God of War 3

Dante's Inferno owners: look at your game. Now look at mine. Back to your game, and now back to mine. Sadly, yours isn't mine, but it sure as hell tried to be like mine with its sense of scale, camera angles, and weapons that can be politely described as formidable and best describe as fuckin awesome. Your game only had only thing going against it; it wasn't mine. It also didn't help that Dante was released a month before Kratos. Let this be a lesson to all: no one can compete against the god of murder....not god of war; god of murder, disembowelment, chaos, genocide, death defying, rage, and above all else, banging random chicks. Take that you pussy-whipped Dante.



The game does have its share of problems, and all of them (except for my friends the quick time events) stem from the story. Why? Well, the story begins with Kratos riding Gaia as she and the other titans climb up Mount Olympus after Zeus where he falls off, ends up in Hades, and is stripped of his powers. Really? AGAIN!? How many times must we send Kratos to hell before we realize it's fuckin pointless? And why must we find some whacked-out reason as to why Kratos loss his powers. In fact, why cause him to lose his powers? Can we just build on what he already has? The story also has a tendency to go all over the place. It's not bad or complicated in the least bit, but it's not single-focused as the first 3 games were. The end-game is to kill Zeus, but that's not the only goal here.



The gameplay is what you'd expect from a GOW game, i.e. not changed one fuckin bit.
[Neil]: Shooting Locust from behind chest high walls.
Shut up. Anyway, to say it hasn't changed at is a bit of a lie. For starters, and I can't be the only one who noticed this, there are no more balance beams. You're probably saying right now "So What?" Well, the balance beam parts sucked balls; that's what. I like the fact that it's gone. In terms of weapons, GOW finally did something I didn't think it was capable of doing: having other fuckin useful weapons. Of course, this only applies to the Cestus because the other 2 are nothing more than blades on chains....yea. I guess when one chained weapon works so well, why not have more right? Each weapon has it's own magic attack, but like most GOW games, 2 of them prove to be bloody useless. Umm, what else? Oh yea, There are other powers that uses a yellow meter instead of the blue meter. These powers are mainly used to get around the environments, but they can be used for combat.


You know you have a great game when I have to reach deep down to my soul to find something wrong with it. At this point, saying GOW is good is like saying the sky is blue. In fact, its been a month now since its release, so if you don't own it, then what the fuck is wrong with you.
[Neil]: I don't own a PS3
Sucks to be you.
[Neil]: Whatever. I'm gonna go play GOW
I though you said you didn't have a PS....oh yea. Dumbass

Rating: Fuckin Awesome, Sweet, Meh, Ass, Titan mode

NOTE: You know Neil, no one else is gonna get that GOW joke.