heroes:
Who would have thought team based gameplay would work with Sonic? Also, with the exception of Team Chaotix, it was all about getting from point A to point B. Special stages came back too.
Shadow the Hedgehog:
Sega finally fleshed out his character while also answering some questions left behind from Sonic Adventure 2 and Sonic Heroes.
Sonic the Hedgehog 2006:
Not a god damn thing.
Sonic and the Secret Rings:
They had a good idea; make Sonic control somewhat like a car. It makes sense given his style of movement. Having mission-based gameplay is also a plus as it normally didn't require you to slow down to backtrack (not like you could in this game anyway).
Sonic Unleashed:
Running stages are the most fun you can have with 3D Sonic. In the Wii version, you get a more manageable, streamlined experience compared to the HD versions. It may bore you, but it won't annoy you.
Sonic Riders:
Ummm...reminds me of F-Zero?
Sonic and the Black Knight:
Graphics look great for a Wii game....yup.
Yea, as you can see, there's not a lot of positive, but hey, we tried. Honestly, I don't see why people continue to defend these games. Blind loyalty is a bitch, aint it? Anyway, I'm done, and it'll be a cold day in hell before I start talking about Sonic again.
[Neil]: Sonic 4
.........ah fuck.
Sonic Adventure:
In 1999, this was the 3D Sonic game fans wanted...as long as you only played as Sonic. Sonic ran a good speed, the camera was decent, and the stage layout was great. The story was very well put together.
Sonic Adventure 2:
Once again the running is good, and the new grind ability adds a whole new dimension to the formula. The game also runs faster at 60 fps as oppose to SA's 30 fps. It also introduced Shadow, probably a necessary anti-Sonic.
Sonic Heroes:
Who would have thought team based gameplay would work with Sonic? Also, with the exception of Team Chaotix, it was all about getting from point A to point B. Special stages came back too.
Shadow the Hedgehog:
Sega finally fleshed out his character while also answering some questions left behind from Sonic Adventure 2 and Sonic Heroes.
Sonic the Hedgehog 2006:
Not a god damn thing.
Sonic and the Secret Rings:
They had a good idea; make Sonic control somewhat like a car. It makes sense given his style of movement. Having mission-based gameplay is also a plus as it normally didn't require you to slow down to backtrack (not like you could in this game anyway).
Sonic Unleashed:
Running stages are the most fun you can have with 3D Sonic. In the Wii version, you get a more manageable, streamlined experience compared to the HD versions. It may bore you, but it won't annoy you.
Sonic Riders:
Ummm...reminds me of F-Zero?
Sonic and the Black Knight:
Graphics look great for a Wii game....yup.
Yea, as you can see, there's not a lot of positive, but hey, we tried. Honestly, I don't see why people continue to defend these games. Blind loyalty is a bitch, aint it? Anyway, I'm done, and it'll be a cold day in hell before I start talking about Sonic again.
[Neil]: Sonic 4
.........ah fuck.
Sunday, August 29, 2010
Madden 11
In my online franchise, Aaron Rodgers is the only offensive player with a forced fumble. You're about to see why.
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
JoJo's Bizarre Adventure (Retro)
Heard of this game? Of course you didn't. How could you? It was one of those games that only hardcore fight and/or anime fans knew about, unless you were one of the few who went out on a limb and actually bought it just to see what it would be like. Now I say anime, but this game is actually based on the manga, which has some key differences. I guess that really doesn't matter since none of that came overseas. The game was released in America in 1999 for Playstation and Dreamcast. The anime didn't show up until 2003 and the manga 2005. So what was the purpose of bringing it over here? Well, the only reason I can think of is that back then Capcom was shooting fighting games out the ass every 5 minutes. It got so crazy, Capcom even created a points club for gamers called the Capcom Edge. Every time you bought a Capcom game, you earned points that could be used for gear like t-shirts and duffel bags and shit like that. So Capcom may have figured that people would buy it simply because of the points and the fact it was a fighting game. Now I don't know if that's true, but it's the only semi-logical reason I can think of. I've only just finished watching the anime and the third arch of the manga, so I decided to pick this up just for shits and giggles. As soon as I popped it in, one thing became quickly apparent....this game is old.
In the Dreamcast version, this is a port of 2 Japanese arcade games: JoJo's Venture and JoJo's Bizarre Adventure, with both games in the disc. JoJo's Venture is the orginal game, and JoJo's Bizarre Adventure is the updated version, kinda like Street Fighter 4 and Super Street Fighter 4. Now why on Earth would you need to put the same game twice on one disc? I'm obviously just gonna play Bizarre Adventure since it has more shit. The arcade game was made in 1997, and it shows in the DC version. The made no effect to up the visuals in this game, and the audio sounds so dated. Even the N64 is capable of better sound. That's acceptable for the PS1 version, but not the Dreamcast. There are only 2 modes: story mode and challenge mode which is basically a survival mode. There's also two player, but that's a gimmie for fighting games. The story is just absolute shit. I don't mean the story in general; that's awesome. I mean the way the game handles it. This game doesn't explain shit to you. So many important pieces are missing and plot twist happen for no reason. If you didn't read the manga or watch the anime, which NOBODY FUCKING COULD DO in 1999, you were at a loss most of the time. Why in the ass would you not change it so that the story would be understandable knowing full well nobody has seen any JoJo related media? With shitty sound, aged visual, incomprehensible story, and lacking in feature, it's no wonder why nobody owned this game. Despite that, all is forgiven when you actually play it and realize a very important fact...
It's a 2D fighter....made by Capcom....
You should definitely check out the anime and the manga if you get a chance. As for the game, the fighting is good...well...actually it's fuckin awesome, but everything else doesn't make it worth it unless you find it cheap. If you actually own a copy, do NOT get rid of it. That game might be worth some money.
Mortal Kombat 2 (Retro)
A long time ago, my mom gave me a choice between a Super Nintendo and a Sega Genesis, and I picked the Genesis. After playing MK2 at my cousin's house for SNES, I had to get it for the Genesis. While it was still the hotness, you don't know how important buttons are until you realize you're missing a few. Having less buttons than any other version of the game (not counting handheld systems), the Genesis turned a already hard game into a bitch.
With only 3 buttons, you don't get many moves, especially when you can't figure out how to low punch. Most of my matches broke down into me just using the roundhouse kick or uppercut (TOASTY!). One of my biggest problems was the absence of a block button. I tried holding back like in Street Fighter, but that didn't work. So I got my ass handed to me over and over again. Once I figured out how to actually beat people, I realized I didn't know any fatalities, so I press pause and went to call my cousin to see if he can find some for me. There was no internet back then (damn I feel old) so he had to check his game magazines for them. After I wrote them down, I went back to my game to find out my guy died a long time ago and I'm back at the main menu. After a hissy fit that involved breaking several items, I started over again to see what went wrong, and that's when it hit me.
The start button is block!? THE START BUTTON IS BLOCK!!??
So how to I pause the game? The game laugh at me and said "Pause? Bitch, this is Mortal Kombat; you don't get no pause. Fight to the end pussy." Well the good news was I finally had a block button so fighting was easier. The bad news was I had to use the bathroom. That's the thing about the old MK games. It was one of those game series where you needed friends to play single player. Whenever somebody loss, he passed it to the next person in a vain attempt to get farther up the ladder only to get beat by someone with 4 arms. Good times.
Sunday, August 15, 2010
Top Ten Racing Games
Who doesn't want to climb into a ten ton supercharged machine and tear ass on 4 four and sometimes 2 wheels? Nobody, and that's why racing games are awesome! This list celebrates the best of the best.
10. Ridge Racer - PSX
When my friend bought her Playstation, it came with a demo of Ridge Racer. It was one car, one track, and we played for hours. One car! One track! So you can imagine the amount of time we lost we she got the full version. Why were we so addicted? Never had we played a racing game before where the cars drift...THEY DRIFT!
9. DiRT - PS3, PC, and 360
This game did something I never thought was possible: it made me care a rally car racing. It had great tracks, super tight and responsive controls, and an incredible sense of speed. This is one of the few games where doing a time trial was actually fun.
8. San Fransisco Rush - Arcades
As much as I like Rush 2 and Rush 2049, the original holds a special place in my heart. There have been many 3D racers, but this was the first one where you could crash and burn.....as in your car would explode! Burning rubber takes the literal meaning in this bitch. Add crazy shortcuts and you got yourself one kickass arcade racer.
7. Midnight Club 3 Dub Edition Remix - PS2 and Xbox
Remember when The Fast and the Furious came out and street racing became the most popular thing ever? This game represented all that was FUN about it. Midnight Night has always been know for it open world style and create your own route gameplay, but number 3 added real license car that were fully customizable. The Greatest/Platinum hits version called Remix makes the list for adding new cars and the city of Tokyo for MC2.
6. F-Zero -SNES
Besides the colorful graphics, blazing speeds, a cool soundtrack, and great original gameplay, F-Zero can be some up in one simple statement...........this bitch is hard.
5. Burnout Revenge - Xbox 360
Burnout Paradise is fun, but I'm not really feeling the open world Midnight Club style gameplay. Burnout is best played on tracks with laps and lots of shit in your way that can cause a catastrophic amount of damage. Actually, Burnout Paradise can do that too. So what makes Revenge special? Crash mode!
4. Gran Turismo 4 - PS2
Yes fanboys, it's only number 4. Suck it. With that said Gran Turismo is the reason we have racing sims at all, and the 4th installment is the best of them all with what was at the time the most realistic car controls ever and graphics that looked better than anything on the PS2. Seriously, put GT4 in HD (like they did God of War) and you will see it holds up to many PS3 games.
3. Mario Kart 64 - N64
One of the only 2 racing games on the list that doesn't actually use cars, Mario Kart is addictive as all hell. Yes, the racing was faster on Double Dash and Wii, but what puts 64 on the list is its battle mode. No Mario Kart has had a battle mode as fun as the 64 game. Why I don't know, and it's a damn shame.
