STOP WITH THE QUICK TIME EVENTS:
God of War was a good game; I'm glad we're all in agreement on that, but that doesn't mean you can litter the market with QTE's, especially since most developers can never do them right. For the record, Shenmue for Dreamcast was the first to do it, but no one gave a shit till Kratos started using them, so he gets a lot of the credit. Most QTE's happen at random when you least expect it, making it almost impossible to be ready for them. It's just a pointless (and sometimes frustrating) mini-game of simon says that developers throw it to make things seem better, but really, they're just fooling themselves (like rappers using auto-tuner). God of War didn't do that. Most QTE's were triggered by the player, meaning you knew what was about to happen and you had complete control, and that's something the other developers haven't grasp. The only other game to do QTE's right was Ninja Blade, but that game did it too much.
WHAT'S WITH ALL THE LOVE?
If there's a male lead in the game, Im always expecting some chick to come along for him to plug. In some games it makes sense (like Mass Effect and Prince of Persia), but when added to games like Silent Hill Homecoming, you can't help but to think the developers are off their fuckin rocker. Does there really need to be a romantic sub-plot? Can I please go through one game without there being sexual tension between the man and woman?
WHAT'S WITH ALL THE LOVE?
If there's a male lead in the game, Im always expecting some chick to come along for him to plug. In some games it makes sense (like Mass Effect and Prince of Persia), but when added to games like Silent Hill Homecoming, you can't help but to think the developers are off their fuckin rocker. Does there really need to be a romantic sub-plot? Can I please go through one game without there being sexual tension between the man and woman?
IS THIS A WALL OR A WALKWAY?
I hate invisible walls. You're just walking along, minding your own business, killing whatever you see, and then all of a sudden, you're running in place because you're not suppose to go down that hallway. If I can't go that way, why the fuck did you bother rendering it in the first place?
SO WAIT...WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?
No one plays fighting games for the story, but if you're have them, they have to make sense. I'm looking at you Soulcalibur 4 and Blazblue. Fighting games aren't the only ones that stink. Each genre has a game with writing so bad, it...well....not....okay....to.....I got nothing, but dammit if I had some jokes, I would lay it on thick. Never...EVER...have the mail room boy write your shit again.
I'M DROWNING!!!!!!!
I am so sick and tired of protagonists who can't swim. How am I suppose to buy that this guy is a badass, and he doesn't even know how to navigate a fuckin pool?
CHEATER! CHEATER! OOOOO, YOU FUCKIN CHEATER!
I hate cheap ass boss fights and AI. One hit and I'm dead from an attack I can't see coming or dodge? Fuck you. The worst part is when it happens off-screen.
BLEEP! BLOOP! YOU WALKED ACROSS THE ROOM!
I like achievement points. They usually make me feel good for doing something awesome. Before, you did stuff for your pride, but now you can be rewarded with points. You can't do shit with the points, but you can brag about how high your score is if you want to be a douche about it. What I don't like is when they give points for arbitrary shit, most of which you HAVE to do to proceed. Beating the first boss: 100 points. What the fuck? The system doesn't work if you're just giving them out. Make me work for my mother fuckin points.
I DON'T NEED 2 LINES
One liners are like good booze: always use in moderation. It's all good up to a point, but then you're dizzy, throwing up, saying things you shouldn't, and regretting all of it in the morning. Booze has that same effect. Protagonists who do nothing but sprout one liners (I'm looking at you Vin Diesel) are clearly devoid of personality and try to compensate with most boring smartass quotes.
PUT SOME DAMN CLOTHES ON, WOMAN!
I like the female body as much as the next guy, but it's not necessarily something I want to focus on when I'm kicking ass. For once, I would like to see a sensible dress woman doing her thing. It's kinda hard for me to respect her when her buttcrack is showing for no good reason.
I'm probably missing some things, but I can't of any right now. Maybe I'll update it later. Maybe you guy can give me some ideas? No...no you won't. You never do. Bastards.
I hate invisible walls. You're just walking along, minding your own business, killing whatever you see, and then all of a sudden, you're running in place because you're not suppose to go down that hallway. If I can't go that way, why the fuck did you bother rendering it in the first place?
SO WAIT...WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?
No one plays fighting games for the story, but if you're have them, they have to make sense. I'm looking at you Soulcalibur 4 and Blazblue. Fighting games aren't the only ones that stink. Each genre has a game with writing so bad, it...well....not....okay....to.....I got nothing, but dammit if I had some jokes, I would lay it on thick. Never...EVER...have the mail room boy write your shit again.
I'M DROWNING!!!!!!!
I am so sick and tired of protagonists who can't swim. How am I suppose to buy that this guy is a badass, and he doesn't even know how to navigate a fuckin pool?
CHEATER! CHEATER! OOOOO, YOU FUCKIN CHEATER!
I hate cheap ass boss fights and AI. One hit and I'm dead from an attack I can't see coming or dodge? Fuck you. The worst part is when it happens off-screen.
BLEEP! BLOOP! YOU WALKED ACROSS THE ROOM!
I like achievement points. They usually make me feel good for doing something awesome. Before, you did stuff for your pride, but now you can be rewarded with points. You can't do shit with the points, but you can brag about how high your score is if you want to be a douche about it. What I don't like is when they give points for arbitrary shit, most of which you HAVE to do to proceed. Beating the first boss: 100 points. What the fuck? The system doesn't work if you're just giving them out. Make me work for my mother fuckin points.
I DON'T NEED 2 LINES
One liners are like good booze: always use in moderation. It's all good up to a point, but then you're dizzy, throwing up, saying things you shouldn't, and regretting all of it in the morning. Booze has that same effect. Protagonists who do nothing but sprout one liners (I'm looking at you Vin Diesel) are clearly devoid of personality and try to compensate with most boring smartass quotes.
PUT SOME DAMN CLOTHES ON, WOMAN!
I like the female body as much as the next guy, but it's not necessarily something I want to focus on when I'm kicking ass. For once, I would like to see a sensible dress woman doing her thing. It's kinda hard for me to respect her when her buttcrack is showing for no good reason.
I'm probably missing some things, but I can't of any right now. Maybe I'll update it later. Maybe you guy can give me some ideas? No...no you won't. You never do. Bastards.
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