Skate 2

If you don't like skateboarding, this game is not for you. If you don't like trying new things, this game is not for you. If you're looking for a game that you can immediately jump into and play, this game is not for you. If you don't like steep learning curves, this game is not for you. If you prefer a rigid structure for better progression, this game is not for you. If you prefer progression at all, this game is not for you. If you suck with the Xbox360 or PS3 controller, this game is not for you. If you are a huge Tony Hawk fan to the point of eroticism, this game is not for you (and eww). For the rest of you, THIS GAME IS FUCKIN AWESOME!

This is what I like to call a "Do nothing" game. Do nothing games are the type of games that allow you to have fun without any goals in mind. A good example is the GTA series. Unlike the GTA series where doing nothing is encouraged, the Skate series made it their theme. This game is not to be played seriously; going from one challenge to another. You can, and Skate 2 does a good job adding a new setup and challenges that test your skills, but that's not where the fun is. The purpose of Skate is ride around town on your skateboard and see what you can trick on.

This isn't like Tony Hawk in any sense. In Tony Hawk, the world was basically a skatepark with cityscape skins. Seriously, how many cities you know have halfpipes on their roofs? In Skate, San Venelona (New San Venelona in Skate 2) is design as an actual city and not a skatepark that looks like one. Tony Hawk is arcadey, doing completely unrealistic things like grinding on roller coaster and telephone wires (and one year, I think there was a dragon). Skate is grounded in realism where grinding down a flight of stairs into a kickflip finish is an accomplishment (if you don't know what a kickflip is, you'll learn pretty damn quickly). In Tony Hawk, you can perform trick after trick after trick after trick after trick after trick after trick after trick after trick after trick after trick after trick after trick after trick after trick and earn a millions points or more. In Skate, you're a G if pull off 6 tricks in one combo, unless you get big air. Even if you do get big air, you still have to land it. The physics engine won't let you do most things that aren't physically possible by a person. It's that realism that drew people away from Tony Hawk and made Activision stop and think about where they need to take the Tony Hawk series.

The steep learning curve I mentioned earlier comes from the game's controls. Your tricks will be handled by the right analog stick and triggers. The right analog controls your jumping and flip moves. Flick the stick down then up and you will do a basic jump (Ollie), but flick up on the stick at an angle will do a kickflip or heelflip depending on your stance. Flick the stick down then do a quarter circle rotate up haduken style will do a pop shovit and so on and so forth. It's complicated, but once you learn it, it will feel fluid and natural to you. The triggers do grabs and to do different grabs you push the analog in any direction. Handplants are done with the RB or R1 button, and manuals are done by slightly pushing the analog forward or back. As for grinds, all you need to do is land the the surface. If all this sounds confusing, it's because A) it is, and B) there's really no way to explain it. Once you get used to everything, it's a very fun and inventive system, but honestly I'd rather have the Tony Hawk controls (This way I don't have to teach anybody how it play.....because I can't).

[Update] - I forgot to mention that there are sections of the city that have tight security to try and stop you from skating in certain spots. Also, some ledges and rails have metal caps on to prevent grinding. This can be dealt with with a simple phone call to a friend, but really, it's mostly not worth it. Also I find it funny how the game portrays the security and police as the bad guys. Excuse the hell out of them for acting reasonably to a situation because they don't want people skating on their property or trying to stop you after running over old ladies on your skateboard. Rage against the machine, Bro.

It does have an online mode, but I have yet to try it because none of my friends have it yet, and I don't like playing with strangers (except in shooters, some fighters, and NBA 2K9) because most of the time I run into dickholes who shout out racial slurs, demean new players, and just act like general asses because when they are miles away from the people they're talking to, they suddenly grow a pair of balls and say things they wouldn't dare say in someone's face. This is why I regret wasting my money on a wireless headset. Seriously, why does xboxlive have to be littered with fuckin idiots who obviously don't know how to interact with people or............sorry lost my train of thought. Skate 2 isn't a game you try. You have to take a risk and actually buy the game, which is why I ran through all those guidelines in the first paragraph. Tony Hawk has been around for 9 games, and it's formula has started to wear thin in my opinion. It's nice to take a break from it and do something completely different. The Skate series is my second favorite 'do nothing' game series of all time, which the first being a tie between GTA and Saints Row. And if you're anything like me, this game IS for you.


