Halo Reach Beta Preview

I'm still trying to figure everything out, but this is what I know so far. Apparently, Bungie decided to takes the Battlefield approach and have 4 different classes. This doesn't affect your starting weapons, but it does change your abilities, and yes you now have special abilities. The stalker class allows you to cloak, airborne has a jetpack, guard has a shield with protects you like the bubble shield except you can't move, and the scout class allows you to do what every other shooter does...sprint. About fuckin time Bungie. There are a couple of new weapons and it seems like they changed the battle rifle into a one-shot gun instead of a 3 shot burst. Still good though. There's also been a change in controls, but other than that it's Halo. I'm gonna play a few more games (a few more hundred), and I'll come back with more info tomorrow as well as some stories from some of my games.

Halo Reach Beta Out

If you haven't heard, the new Halo Reach beta is out, and it is awesome. Unfortunately, not everything that will be in the full version will be on the beta, but hey....it's Halo. In order to play the beta, you must have Halo 3: ODST. If you don't, sucks to be you. If you do, put in the campaign CD, not the multiplayer one. When the menu pops up, 'play the beta' will be selectable so select it and download the beta. It's 1.15 gigs so if you have an old Xbox360 (i.e. a 20 gig HD) make sure you have room. I got fucked a couple of times.

Castlevania: The Dracula X Chronicles

Ah shit, no this game. I can't play Castlevania. Do you know how hard this game series is? The creators take great joy in making gamers cry. There is no way I'm playing this game. Then again, it's a brand new game on PSP (well, not new because it's been out since 2007), and this generation is dedicated to easier games for those who may not be experts. Who knows, maybe they made this game much easier than I'm thinking. Well, let's give this a try...................yep, still a bitch to play.

This is probably one of the easiest games I ever had to describe. You move left or right, you jump when need to, and you attack enemies. That's it. Your weapon is a whip which can only be used to attack in front of you, and this is where I get pissed off with the series. In every 2D Castlevania game except one, you can only whip in one direction (2 if you look behind you). I guess they left it like that to keep it challenging, but Super Castlevania 4 allowed you attack in 8 directions, and that game was hard as fuckin hell. Dracula X Chronicles is actually 2 games: Rondo of Blood and the PS1 classic Symphony of the Night, and I can't for the life of me figure out how the fuck to play SOTN, which sucks because that's the reason I bought this game. I guess you have to unlock it by beating Rondo of Blood, which is something I can't do because this bitch is hard as fuck. Fortunately, there aren't a lot of cheap deaths in Rondo of Blood like there were in old Castlevania games like getting hit by an enemy which caused you to jump back, and if you were by an edge you fell off and died. I've only had that problem on one stage so far, and it's currently what I'm trying to beat. The problem: I can't beat Death (all the old Castlevania fans right now are like 'ah maaan' because they know exactly what I'm talking about).

I recommend Casltevania for the hardcore gamers and/or fans of the series....or masochists who can't get enough punishment. I wish i could say more about the game, but I have to beat it first. Maybe one day I'll come back and revisit this review. Ha, maybe one day I can actually beat Death.

Rating: Sweet

NOTE: Seriously, I die in the cheapest fuckin ways when facing Death. I'm tired of getting hit by shit flying at me from off-screen.

Why You Should; Why You Shouldn't

Deciding which system you want to get is a bitch, unless you're a douchebag fanboy. Today, I'm gonna make that decision just a little bit harder. I'll give you 5 reasons why you should and why you shouldn't buy a Xbox 360, Playstation 3, Wii, PSP, and DSi.

