E3 2010

Today's the last day of E3, and I gotta say it's a lot better than last year. We got a lot of stuff we didn't know before, stuff we already new, and stuff that probably shouldn't have been announced (cough cough Sonic Riders cough*). Now I can be here all day telling you everything, but because I can't (because I don't fuckin want to), let's just do a quick run of everything that at least I found interesting.


Project Natal is now Kinect:
Yes, Microsoft's anti-Wii machine now has an official name, and from what I saw...I'm not impressed. It's a cool device, but I'm confident that there will be no killer app for it, at least not immediately. Also, the price will be $150. Why the fuck would I spend 150 on a ADD-ON when I can buy the Wii for 50 bucks more? And who's gonna buy an Xbox, THEN a Kinect? I don't know. Let's look at some of the games:



Kinectimals:
A controller free giga-pet apparently. Remember giga-pets? This ought to keep little girls busy for maybe 5 minutes.



Kinect Sports:
Wii Sports



Kinect Joy Ride:
Mario Kart Wii



Kinect Adventures:
Wii Sports Resort



Motion Sports:
Okay, really?



Dance Central:
Ever heard of Just Dance? If you have, combine that with Rock Band and you have Dance Central. It's not bad; just wish they demoed better dance moves.



Your Shape:
An interesting workout game to say the least. I'd try it.



Sonic Free Riders:
.......okay



Child of Eden:
Okay, this is the only game I actually want to play for Kinect. It reminds me of Rez HD, and the music reacts to the targets you hit. Looks and sounds good.



Kinect will also be used to control everything other aspects of the 360 like going through dashboard menus, playing videos, etc, and all this can be done either by hand gestures or voice. Yep, Kinect has a mic...just in case you're too lazy to wave your hands like an idiot. Safe to say, Kinect isn't really that impressive to me, especially since you can't sit down to use it! They say they're fixing it. Riiiiight, like the red ring of death problem? How long did that take hmm? Okay, I said quick run through, so let's move on.

ESPN on Xbox360:
Sports on demand, right on your xbox. It's like ESPN3.com and it's completely free (to Gold members). Awesome! Wish they did this before the FIFA World Cup, though.



New Redesigned Xbox360:
Smaller, sleeker, quieter, 250 gigs, and built in wifi. PS3 and Wii owners paid it no mind. Not bad though



Playstation Wii:
Oops...sorry...

Playstation Move:
While Microsoft at least tried to do something new with motion controls, Sony just said 'fuck it' and created a complete Wii rip-off with Playstation Move. With that said, I think this will fair far better than Kinect because not only is it cheaper ($100 with a packaged game), it doesn't seem to pander as much to the casual gamers. It still does. I mean, it's the main reason you would make this product, but when you make game like Socom 4 and possibly Killzone 3 compatible, now we're talking the hardcore language. I'm a bit more impressed with the Move than I thought I'd be, so much so that I'll do a separate post just on it.



Nintendo 3DS
A DS in 3D and doesn't need glasses. That sounds good and all, but it raises one important question. If you were working on this, THEN WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU MAKE THE DSi AND THE DSi XL?? Are you nuts? That almost average to one new DS release a year.



Here are the games planned for the 3DS:
Kid Icurus
DJ Hero (how will they pull it off?)
Kingdom Hearts
Saints Row (really?)
Resident Evil
Assassin's Creed
Ridge Racer
Metal Gear Solid

Speaking of games, let's go through the list of all the more interesting games.

WWE All-Stars:
Or as I like to call it, WWE Blitz the League, except less suck (name pending).



Call of Duty Black Ops:
I would be excited...if another one wasn't scheduled for 2011. Oversatuation indeed.



Metal Gear Solid Rising:
Now with 99% more cutscenes and a sword.



Gears of War 3:
More Chainsaws. More chest-high walls.



Need For Speed Hot Pursuit:
If this is anything like Hot Pursuit 2 for PS2, this will be my Game of the Year.



Dead Space 2:
The survival horror/snuff film you've been waiting for.



Crysis 2:
The screenshots alone make my PC chug.



NBA Elite 11:
Will they catch up to 2K? Psst* NO!



Bulletstorm:
Play Painkiller, and then you know why I want this.



Star Wars the Old Republic:
The new World of Warcraft. You won't see your friends for 18 months.



Fable 3:
Fart in public all over again.



Medal of Honor:
Has anybody seen my Call of Duty? Oh, there it is.



NBA Jam:
Don't fuck this up EA.



Assassin's Creed Brotherhood:
I did say I wanted multiplayer, just didn't think they would listen.



Shaun White Skateboarding:
I played his snowboarding game. I don't have high hopes for this.



Battle Tag:
Actual Laser Tag, in video game form....and it sucks.



Innergy:
A stress reliever program...that's all I have to say on that one.



Raving Rabbids: Travels in Time:
I like these guys. They remind of my old friends...when they were sober.



Driver: San Fransisco:
The world's hardest driving game series returns to piss me right the fuck off.



Rayman Origins:
Old school 2D side scrolling at its finest...I hope.



EA MMA:
Oh god........



Spider-Man Shattered Dimensions:
4 different kinds of Spider-Man equals 4 different kinds of happy.



Marvel vs Capcom 3
Do I really need to say anything?



Twisted Metal:
YES! IT'S HERE! ALL IS RIGHT IN THE WORLD!



Sonic Colors:
...and all is wrong again.



Epic Mickey:
Wow, a Mickey Mouse game that's....actually interesting.



Grease:
.......yea....Grease is getting a game.....



Infamous 2:
More force lightening (inside joke)



Legend of Zelda:
I wonder what I'll unlock first: the hookshot or the boomerang.....



DJ Hero 2:
I better be able to freestyle during songs. Why it wasn't in the first game I don't know.



DC Universe:
A DC comics MMO? There are gonna be A LOT of Batmans.



Mario Sports Mix:
Think of it as a Mario Wii Sports.



Wii Party:
and I guess this is a Wii Mario Party. It's like they switched spots.



Guitar Hero: Warriors of Rock
Dammit, not another guitar hero. We have too many already.



Just Dance 2:
GOD DAMMIT! NOT ANOTHER ONE!



Goldeneye 007:
Yes, Goldeneye is back thanks to...Activision? Where the fuck is Rare?



Kirby's Epic Yarn:
There is no way in hell a grown man can play a game made out of yarn.



LittleBigPlanet 2:
As long as all the content created in the first game can be played here, it's all good.



Metroid Other M:
I need to own a Wii



Donkey Kong Country Returns:
I REALLY need to own a Wii



Dragon Quest 9:
........never heard of it.



God of War Ghost of Sparta:
.....YEP!



Fallout New Vegas:
How do you survive in the wasteland? You gamble of course.



Gran Turismo 5
You SURE it's actually coming out this time Sony?



Silent Hill 8:
What the hell happened to 5? Don't tell me those other games count!



Portal 2:
I was gonna make a cake joke, but fuck it.



And that's the big announcements from E3 people. I know I'm missing some key games like Star Wars for Kinect and Project Dust, but there's only so much I can cover without actually being there. So, if there something I missed or you disagree with me completely, drop it in the comments section. If there are no comments, I can only assume what I wrote was awesome.

NOTE: When I started this post, it was 8:15 pm. It's now 12:03 am Friday......FUCK!