NOTE: Trick after trick after trick after trick after trick after trick after trick after trick after trick after trick after trick after trick after trick after trick after trick.......

Sonic Unleashed

Sigh* Being a Sonic fan, I'm really not looking forward to writing this one. After playing good game after good game I was bound to run into shit eventually; ironic since a 3rd of the game is about running. This was another friend request so I had to do it, but now I'm wondering why I take requests at all. Months ago I played the Wii version and was mildly entertained, so I figured I'd like something about this version. I did find something, but it's not worth all the bullshit you have to go through to get to the good bits, especially since instead of this crap I could be playing Street Fighter 4 (Seth is cheap as hell!) or GTA4: the lost and the Damned. Oh well, let's talk shittiness.

Normally this is where I relay the plot of the game, but this is a Sonic game. It start with Robotnick (I refuse to fuckin call him Eggman) doing something retarded and ends with SuperSonic saving the day. When the beginning and end are always the same, the plot in between becomes redundant. HEY SONIC TEAM! How about giving Robotnick a break and bring out something or someone new for a change? I won't even explain how he became a werehog because it's just not worth going into.

And don't get me started on the voice acting. Somebody tell sonic team there's a difference between family game and kiddy game. If you want to make a game for the whole family, you don't write dialog that's too kiddy even for seseame street! I swear to God I wanted to kill those fuckin rodents every time they opened their mouths. Tails is supposed to sound like a little boy, but sounds like a very small woman instead. Amy's still a bitch who provides absolutely nothing (which is why Sonic wants nothing to do with her....smart boy). Robotnick is the stereotypical bad guy with the cheezy evil laugh. Chip...well he....ummm....well let me put it this way. Everything about him makes me want to crack the game in half and slit my own throat with the broken pieces. The only tolerable acting is Sonic, and he's not that good to begin with. OH, and you can't skip the cutscenes.

Now, remember when I said running is 1/3 of the game? For those of you who are paying attention, you probably realized that something is wrong since Sonic is known for FUCKIN RUNNING (RIGHT SONIC TEAM?)! Well when you do run, it's the most fun you'll every have with any 3D Sonic game. The controls and camera finally fit a Sonic game, and track design are awesome. My only gripe is that it's almost impossible to complete a stage on the first run. Sonic runs so fast that you won't know you were supposed to move or jump until you fail and die. Which brings up a point: Why do they still have lives? Lives are obselete.

To get to the running though, you have to go through the other 2/3 of shit the developers shoveled in for some reason. First let's start with the hub world. Its soooooo fucking useless, but they make you go through it. I can't even describe all the stuff you have to do, but know this: In order to move on to the next stage, you have to have a certain number of coins to open the door. If you don't, that means backtracking through previously beaten levels. What a lame way to lengthen gameplay (yes, I said lame). Then there are the nighttime werehog levels. Initially you think "well this aint too bad" but then it feels so boring after 2 levels. The level design sucks and the combat (while fun to see what combos Sonic has) is extremely easy. There's no attack patterns to learn, no real change in enemies, or any real reason why not to press the Y over and over to quickly end the fight. In the end, it's a pointless gimmick there to appeal to........you know what, I have no idea who this appeals to.

So how can I absolutely hate the Xbox360 version but find the Wii version mildly entertaining? Well let's start with the hub world. In the 360 version, you're forced to do stuff and collect coins; on the Wii there is no real hub world and the doors open almost automatically. Basically 1/3 of the game is cut out of the Wii version. Also the nighttime levels are cut into 5 minute stages and have less enemies to fight. On the 360, levels can take up to 30 minutes, you can't save in the level, and you have to look for coins throughout to open doors later. Lastly, the Wii version doesn't take forever to beat. Yea the daytime levels aren't as fast as the 360, but at least they're feasible to beat on the first try (except Eggmanland....Son of a Bitch!).

I'm not suggesting you get either version of this game, but if you're a big Sonic fan, then go for the Wii version if you own one. For the XBOX heads out there, stay away! If someone puts this game in your Xbox360, call the police because you just got raped (or something similar to that).
I'm not ready to end the Sonic franchise; maybe it just needs a new developer because Sonic Team obviously can only create shit.