2. Forza Motorsport 3 - 360
Making the GT fans even angrier, its Forza at number 3. This game has the best career mode of any racing sim out there and has a level of customizable paint job never seen before. The most important aspect is that it's extreme assessable to newbies with all its assists. Take the assists off, and we're looking at Forza 2 difficulty, sliding all over the place...pisses me off....
Gran Turismo, Forza, and Mario Kart not making number 1? Really? Not even Burnout or Midnight Club? What in God's name can be number 1 then? Some of you may already have an idea where I'm going with this since I left out probably the most popular racing series in video games, but the game I have at number one will have everyone wondering what the hell is wrong with me. At the same time, it'll have everyone who played it smiling as they all have fond memories of it.
1. Need For Speed: Hot Pursuit 2 - PS2
This...game...is...the awesome! Your goal was finishing the race in first place while the police were trying to bust your ass, and the police were actually good at their job. We're talking rockblocks, spike strips, and fuckin helicopters dropping exploding barrels from the sky. This game was absolutely fuckin nuts. It's not like other Need For Speed games that feature cops. It's not an open world. You don't have to lose the cops once the race is over. Hell, sometimes the race isn't even over when the cops manage to pull you over. They give you a ticket and send you on your way. This formula is much better than any of the new shit they did (cough cough Most Wanted cough) and even though it's open world, let's hope the new Hot Pursuit can replicate what made number 2 fun. Also keep in mind I'm talking about the PS2 version, not the Xbox and Gamecube version which plays differently for some reason.
10. Ridge Racer - PSX
When my friend bought her Playstation, it came with a demo of Ridge Racer. It was one car, one track, and we played for hours. One car! One track! So you can imagine the amount of time we lost we she got the full version. Why were we so addicted? Never had we played a racing game before where the cars drift...THEY DRIFT!
9. DiRT - PS3, PC, and 360
This game did something I never thought was possible: it made me care a rally car racing. It had great tracks, super tight and responsive controls, and an incredible sense of speed. This is one of the few games where doing a time trial was actually fun.
8. San Fransisco Rush - Arcades
As much as I like Rush 2 and Rush 2049, the original holds a special place in my heart. There have been many 3D racers, but this was the first one where you could crash and burn.....as in your car would explode! Burning rubber takes the literal meaning in this bitch. Add crazy shortcuts and you got yourself one kickass arcade racer.
7. Midnight Club 3 Dub Edition Remix - PS2 and Xbox
Remember when The Fast and the Furious came out and street racing became the most popular thing ever? This game represented all that was FUN about it. Midnight Night has always been know for it open world style and create your own route gameplay, but number 3 added real license car that were fully customizable. The Greatest/Platinum hits version called Remix makes the list for adding new cars and the city of Tokyo for MC2.
6. F-Zero -SNES
Besides the colorful graphics, blazing speeds, a cool soundtrack, and great original gameplay, F-Zero can be some up in one simple statement...........this bitch is hard.
5. Burnout Revenge - Xbox 360
Burnout Paradise is fun, but I'm not really feeling the open world Midnight Club style gameplay. Burnout is best played on tracks with laps and lots of shit in your way that can cause a catastrophic amount of damage. Actually, Burnout Paradise can do that too. So what makes Revenge special? Crash mode!
4. Gran Turismo 4 - PS2
Yes fanboys, it's only number 4. Suck it. With that said Gran Turismo is the reason we have racing sims at all, and the 4th installment is the best of them all with what was at the time the most realistic car controls ever and graphics that looked better than anything on the PS2. Seriously, put GT4 in HD (like they did God of War) and you will see it holds up to many PS3 games.
3. Mario Kart 64 - N64
One of the only 2 racing games on the list that doesn't actually use cars, Mario Kart is addictive as all hell. Yes, the racing was faster on Double Dash and Wii, but what puts 64 on the list is its battle mode. No Mario Kart has had a battle mode as fun as the 64 game. Why I don't know, and it's a damn shame.
2. Forza Motorsport 3 - 360
Making the GT fans even angrier, its Forza at number 3. This game has the best career mode of any racing sim out there and has a level of customizable paint job never seen before. The most important aspect is that it's extreme assessable to newbies with all its assists. Take the assists off, and we're looking at Forza 2 difficulty, sliding all over the place...pisses me off....
Gran Turismo, Forza, and Mario Kart not making number 1? Really? Not even Burnout or Midnight Club? What in God's name can be number 1 then? Some of you may already have an idea where I'm going with this since I left out probably the most popular racing series in video games, but the game I have at number one will have everyone wondering what the hell is wrong with me. At the same time, it'll have everyone who played it smiling as they all have fond memories of it.
1. Need For Speed: Hot Pursuit 2 - PS2
This...game...is...the awesome! Your goal was finishing the race in first place while the police were trying to bust your ass, and the police were actually good at their job. We're talking rockblocks, spike strips, and fuckin helicopters dropping exploding barrels from the sky. This game was absolutely fuckin nuts. It's not like other Need For Speed games that feature cops. It's not an open world. You don't have to lose the cops once the race is over. Hell, sometimes the race isn't even over when the cops manage to pull you over. They give you a ticket and send you on your way. This formula is much better than any of the new shit they did (cough cough Most Wanted cough) and even though it's open world, let's hope the new Hot Pursuit can replicate what made number 2 fun. Also keep in mind I'm talking about the PS2 version, not the Xbox and Gamecube version which plays differently for some reason.
Deadliest Warrior (XBLA)
Here's my first problem with the game: I can't find any decent artwork for it. I tried a lot of them, and they either didn't load right or were too small and came out blurry as hell when I blew them up, so yea, you get no box art with this one. Now, when you look at Deadliest Warrior, your first instinct tells you that this is a quick cash grab, and no one would blame for thinking that, but you play the game, you realized that it's not as bad as you thought......but it's damn sure not as good as it should be.
The basic premise of the game is one on one realistic combat, emphasis on the word REALISTIC. You can't take too many hits. In fact only 4 hits unguarded will kill you. That's an interesting concept, isn't it? How many fighting games do you know where it doesn't take much to kill you? The only game that comes to mind is the Bushido Blade series on the PSX/PS1, and that was 12 years ago if I'm not mistaken. So, with damage levels this high, defense is THE most important aspect. If you can't protect yourself, you will die. That may be true with most fighting games, but in others you can sometimes get by on awesome offense and/or aggressiveness. You try that shit here and you'll lose an arm. Yea, this game doesn't fuck around. Sometimes, all it takes is one hit. I've won and loss so many fights with only one blow.
There are only 8 fighters in this game, and I know many people have a problem with this. Normally I wouldn't, but this time I do because I know for a fact (not really) that they're holding back for downloadable content. Even if they weren't, they have a large catalog to draw from because of the show. It's not like Blazblue where it's an all new experience and therefore a small roster is okay. We know they have more people because we've seen the show. Besides, this is suppose to pit some of history's greatest fighter in a 'what if' scenario. I'm pretty sure history produced more than 8! Sigh* I wanted to see a musketeer fight a samurai. Well, it's a small complaint really as 8 is good enough.
[Update]: There's a poll on their website asking fans what fighters they want to see as downloadables. I'm curious as to how much it will cost per fighter.
Combat is as basic as fighting games are allowed to be, but now in a bad way. Each fighter uses low, medium, and high attacks as well as projectiles, short range, and medium range weapons. You can parry attacks by holding block and guessing which attack he'll use. That's pretty much it. No wait. There's also a stamina meter, and when it's low your attacks will slow down your your guard will break. This helps prevent people from either hacking too much or blocking all damn day. No, it doesn't have many combos, but if you can kill in 4 hits, you really don't need that many. During fights, if you do it right, you can injure body parts and even amputate them. Some can still fights with a missing arm, but they'll slowly bleed out. My main problem with the combat is that it feels too loose. Warriors attack too fast, and attacks don't have any weight behind them. This leads to very unsatisfying endings to fights, unless the final blow cuts off a limb (or head). Another thing that bugs me is the load times. With only 8 characters, small combo list, few stages, and the fact that it's downloaded onto the hard drive, why in the holy hell does it take so long to load and why does it happen so often? You will spend more time watching the screen load than you will fighting, and that's not an exaggeration. To be fair, the loading is really long (15 seconds tops), but it happens so often if feels that way. Every time I tried to play online, the game would be choppy as hell, sometimes even disconnecting, and I know it's not my connection, so I don't know what's wrong. Maybe it's an isolated incident, but it's still worth mentioning.
I really can't recommend this game as a purchase, but it's interesting to try. If the combat was fine tuned, attacks had actually weight to them, and loading was cut down some, I'd say this would be a XBLA hit, but as it stands, it's just one of those games that just...exist. It neither good nor bad; it's just there.
Rating: Meh
NOTE: Bushido Blade....talk about obscured video game reference.
The basic premise of the game is one on one realistic combat, emphasis on the word REALISTIC. You can't take too many hits. In fact only 4 hits unguarded will kill you. That's an interesting concept, isn't it? How many fighting games do you know where it doesn't take much to kill you? The only game that comes to mind is the Bushido Blade series on the PSX/PS1, and that was 12 years ago if I'm not mistaken. So, with damage levels this high, defense is THE most important aspect. If you can't protect yourself, you will die. That may be true with most fighting games, but in others you can sometimes get by on awesome offense and/or aggressiveness. You try that shit here and you'll lose an arm. Yea, this game doesn't fuck around. Sometimes, all it takes is one hit. I've won and loss so many fights with only one blow.
There are only 8 fighters in this game, and I know many people have a problem with this. Normally I wouldn't, but this time I do because I know for a fact (not really) that they're holding back for downloadable content. Even if they weren't, they have a large catalog to draw from because of the show. It's not like Blazblue where it's an all new experience and therefore a small roster is okay. We know they have more people because we've seen the show. Besides, this is suppose to pit some of history's greatest fighter in a 'what if' scenario. I'm pretty sure history produced more than 8! Sigh* I wanted to see a musketeer fight a samurai. Well, it's a small complaint really as 8 is good enough.
[Update]: There's a poll on their website asking fans what fighters they want to see as downloadables. I'm curious as to how much it will cost per fighter.
