Who doesn't want to climb into a ten ton supercharged machine and tear ass on 4 four and sometimes 2 wheels? Nobody, and that's why racing games are awesome! This list celebrates the best of the best.
10. Ridge Racer - PSX
When my friend bought her Playstation, it came with a demo of Ridge Racer. It was one car, one track, and we played for hours. One car! One track! So you can imagine the amount of time we lost we she got the full version. Why were we so addicted? Never had we played a racing game before where the cars drift...THEY DRIFT!
9. DiRT - PS3, PC, and 360
This game did something I never thought was possible: it made me care a rally car racing. It had great tracks, super tight and responsive controls, and an incredible sense of speed. This is one of the few games where doing a time trial was actually fun.
8. San Fransisco Rush - Arcades
As much as I like Rush 2 and Rush 2049, the original holds a special place in my heart. There have been many 3D racers, but this was the first one where you could crash and burn.....as in your car would explode! Burning rubber takes the literal meaning in this bitch. Add crazy shortcuts and you got yourself one kickass arcade racer.
7. Midnight Club 3 Dub Edition Remix - PS2 and Xbox
Remember when The Fast and the Furious came out and street racing became the most popular thing ever? This game represented all that was FUN about it. Midnight Night has always been know for it open world style and create your own route gameplay, but number 3 added real license car that were fully customizable. The Greatest/Platinum hits version called Remix makes the list for adding new cars and the city of Tokyo for MC2.
6. F-Zero -SNES
Besides the colorful graphics, blazing speeds, a cool soundtrack, and great original gameplay, F-Zero can be some up in one simple statement...........this bitch is hard.
5. Burnout Revenge - Xbox 360
Burnout Paradise is fun, but I'm not really feeling the open world Midnight Club style gameplay. Burnout is best played on tracks with laps and lots of shit in your way that can cause a catastrophic amount of damage. Actually, Burnout Paradise can do that too. So what makes Revenge special? Crash mode!
4. Gran Turismo 4 - PS2
Yes fanboys, it's only number 4. Suck it. With that said Gran Turismo is the reason we have racing sims at all, and the 4th installment is the best of them all with what was at the time the most realistic car controls ever and graphics that looked better than anything on the PS2. Seriously, put GT4 in HD (like they did God of War) and you will see it holds up to many PS3 games.
3. Mario Kart 64 - N64
One of the only 2 racing games on the list that doesn't actually use cars, Mario Kart is addictive as all hell. Yes, the racing was faster on Double Dash and Wii, but what puts 64 on the list is its battle mode. No Mario Kart has had a battle mode as fun as the 64 game. Why I don't know, and it's a damn shame.
2. Forza Motorsport 3 - 360
Making the GT fans even angrier, its Forza at number 3. This game has the best career mode of any racing sim out there and has a level of customizable paint job never seen before. The most important aspect is that it's extreme assessable to newbies with all its assists. Take the assists off, and we're looking at Forza 2 difficulty, sliding all over the place...pisses me off....
Gran Turismo, Forza, and Mario Kart not making number 1? Really? Not even Burnout or Midnight Club? What in God's name can be number 1 then? Some of you may already have an idea where I'm going with this since I left out probably the most popular racing series in video games, but the game I have at number one will have everyone wondering what the hell is wrong with me. At the same time, it'll have everyone who played it smiling as they all have fond memories of it.
1. Need For Speed: Hot Pursuit 2 - PS2
This...game...is...the awesome! Your goal was finishing the race in first place while the police were trying to bust your ass, and the police were actually good at their job. We're talking rockblocks, spike strips, and fuckin helicopters dropping exploding barrels from the sky. This game was absolutely fuckin nuts. It's not like other Need For Speed games that feature cops. It's not an open world. You don't have to lose the cops once the race is over. Hell, sometimes the race isn't even over when the cops manage to pull you over. They give you a ticket and send you on your way. This formula is much better than any of the new shit they did (cough cough Most Wanted cough) and even though it's open world, let's hope the new Hot Pursuit can replicate what made number 2 fun. Also keep in mind I'm talking about the PS2 version, not the Xbox and Gamecube version which plays differently for some reason.