Xbox 360
Why you should:
1. Detachable hard drive
2. Facebook and Netflix (Poke someone while watching a movie)
3. More Exclusive games than PS3
4. More budget and indie games than anyone
5. Xboxlive kicks ass (Others are free, Xbox is good)

Why you shouldn't:
1. Crappy D-pad
2. More ASS budget and indie games than anyone
3. Very high dickhead count on Xboxlive (They won't shut up)
4. Heats up quick (My room gets hotter when I play mine.)
5. It's a malfunctioning piece of shit! (If you buy a refurbished one)

PS3
Why you should:
1. Better exclusives than 360
2. A controller that hasn't changed in 16 years
3. Dollar amount of items that you buy online (not stupid points like Wii)
4. Blu-ray player
5. God of War 3

Why you shouldn't:
1. Takes longer to load games
2. Not backwards compatible (unless you buy an early system)
3. No cross-game chat (have to play the same game to talk to friends)
4. Games lag more (online and off)
5. You have to fuckin install every game into the hard drive

Wii
Why you should:
1. First party games kick ass (game made by nintendo)
2. Simple and fun games
3. Good for exercise
4. Chicks dig it (who wants to play with my Wii?)
5. Wii Store has old school Nintendo games

Why you shouldn't:
1. A shitload of crappy games
2.Your mom likes it
3. Wiimote doesn't always register movements
4. Controller parts are sold separately (that's some bullshit)
5. It's called Wii, I mean c'mon

PSP
Why you should:
1. It's a PS2 Jr.
2. Music and video
3. Most games feel like home consoles games
4. Sharp, clear screen
5. Decent Wi-Fi internet speed

Why you shouldn't:
1. Not many games being made for it
2. Damn near impossible to see screen in the sun
3. Battery doesn't always last long depending on game
4. No second analog (which sucks with FPS games)
5. The PSPgo (avoid at all cost!)

DSi
Why you should:
1. Durable as hell (just don't sit on it Travis)
2. First party games kick ass
3. Loooooong list of games
4. Dual screen gameplay is fun when used right
5. They have Tecmo Bowl! (......what?)

Why you shouldn't:
1. A shitload of crappy games like Wii
2. You don't feel like a grown man holding one
3. Camera is fuckin pointless with cell phones nowadays
4. Dual screen gameplay isn't often used right (or fun)
5. Your little sister has one

The May Challenge: New Post Every Day!

For the month of May, I'm gonna try to do something I've never done before (mainly because I never have time). I'm gonna do a post every single day for the month, which means by June 1st, there should be at least 31 posts. Kick ass, right? Will I succeed? Probably not, but hey it's all about effort. Speaking of which, this post counts.

Retro Review - Sonic Shuffle

Back in the days of the ol' Xbox360 blog, I claimed that Sonic Shuffle was the 4th worst game in Sonic history, and I made that claim without actually playing it and only looking at gameplay footage. Well, somebody called me out on that saying I can't make that kind of judgment without playing it first, and you know what? I took that to heart. With the power of the internet, I was able a copy (brand new) of Sonic Shuffle, and it turns out I snapped to judgment too soon. I've learned now that you can't really judge a game until you pick up the controller and play it. It was very unprofessional of me, and I was wrong. Sonic Shuffle is not number 4 on the worst Sonic games list; it's number fuckin 2! It catapults itself ahead of Sonic for 360 and Sonic the Fighters easily.

How do you fuck up a rip-off of Mario Party? Well, Let's see. First, tack on a very awful storyline about the world of dreams or some shit. Then, add a dash of shitty mini-games. Once all that comes to a boil, remove it and place it on a game board that is un-fuckin-necessarily huge with numerous goals that'll make playtime through one board take more than an hour. That last part KINDA makes sense since this is suppose to be a mutliplayer game, but seriously, when do story mode, what friends of yours are going to join you? And why is there a story? Since when does a board game need a fuckin story? Imagine playing Trouble and the board  game starts talking about war prisoners trying to escape and get home, only to be caught repeating by waring factions, and your job is to get them home before the other prisoners do. Kinda ruins the fuckin moment doesn't it? I believe that's the time you chuck that son of a bitch into the fireplace. Of course, there are the mini-games. Isn't that what made Mario Party fun? Isn't that the fuckin point? Yea, and Sonic Shuffle fucked them up. Never have I played such boring mini-games before. We are talking Wii Play boring here people. We're talking Fusion Fenzy 2 boring. We're talking every single game in my Worst Xbox360 Games list boring. There is no fun whatsoever in this game at all. They is no redeeming qualities, not even the graphics. Look at Jet Grind Radio, then look at Sonic Shuffle. They is no reason SS should look like that when JGR (a much more demanding game on memory) looks that good. I know it's hard to judge graphics after being spoiled by today HD awesomeness, but when you look like shit compared to a game that was not only released first, but made within the same fuckin company.....I'm overreacting. The graphics on the characters are fine, but everything else look bla.