Combat is as basic as fighting games are allowed to be, but now in a bad way. Each fighter uses low, medium, and high attacks as well as projectiles, short range, and medium range weapons. You can parry attacks by holding block and guessing which attack he'll use. That's pretty much it. No wait. There's also a stamina meter, and when it's low your attacks will slow down your your guard will break. This helps prevent people from either hacking too much or blocking all damn day. No, it doesn't have many combos, but if you can kill in 4 hits, you really don't need that many. During fights, if you do it right, you can injure body parts and even amputate them. Some can still fights with a missing arm, but they'll slowly bleed out. My main problem with the combat is that it feels too loose. Warriors attack too fast, and attacks don't have any weight behind them. This leads to very unsatisfying endings to fights, unless the final blow cuts off a limb (or head). Another thing that bugs me is the load times. With only 8 characters, small combo list, few stages, and the fact that it's downloaded onto the hard drive, why in the holy hell does it take so long to load and why does it happen so often? You will spend more time watching the screen load than you will fighting, and that's not an exaggeration. To be fair, the loading is really long (15 seconds tops), but it happens so often if feels that way. Every time I tried to play online, the game would be choppy as hell, sometimes even disconnecting, and I know it's not my connection, so I don't know what's wrong. Maybe it's an isolated incident, but it's still worth mentioning.
I really can't recommend this game as a purchase, but it's interesting to try. If the combat was fine tuned, attacks had actually weight to them, and loading was cut down some, I'd say this would be a XBLA hit, but as it stands, it's just one of those games that just...exist. It neither good nor bad; it's just there.
Rating: Meh
NOTE: Bushido Blade....talk about obscured video game reference.
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Top Ten Fighting Game Series
I'm not gonna lie; I suck at most fighters, but that doesn't stop me from playing them. Nothing like beating the holy hell out of each other until one can no longer fight. For this top ten, there are a couple of rules. This is a list of fighting game SERIES, so there has to be more than 2. Sorry Blazblue, but you're one game too short. Also, it cannot belong to the sports genre, so games like Fight Night and UFC are out. No wrestling games either.
10. Guilty Gear
Although we can't put Blazblue into this list, we can damn sure put his daddy on it. Guilty Gear has awesome visuals, interesting characters, kickass rock music, and some of the smoothest controls ever in a 2D fighter. And let's not forget the instant kills. It's so awesome, it makes people forget that Sol Badguy is...just...a terrible fuckin name.
9. King of the Fighters
I don't know which came first, this or Street Fighter 2, but dammit if is didn't help revolutionize 2D fighters. If you were a Art of Fighting and Fatal Fury, you practically shitted your pants as this game pitted fighters from both games against each other. SNK knows how to make a damn good fighter. If only they didn't go bankrupt.
8. Darkstalkers
I did not know what a succubus was until I played this game.....thanks I guess. Anyway, it seems that the people from Capcom decided "Hey! Let's take what we learned from Street Fighter, have a shitload of monsters, and give it a cool name to stand out. It will be awesome!" Well, that's what they did....and it was awesome. You have vampires and succubi and a werewolf and a guy walking around with a little....girl?......I'm assuming someone gonna call the police on him.
7. Dead or Alive
When I think of DOA, two things come to mind: kickass fighting and jiggly ninja boobs. It's like watching a 3D anime.....of awesome. DOA is one of the few games that have a reversal system, and it's useful as it is complicated. Not bad for a fighting game that's two polygons away from full-frontal nudity.
6. Virtua Fighter
THE...FIRST! Virtua Fighter is the reason DOA exist in the first place. It was a little rough at first since everyone moved so slow and floated in the air like they were on the fuckin moon, but the series has long since advanced into one of the most technical fighters...EVER! It's all about timing and placement. If you don't having timing, you lose. If you don't have placement, you lose. If you button mash, you're a fuckin joke. Put the control down bitch; you suck!
5. Tekken
Talk to any hardcore fight fan, and there will most likely be an argument as to which is better: Tekken or Virtua Fighter. It's a difficult choice, but I'm gonna have to say Tekken simply because they have more people. Normally it's quality over quantity, but in Tekken's case, they have quality AND quantity. While there are some issues, you wouldn't expect a 3D fighter with so many fighters to be this balance, but they pulled it off in Tekken 5 and 6.
4. Soulcalibur
Hot damn, Namco can some good 3D fighters. Besides the fact that this is one of the few fighting games based solely on weapons, Soul Calibur 3 was the first fighting game to have a create-a-fighter mode if I'm not mistaken. What also makes this series special is the special guests Soul Calibur 2 and Soulcalibur: Broken Destiny has. You got to play as Zelda's Link and God of War's Kratos for crying out loud. And no that's not a typo. After Soul Calibur 3, the name changed to Soulcalibur. Why? I don't know.
3. Super Smash Bros.
Besides being the most original fighter on the list, SSB pits pretty much all of Nintendo against each other in a battle royal. To beat your opponents, you can't just simply KO them oh no. You have to knock them CLEAR ACROSS THE FUCKIN STAGE! It's so awesome, Solid Snake and Sonic wanted in. At first, I didn't think this game was as good as everyone says, but I was playing alone. Soon as I got some friends over, hot damn. We played this together more than any other game on the list so far.
Now, we all know what the top two games are gonna be; it's a no fuckin brainer. The question is how do we choose which is number 2 and which is number 1. After much thought, a few beers, a nap, and several games of Call of Duty, we finally made our decision.
2. Mortal Kombat
Most of the games on this list had an impact on the fighting genre. MK had an impact on the entire fuckin gaming industry. Yea, it's that badass. The introduction of the fatalities is the reason video games have a rating system. That's right; MK created the ESRB. That's fuckin nuts. Just watch the video. Stuttering Craig never lie. Games like Gears of War owe their existence to this series. Now, when MK made the jump to 3D, people have mixed feelings about it. Some say it was good while others say it was mediocre at best. Either way, MK holds a special place in our hearts, and our hearts hold a special place in Kano's hands.
1. Street Fighter/Capcom vs.
What puts Street fighter on the top of this list is consistency. This series stayed great after 2 decades because Capcom knows what they're doing. Only Street Fighter can change so little and yet remain so awesome. While Street Fighter deserves all the credit it gets, it was really the Capcom vs. series that kept 2D fighters around for as long as they have been. First, Capcom created the X-Men fighting game, then X-Men vs Street Fighter, then Marvel Super Heroes vs Street Fighter, then finally Marvel vs Capcom 1 and 2. Capcom then proceeded to partner up with SNK to create probably the most tech of the vs. games with the Capcom vs SNK series. These games pretty much played into the geeky fanboy and fansgirls in all of us. With Marvel vs Capcom 3 on it's way and the recently announced Street Fighter x Tekken (I'm dead fuckin serious), Capcom aint letting go of that top spot anytime soon.
10. Guilty Gear
Although we can't put Blazblue into this list, we can damn sure put his daddy on it. Guilty Gear has awesome visuals, interesting characters, kickass rock music, and some of the smoothest controls ever in a 2D fighter. And let's not forget the instant kills. It's so awesome, it makes people forget that Sol Badguy is...just...a terrible fuckin name.
9. King of the Fighters
I don't know which came first, this or Street Fighter 2, but dammit if is didn't help revolutionize 2D fighters. If you were a Art of Fighting and Fatal Fury, you practically shitted your pants as this game pitted fighters from both games against each other. SNK knows how to make a damn good fighter. If only they didn't go bankrupt.
8. Darkstalkers
I did not know what a succubus was until I played this game.....thanks I guess. Anyway, it seems that the people from Capcom decided "Hey! Let's take what we learned from Street Fighter, have a shitload of monsters, and give it a cool name to stand out. It will be awesome!" Well, that's what they did....and it was awesome. You have vampires and succubi and a werewolf and a guy walking around with a little....girl?......I'm assuming someone gonna call the police on him.
7. Dead or Alive
When I think of DOA, two things come to mind: kickass fighting and jiggly ninja boobs. It's like watching a 3D anime.....of awesome. DOA is one of the few games that have a reversal system, and it's useful as it is complicated. Not bad for a fighting game that's two polygons away from full-frontal nudity.
6. Virtua Fighter
THE...FIRST! Virtua Fighter is the reason DOA exist in the first place. It was a little rough at first since everyone moved so slow and floated in the air like they were on the fuckin moon, but the series has long since advanced into one of the most technical fighters...EVER! It's all about timing and placement. If you don't having timing, you lose. If you don't have placement, you lose. If you button mash, you're a fuckin joke. Put the control down bitch; you suck!
5. Tekken
Talk to any hardcore fight fan, and there will most likely be an argument as to which is better: Tekken or Virtua Fighter. It's a difficult choice, but I'm gonna have to say Tekken simply because they have more people. Normally it's quality over quantity, but in Tekken's case, they have quality AND quantity. While there are some issues, you wouldn't expect a 3D fighter with so many fighters to be this balance, but they pulled it off in Tekken 5 and 6.
4. Soulcalibur
Hot damn, Namco can some good 3D fighters. Besides the fact that this is one of the few fighting games based solely on weapons, Soul Calibur 3 was the first fighting game to have a create-a-fighter mode if I'm not mistaken. What also makes this series special is the special guests Soul Calibur 2 and Soulcalibur: Broken Destiny has. You got to play as Zelda's Link and God of War's Kratos for crying out loud. And no that's not a typo. After Soul Calibur 3, the name changed to Soulcalibur. Why? I don't know.
3. Super Smash Bros.
Besides being the most original fighter on the list, SSB pits pretty much all of Nintendo against each other in a battle royal. To beat your opponents, you can't just simply KO them oh no. You have to knock them CLEAR ACROSS THE FUCKIN STAGE! It's so awesome, Solid Snake and Sonic wanted in. At first, I didn't think this game was as good as everyone says, but I was playing alone. Soon as I got some friends over, hot damn. We played this together more than any other game on the list so far.
Now, we all know what the top two games are gonna be; it's a no fuckin brainer. The question is how do we choose which is number 2 and which is number 1. After much thought, a few beers, a nap, and several games of Call of Duty, we finally made our decision.