Showing posts with label List. Show all posts
Showing posts with label List. Show all posts
Sunday, August 15, 2010
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Top Ten Fighting Game Series
I'm not gonna lie; I suck at most fighters, but that doesn't stop me from playing them. Nothing like beating the holy hell out of each other until one can no longer fight. For this top ten, there are a couple of rules. This is a list of fighting game SERIES, so there has to be more than 2. Sorry Blazblue, but you're one game too short. Also, it cannot belong to the sports genre, so games like Fight Night and UFC are out. No wrestling games either.
10. Guilty Gear
Although we can't put Blazblue into this list, we can damn sure put his daddy on it. Guilty Gear has awesome visuals, interesting characters, kickass rock music, and some of the smoothest controls ever in a 2D fighter. And let's not forget the instant kills. It's so awesome, it makes people forget that Sol Badguy is...just...a terrible fuckin name.
9. King of the Fighters
I don't know which came first, this or Street Fighter 2, but dammit if is didn't help revolutionize 2D fighters. If you were a Art of Fighting and Fatal Fury, you practically shitted your pants as this game pitted fighters from both games against each other. SNK knows how to make a damn good fighter. If only they didn't go bankrupt.
8. Darkstalkers
I did not know what a succubus was until I played this game.....thanks I guess. Anyway, it seems that the people from Capcom decided "Hey! Let's take what we learned from Street Fighter, have a shitload of monsters, and give it a cool name to stand out. It will be awesome!" Well, that's what they did....and it was awesome. You have vampires and succubi and a werewolf and a guy walking around with a little....girl?......I'm assuming someone gonna call the police on him.
7. Dead or Alive
When I think of DOA, two things come to mind: kickass fighting and jiggly ninja boobs. It's like watching a 3D anime.....of awesome. DOA is one of the few games that have a reversal system, and it's useful as it is complicated. Not bad for a fighting game that's two polygons away from full-frontal nudity.
6. Virtua Fighter
THE...FIRST! Virtua Fighter is the reason DOA exist in the first place. It was a little rough at first since everyone moved so slow and floated in the air like they were on the fuckin moon, but the series has long since advanced into one of the most technical fighters...EVER! It's all about timing and placement. If you don't having timing, you lose. If you don't have placement, you lose. If you button mash, you're a fuckin joke. Put the control down bitch; you suck!
5. Tekken
Talk to any hardcore fight fan, and there will most likely be an argument as to which is better: Tekken or Virtua Fighter. It's a difficult choice, but I'm gonna have to say Tekken simply because they have more people. Normally it's quality over quantity, but in Tekken's case, they have quality AND quantity. While there are some issues, you wouldn't expect a 3D fighter with so many fighters to be this balance, but they pulled it off in Tekken 5 and 6.
4. Soulcalibur
Hot damn, Namco can some good 3D fighters. Besides the fact that this is one of the few fighting games based solely on weapons, Soul Calibur 3 was the first fighting game to have a create-a-fighter mode if I'm not mistaken. What also makes this series special is the special guests Soul Calibur 2 and Soulcalibur: Broken Destiny has. You got to play as Zelda's Link and God of War's Kratos for crying out loud. And no that's not a typo. After Soul Calibur 3, the name changed to Soulcalibur. Why? I don't know.
3. Super Smash Bros.
Besides being the most original fighter on the list, SSB pits pretty much all of Nintendo against each other in a battle royal. To beat your opponents, you can't just simply KO them oh no. You have to knock them CLEAR ACROSS THE FUCKIN STAGE! It's so awesome, Solid Snake and Sonic wanted in. At first, I didn't think this game was as good as everyone says, but I was playing alone. Soon as I got some friends over, hot damn. We played this together more than any other game on the list so far.
Now, we all know what the top two games are gonna be; it's a no fuckin brainer. The question is how do we choose which is number 2 and which is number 1. After much thought, a few beers, a nap, and several games of Call of Duty, we finally made our decision.
2. Mortal Kombat
Most of the games on this list had an impact on the fighting genre. MK had an impact on the entire fuckin gaming industry. Yea, it's that badass. The introduction of the fatalities is the reason video games have a rating system. That's right; MK created the ESRB. That's fuckin nuts. Just watch the video. Stuttering Craig never lie. Games like Gears of War owe their existence to this series. Now, when MK made the jump to 3D, people have mixed feelings about it. Some say it was good while others say it was mediocre at best. Either way, MK holds a special place in our hearts, and our hearts hold a special place in Kano's hands.