NOTE: Isn't it funny how the better version was co-develop by Dimps, and Sonic Team fully developed the shitty version? Kinda supports my new developer theory, don't it?

Gears of War 2

Normally when I play a first or third person shooter, I find that the developers only concentrate on one aspect. If it's single player then online play will suck and vise versa (including Halo 3). Recently I have played 2 exceptions: Call of Duty 4 (with a kick-ass scene when you're caught in an explosion) and the Gears of Wars series.

If you're looking for a story, well there isn't much of one. Your partner is looking for his wife, but that's ignored through most of the game, and it's never explained why the enemy needed to start shit with you in the first place. Maybe they're setting up for the sequel; I dunno. The strange thing is the lack of story may actually be a good thing. You play as big buff manly soldiers who look like they eat steroids and piss HGH who rush into battle despite the fact they're outnumbered 14,568 to 1 (I'm assuming) without either a second thought or much of a plan besides kill everyone. It's pretty hard to come up with a narrative that's good and doesn't get in the way of the manliness this game likes to spew out. This game is so manly that anyone who shows emotion dies with the exception of the guy with the missing wfie, and there's is little emotion to be found from him too.

The game plays like most good third person shooters, but this game puts more emphasis on cover. Most battles require you to shoot from cover unless you're really curious how fast a brickhouse body can die after absorbing a million billion bullets. Other than that it plays like any other shooter, but it does it so well what more could you want? Interesting weapons you say? Gears of Wars 2 have you covered. If you really want to know what draws people to Gears just put in the CD, boot up a new game, and when it starts press the B button. Go on. I'll wait. Many of you may have realized that nothing happened because you don't own the game to begin with. Sorry for wasting your time. For those who do have it, that reving noice you hear is the gun's attachment. This gun is the Lancer, and it has a chainsaw attachment. A FREAKIN' CHAINSAW! There is nothing better than chainsawing an enemy who did you wrong. There are other kickass weapons: the crossbow with exploding arrows, an orbital satellite that shoots lasers strong enough to take out armored dionsaurs (yea, they're in the game...and you can ride one!), and the always entertaining flamethrower, but none of these can compare to the awesomeness that is the Lancer.

Now take said Lancer, put it in the hands of an online community who want to kill each other in a handful of online modes, and you have one of the better experiences you can have on XBOXLVE. Gears have added new twists to the standard game modes found in almost all shooters. Take capture the flag (CTF) now called submission. The rules are the same for any single flag CTF; two teams fight over one flag and try to return it to their respective bases. The twist is the flag....is actually a guy who's packing an overpowered shotgun. This is one flag you don't want to drop unless you want to become nothing more then giblets. As fun as online can be, I have 2 major hangups about it. For one thing, at the time of this post, it takes too damn long to get into a game. One time, just to see how long it will take, I waited 20 minutes, and i still aint get in. I wound up quitting. It's gotten better recently, but it's still a serious problem. My second issue is it takes too many fuckin bullets to put someone down. The better players will have little problem with this, but jesus christ I'm tired of reloading twice before putting someone down.

This game is so mainstream that there's no reason for me to review it. I only did it because a friend asked me to do it and I like to think of it as somewhat of a Valentine's day gift (so she better put out). Either way, it's one of the best games of the 2008 season so you can't go wrong right? Happy V-Day, and to all NBA fans enjoy All-Star Weekend.

Note: C'mon girl. Don't leave me hanging (HAHAHA...........hanging)

Mortal Kombat vs. DC Universe

This...makes...ab...so...lute...ly...nooo....SENSE!

