Tuesday, January 12, 2010

BCFX: Doug Williams Edition (W)

..................this bitch blows.

I have never played a football game so bad before. I'm normally kinder to budget titles because they don't have many resources, and I really wanted to like it because it showcases great black college football programs, but there is absolutely no excuse for this much suck in one game. It's so bad, I won't even put the fuckin box art up. I'm not even gonna proofread this shit because I don't care. Seriously, how do you fuck up football this badly? And why did this have to happen to black colleges? It's racism I tell ya!

When I booted up the game, I noticed something weird. None of the teams have ratings on them. So wait, does that mean that every team is as good as the next? Were the developers too lazy to do research? Is there any.....oh who am I kidding. It's because they were too fuckin lazy. You know what, fuck it. It a budget title, and they may not have the money, so let's roll with it. So I picked Grambling and decided to face Southern, and when the game loaded, the arena was empty. Yea, they was a crowd watching, but it looks like someone attacked the screen with paintballs instead of looking like people. Again, it's a budget title, so let's give them a pass. The bands and teams started coming out onto the field, and it just looked so terrible graphically. I thought they used the Unreal engine; why does it look so much like shit? Maybe they would have saved money not uses that engine. Okay, we reached the point of no more excuse, so let's get to the make and break part; the football.

The first play I chose was a run play, and when I handed the ball off, I immediately got tackled. Okay, they broke through; good for them. The next play was a short pass play, and when I snapped the ball, I immediately got sacked. I'm thinking "what the hell" as my guy slowly gets up. The 3rd play I picked was a deep pass, and what do you know. The defense broke through and I had to run for it. After several games, I realized that the O-line in this game doesn't block for shit. They'll either stand real fuckin still or block the wrong guy, and god forbid if they blitz. You can't bring over another blocker because the game doesn't allow you to have a man in motion. What the fuck!? Anyway, back to the play. I made a run for it when I saw at the last minute someone wide open, and I mean REALLY wide open, as in he had time to do his taxes wide open. When I threw the ball though...incomplete. Did overthrow or underthrow it? No. Did a defender I didn't see deflect it? No. Did he drop the pass? Not even! THE STUPID MOTHER FUCKA DIDN'T EVEN TRY TO CATCH THE FUCKIN FOOTBALL!!!! He just let it hit him in the chest; didn't even bother to put his hands up! This was not a one time thing. It happened repeatedly in EVERY FUCKIN GAME I'VE PLAYED! Your receivers will not try to catch the ball, and any completions made will be out of pure fuckin luck, so there's no fuckin point in throwing the ball, but that's okay because running is so piss easy. Just run around in a circle and you'll break free. Hurdling helps too because somehow players can leap over 4 defenders at once if it fuckin wants to. Juking though is fuckin useless because you'll still get tackled.

As for defense...what defense? Players just fuckin stand around all damn day. When they do decide to play, it's the most awkward shit I have ever seen in my life. Tackles seem to happen without even touching the guy. The players will horse collar tackle without any penalties called. Once the D-lineman comes in contact with the O-lineman, there's no fuckin way to escape. It's like they're glued together. The 2 biggest crimes this game commits is how it handles fumbles and interceptions. When someone fumbles the ball, more often than not, NOBODY WILL FUCKIN MOVE TO THE BALL! With the exception of the guy who caused the fumble, everybody just fuckin looked at the ball. As for the INTs, it's fuckin random. We all complained about Madden and their bullshit (and still will), but at least we can explain what happened. The safety or cornerback suddenly moved faster or the linebacker jumped a little too high; something along those lines. In BCFX, it's unexplainable! The ball disappears, the camera pans around, and the defender starts running. What the fuck just happened!?

What about halftime? Well, played Guitar Hero? Alright then. Surprisingly, they fuck this up too. They throw so many fuckin notes at you, even on beginner difficulty, and it doesn't always register your button presses. How fast do they think people can move their fuckin thumbs. Watching the shows are boring as hell. The electrifying displays the HBCU is known for have been recreated......into ugly, and it's a damn shame.

..................this bitch blows.

Rating: Red Rings of Death

NOTE: .............Ninjas......that is all.....

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