2. Mortal Kombat
Most of the games on this list had an impact on the fighting genre. MK had an impact on the entire fuckin gaming industry. Yea, it's that badass. The introduction of the fatalities is the reason video games have a rating system. That's right; MK created the ESRB. That's fuckin nuts. Just watch the video. Stuttering Craig never lie. Games like Gears of War owe their existence to this series. Now, when MK made the jump to 3D, people have mixed feelings about it. Some say it was good while others say it was mediocre at best. Either way, MK holds a special place in our hearts, and our hearts hold a special place in Kano's hands.
1. Street Fighter/Capcom vs.
What puts Street fighter on the top of this list is consistency. This series stayed great after 2 decades because Capcom knows what they're doing. Only Street Fighter can change so little and yet remain so awesome. While Street Fighter deserves all the credit it gets, it was really the Capcom vs. series that kept 2D fighters around for as long as they have been. First, Capcom created the X-Men fighting game, then X-Men vs Street Fighter, then Marvel Super Heroes vs Street Fighter, then finally Marvel vs Capcom 1 and 2. Capcom then proceeded to partner up with SNK to create probably the most tech of the vs. games with the Capcom vs SNK series. These games pretty much played into the geeky fanboy and fansgirls in all of us. With Marvel vs Capcom 3 on it's way and the recently announced Street Fighter x Tekken (I'm dead fuckin serious), Capcom aint letting go of that top spot anytime soon.
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
Skate Reel #2
Okay, so it turns out I can't put Skate 2 stuff up, but that's cool. Skate 3 has pretty of spots for footage. Here's me at Carverton Memorial Park.
Turok: Dinosaur Hunter (RETRO)
When you think of shooters for the N64, what do you think of? Goldeneye? Yes, yes of course. Perfect Dark? Absolutely. How about Turok? Fuck Yea! I mean sure, Goldeneye is iconic and is probably responsible for shooters being on consoles, and Perfect Dark was so awesome your N64 needed an expansion pack to play it, but you play as agents and only shoot measly little humans (and maybe a few aliens in PD). In Turok, you're a bow and arrow wielding Native American shooting poachers, aliens, and dinosaurs. Oh, I sorry. Did I say dinosaurs? What I meant to say was CYBORG DINOSAURS.......WITH GUNS!!! Fuck Yea! Not good enough? How about alien guns that eviscerate your enemies, including mini-nukes? Still not convinced? How about a boss fight with a robot T-Rex? Yea, I thought so. You know the only thing better than Turok? Umm...okay yea..Goldeneye and Perfect Dark...b-but that's not where I'm going with this. Turok 2! More of everything, and probably the most kick-ass gun ever: the cerebral bore. This gun shoots machines that drills into the cranium of your enemies and squeezes the brains out. After Turok 2, the series went downhill, but we will always the first 2 games and all of it cyborg dinosaur awesomeness.
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
Skate Reel #1
Somebody asked me one day why I never any of my gameplay on the blog. It's always someone else work I'm posting. Well, I don't own nor can I afford the equipment necessary to record my own work. There is, however, one game that can do it for me. So, instead of the review (which I should have done a long time ago), I'll post some videos I've recorded from Skate 2 and 3. This video is me in Rippon Towers in Skate 3. It took me 3 hours to pull this off as I could never gain enough speed.
I know, it's blurry. I think I need to download the HD pack to make it clearer.
I know, it's blurry. I think I need to download the HD pack to make it clearer.
Street Fighter 3: 3rd Strike (RETRO)
Everybody knows Street Fighter, but bring up the words "third strike' and it will over ring a bell to a select few. 3rd Strike is the third and final game in the Street Fighter 3 series, and is hailed by many fight fans as the greatest SF game ever made. Yes, even better than SF4 or Super SF4. I myself disagree because I believe beyond a shadow of a doubt that the greatest SF game ever is......Mortal Kombat Trilogy. Stupidly wrong game series aside, I would like to thank 3rd Strike for making me look for another Dreamcast controller after breaking mine old one out of frustration. In other words, this bitch is hard. Even on the lowest difficulty setting, I got my ass handed to me repeatedly. This game demands that only the best play. Now, I'm not great (or...good), but I'm no newbie either, so with a game kicking my ass on the easiest level, needless to say my ego took a hit. But you know what, maybe if they didn't replace almost the entire roster, I would have stood a better chance. Only Ken, Ryu, Chun-li, and Akuma made the cut. The rest were all new fighters. Besides being on 2 consoles that nobody cared about (Xbox didn't really gain popularity till 2003), the fact that nobody knew who the fighters were prevented 3rd Strike from selling among the casual fight fan. When it came out, I don't remember anybody really talking about it. It just didn't seem like Street Fighter anymore. Real fans weren't swayed though. They knew they had a badass game in their hands and they spent hours practicing with new people because they enjoyed the challenge of learning how to play all over again. Today, Street Fighter 4 brought 2D fighters back from the grave almost, and casual fight fans are loving every moment of it. Hardcore fans however, despite loving SF4, will always pop in 3rd Strike repeatedly kick each other asses or get their asses handed to them by Gill. Yea...Gill.....meh; it's better than Seth. Street Fighter 3: 3rd Strike: we salute you.
NOTE: Hell, I don't know if anything I said was true, but it sounded awesome right?
Friday, July 23, 2010
Transformers & Crackdown 2
Huh, this is actually funny and completely unexpected. On the one hand, we have a game I expected to be a shit taco, but turned out to be a 5 layer beef burrito with nachos, cheese, and a sprite. Now that's a damn good meal. On the other hand, we have a game I expected to be filet mignon with a baked potato, but turned out to be chicken wings and french fries. It's still good but is in no way the gourmet meal you wanted. Transformers games has loyally followed the path of suck, and it's no doubt most people believe this would be no better, but hold your corny, overused Transformers jokes and metaphors; this one is actually good. If you were a fan of Crackdown 1 and couldn't wait to get your hands on Crackdown 2 and see what they would do to make the game better, then prepare to be disappointed because you will be playing Crackdown 1.
Transformers takes place on the mechanized planet of Cybertron. The Autobots and Decepticons have been fighting for eons apparently, and the game picks up right before the Transformers have to leave Cybertron for Earth. This game is pretty much the prequel to everything Transformers. For you fans, Optimus is not yet a Prime, Starscream is still an Autobot, and the Ark has not yet been built. Bumblebee still has his gay little name though, which sparks what I think is a very smart and legitimate question. Why is it that the name Bumblebee, a name given to a giant robot (although small compared to the others) that shoots lasers and shit, is generally accepted by the public in this context, but try that shit somewhere else and it's gay? I get it, he's small (again, compared to the others) and yellow, but c'mon. Everybody else gets cool robot names or names that match their vehicles, and he get Bumblebee. My favorite names are Ironhide and Barricade....don't know why. There was one other name I like, but I can't remember. Hmm...this is gonna bug me all day.
I would first like to say that I am NOT a Transformers fan. I love the concept (2 teams of robots that can change into vehicles beating the living metal out of each other), but I never actually followed the storyline of Transformers because I...well...I don't give a shit. I say this because fans tend to overstate how good or bad a product based on their beloved franchise is, and it's sometimes hard to tell whether you should take the words of the reviewer when he/she has their head shoved so far up the franchise's ass. So, from a non-fan to you, I say you should get this game. So crowded is the maketplace with cover based shooters that it's so refreshing to see a game that run-n-guns it. In fact, this game drives and guns it. Yes, it's a standard 3rd person shooter, but it's done so well what more could you want? Battles can get hectic as all hell, and some of the set pieces are just downright awesome. Some of the boss battles are pretty epic. You can transform anytime you want, and when you do, you hover over the ground allowing you to aim and shoot as if you're in robot form. Hold R2 or RT and your transformer drops its wheel (or fire up the thrusters if you're using a plane) and take off like a regular vehicle should. I like how you can hover in vehicle mode because if someone is just off to the side, you can't just simply turn around on wheel. My only 2 gripes about the single player is that its short and the graphics repeat themselves - both very minor complaints. A seasoned gamer can beat the game in 6-8 hours depending on how many times you die, and while that is short, I don't feel cheated by paying full price for this long of an experience. As for the repeat graphics, you'll notice that environments start to look alike. I know its a machine planet, and I can tell they tried their damnest to make each place look different, but that still doesn't change the fact. With that said, the average person probably won't give 2 shits about that, and nor should they.
Quick Note: This is only a review of single player as I couldn't do the multiplayer modes. My friends won't get this game and I refuse to play co-op games with people I don't know. I want the ability to bitchslap anyone who's being an asshole and I can't do that if I haven't (or can't) meet the person. I heard people rave about online, and competitively it's alright. It's nothing really special except the ability to transform, which is useful as all hell when getting your ass kicked. Without trying the co-op aspect though, it's best to leave multiplayer alone and not add it to the review.
One of the criticisms about Crackdown 1 is that it didn't have much of a story....or any at all. Hey agent, there are three gangs; go kick their asses. That's it. Somehow that feel a lot better than what we got here with number 2. It's 10 years after the events of Crackdown 1, and one of the gangs that was taken out was working on the T-virus apparently and it was spread throughout the city, turning citizens into freaks...known as freaks. The problem might have been fixed if not for some terrorist group call the Cell, who wants to keep the freak population around in order to get rid of the Agency because the Agency are power hungry dicks and this is "for the good of the city." Is it just me, or are terrorists normally retards? So not only is the story bad, but it almost completely disappears after the opening cinematic. There are audio logs, but fuck that. Most of them are hidden. Why the fuck do I have to LOOK for the story? The truth is, you don't because the story is donkey dick. Now that I think about it, Crackdown might be the only series that actually BENEFITS from not having a story. Do we really care why we're raising hell here? In other sandbox games, you need a story to give you a reason to go through the missions, otherwise you'd just fuck around all day. In Crackdown, all you do is fuck around, so what's the point? The terrorist group has released a virus that will....yea, yea that's great. Now get out of my way; I'm gonna throw this jeep.