I knew something was wrong when I saw Sub-Zero beating up Batman in the first trailer, but it didn't sink in for me until after I bought it just how retarded the concept sounds. But then again, MK's rival Street Fighter and DC's rival Marvel made games together so I guess it was just a matter of time. Common wisdom told me not to buy this game because crossovers are usually cheap cash ins to sucker the geeks into spending money, but the MK fan in me said "FINISH HIM" so i had to find out for myself. I was right in a sense that this game tailors to the geeks who dream of fan fictions, but you won't actually be a sucker for buying this. Despite the weirdness MK vs DC is a good (but somewhat shallow) game

First I gotta talk about how these 2 universes collide, and although its not necessary a good story I have to give them credit for crafting one that actually makes sense. The story begins with Superman bitchslapping Darkseid in Metropolis. Meanwhile, Raiden is putting the finishing touches on Shao Kahn. Darkseid tries to escape in a teleporting device called a boomtube, but Superman shoots him with his laser eye beam, destablizing the device. Shao Kahn tries to make a similar escape only for Raiden to shoot him with lightening, ruining his portal. With both events happening at exactly the same time, it causes the 2 universes to begin merging with each other. It also causes the fighters to be filled with something called kombat rage and they are compelled to fight each other. That would explain why both sides are trying to whoop ass instead of sitting down and actually talking about the situation.

Yes the story is bad, but like most fighting games, fuck you if you want a story. Theres the enemy: KICK HIS ASS! And kicking ass is something this game does very well. If you played MK in the past, you kinda have an idea what to expect. This game takes the speedy 2D fighting from the MK of old (1,2,3, ultimate 3, and trilogy) and combines it with the 3D combo chaining of the last MK games (Deadly Alliance, Deception, and Armageddon). The result is a fighting system thats easy to pick and hard to master. Special moves have been revamped, and now you can even combines them into combos. In other words some combos will end with a special move, and others will let you add something extra to your special, or combine special moves into something awesome (think Liu Kang's bicycle kick following by his flying kick). These are called pro-moves, and if you want to know how to do them, you can go to the internet (duh') or to the Kombo Challenge mode which I'll explain later in the review.

MK vs DC has 3 new ways to fight that makes things more interesting. First is Free-Fall Kombat. You know how in some fighting games when you knock someone out the area, they fall into another area? Well instead of just letting the fighter fall, Midway had the right idea of letting the attacker beat the shit out of the guy on the way down. The attacker will press one of the 4 face buttons to hit the opponent, and the defender will try to guess what button the attacker will press. If he guesses correctly, then the defender and attacker will switch roles. Each successful blow fills up a meter on the side of the screen. Fill it enough and you can end free-fall mode by press the RB button and doing a special move that sends them craching to the ground. Klose-Kombat mode is similar in that the defender must guest what the attacker must press. The difference is that the attacker will grab the opponent and pull in close so they can get to know each other better over a nice tall can of whoop-ass. If the defender guess right, he (or she; I need to stop saying only males pronouns) will reverse and counter-attack, ending Klose-Kombat mode. The 3rd is called Test your Might (some might remember that from the first game). In some stages, you can knock your opponent into the side of a building, run into him/her, run through every wall in the building, and come out the other side. When this happens, both players will hit the button as fast can to increase or decrease the amount of damage taken, depending on which end you on. It's fun to watch.

Of course, what's an Mortak Kombat game without fatalities. Sadly, since this game is rated T, the fatalities have been toned down. Toned down to the point that most of them suck (I know I typed a sentence fragment; I don't give a fuck). And if I wasn't disappointed enough, 2 of them were censored. The American version won't show Deathstroke or Joker's gunshot connect with the head (You can see the European uncensored versions on youtube). That pisses me off, especially since those are 2 of the better ones. Seriously, despite the censorship, Joker's fatality is fuckin funny. I'm not even going to try to describe it; you just have to watch.

Sadly, there's only 4 modes (story, arcade, kombo challenge, and online), and if you don't play online your time with the game will be shorter. Kombo Challenge lets you try to complete a series of combos of the person of your choice. It's good for picking up some moves, but since it's so difficult nobody but the truly dedicated will actually try (keyword TRY) to finish it. Online is basically a bunch of people using special moves. It came to a point where I wonder why the developers even included punches and kicks. Nobody uses them; it's just one special move after another. For those who like to collect, there's only 2 unlockables in the entire game (Shao Kahn and Darkseid), and they're piss easy to get (just complete both stories).

