Leisure Suit Larry: Box Office Bust (W)

With the release of Madden 10, the Batman demo which took all fuckin night to download, working on the other blog, and playing other games that'll eventually show up on this blog, you can understand why I couldn't finish this fucker, which is a royal piece of shit. Seriously, it's like they tried to make a piece of shit, and did a shitty job at it. I can't believe it; I really can't believe it, but I finally found a game worse than X-Blades. For some of you who are knowledgeable about the series, you might have noticed something missing in the title. The 'W' is there, but there should be something else. I'll get to that later.

.....Boobs...

Right off the bat, hell even in the batter's box, things go bad when I finally get a chance to move the character around. In the tutorial mission, you're shown how the platforming works, and as I try to get to my goal for maybe a half a fuckin hour, I threw my controller down and turned off my system off. The point I'm trying to make is that THE CONTROLS ARE FUCKIN HORRIBLE! Larry moves like he has a pipe bomb up his ass, and the pipe bomb has a grenade (without the pin) stuck up its ass, and any moment an explosion can cause one hell of an anal evacuation. Not only is his movement awkward and stiff, he's so damn slow, even when he's in full sprint. Now, how am I suppose to jump from platform to platform with bad controls like this? Of course, there are other means to get around. You get to grab vehicles to get around, but dammit they're even worse to control. To top it all off, there was a shooting portion of the game, and it could not be handled any worse. I had to turn it off (again), and put in Call of Duty to remind me what a good shooter is like. I threw my control down so many times in disgust, and right now, I would like to take the time out to apologize to my 360 controller (it's not your fault).

....Boobs...

Here's what you do in the game: go from point A to point B. That's pretty much it. There's some platforming or minigame throw in here and there, but that's mostly what you do. This...is not...fuckin...GAMEPLAY! If I wanted to do nothing but walk around all damn day, I would just play Second Life on my computer. At least in that shit I can have digital sex, although I'm pretty sure the women are actually men. I can hear some of the gears turning in the gamers head about that sex comment. Again, I'll get to that. Anyway, it seems like my sole purpose in this game is to guide Larry to the next cutscene. Although they're nowhere near as long, just the sheer amount of cutscenes can rival any game, even RPGs (maybe even Metal Gear Solid....just kidding). Jesus Christ, I've never been so bored walking in my life. I don't know what the developers were thinking. The funny thing is, the game is very self aware that it sucks, and Larry makes comments based on the suckiness. In one mission, he said "I better hurry up or this may start to feel repetitive." I may have fucked up the quote, but my point is that statement means that this game was designed to be repetitive, which leads me to believe that the developers purposely made a shitty game. I guess the joke's on me for playing it, right? If there's one good thing I can say about this game is that the gaphics look sharp. They're nowhere near the best we've seen for the 360, but it fits the setting. Of course, I'm not that into graphics like that, so it's like complimenting a dog turd on its formation. Who fuckin cares?

....Boobs...

So...what's missing? Well, if you know anything about the Leisure Suit Larry series, you know it's famous for its gratuitous sex. A Larry game should get the 'STS' stamp (meaning sex to sell), but this one doesn't. It has sexy women, plenty of innuendo, and even some raunchy scenes, but these seem to be treated as a formality rather than a selling point. It feels like any reference to sex is there simply because it's a Leisure Suit Larry game. Oh, and there's no nudity. Oh, I'm sure that's gonna piss a lot of Larry fans out there. Now, I can understand why they wouldn't want nudity in the game. Home consoles have a strong stance against strong sexually graphic material, and you really can't go too far. Look at what happened to San Andreas. That doesn't mean sex couldn't be in the game, at least I don't think. In 2005, I've played LSL: Magna Cum Laude for the Xbox, PS2, and PC (to see the differences), and the Xbox version had sex scenes in them (censored of course). So, why did they not do it here? I don't know. Now, I could care less if the girls are naked or not (although I would be lying if I said I wasn't curious); I just wanted it to be funny like the last game. Sadly, the comedy is gone too. Comedy is more important to the series than the sex, and if you don't have that, you don't have a LSL game. I'm not saying they ditched the jokes. They tried so hard to be funny, and that's the problem. If you have to try to be funny, then don't! It was like watching a comic crash and burn onstage. It was painful to watch, and even more painful to listen. In the last game, the gameplay was bad too, but the jokes were so funny that you suffered through it to hear some more. There were also tits, but that's besides the point. Without the jokes, there's no reason to plow through this game, which I didn't. I gave up midway through because I think I developed Super Cancer in the process.

I'm noticing a reoccurring theme here

Dude, I can't even give you a decent closing paragraph about this. It's bad; really bad. If you're a fan of the series, you now know what Sonic fans are going through (we feel your pain). That's out of the way, but the torture isn't over yet. We still got plenty of bad games to go through, including a Sonic game that has the nerve of being a downloadable on the Xboxlive marketplace (OH HELL NO!). Mark my words, we will find the worst Xbox 360 game. As for this game...

Rating: Red Rings of Death

NOTE: All the pics were from the PC version. I guess nobody wanted to get screenshots of the 360 because it means they would have to play it.