1. Street Fighter/Capcom vs.
What puts Street fighter on the top of this list is consistency. This series stayed great after 2 decades because Capcom knows what they're doing. Only Street Fighter can change so little and yet remain so awesome. While Street Fighter deserves all the credit it gets, it was really the Capcom vs. series that kept 2D fighters around for as long as they have been. First, Capcom created the X-Men fighting game, then X-Men vs Street Fighter, then Marvel Super Heroes vs Street Fighter, then finally Marvel vs Capcom 1 and 2. Capcom then proceeded to partner up with SNK to create probably the most tech of the vs. games with the Capcom vs SNK series. These games pretty much played into the geeky fanboy and fansgirls in all of us. With Marvel vs Capcom 3 on it's way and the recently announced Street Fighter x Tekken (I'm dead fuckin serious), Capcom aint letting go of that top spot anytime soon.
10. Guilty Gear
Although we can't put Blazblue into this list, we can damn sure put his daddy on it. Guilty Gear has awesome visuals, interesting characters, kickass rock music, and some of the smoothest controls ever in a 2D fighter. And let's not forget the instant kills. It's so awesome, it makes people forget that Sol Badguy is...just...a terrible fuckin name.
9. King of the Fighters
I don't know which came first, this or Street Fighter 2, but dammit if is didn't help revolutionize 2D fighters. If you were a Art of Fighting and Fatal Fury, you practically shitted your pants as this game pitted fighters from both games against each other. SNK knows how to make a damn good fighter. If only they didn't go bankrupt.
8. Darkstalkers
I did not know what a succubus was until I played this game.....thanks I guess. Anyway, it seems that the people from Capcom decided "Hey! Let's take what we learned from Street Fighter, have a shitload of monsters, and give it a cool name to stand out. It will be awesome!" Well, that's what they did....and it was awesome. You have vampires and succubi and a werewolf and a guy walking around with a little....girl?......I'm assuming someone gonna call the police on him.
7. Dead or Alive
When I think of DOA, two things come to mind: kickass fighting and jiggly ninja boobs. It's like watching a 3D anime.....of awesome. DOA is one of the few games that have a reversal system, and it's useful as it is complicated. Not bad for a fighting game that's two polygons away from full-frontal nudity.
6. Virtua Fighter
THE...FIRST! Virtua Fighter is the reason DOA exist in the first place. It was a little rough at first since everyone moved so slow and floated in the air like they were on the fuckin moon, but the series has long since advanced into one of the most technical fighters...EVER! It's all about timing and placement. If you don't having timing, you lose. If you don't have placement, you lose. If you button mash, you're a fuckin joke. Put the control down bitch; you suck!
5. Tekken
Talk to any hardcore fight fan, and there will most likely be an argument as to which is better: Tekken or Virtua Fighter. It's a difficult choice, but I'm gonna have to say Tekken simply because they have more people. Normally it's quality over quantity, but in Tekken's case, they have quality AND quantity. While there are some issues, you wouldn't expect a 3D fighter with so many fighters to be this balance, but they pulled it off in Tekken 5 and 6.
4. Soulcalibur
Hot damn, Namco can some good 3D fighters. Besides the fact that this is one of the few fighting games based solely on weapons, Soul Calibur 3 was the first fighting game to have a create-a-fighter mode if I'm not mistaken. What also makes this series special is the special guests Soul Calibur 2 and Soulcalibur: Broken Destiny has. You got to play as Zelda's Link and God of War's Kratos for crying out loud. And no that's not a typo. After Soul Calibur 3, the name changed to Soulcalibur. Why? I don't know.
3. Super Smash Bros.
Besides being the most original fighter on the list, SSB pits pretty much all of Nintendo against each other in a battle royal. To beat your opponents, you can't just simply KO them oh no. You have to knock them CLEAR ACROSS THE FUCKIN STAGE! It's so awesome, Solid Snake and Sonic wanted in. At first, I didn't think this game was as good as everyone says, but I was playing alone. Soon as I got some friends over, hot damn. We played this together more than any other game on the list so far.
Now, we all know what the top two games are gonna be; it's a no fuckin brainer. The question is how do we choose which is number 2 and which is number 1. After much thought, a few beers, a nap, and several games of Call of Duty, we finally made our decision.