In 2007, this gameplay was very original. Now, it's typical. For a game that started a lot of trends you see in sandbox games today, it does nothing new in the sequel, and that's not only a shame, that's bullshit. With that said, most of the problems stem from the fact that I'm comparing it to the original. If you never played Crackdown before, you're missing out on something awesome. You play as a superpower clone who's job is to clean up the streets of Pacific City with an assortment of kickass weaponry and abilities. When you begin, you start out more powerful than any human and most freaks, but you're abilities can be increased to insane levels, and that in itself is half the fun. Your upgradable stats are agility, strength, firearms, explosives, and driving. Upgrading firearms and driving unlocks new vehicles and weapons, which is fine and all, but unlocking vehicles seems pointless to me unless you really wanna unlock the tank, and when you've beefed your agent up, you won't want the tank. You'll probably just throw it. Strength not only increases your arm strength, but also your health. Agility increases your jumping height and explosives increases the blast radius of your grenades and boomsticks. How do you increase these stats? By fuckin around! Drive into enemies and do stunts increases you know what, punches and throwing stuff at enemies increases strength, making enemies go boom increases explosives, and guess how to increase firearms. Yep, hurting enemies in specific ways increases just about every stats...except agility. All around the city are green orbs that you collect to increase to increase your agility. This is probably the most addictive aspect of the game as you cannot say no to these damn orbs. I dare you to play the game and ignore one. You can't do it.
The missions are more varied than in the last game, but not as fun. You have to activate all the beacons in the city, but first you have to activate the absorbtion units first, then you can call for a beacon drop in which you have to protect it from the freaks. Once the beacon goes off, it kills the freaks in that area. Also, you have to take over Cell strongholds, which provides spawn points and drop points for items. In the first game, you kill the numerous gangs leaders....that's it. For some reason, that's more fun than Crackdown 2's formula. Why? Probably because it's simpler and there were more gang members to shoot. Also, Crackdown 2 is boring by yourself. This game needs to be played with friends...not a friend, but friends! Four people tearing ass all over Pacific City is as fun as it sounds.
While all this makes it sound different from the first game, it really REALLY isn't. This really is nothing more than a fuckin exspansion pack. Having the city mostly in ruins is unappealing, and the graphics seem worse than the first game. I can kinda understand since there are literately hundreds of freaks onscreen when they come out at night, and graphics might have to take a hit to make everything run smoothly, but you didn't have to destroy the city. Speaking of city, why are we back in the same city? Why couldn't we be in another city kicking gang ass? Melee combat is is stiff and unresponsive, which wasn't much of a problem in the first game, but why wasn't it improved? They could have at least programed stiff and unresponsive combos. What really pissed me off was the absence of transforming cars. In the first game, the Agency had vehicle that transformed based on your driving level, and it was cool to see a sports car turn into the freakin Batmobile as you drive off. Now they're gone. What the fuck happened!? It's the future; they should be transforming more! Sigh* Playing Crackdown 2 always just makes me want to play the original. The only 2 new additions (what few there are) that I love are the helicopters and the flight suit, both which could have simply been DLCs for the first game. When you max out your agility, you unlock your suit's ability to glide, and when you learn how to use it right, it's a lot of fun. Crackdown 2 does have competitive multiplayer, which once again could have been DLC. There's a standard deathmatch and Rocket Tag. Really? That's it? Okay, this is just proof that the developers got lazy. How fun would capture the flag be with a bunch of agents with flight suits? Rocket Tag is exactly how it sounds except instead of one guy with rockets trying to hit people, everybody has rockets aiming for the guy who's 'it'. You score points by staying 'it' as long as possible, kinda like oddball in Halo. You'd think a mode where everyone has rockets would be fun, but.......
I would recommend wholeheartedly Crackdown 2 if Crackdown 1 never existed. Unless you want 4 player co-op or are REALLY interested in Rocket Tag, pick up the first game. Seriously, it's like 12 bucks now. If you can't find it, then I guess you have no choice. Don't get me wrong, this game is fun, and I'm gonna give it a good rating, but it's a 3 year old game packaged as new. As for Transformers, I believe everybody should at least try it; you will be pleasantly surprised. I know it seems like a game for 10 year old kids (made more evident by the fact that the few games I played online had nothing but), but don't let that deter you from JETFIRE....that's the other name I like!
Transformers: War fro Cybertron Rating: Sweet
Crackdown 2 Rating: Sweet
NOTE: I've had like a month long writer's block that I'm just now getting over. It's a real pain in the ass.
Transformers takes place on the mechanized planet of Cybertron. The Autobots and Decepticons have been fighting for eons apparently, and the game picks up right before the Transformers have to leave Cybertron for Earth. This game is pretty much the prequel to everything Transformers. For you fans, Optimus is not yet a Prime, Starscream is still an Autobot, and the Ark has not yet been built. Bumblebee still has his gay little name though, which sparks what I think is a very smart and legitimate question. Why is it that the name Bumblebee, a name given to a giant robot (although small compared to the others) that shoots lasers and shit, is generally accepted by the public in this context, but try that shit somewhere else and it's gay? I get it, he's small (again, compared to the others) and yellow, but c'mon. Everybody else gets cool robot names or names that match their vehicles, and he get Bumblebee. My favorite names are Ironhide and Barricade....don't know why. There was one other name I like, but I can't remember. Hmm...this is gonna bug me all day.
I would first like to say that I am NOT a Transformers fan. I love the concept (2 teams of robots that can change into vehicles beating the living metal out of each other), but I never actually followed the storyline of Transformers because I...well...I don't give a shit. I say this because fans tend to overstate how good or bad a product based on their beloved franchise is, and it's sometimes hard to tell whether you should take the words of the reviewer when he/she has their head shoved so far up the franchise's ass. So, from a non-fan to you, I say you should get this game. So crowded is the maketplace with cover based shooters that it's so refreshing to see a game that run-n-guns it. In fact, this game drives and guns it. Yes, it's a standard 3rd person shooter, but it's done so well what more could you want? Battles can get hectic as all hell, and some of the set pieces are just downright awesome. Some of the boss battles are pretty epic. You can transform anytime you want, and when you do, you hover over the ground allowing you to aim and shoot as if you're in robot form. Hold R2 or RT and your transformer drops its wheel (or fire up the thrusters if you're using a plane) and take off like a regular vehicle should. I like how you can hover in vehicle mode because if someone is just off to the side, you can't just simply turn around on wheel. My only 2 gripes about the single player is that its short and the graphics repeat themselves - both very minor complaints. A seasoned gamer can beat the game in 6-8 hours depending on how many times you die, and while that is short, I don't feel cheated by paying full price for this long of an experience. As for the repeat graphics, you'll notice that environments start to look alike. I know its a machine planet, and I can tell they tried their damnest to make each place look different, but that still doesn't change the fact. With that said, the average person probably won't give 2 shits about that, and nor should they.
Quick Note: This is only a review of single player as I couldn't do the multiplayer modes. My friends won't get this game and I refuse to play co-op games with people I don't know. I want the ability to bitchslap anyone who's being an asshole and I can't do that if I haven't (or can't) meet the person. I heard people rave about online, and competitively it's alright. It's nothing really special except the ability to transform, which is useful as all hell when getting your ass kicked. Without trying the co-op aspect though, it's best to leave multiplayer alone and not add it to the review.
One of the criticisms about Crackdown 1 is that it didn't have much of a story....or any at all. Hey agent, there are three gangs; go kick their asses. That's it. Somehow that feel a lot better than what we got here with number 2. It's 10 years after the events of Crackdown 1, and one of the gangs that was taken out was working on the T-virus apparently and it was spread throughout the city, turning citizens into freaks...known as freaks. The problem might have been fixed if not for some terrorist group call the Cell, who wants to keep the freak population around in order to get rid of the Agency because the Agency are power hungry dicks and this is "for the good of the city." Is it just me, or are terrorists normally retards? So not only is the story bad, but it almost completely disappears after the opening cinematic. There are audio logs, but fuck that. Most of them are hidden. Why the fuck do I have to LOOK for the story? The truth is, you don't because the story is donkey dick. Now that I think about it, Crackdown might be the only series that actually BENEFITS from not having a story. Do we really care why we're raising hell here? In other sandbox games, you need a story to give you a reason to go through the missions, otherwise you'd just fuck around all day. In Crackdown, all you do is fuck around, so what's the point? The terrorist group has released a virus that will....yea, yea that's great. Now get out of my way; I'm gonna throw this jeep.
In 2007, this gameplay was very original. Now, it's typical. For a game that started a lot of trends you see in sandbox games today, it does nothing new in the sequel, and that's not only a shame, that's bullshit. With that said, most of the problems stem from the fact that I'm comparing it to the original. If you never played Crackdown before, you're missing out on something awesome. You play as a superpower clone who's job is to clean up the streets of Pacific City with an assortment of kickass weaponry and abilities. When you begin, you start out more powerful than any human and most freaks, but you're abilities can be increased to insane levels, and that in itself is half the fun. Your upgradable stats are agility, strength, firearms, explosives, and driving. Upgrading firearms and driving unlocks new vehicles and weapons, which is fine and all, but unlocking vehicles seems pointless to me unless you really wanna unlock the tank, and when you've beefed your agent up, you won't want the tank. You'll probably just throw it. Strength not only increases your arm strength, but also your health. Agility increases your jumping height and explosives increases the blast radius of your grenades and boomsticks. How do you increase these stats? By fuckin around! Drive into enemies and do stunts increases you know what, punches and throwing stuff at enemies increases strength, making enemies go boom increases explosives, and guess how to increase firearms. Yep, hurting enemies in specific ways increases just about every stats...except agility. All around the city are green orbs that you collect to increase to increase your agility. This is probably the most addictive aspect of the game as you cannot say no to these damn orbs. I dare you to play the game and ignore one. You can't do it.
