Yes, I am no fan of stealth, but that doesn't mean I can't have an opinion on it. One of the main reason why I never liked stealth is because I was never any good at it. I get caught so easily, and because I'm a run and gun type of person, I tend to try to shoot it out which never works (except Metal Gear Solid 3 for some reason). Knowing that people like me suck, Splinter Cell tries to appeal to us by making the game as easy as possible without losing that sense of accomplishment, so if you're a regular jack-off who might be interested in stealth, then this is the game for you. If you're like me and don't like stealth at all, then this game can go fuck itself with the skull of Sam's dead daughter. If you are a stealth master, then this game (unless played online with other stealth masters) might turn you off because it's patronizingly easy.
This game takes place after the events in Double Agent, which leads to the first problem. The gameplay is built for newcomers at heart, but you have to play the last game to fully understand what the fuck is going on. Sam leaves the people he worked for and goes into hiding, his daughter's dead, yet that was part of a conspiracy. Sam's friend is dead, and I think he used to run the agency, which is run now by some dick who wants to take over the United States simply because this is a Tom Clancy game and someone is always trying to take over the U.S. for no real fuckin reason except they can. It's basically a lot of information to digest, and since you can only cover so much in one game, this leaves a lot of fuckin plot holes to those who haven't play the game before, and no, I haven't played the game before. And why is it that everyone wants to fuck with the U.S.? I like to play a modern game where the U.S. just fuckin chills in the background while the rest of the world duke it out. America doesn't have to be the center of every fuckin thing that happens. Do they think gamers won't like it unless they're fighting under the American flag? I would love to play a modern real world game where the U.S. isn't mentioned once bit. Some might say I'm being un-American, and they can fuck off. This is the most pro-American statement in gaming because I'm tired of my country being fucked with (especially by republicans).
I, for one, don't fully like the controls because they depend too much on the A button. In order to get Sam to do stuff that don't involve killing, you press A. Not only that, but you also have to be looking at what you need Sam to do in order for A to work. For example, to climb a wall, you have to look up and press A. Sounds simply, but when you're in a hurry, it's real easy to fuck it up. If you look too high up, you won't see the command to jump. Same thing if you look to low, and that pisses me off when I'm trying to hop a fence before the enemy sees me. Another example: to open a door you press A, and to peek under the door you press A. Confused? You have to look roughly waist high at the door in order to open it and look down at the floor to peek under it. Sounds like it's setup in a way you can't really fuck it up....until you fuck it up. There have been many times where I have accidentally opened the door to a room full of mercs who couldn't wait to show me a demonstration of their new-found love of killing dumb mother fuckas who open doors when they meant to peek under it because the controls are dick! The one thing I do like though is to take cover behind a wall or something, you hold down a button instead of pressing a button and being stuck like Velcro. The developers must not think likely of people like me because the AI is dumber than fuck with less brain cells than nuggets. These fucknuggets like to shout out exactly what their plans are like I can't fuckin hear them. Thanks guys; for a minute I thought I'd have to brain to figure out how to kill you. Shit, there are even times where I didn't really have to do shit. I'd just chuck a grenade in one direction, wait till they all run in that direction, and then run in the opposite direction. When the game calls for stealth, it's easy to crack some necks and keep it moving, but unbeknown to me were there moments where you don't really use stealth. The game provides you with little cover and tells you to go, and this happens ahellava lot during the last part of the game. So now it's a action game? Funny; I thought Sam's wasn't built to take a million billion bullets. Lets try shooting it out.............nope; doesn't work. Apparently, this is where you really need to use the mark and execute move, and it just occurred to me that I never explained that. When you kill an enemy with a sneak attack (B button), you earn a mark and execute which allows you to mark all the enemies you can and press Y to watch Sam kill them all. It felt so unless early in the game that I didn't even bother with it. It only after I've gotten my ass handed to me on several occasions by a large group of soldier with very limited cover at my disposal that moments like this were made for the mark and execute. I guess Ubisoft thought you would be a fuckin expert by now that you should be able to figure that shit out. Well excuse me mister game designer for wanting to use stealth to get through a situation, which is something this game is suppose to promote. In case you're wondering how to use mark and execute on the fucked up parts I mentioned, you mark everyone you can (guns have limits to how many people you can mark), you sneak attack one person which will probably alert the rest, and you use your now earned execute skill to clear the room. Only in hindsight can someone think of that shit. The leg of the game gives in way too much to action, which means trying to be stealthy may be the dumbest thing you can do. By the way, the mark and executes don't add up. If you sneak attack 2 guys, you can still only use it once, and once you use it, you have to sneak attack someone else. Well that's fuckin rewarding. Now you see why I didn't even bother with it to begin with. And don't even bother using stealth against other Splinter Cells because they know where you are using their own sonar goggles. I'm not saying you can't, but at this point, why would you want to.
Splinter Cell just doesn't appeal to me, which me the number 1 stealth game for me is still Batman (just kid; I have no favorite). I normally find stealth games a little hard for me, and when they make them easy, it's way too easy. Maybe I'm just too hard to please. I like to go on record to say that I don't hate stealth; I just like it better when it's an option rather than a requirement like Uncharted 2. Conviction doesn't strike any chords in people jaded about stealth, but maybe it wasn't meant to. If you're not on board by now, why bother, right?
Rating: Meh
NOTE: Months later and I'm still trying to beat Dragon Age. That bitch is hard even on casual difficulty. And the bosses....bull fuckin shit. They go waaaaay beyond cheap.