2. Mortal Kombat
Most of the games on this list had an impact on the fighting genre. MK had an impact on the entire fuckin gaming industry. Yea, it's that badass. The introduction of the fatalities is the reason video games have a rating system. That's right; MK created the ESRB. That's fuckin nuts. Just watch the video. Stuttering Craig never lie. Games like Gears of War owe their existence to this series. Now, when MK made the jump to 3D, people have mixed feelings about it. Some say it was good while others say it was mediocre at best. Either way, MK holds a special place in our hearts, and our hearts hold a special place in Kano's hands.
1. Street Fighter/Capcom vs.
What puts Street fighter on the top of this list is consistency. This series stayed great after 2 decades because Capcom knows what they're doing. Only Street Fighter can change so little and yet remain so awesome. While Street Fighter deserves all the credit it gets, it was really the Capcom vs. series that kept 2D fighters around for as long as they have been. First, Capcom created the X-Men fighting game, then X-Men vs Street Fighter, then Marvel Super Heroes vs Street Fighter, then finally Marvel vs Capcom 1 and 2. Capcom then proceeded to partner up with SNK to create probably the most tech of the vs. games with the Capcom vs SNK series. These games pretty much played into the geeky fanboy and fansgirls in all of us. With Marvel vs Capcom 3 on it's way and the recently announced Street Fighter x Tekken (I'm dead fuckin serious), Capcom aint letting go of that top spot anytime soon.
Monday, May 17, 2010
Top Ten Superpowers
Why do we loves superheroes? Is it because they stand up for truth and justice? Is it because they're always willing to do what is right? Is it because they give people hope in desperate times? FUCK NO! It's all about the kick-ass super powers. But which one do you go with? It's time for another top 10, and this time we're counting down the best super powers you can possess. Remember: to make the list, that super power has to have appeared in a game somewhere. Magic doesn't count.
10. Fire
I like to burn stuff, don't you? No? Oh...ummm....sooo anyway. When you're walking napalm, people tend to back up away from you. You know when's the best place to catch fire? On the basketball court. In my opinion, NBA Jam makes use of the power better than anyone (second place: Scorpion).
9. Spider Powers
I was only gonna limit it to just wall crawling, but why not have the whole package? Remember: he does whatever a spider can. I'd use it to swing past BBQs and steal people's sandwiches, just 'cause it would be funny.
8. Lightening
We already have this power to a small extent. Just rub your feet across the carpet and proceed to annoy your sister. Lightening powers are awesome (just ask Cole from Infamous), but if you want something with a little more bang, I say go with the Force. That's right Star Wars fans, I'm talking Force Lightening. It's the only reason I played the Force Unleashed. Hell, I'll take the whole package the Force has to offer (as seen in this vid), but I'm in it for the lightening.
7. Super Speed
As an old school Sonic fan, I can't help but to love this one. Go across the country in under 2 minutes? Why the fuck not? Again, I would use this power to steal sandwiches.
6. Flight
Duh. It the most basic of powers. Besides, no more airports.
5. Teleportation
What's faster than running? Teleportation my friends. Oh, how my commute to work would be so much easier. Oh, how quickly I can get stuff done. Oh, how many sandwiches I can steal with this power. What a very versatile power. It's like the hemp of superpowers.
4. Ice
Polar opposite to fire, and in my opinion, a hellava lot cooler (no pun intended). Not only can freeze people, you can travel by making ice bridges, create weapons out of ice, use your power to start an impromptu hockey, and if you do decide to freeze someone, you can taunt them as they look on unable to move.
3. Ki Blast
If Dragonball Z has taught us anything, it's that Ki can be a dangerous fuckin tool. Technically, it's not a super power, but how many people can pull it off? Alright then. The only negative is that Ki blasts pretty much invented spamming (aint that right Ryu and Ken?).
2. Regeneration
What does Wolverine and every modern first person shooter have in common. Oh, I think I just gave you the answer, didn't I? Either way, how awesome would it be to heal from anything? Who the fuck would need health insurance? Every time you get hurt, it'll be like that Monty Python movie. "Tis' but a scratch."
1. Money
Who are we kidding? Nothing is better than money. The more money you have, the better things are. Shit, you can buy yourself a superhero. In fact, make yourself a superhero. Just ask Tony Stark and Bruce Wayne. If you really think about it, with the exception of aliens and natural born mutants, all superheroes were byproducts of some science project, and for projects to take off, what do you need? Yup. Money. I would have a video for it, but I don't have any money......