Although a short experience, it's still a good game. If you are a MK fan, you will pick this up anyway (if you haven't already) and be satisfied in the fact that although the fatalities are weak, they're still better than that stupid Kreate-A-Fatality from Armageddon. If you're a DC fan, you're pretty much required to buy this because it's the only good game DC has ever been in since the Sega Genesis (good times). For the rest of you, I suggest you rent it first to see where you stand.

NOTE: Seriously, STOP FUCKIN' SPAMMING SPECIALS MOVES YOU BASTARDS!

Fable 2

The role-playing genre has never been my favorite. In fact, I usually stay as far away as possible, especially if it's a JRPG (Japanese role-playing game). Normally that's the issue, but after playing Mass Effect and Fallout 3 western actionRPGs has actually earned my favor as long as they don't have anything to do with middle earth. Sadly, the original Fable took place around that time, and I never really got into it. It was bland in my opinion. So why play Fable 2? Because there was sooooo much hype about what they would do differently. Well I'm here to say that although there are some minor changes, the overall gameplay barely changed. Seriously, I had the play it 3 times just to find out everything that's different and I found little. Aw well.

The story starts out with you being a poor dude or chick with your big sister walking around doing remedial tasks which serves as the game's titorial until you are invited to a lord's castle. Then shit hits the fan as your sister gets shot and killed while you get blasted out the window. You survive your encounter (despite falling 1000 feet at 100 mph and cracking your head on the roof of a building on the way down but what the hell; let's roll with it) and years later you seek to get revenge any way you see fit.

The main point of this game is that you can be as good or as bad as you want to be, and the populous will react to your presense accordingly. So if your pure evil who's blood is liquid malevolence, then expect the public to quiver and avoid you (unless your in a town full of criminals; they'll love you). Of course you can always go the good route, but why would you want to? Everyone crowds around talking about how great you are, and if they're in love with you they won't leave you the fuck alone (normally that's when I pull out the pistol to scare them).
You can always be neutral, but every time I played my character always started to lean to one side. Whichever sides you take, know that some of your decisions will change the world in certain ways I can't explain without spoiling it.

That's all fine and dandy, but the real reason I play action RPGs is the action, so let's down to the combat. The fighting is broken up into 3 catorgories: strength, skill, and will. Strength deals with your melee weapon, skill deals with your gun (or crossbow), and will is your magic. When you kill an enemy, color orbs appear. These orbs give your experience points in each of the 3 catorgories-points you will use to improve your character. Blue orbs give you experience points for strength, yellow orbs for skill, red orbs for will, and green orbs for you to spend however you like. Which orbs appear depends on how you killed that enemy (use your gun and yellow orbs will appear). Gaining experience in certain will also change your physical appearance, but frankly who cares. I like this system better than most RPGs because it easy to understand what I'm doing to my character, but to tell you the truth I can never spend a single experience point and still beat Fable 2 because its TOO easy. If you get beat to death, you'll instantly spring back to life like the Undertaker in a WWE match (any WWE fans here......no?.....ok) and pick up right where you left off. The only real penalty for death is scars on your body you can't remove. BIG FREAKIN' DEAL!. Because of this, I just ran blindly into every battle and press the X button repeatedly till I got tired of it and decided to cast a spell.

If you're tired of killing everything that looks at you with 2 eyes, there are other things to do in the country of Albion (sorry I forgot to mention earlier that the game takes place in a fictional country). Questing doesn't pay as it used to, so you can get a job to earn you some extra dough. This is good for earning money to buy a kickass weapon, but like I said earlier the game is incredibly easy so new weapons aren't necessary. Besides, you get new ones halfway through. Of course you can use that money to spend on a ring so you can marry and start a family, but why would you want to? You half to constantly visit them and make them happy, not to mention provide them with money every 5 minutes. In the end, I wound up killing my spouse and letting child services take my kid [Where were they when me and my sister were kids (and alive)?].

So with all these issues, why is Fable 2 fun? Seriously, It's one of the best games I've played during the holiday season. It does very little different, but it does enough for it to be my 3rd favorite RPG for XBOX360 after Mass Effect and Fallout 3. Basically what Im saying is that it's worth a look, so find a friend who has it and play a little. You might be surprise.

NOTE: There is a co-op mode, but the visiting person can't use their character and the camera is fixed so it's really not worth it unless you need help getting money or something.