I couldn't even finish the first stage. Actually, I did finish, but I didn't win. I never win. I don't understand how they decide the overall winner, but I know I'm never it. And this is when I have enough strength to actually sit through the first stage. I least I was able to finish Sonic for 360 and Sonic the Fighters. Hell, I even finished Sonic R if you believe that. I even got past the first stage in Sonic Spinball, and that's something most people can't do. I just can't stand Sonic Shuffle; I just can't. I would rather put my own balls in my mouth during a summer day in Arizona.

NOTE: A sweaty speedbag is never a good thing.

God of War 3

Dante's Inferno owners: look at your game. Now look at mine. Back to your game, and now back to mine. Sadly, yours isn't mine, but it sure as hell tried to be like mine with its sense of scale, camera angles, and weapons that can be politely described as formidable and best describe as fuckin awesome. Your game only had only thing going against it; it wasn't mine. It also didn't help that Dante was released a month before Kratos. Let this be a lesson to all: no one can compete against the god of murder....not god of war; god of murder, disembowelment, chaos, genocide, death defying, rage, and above all else, banging random chicks. Take that you pussy-whipped Dante.



The game does have its share of problems, and all of them (except for my friends the quick time events) stem from the story. Why? Well, the story begins with Kratos riding Gaia as she and the other titans climb up Mount Olympus after Zeus where he falls off, ends up in Hades, and is stripped of his powers. Really? AGAIN!? How many times must we send Kratos to hell before we realize it's fuckin pointless? And why must we find some whacked-out reason as to why Kratos loss his powers. In fact, why cause him to lose his powers? Can we just build on what he already has? The story also has a tendency to go all over the place. It's not bad or complicated in the least bit, but it's not single-focused as the first 3 games were. The end-game is to kill Zeus, but that's not the only goal here.



The gameplay is what you'd expect from a GOW game, i.e. not changed one fuckin bit.
[Neil]: Shooting Locust from behind chest high walls.
Shut up. Anyway, to say it hasn't changed at is a bit of a lie. For starters, and I can't be the only one who noticed this, there are no more balance beams. You're probably saying right now "So What?" Well, the balance beam parts sucked balls; that's what. I like the fact that it's gone. In terms of weapons, GOW finally did something I didn't think it was capable of doing: having other fuckin useful weapons. Of course, this only applies to the Cestus because the other 2 are nothing more than blades on chains....yea. I guess when one chained weapon works so well, why not have more right? Each weapon has it's own magic attack, but like most GOW games, 2 of them prove to be bloody useless. Umm, what else? Oh yea, There are other powers that uses a yellow meter instead of the blue meter. These powers are mainly used to get around the environments, but they can be used for combat.


You know you have a great game when I have to reach deep down to my soul to find something wrong with it. At this point, saying GOW is good is like saying the sky is blue. In fact, its been a month now since its release, so if you don't own it, then what the fuck is wrong with you.
[Neil]: I don't own a PS3
Sucks to be you.
[Neil]: Whatever. I'm gonna go play GOW
I though you said you didn't have a PS....oh yea. Dumbass

Rating: Fuckin Awesome, Sweet, Meh, Ass, Titan mode

NOTE: You know Neil, no one else is gonna get that GOW joke.