'Splosion Man (XBLA)

What is the best way to solve any situation? You make something explode. Someone parked in your parking space? Boom! Need to remodel your kitchen? Blammo! Someone owes you 50 buck, so you go to his house to demand your money back, but he acts like he's not home despite the fact that his car is clearly in the driveway so he must be home, so you call his cell to see if he picks up, and when he doesn't you leave a message on his answering message saying if you don't get your money back there will be trouble, but he doesn't contact you back even though he was just talking to your girlfriend on facebook, so now you have to get back, but don't know how? 'Splode! If you think that would make a great video game, then you think exactly like the guys at Twisted Pixel, creators of 'SPLOSION MAAAAAN (hmm hmm hmmmm). This game is funny, addictive, original, simple, and bottom line, fuckin awesome.

I make thing go boom!

You control a man who is basically walking napalm, set to explode whenever he chooses without hurting him. Clearly, he's an experiment gone in a lab in the middle of who gives a fuck. Your job is to make it to the end of each level. Simple. Kinda. Maybe. In terms of story, you're not gonna find any here, but that's okay. This kind of game isn't meant to have one. It would only ruin the charm of it. Speaking of charm, this game is so devilishly innocent looking. Even when you blow up scientists, there's no real death to be seen. They turn into meat products like ribs and hamhocks (and maybe a veal). Even 'SPLOSION MAAAAN (hmm hmm hmmmmm) doesn't look all that threatening himself despite being a walking forest fire. I guess what I'm saying is the visual presentation makes the game more fun.

To play 'SPLOSION MAAAAN (hmm hmm hmmmmm), you move with the left stick and...well, explode with everything else. Seriously. You do everything by exploding. To jump, you explode. To kill scientist, you explode. To flip switch, you explode. To slow your fall, you explode. To order pizza, you explode. To wipe your ass, you explode. Really, you only have 2 options here: to explode or not to explode, and more often than not, you're not gonna pick the second option. The control scheme is so simple, there's no way you can fuck it up. Does that make the game easy. Fuck no. Like N+, this game gets brutal as you progress. Trying to figure out how to get through certain spots is basically trial and error, and sometimes it can get annoying. When you die a certain amount of times, a box appears telling you you can skip over to the next level. I wish you can turn that option off because I'm not skipping the level; you feel defeated that way, and I'm not gonna let a video game beat me!

[Neil]: Ninja Gaiden and N+

.......okay, I'm gonna let ANOTHER game beat me. If 'sploding by yourself gets boring, you can always bang with a friend (not to be confused with 'bang a friend') in 50 co-op levels. Good luck trying to coordinate that shit. You have to time your 'splosions to get through obstacles, and that can be a bitch when playing with someone who can follow simple fuckin directions.

[Neil]: Don't look at me like that. I just got the damn game.

We grilling tonight

'SPLOSION MAAAAN (hmm hmm hmmmm) is a great puzzle game, I recommend everyone to get it, especially if you like N+. It replaces Battlefield 1943 as the best XBLA game on the market (don't bug me about Shadow Complex; it's not better). It's 10 dollars, so go download it now. If you don't have the internet, steal your friend's hard drive. He won't know.

Rating: Fuckin Awesome

NOTE: Please tell me you got that Trojan Man reference.