Vampire Rain (W)

Oh my god. This is it. I found it. This has to be the absolute worst game for the Xbox360. Never have I played a game so bad, that I felt such strong physical pain before. Seriously...OW. To be completely honest, I didn't get far into the game because it was so bad, I couldn't play it anymore. Despite this, I still had a review to do, so I gave the game to 2 avid gamer friends of mine and asked them to give me feedback on this shit. For some reason, they don't want their names attached to this review. Maybe it's because they don't want to be attached to this piece of shit. Maybe it's because they knew I would misquote them and call them names. Either way, I thank them for what they done for me. Now, here's our review of the game that beat out Leisure Suit Larry for the top spot of worst.

Sam Fisher?

The game starts off with a poorly, POORLY, acted screen with a commander and his assistant talking about the increasing vampire problem. It's this scene where you hear this line:

"We were suppose to be the country's watchdog. Well, this watchdog grew some teeth, and it's time to bite back."

......moving on...

So, basically you play as Lloyd who's job it is to get rid of these bastards. How do you do it? By sneaking past them. Yep, this is a stealth game, and a game where you sneak past vampires is suppose to be pretty freakin sweet (I don't really like stealth games, but the other guys do), but they couldn't fuck it up worst, but I digress. The story is bad, the acting is bad, the dialog is bad, your sister's cooch is bad; everything is bad.

I'll show you who's taillight is busted

You know in the old Metal Gear Solid games, there was a radar telling you where the enemies were? Well, this game has it too, but nothing will show up. I was wondering what was the fuckin point of the map if it didn't tell me where the enemies were, but then I found out about the Necrovision. You use your goggles to see if anybody in the area is a vampire or human. If you scan a vampire, then it shows on the radar. It's a fuckin hassle to stop every 5 minutes to put on the goggles to see if it's friend or foe just so they appear on radar. Why not just have them on the fuckin radar to begin with!? And why the fuck are there humans on the street? Don't they know there are vampires? Anyway once you do that, then you can start sneaking around. Now, what's one important aspect of stealth games that is vital? It's freedom of movement. Does this game have that? Of course not. It's a shitty game. The game is very specific on where you have to go, and if you try something else, then expect to hit dead ends and have vampire teeth up your ass. Does the game tell you where to go or at least leave some clues? No; that would be the smart thing to do. Instead you have to find out through trial and error, and in a stealth game, that leads to a shitload on death. What the fuck were they thinking?

The only time a gun is useful.

So, what do you do if a vampire spots you? You die. You will always die. The guns you carry around are nothing more than a cocktease because they don't do shit against the vampires. I unloaded a whole clip of my sub-machine gun into one of these bastards, and he still killed me, IN 2 HITS! Can you run? Fuck no. Vampires are much faster than you. Plus, you will have to deal with sticky controls, so even if you could run, you will fuck it up and die. If a nightwalker spots you, just rest the control down and wait for the retry screen because there aint a damn thing you can do about. In good stealth games, you could at least defend yourself to some extent, and if you couldn't do that, you could always run. Vampire Rain basically gives the middle finger to players and says "Tough shit. You shouldof never got seen." This game is pure agony in disc form, and if you bought this, I wouldn't blame you for killing yourself.

Rating: Red Rings of Death (TWICE!)

Well, that might be the worst game for Xbox360, period. That's good. It means I won't have to review Sonic the Hedgehog or Too Human because I know for a fact this is worse. I know some people were looking forward to see me bash Sonic again, so I'll tell you what. I'll still do the review for Sonic the Hedgehog on 360. It's not over yet. There is still one game left that may be the worst game yet. Until then, here's the list from bad to worse.

Onechanbara: Bikini Samurai Squad
Sonic Unleashed
X-Blades
Pimp My Ride
Bomberman: Act Zero
Leisure Suit Larry: Box Office Bust
Vampire Rain

NOTE: That new Batman game is awesome. The review is coming soon.