10. Fire
I like to burn stuff, don't you? No? Oh...ummm....sooo anyway. When you're walking napalm, people tend to back up away from you. You know when's the best place to catch fire? On the basketball court. In my opinion, NBA Jam makes use of the power better than anyone (second place: Scorpion).
9. Spider Powers
I was only gonna limit it to just wall crawling, but why not have the whole package? Remember: he does whatever a spider can. I'd use it to swing past BBQs and steal people's sandwiches, just 'cause it would be funny.
8. Lightening
We already have this power to a small extent. Just rub your feet across the carpet and proceed to annoy your sister. Lightening powers are awesome (just ask Cole from Infamous), but if you want something with a little more bang, I say go with the Force. That's right Star Wars fans, I'm talking Force Lightening. It's the only reason I played the Force Unleashed. Hell, I'll take the whole package the Force has to offer (as seen in this vid), but I'm in it for the lightening.
7. Super Speed
As an old school Sonic fan, I can't help but to love this one. Go across the country in under 2 minutes? Why the fuck not? Again, I would use this power to steal sandwiches.
6. Flight
Duh. It the most basic of powers. Besides, no more airports.
5. Teleportation
What's faster than running? Teleportation my friends. Oh, how my commute to work would be so much easier. Oh, how quickly I can get stuff done. Oh, how many sandwiches I can steal with this power. What a very versatile power. It's like the hemp of superpowers.
4. Ice
Polar opposite to fire, and in my opinion, a hellava lot cooler (no pun intended). Not only can freeze people, you can travel by making ice bridges, create weapons out of ice, use your power to start an impromptu hockey, and if you do decide to freeze someone, you can taunt them as they look on unable to move.
3. Ki Blast
If Dragonball Z has taught us anything, it's that Ki can be a dangerous fuckin tool. Technically, it's not a super power, but how many people can pull it off? Alright then. The only negative is that Ki blasts pretty much invented spamming (aint that right Ryu and Ken?).
2. Regeneration
What does Wolverine and every modern first person shooter have in common. Oh, I think I just gave you the answer, didn't I? Either way, how awesome would it be to heal from anything? Who the fuck would need health insurance? Every time you get hurt, it'll be like that Monty Python movie. "Tis' but a scratch."
1. Money
Who are we kidding? Nothing is better than money. The more money you have, the better things are. Shit, you can buy yourself a superhero. In fact, make yourself a superhero. Just ask Tony Stark and Bruce Wayne. If you really think about it, with the exception of aliens and natural born mutants, all superheroes were byproducts of some science project, and for projects to take off, what do you need? Yup. Money. I would have a video for it, but I don't have any money......
Saturday, May 8, 2010
Top Ten Sequels That Need to Be Made
After the announcement of Marvel vs Capcom 3, it had me thinking. What other games need to make another appearance? So, after days of contemplating and playing old ass games, I've come up with my top ten games that needs a sequel.
Okay, here are the rules for the top ten list:
No insanely popular games like God of War or Halo (because that's just a gimmie)
No games with sequels already announced (NBA Jam)
No games that are part of a trilogy (Mass Effect) or finished their trilogy (God of War)
No games released in 2009 or 2010
10. Vector Man/Comix Zone
I couldn't pick one, so I decided to add them both. Hey, it's my list, and I can do whatever I want. And let's give it up for vectorman's kick ass soundtrack. It's pretty fuckin Impressive for a Genesis game.
9. SSX
This is undoubtedly the most awesome snowboarding series of all time. I was gonna say Snowboard Kids, but thinking of that game made me wonder...what the fuck happened to SSX? EA....make it. It'll help your company from sucking.
8. San Francisco Rush
Burnout, meet your daddy. This arcade game was freakin nuts with its shortcuts and crashes and people cursing when they crashed while going for a shortcut....or maybe that was just me. Let's bring this one back, and keeps the wings from SFR 2049.
7. Battletoads
It was 2D beat em up goodness, and I want another one. And don't fuck it up like you did TMNT: TIT (ha).
6. Star Fox
Normally, I would say this is a gimmie, but I don't know anymore. They've been unusually quiet on this one. The only statement they released (to gameformer magazine I believe) is that they are looking for a studio they can do the fox justice. Let's just hope he STAYS IN THE PLANE this time, and maybe the occasional tank. Oh, and add 4 player local and online co-op.