The missions are more varied than in the last game, but not as fun. You have to activate all the beacons in the city, but first you have to activate the absorbtion units first, then you can call for a beacon drop in which you have to protect it from the freaks. Once the beacon goes off, it kills the freaks in that area. Also, you have to take over Cell strongholds, which provides spawn points and drop points for items. In the first game, you kill the numerous gangs leaders....that's it. For some reason, that's more fun than Crackdown 2's formula. Why? Probably because it's simpler and there were more gang members to shoot. Also, Crackdown 2 is boring by yourself. This game needs to be played with friends...not a friend, but friends! Four people tearing ass all over Pacific City is as fun as it sounds.
While all this makes it sound different from the first game, it really REALLY isn't. This really is nothing more than a fuckin exspansion pack. Having the city mostly in ruins is unappealing, and the graphics seem worse than the first game. I can kinda understand since there are literately hundreds of freaks onscreen when they come out at night, and graphics might have to take a hit to make everything run smoothly, but you didn't have to destroy the city. Speaking of city, why are we back in the same city? Why couldn't we be in another city kicking gang ass? Melee combat is is stiff and unresponsive, which wasn't much of a problem in the first game, but why wasn't it improved? They could have at least programed stiff and unresponsive combos. What really pissed me off was the absence of transforming cars. In the first game, the Agency had vehicle that transformed based on your driving level, and it was cool to see a sports car turn into the freakin Batmobile as you drive off. Now they're gone. What the fuck happened!? It's the future; they should be transforming more! Sigh* Playing Crackdown 2 always just makes me want to play the original. The only 2 new additions (what few there are) that I love are the helicopters and the flight suit, both which could have simply been DLCs for the first game. When you max out your agility, you unlock your suit's ability to glide, and when you learn how to use it right, it's a lot of fun. Crackdown 2 does have competitive multiplayer, which once again could have been DLC. There's a standard deathmatch and Rocket Tag. Really? That's it? Okay, this is just proof that the developers got lazy. How fun would capture the flag be with a bunch of agents with flight suits? Rocket Tag is exactly how it sounds except instead of one guy with rockets trying to hit people, everybody has rockets aiming for the guy who's 'it'. You score points by staying 'it' as long as possible, kinda like oddball in Halo. You'd think a mode where everyone has rockets would be fun, but.......
I would recommend wholeheartedly Crackdown 2 if Crackdown 1 never existed. Unless you want 4 player co-op or are REALLY interested in Rocket Tag, pick up the first game. Seriously, it's like 12 bucks now. If you can't find it, then I guess you have no choice. Don't get me wrong, this game is fun, and I'm gonna give it a good rating, but it's a 3 year old game packaged as new. As for Transformers, I believe everybody should at least try it; you will be pleasantly surprised. I know it seems like a game for 10 year old kids (made more evident by the fact that the few games I played online had nothing but), but don't let that deter you from JETFIRE....that's the other name I like!
Transformers: War fro Cybertron Rating: Sweet
Crackdown 2 Rating: Sweet
NOTE: I've had like a month long writer's block that I'm just now getting over. It's a real pain in the ass.
Friday, July 16, 2010
Things I Wanted to talk about
I've been gone for a couple of week, and they're are some things I wanted to say, but didn't get the chance to. So here are all the things I wanted to talk about but didn't get a chance to.
Playstation Move:
I was originally Impressed by the Move, but as time passed i realized....it's a fuckin Wii. I guess if you can't beat 'em, steal. The product is basically the Wii-mote and nunchuck except wireless, and had a big glowing ball at the tip that may give your girlfriend the wrong idea. Oh, and instead of using Motion Plus, they use a camera to capture 1-1 movement. Now why in the world would I pay 100 bucks on a motion control dildo when for 200 you have an already established product? Also, you need to own a PS3, so that's $400 altogether. Luckily, they seem to be targeting people who already own PS3's, so that's a plus. Sure, it's more focused on the hardcore crowd unlike kinect, but that doesn't mean the games will be good. Besides, motion controls require moving, and real gamers don't exercise, which leads me to.........
Kinect:
Microsoft's demo for Kinect just feel like it gave the installed fanbase a cockslap to the teeth. Hey MS, I don't know if you know this, but the people you should be targeting are the people who already fuckin own 360s. Instead you're going to try steal some of Nintendo's bitches....I-I mean casual gaming Wii owners by making games mommy and daddy can play with little junior son of a bitch. For those of you would are fans of wrestling, the Wii is WWE and Kinect is TNA. Believe it or not, casual gamers are not as dumb as you think, as if they already have a Wii, they're NOT buying Kinect even if they do own a 360. As for us gamers, we bought a 360 because we wanted grown man games. We want games that are badass. We don't want to spend time with our families; that's why we have 360s. It's called 'Me Time'. Besides, a lot of 360 (and PS3) owners have a Wii to do exactly what you were displaying at E3.
I was right!:
Six days after that Mortal Kombat movie showed up on youtube, I made the post about where it came from and what was it's purpose. I did a lot of digging (kinda) and posted what I thought was the answer. Well, I WAS RIGHT BITCHES! Somebody needs to greenlight that movie pronto.
The Big 3:
So Lebron James and Chris Bosh will be joining Dwayne Wade in Miami. What does this have to do with video games? Every fuckin body will be picking them when you play your favorite basketball game. Ugh! I really hate this shit. You almost never face anyone different. It's always the 2 teams that went to the finals or the inanely popular team or the Lakers. It's like a fuckin sea of bandwagon jack-offs who don't really know any better. What's worse is if you are an actual fan or you found a team that fits your style, and your team goes to the finals (or in the case of the Heat pull off some bullshit free agent signings), you yourself will be annoyed to the point of kicking puppies as people pick the team you worked hard to know the ins and outs of. I was the shit in 2K7 with the Cavs mainly because everyone I played thought I would just jock with LeBron and I killed them with everybody else, especially with Larry Hughes, Daniel Gibson, and Shannon Brown. I'm dead serious; LeBron almost never made it to double digits. When I did use him, teams were fucked. I had learned the Cavs in and out. Then they went to finals, and in NBA 2K8, everybody was picking the Cavs! It pissed me off. Nobody wanted to play against me because either they wanted the Cavs or they were tired of playing against them. I got so pissed off, I said fuck the Cavs and used the Pheonix Suns. They were great, but it just wasn't the same. I say all this as a precautionary tale. Prepare to play the Heat over, and over, and over, and over, and over again until you go insane.
Alpha Protocol:
It still sucks balls.
Playstation Move:
I was originally Impressed by the Move, but as time passed i realized....it's a fuckin Wii. I guess if you can't beat 'em, steal. The product is basically the Wii-mote and nunchuck except wireless, and had a big glowing ball at the tip that may give your girlfriend the wrong idea. Oh, and instead of using Motion Plus, they use a camera to capture 1-1 movement. Now why in the world would I pay 100 bucks on a motion control dildo when for 200 you have an already established product? Also, you need to own a PS3, so that's $400 altogether. Luckily, they seem to be targeting people who already own PS3's, so that's a plus. Sure, it's more focused on the hardcore crowd unlike kinect, but that doesn't mean the games will be good. Besides, motion controls require moving, and real gamers don't exercise, which leads me to.........
Kinect:
Microsoft's demo for Kinect just feel like it gave the installed fanbase a cockslap to the teeth. Hey MS, I don't know if you know this, but the people you should be targeting are the people who already fuckin own 360s. Instead you're going to try steal some of Nintendo's bitches....I-I mean casual gaming Wii owners by making games mommy and daddy can play with little junior son of a bitch. For those of you would are fans of wrestling, the Wii is WWE and Kinect is TNA. Believe it or not, casual gamers are not as dumb as you think, as if they already have a Wii, they're NOT buying Kinect even if they do own a 360. As for us gamers, we bought a 360 because we wanted grown man games. We want games that are badass. We don't want to spend time with our families; that's why we have 360s. It's called 'Me Time'. Besides, a lot of 360 (and PS3) owners have a Wii to do exactly what you were displaying at E3.
I was right!:
Six days after that Mortal Kombat movie showed up on youtube, I made the post about where it came from and what was it's purpose. I did a lot of digging (kinda) and posted what I thought was the answer. Well, I WAS RIGHT BITCHES! Somebody needs to greenlight that movie pronto.
The Big 3:
So Lebron James and Chris Bosh will be joining Dwayne Wade in Miami. What does this have to do with video games? Every fuckin body will be picking them when you play your favorite basketball game. Ugh! I really hate this shit. You almost never face anyone different. It's always the 2 teams that went to the finals or the inanely popular team or the Lakers. It's like a fuckin sea of bandwagon jack-offs who don't really know any better. What's worse is if you are an actual fan or you found a team that fits your style, and your team goes to the finals (or in the case of the Heat pull off some bullshit free agent signings), you yourself will be annoyed to the point of kicking puppies as people pick the team you worked hard to know the ins and outs of. I was the shit in 2K7 with the Cavs mainly because everyone I played thought I would just jock with LeBron and I killed them with everybody else, especially with Larry Hughes, Daniel Gibson, and Shannon Brown. I'm dead serious; LeBron almost never made it to double digits. When I did use him, teams were fucked. I had learned the Cavs in and out. Then they went to finals, and in NBA 2K8, everybody was picking the Cavs! It pissed me off. Nobody wanted to play against me because either they wanted the Cavs or they were tired of playing against them. I got so pissed off, I said fuck the Cavs and used the Pheonix Suns. They were great, but it just wasn't the same. I say all this as a precautionary tale. Prepare to play the Heat over, and over, and over, and over, and over again until you go insane.
Alpha Protocol:
It still sucks balls.
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Alpha Protocol
Remind me again to never do E3 coverage by myself again. I mean, I just did the bare minimum and I felt so tired afterward. Trying to sum up 4 days of coverage so that it stays a little bit interesting is not easy. Still, it was pretty awesome, and first the first time in a long time, I'm actually excited about the games to come, especially for the Wii of all systems. Now that I'm done with E3, I can finally get to playing games again. Sadly, the first game I played was Alpha Protocol, a game so broken I tried to return it to no avail. The game is filled with so many ideas, it could very be considered Mass Effect Jr., but it barely does anything right.
