BlazBlue: Calamity Trigger

If you haven't heard of this game, don't worry; most people haven't, even hardcore gamers. This seems like it's gonna be one of those 'under the radar' type of games, which is a shame. Just like Street Fighter 4, BlazBlue is fuckin awesome and can kick the ass of most fighters. It's everything 2D fight fans want, while being inviting to new players. That's been said about a lot of fighters, and most of those claim almost never pan out, but as someone who sucks at 2D fighters, I was kicking ass. At the time of this writing, the only copy available is the limited edition version. Yea, they released the LE first, and the official game will be released in the middle of July. Good marketing plan? I don't know. What I do is that the LE cost the same as the stand alone game ($59.99), so you're better off getting the LE. When they said 'Limited Edition' they fuckin mean it. If my sources are correct, only 19,000 copies have been made, and since the internet has been blowing up with questions and youtube videos, I'm guessing they're going fast, so hurry up. Once the stand alone comes out, there will be no more LE versions released. I think they're only at gamestop right now; I could be wrong. The LE comes with the soundtrack on 2 discs and a bonus DVD. The music isn't bad, but I won't be putting it in my Ipod any time soon. The bonus DVD....you know what, I never watched it. Huh. Okay, while I do this review, I'll watch the DVD. Maybe it'll answer some questions I have.

Tim Burton's "The Nightmare Before BlazBlue"

This is normally the part where I explain the story, but I'm not even gonna bother. Why? Because I can't understand a damn thing that's going on. Maybe Neil can shed some light on this. And try to keep the spoilers to a minimum....like it matters.

[Neil]: Okay, so this dude Ragna is wanted by the NOL, the world's police force apparently, for busting up their buildings. Jin works for the NOL, but went A.W.O.L. in search of his brother Ragna so he can try to kill him again because he failed to when they were kids, but why he tried to is a mystery. We'll just say he's crazy. Noel is an amnesiac who also works for the NOL and is the sister of Jin and Ragna, only that's a lie. She's actually a clone of their sister, who may or may not be dead. Nu is the 13th clone (V-13) of their sister I think, and is passionately in love with Ragna, but Ragna wants to kill her, which is why he keep breaking NOL building. That's where she keeps spawning. Hakumen is one of the Six Heroes who helped save mankind once, but is apparently Ragna's brother somehow, and Jin is....not sure. Maybe a clone? Anyway, Hakumen was summoned out of the boundry, which is like purgatory, by Kokonoe, a scientist who works for Sector Seven. Sector Seven is the opposing group to the NOL. They're not evil, and they don't play much of role here. Anyway, there's a distortion in time and space (due to Nu's awakening), and Hakumen is sent somewhere else, so it's up to Tager to plant devices that....

STOP! STOP! STOP THIS SHIT RIGHT NOW! SON OF A MOTHER FUCKIN METAL GEAR SOLID BITCH! I THINK I KNOW LESS NOW THAN I DID BEFORE! UUUUUGH! FUCK YOU! FUCK JAPAN! FUCK ARC SYSTEM!

[Neil]: Son of a mother fuckin Metal Gear Solid bitch?

You know, because it too has a needlessly complicated story.

[Neil]: I see.....

After trying to grasp this so called mess of a story for maybe 2 days, I put the controller down and said "I done." Seriously, I was done. I don't give two shits about cultural differences; if anybody think that the story here is good in any way, American or Japanese, may their buttholes itch for 40 days and 40 nights.

Litchi's nickname in the game is Boobie Lady...I'm not joking!

Now let's begin talking about gameplay. First, let me tell you what I don't like about it............now that that's out of the way, let's talk about what I like do about it. Seriously, I don't have a single complaint about gameplay whatsoever. This game is just design too well. The game is fast and frantic, yet you still have complete control. I can't even complain about controls, which is something I normally have to when talking about the 360 and fighting games. Things are different from most 2D fighting games. Instead of 3 types of punches and kicks (like Street Fighter 4), BlazBlue uses a 4 button system. You have a weak button, medium button, strong button, and a 'do something awesome' button (I like that button). To make things even easier, 2 of your special moves and at least one of your finishers are mapped on the right stick. Just flick the stick in the right direction, and you can proceed to open up your can, jar, box, chest, or truck of whoopass on whoever's in front fo you. It's a hell of a lot easier than 'Down, Down-Forward, Forward, Down, Down-Forward, Forward, Button' to do moves. With this easy setup, someone like me can come in and be a G in no time. Of course, those who are well versed in the art of 2D fighters will come into this game as gods, and beat the holiest of all hell on anyone who challenges them (mostly by accident). What makes 2D fighters so great is that you can be creative with your ass-kicking. 2D fighters basically let you create your own combos, and the truely adventurous can develop 100 hit combos if they practice enough. That's why there is such a strong sub-culture for it. 3D fighters don't normally provide that since their combat style demands that combos be pre-determined. BlazBlue is no different from other 2D fighters in the combo department, and since the controls are simple, putting combos together is more fun than usual. This game even has punk bastards in mind. If you try to avoid someone for too long without attacking, a negative warning will appear, telling you if you don't man up and fight, we'll make you pay. If you don't wanna listen to the warning, Your defense will drop, and hits will hurt more than usual. Once again, you will have spammers, but in this game, they're easy to get around thanks to the air dash (unless they spam to get you to air dash, then you're screwed). Some people may not like the fact that there are only 12 characters, but fuck that. For me, this actually seems perfect. It's easier to learn how to play with 12 people than it is with 47 mother fuckas.

Hey! Some actually gameplay footage!

I was a little hesitant to put this in my hall of fame because of the clusterfuck that is the story, but everything else is just so awesome, I almost had to. Maybe with enough press, this game can move more copies. The LE is doing fine, but when the stand alone comes out, I think we'll see sales drop, which would be a shame. 2D fighters not Street Fighter have a very limited appeal. Maybe I can help in some way. Readers, buy this game. Tell your friends to buy this game. This game is too awesome to go unnoticed.

Rating: Fuckin Awesome

NOTE: I finished the DVD. It's filled with tips and strategies on how to play the game. It kinda like a video instruction manual, except a lot more helpful. Didn't tell me shit about the story though. Did I mention that these guys also made the Guilty Gear series?