Let's get the combat out of the way: IT SUCKS! This action rpg doesn't really know how to pull off the action bits, and at this day and age how do you fuck it up? The AI is backwoods retarded and is incapable of pulling off the most simple tasks like lets say....shoot at you. During every firefight I've been in, someone suffering from a case of the dummies decides it's a good idea to run full speed at me right into the sights of my gun. Well gee thanks. For a minute there I thought I would have to TRY to you kill you. Speaking of guns, this and any other rpg that features guns that I've played (with the exception of Mass Effect 2 and Fallout 3) can't seem to do it right. I can understand leveling up your gun skills, but why does it affect the guns in general? You skills should not effect the damage points dealt. When I started using the assault rifle, it would take roughly 10 bullets to take down someone without body armor. That doesn't make any sense. Later in the game, after leveling up my rifle skills, I could take down heavily armored guys with 3 bullets. What the fuck!? Mind you, these are the bullets that hit. I'm not counting the ones that missed their target because my aim was shit. Also, I used the same rifle the whole game without using a single add-on. In Fallout 3, your level only affected your accuracy. A bullet to the forehead did the exact same damage no matter what level you were. Not so in this case. Also, what the fuck is up with headshots!? Headshots should fuckin kill, not do critical damage!! That fucker shouldn't be living anymore, let alone shooting at me! For example, I snuck into a base in order to plant a bug. When I needed to get by a patrol, I couldn't get in close to do a knife kill, so I decided to shoot the guy with my silenced pistol. After missing 7 fuckin shots, I managed to hit the guy in the back of the head. Did he die? No! He turned around, shot at me, and raised the alarm!! That's bullshit!!! Solid Snake is spinning in his grave right now. The pistol is fuckin useless in this game. It's never fuckin accurate, and you'd be an idiot to wanna level it up until it is, which leads to another problem. I can understand not being able to hit a guy's eyeball from a football field away, but if the guy you're playing as is supposed to be an elite operative, it shouldn't take a whole fuckin clip before I manage to graze his fuckin shoulder! The biggest fuckin tragedy - the one thing that send me over the edge - is how they treated the shotgun. Take all of the above problems and add the fact that it's a close range weapon, and you will have the biggest piece of bullshit in weapon history. Why, oh why, do I need to level up the shotgun!? IT'S A CLOSE RANGE WEAPON; ANYBODY CAN USE IT!!! It should be a fuckin gimmie! And that's not the worst part. When you are close to someone, IT TAKES 5 FUCKIN SHOTS TO DROP THEM! IT'S A SHOTGUN!!! IT'S DESIGN TO ONLY NEED ONE SHOT!!! HOW DO YOU FUCK THAT UP!! I can't take it anymore!
You also have the option of stealth in this game, and I noticed a lot of people seem to take that route. I guess it make sense because it makes you seem more like a super agent. I, on the other hand, went with the run 'n' gun tactic because I figured using stealth would work to my disadvantage, and I was right. There are some missions where stealth isn't an option, and you can't use stealth during boss fights. So if you sunk all your stat points on stealth, you're pretty much SOL when those moments come up. With that said, taking the stealth route makes the game a hellava lot easier because of the retard AI I mentioned earlier. Raise your stats up enough and you're pretty much invisible, granting you to ability to kill someone who is fuckin standing right next to his partner. There are also lockpicking and hacking minigames which are okay at first, but gets annoying as the game goes on.
You know, The more I think about Alpha Protocol, the more I noticed the similarities between it and Mass Effect 1, problems and all. So what makes this a steaming pile of shit while Mass Effect is a marvelous game that should be played. Well, they don't fuck up the action so badly, but most importantly, Mass Effect has a rich and engaging universe. The main story was excellent, everyone had an interesting backstory which fleshed out their character, every place you visited had it's own story, and every conversation you had only added more to an already deep universe. The game made you care about everything you did and every decision you made. Alpha Protocol fails to do that. Everyone is dull, nobody feels important, and the overall plot, which is not bad, only feels like an excuse to go shoot somebody. Even your character, Michael Thornton, feels incredibly bland and uninteresting. You could pin that on me because of the choices I've made, but that doesn't excuse the rest of the cast. Some relationships aren't even built right. In one mission, I had to choose between saving a woman and stopping a bomb from going off. Well gee, seeing as how I met the woman only 2 hours ago and haven't established any real connection with her, it's not really that hard of a decision is it? Now point me to the bomb before I shoot you with my completely inaccurate gun. Speaking of choices, that seems to be the only thing this game does right. This is the first game that delivers on the promise that everything you do does have a consequence. Sometimes this means pissing off someone you could have potentially helped you or causing a base to add more security. Not every decision is that dramatic, but you won't know that at the time, forcing you to really think about what you wanna do. When in a conversation with somebody, you only have about a second to answer, and when you need important information (or when there's a gun to your face) you have to come up with the right answers. Conversations are also used to build relationships with people that can help (or hurt) you later on. Once those words fly out your mouth though, that's it. No do-overs. You're stuck with whatever decision you made....unless of course you go to the dashboard on your 360 or PS3. PC owners, you're SOL. They did screw up on one aspect. When talking to someone, the conversation wheel (the display that lets you choose your options) doesn't clearly let you know what you're gonna say. The options usually tell you HOW you are going to say it, not what you're going to say. You'll get options like professional, suave, aggressive, and shit like that, but with only a second to respond, sometimes you'll pick an option only to find out it means the opposite of what you meant. Damn, time to go back to the dashboard.
I'm in the closing paragraph and it just occurred to me that I didn't even explain the story. Well, you're a new member of Alpha Protocol, a group not listed by the government. You get sent out on a mission where the people in charge betray you and secretly works for a weapons company who wants to start World War 3. Now rogue you have to compile all the evidence against them and bla bla bla. Take Splinter Cell Conviction, take out the dead daughter bit and replace it with Stark Industries before he went Iron Man and there's your story. And that's Alpha Protocol in a nutshell. It's a clusterfuck of ideas that might have actually work if the developers knew what the fuck they were doing.
Rating: Ass
NOTE: Why am I getting my ass kicked by some goth punk mute chick? Fuck this; I'm playing Blur.
Thursday, June 17, 2010
E3 2010
Today's the last day of E3, and I gotta say it's a lot better than last year. We got a lot of stuff we didn't know before, stuff we already new, and stuff that probably shouldn't have been announced (cough cough Sonic Riders cough*). Now I can be here all day telling you everything, but because I can't (because I don't fuckin want to), let's just do a quick run of everything that at least I found interesting.
Project Natal is now Kinect:
Yes, Microsoft's anti-Wii machine now has an official name, and from what I saw...I'm not impressed. It's a cool device, but I'm confident that there will be no killer app for it, at least not immediately. Also, the price will be $150. Why the fuck would I spend 150 on a ADD-ON when I can buy the Wii for 50 bucks more? And who's gonna buy an Xbox, THEN a Kinect? I don't know. Let's look at some of the games:
Kinectimals:
A controller free giga-pet apparently. Remember giga-pets? This ought to keep little girls busy for maybe 5 minutes.
Kinect Sports:
Wii Sports
Kinect Joy Ride:
Mario Kart Wii
Kinect Adventures:
Wii Sports Resort
Motion Sports:
Okay, really?
Dance Central:
Ever heard of Just Dance? If you have, combine that with Rock Band and you have Dance Central. It's not bad; just wish they demoed better dance moves.
Your Shape:
An interesting workout game to say the least. I'd try it.
Sonic Free Riders:
.......okay
Child of Eden:
Okay, this is the only game I actually want to play for Kinect. It reminds me of Rez HD, and the music reacts to the targets you hit. Looks and sounds good.
Kinect will also be used to control everything other aspects of the 360 like going through dashboard menus, playing videos, etc, and all this can be done either by hand gestures or voice. Yep, Kinect has a mic...just in case you're too lazy to wave your hands like an idiot. Safe to say, Kinect isn't really that impressive to me, especially since you can't sit down to use it! They say they're fixing it. Riiiiight, like the red ring of death problem? How long did that take hmm? Okay, I said quick run through, so let's move on.
ESPN on Xbox360:
Sports on demand, right on your xbox. It's like ESPN3.com and it's completely free (to Gold members). Awesome! Wish they did this before the FIFA World Cup, though.
New Redesigned Xbox360:
Smaller, sleeker, quieter, 250 gigs, and built in wifi. PS3 and Wii owners paid it no mind. Not bad though
Playstation Wii:
Oops...sorry...
Playstation Move:
While Microsoft at least tried to do something new with motion controls, Sony just said 'fuck it' and created a complete Wii rip-off with Playstation Move. With that said, I think this will fair far better than Kinect because not only is it cheaper ($100 with a packaged game), it doesn't seem to pander as much to the casual gamers. It still does. I mean, it's the main reason you would make this product, but when you make game like Socom 4 and possibly Killzone 3 compatible, now we're talking the hardcore language. I'm a bit more impressed with the Move than I thought I'd be, so much so that I'll do a separate post just on it.
Nintendo 3DS
A DS in 3D and doesn't need glasses. That sounds good and all, but it raises one important question. If you were working on this, THEN WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU MAKE THE DSi AND THE DSi XL?? Are you nuts? That almost average to one new DS release a year.
Here are the games planned for the 3DS:
Kid Icurus
DJ Hero (how will they pull it off?)
Kingdom Hearts
Saints Row (really?)
Resident Evil
Assassin's Creed
Ridge Racer
Metal Gear Solid
Speaking of games, let's go through the list of all the more interesting games.
WWE All-Stars:
Or as I like to call it, WWE Blitz the League, except less suck (name pending).
Call of Duty Black Ops:
I would be excited...if another one wasn't scheduled for 2011. Oversatuation indeed.
Metal Gear Solid Rising:
Now with 99% more cutscenes and a sword.
Gears of War 3:
More Chainsaws. More chest-high walls.
Need For Speed Hot Pursuit:
If this is anything like Hot Pursuit 2 for PS2, this will be my Game of the Year.
Dead Space 2:
The survival horror/snuff film you've been waiting for.
Crysis 2:
The screenshots alone make my PC chug.
NBA Elite 11:
Will they catch up to 2K? Psst* NO!
Bulletstorm:
Play Painkiller, and then you know why I want this.
Star Wars the Old Republic:
The new World of Warcraft. You won't see your friends for 18 months.
Fable 3:
Fart in public all over again.
Medal of Honor:
Has anybody seen my Call of Duty? Oh, there it is.
NBA Jam:
Don't fuck this up EA.
Assassin's Creed Brotherhood:
I did say I wanted multiplayer, just didn't think they would listen.
Shaun White Skateboarding:
I played his snowboarding game. I don't have high hopes for this.
Battle Tag:
Actual Laser Tag, in video game form....and it sucks.
Innergy:
A stress reliever program...that's all I have to say on that one.
Raving Rabbids: Travels in Time:
I like these guys. They remind of my old friends...when they were sober.
Driver: San Fransisco:
The world's hardest driving game series returns to piss me right the fuck off.
Rayman Origins:
Old school 2D side scrolling at its finest...I hope.
EA MMA:
Oh god........
Spider-Man Shattered Dimensions:
4 different kinds of Spider-Man equals 4 different kinds of happy.
Marvel vs Capcom 3
Do I really need to say anything?
Twisted Metal:
YES! IT'S HERE! ALL IS RIGHT IN THE WORLD!
Sonic Colors:
...and all is wrong again.
Epic Mickey:
Wow, a Mickey Mouse game that's....actually interesting.
Grease:
.......yea....Grease is getting a game.....
Infamous 2:
More force lightening (inside joke)
Legend of Zelda:
I wonder what I'll unlock first: the hookshot or the boomerang.....
DJ Hero 2:
I better be able to freestyle during songs. Why it wasn't in the first game I don't know.
DC Universe:
A DC comics MMO? There are gonna be A LOT of Batmans.
Mario Sports Mix:
Think of it as a Mario Wii Sports.
Wii Party:
and I guess this is a Wii Mario Party. It's like they switched spots.
Guitar Hero: Warriors of Rock
Dammit, not another guitar hero. We have too many already.
Just Dance 2:
GOD DAMMIT! NOT ANOTHER ONE!
Goldeneye 007:
Yes, Goldeneye is back thanks to...Activision? Where the fuck is Rare?
Kirby's Epic Yarn:
There is no way in hell a grown man can play a game made out of yarn.
LittleBigPlanet 2:
As long as all the content created in the first game can be played here, it's all good.
Metroid Other M:
I need to own a Wii
Donkey Kong Country Returns:
I REALLY need to own a Wii
Dragon Quest 9:
........never heard of it.
God of War Ghost of Sparta:
.....YEP!
Fallout New Vegas:
How do you survive in the wasteland? You gamble of course.
Gran Turismo 5
You SURE it's actually coming out this time Sony?
Silent Hill 8:
What the hell happened to 5? Don't tell me those other games count!
Portal 2:
I was gonna make a cake joke, but fuck it.
And that's the big announcements from E3 people. I know I'm missing some key games like Star Wars for Kinect and Project Dust, but there's only so much I can cover without actually being there. So, if there something I missed or you disagree with me completely, drop it in the comments section. If there are no comments, I can only assume what I wrote was awesome.
NOTE: When I started this post, it was 8:15 pm. It's now 12:03 am Friday......FUCK!
Project Natal is now Kinect:
Yes, Microsoft's anti-Wii machine now has an official name, and from what I saw...I'm not impressed. It's a cool device, but I'm confident that there will be no killer app for it, at least not immediately. Also, the price will be $150. Why the fuck would I spend 150 on a ADD-ON when I can buy the Wii for 50 bucks more? And who's gonna buy an Xbox, THEN a Kinect? I don't know. Let's look at some of the games:
Kinectimals:
A controller free giga-pet apparently. Remember giga-pets? This ought to keep little girls busy for maybe 5 minutes.
Kinect Sports:
Wii Sports
Kinect Joy Ride:
Mario Kart Wii
Kinect Adventures:
Wii Sports Resort
Motion Sports:
Okay, really?
Dance Central:
Ever heard of Just Dance? If you have, combine that with Rock Band and you have Dance Central. It's not bad; just wish they demoed better dance moves.
Your Shape:
An interesting workout game to say the least. I'd try it.
Sonic Free Riders:
.......okay
Child of Eden:
Okay, this is the only game I actually want to play for Kinect. It reminds me of Rez HD, and the music reacts to the targets you hit. Looks and sounds good.
Kinect will also be used to control everything other aspects of the 360 like going through dashboard menus, playing videos, etc, and all this can be done either by hand gestures or voice. Yep, Kinect has a mic...just in case you're too lazy to wave your hands like an idiot. Safe to say, Kinect isn't really that impressive to me, especially since you can't sit down to use it! They say they're fixing it. Riiiiight, like the red ring of death problem? How long did that take hmm? Okay, I said quick run through, so let's move on.
ESPN on Xbox360:
Sports on demand, right on your xbox. It's like ESPN3.com and it's completely free (to Gold members). Awesome! Wish they did this before the FIFA World Cup, though.
New Redesigned Xbox360:
Smaller, sleeker, quieter, 250 gigs, and built in wifi. PS3 and Wii owners paid it no mind. Not bad though
Playstation Wii:
Oops...sorry...
Playstation Move:
While Microsoft at least tried to do something new with motion controls, Sony just said 'fuck it' and created a complete Wii rip-off with Playstation Move. With that said, I think this will fair far better than Kinect because not only is it cheaper ($100 with a packaged game), it doesn't seem to pander as much to the casual gamers. It still does. I mean, it's the main reason you would make this product, but when you make game like Socom 4 and possibly Killzone 3 compatible, now we're talking the hardcore language. I'm a bit more impressed with the Move than I thought I'd be, so much so that I'll do a separate post just on it.
Nintendo 3DS
A DS in 3D and doesn't need glasses. That sounds good and all, but it raises one important question. If you were working on this, THEN WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU MAKE THE DSi AND THE DSi XL?? Are you nuts? That almost average to one new DS release a year.
Here are the games planned for the 3DS:
Kid Icurus
DJ Hero (how will they pull it off?)
Kingdom Hearts
Saints Row (really?)
Resident Evil
Assassin's Creed
Ridge Racer
Metal Gear Solid
Speaking of games, let's go through the list of all the more interesting games.
WWE All-Stars:
Or as I like to call it, WWE Blitz the League, except less suck (name pending).
Call of Duty Black Ops:
I would be excited...if another one wasn't scheduled for 2011. Oversatuation indeed.
Metal Gear Solid Rising:
Now with 99% more cutscenes and a sword.
Gears of War 3:
More Chainsaws. More chest-high walls.
Need For Speed Hot Pursuit:
If this is anything like Hot Pursuit 2 for PS2, this will be my Game of the Year.
Dead Space 2:
The survival horror/snuff film you've been waiting for.
Crysis 2:
The screenshots alone make my PC chug.
NBA Elite 11:
Will they catch up to 2K? Psst* NO!
Bulletstorm:
Play Painkiller, and then you know why I want this.
Star Wars the Old Republic:
The new World of Warcraft. You won't see your friends for 18 months.
Fable 3:
Fart in public all over again.
Medal of Honor:
Has anybody seen my Call of Duty? Oh, there it is.
NBA Jam:
Don't fuck this up EA.
Assassin's Creed Brotherhood:
I did say I wanted multiplayer, just didn't think they would listen.
Shaun White Skateboarding:
I played his snowboarding game. I don't have high hopes for this.
Battle Tag:
Actual Laser Tag, in video game form....and it sucks.
Innergy:
A stress reliever program...that's all I have to say on that one.
Raving Rabbids: Travels in Time:
I like these guys. They remind of my old friends...when they were sober.
Driver: San Fransisco:
The world's hardest driving game series returns to piss me right the fuck off.
Rayman Origins:
Old school 2D side scrolling at its finest...I hope.
EA MMA:
Oh god........
Spider-Man Shattered Dimensions:
4 different kinds of Spider-Man equals 4 different kinds of happy.
Marvel vs Capcom 3
Do I really need to say anything?
Twisted Metal:
YES! IT'S HERE! ALL IS RIGHT IN THE WORLD!
Sonic Colors:
...and all is wrong again.
Epic Mickey:
Wow, a Mickey Mouse game that's....actually interesting.
Grease:
.......yea....Grease is getting a game.....
Infamous 2:
More force lightening (inside joke)
Legend of Zelda:
I wonder what I'll unlock first: the hookshot or the boomerang.....
DJ Hero 2:
I better be able to freestyle during songs. Why it wasn't in the first game I don't know.
DC Universe:
A DC comics MMO? There are gonna be A LOT of Batmans.
Mario Sports Mix:
Think of it as a Mario Wii Sports.
Wii Party:
and I guess this is a Wii Mario Party. It's like they switched spots.
Guitar Hero: Warriors of Rock
Dammit, not another guitar hero. We have too many already.
Just Dance 2:
GOD DAMMIT! NOT ANOTHER ONE!
Goldeneye 007:
Yes, Goldeneye is back thanks to...Activision? Where the fuck is Rare?
Kirby's Epic Yarn:
There is no way in hell a grown man can play a game made out of yarn.
LittleBigPlanet 2:
As long as all the content created in the first game can be played here, it's all good.
Metroid Other M:
I need to own a Wii
Donkey Kong Country Returns:
I REALLY need to own a Wii
Dragon Quest 9:
........never heard of it.
God of War Ghost of Sparta:
.....YEP!
Fallout New Vegas:
How do you survive in the wasteland? You gamble of course.
Gran Turismo 5
You SURE it's actually coming out this time Sony?
Silent Hill 8:
What the hell happened to 5? Don't tell me those other games count!
Portal 2:
I was gonna make a cake joke, but fuck it.
And that's the big announcements from E3 people. I know I'm missing some key games like Star Wars for Kinect and Project Dust, but there's only so much I can cover without actually being there. So, if there something I missed or you disagree with me completely, drop it in the comments section. If there are no comments, I can only assume what I wrote was awesome.
NOTE: When I started this post, it was 8:15 pm. It's now 12:03 am Friday......FUCK!
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