5. Power Stone
That review is coming soon, as soon as I get a hold of Power Stone 2....that doesn't run me 100 bucks.
4. Wave Race
How many jet-ski games have you played in your life? Think about it......that's what I thought. Wave Race made you care.
3. Killer Instinct 3
Rare....we want it. You know we want it. We know you want to make it. So what's the fuckin holdup? I wanna do my ultra combo dammit. The funny thing about it is that when you first look at it, you think Mortal Kombat clone, but then you play it and it takes a life of its own.
2. Jet Set Radio
I must be the only person who loves this game. Why is that? Maybe not a lot of people heard of it. I don't know, but you owe it to yourself to play this game, either the Dreamcast's Jet Grind Radio or Xbox's Jet Set Radio Future.
1. Conker
You know, I used to think - like everyone else - that Goldeneye was the best damn game for the N64. Then I played Conker's Bad Fur Day, and in my opinion (I'm almost positive you'll disagree with on this) Conker shits all over 007. It's very simple really. 007 aged poorly, and now I can't really go back and play it. Maybe for a little bit of nostalgia, but not for a long session of serious gaming. Conker, on the other hand, plays better than half the platformer games out now, and that's the N64 version. I'm not even talking about the Xbox remake. This should have had a sequel a long time ago. What the fuck happened? What are they; allergic to awesome?
Okay, here are the rules for the top ten list:
No insanely popular games like God of War or Halo (because that's just a gimmie)
No games with sequels already announced (NBA Jam)
No games that are part of a trilogy (Mass Effect) or finished their trilogy (God of War)
No games released in 2009 or 2010
10. Vector Man/Comix Zone
I couldn't pick one, so I decided to add them both. Hey, it's my list, and I can do whatever I want. And let's give it up for vectorman's kick ass soundtrack. It's pretty fuckin Impressive for a Genesis game.
9. SSX
This is undoubtedly the most awesome snowboarding series of all time. I was gonna say Snowboard Kids, but thinking of that game made me wonder...what the fuck happened to SSX? EA....make it. It'll help your company from sucking.
8. San Francisco Rush
Burnout, meet your daddy. This arcade game was freakin nuts with its shortcuts and crashes and people cursing when they crashed while going for a shortcut....or maybe that was just me. Let's bring this one back, and keeps the wings from SFR 2049.
7. Battletoads
It was 2D beat em up goodness, and I want another one. And don't fuck it up like you did TMNT: TIT (ha).
6. Star Fox
Normally, I would say this is a gimmie, but I don't know anymore. They've been unusually quiet on this one. The only statement they released (to gameformer magazine I believe) is that they are looking for a studio they can do the fox justice. Let's just hope he STAYS IN THE PLANE this time, and maybe the occasional tank. Oh, and add 4 player local and online co-op.
5. Power Stone
That review is coming soon, as soon as I get a hold of Power Stone 2....that doesn't run me 100 bucks.
4. Wave Race
How many jet-ski games have you played in your life? Think about it......that's what I thought. Wave Race made you care.
3. Killer Instinct 3
Rare....we want it. You know we want it. We know you want to make it. So what's the fuckin holdup? I wanna do my ultra combo dammit. The funny thing about it is that when you first look at it, you think Mortal Kombat clone, but then you play it and it takes a life of its own.
2. Jet Set Radio
I must be the only person who loves this game. Why is that? Maybe not a lot of people heard of it. I don't know, but you owe it to yourself to play this game, either the Dreamcast's Jet Grind Radio or Xbox's Jet Set Radio Future.
1. Conker
You know, I used to think - like everyone else - that Goldeneye was the best damn game for the N64. Then I played Conker's Bad Fur Day, and in my opinion (I'm almost positive you'll disagree with on this) Conker shits all over 007. It's very simple really. 007 aged poorly, and now I can't really go back and play it. Maybe for a little bit of nostalgia, but not for a long session of serious gaming. Conker, on the other hand, plays better than half the platformer games out now, and that's the N64 version. I'm not even talking about the Xbox remake. This should have had a sequel a long time ago. What the fuck happened? What are they; allergic to awesome?
Sunday, May 2, 2010
Why You Should; Why You Shouldn't
Deciding which system you want to get is a bitch, unless you're a douchebag fanboy. Today, I'm gonna make that decision just a little bit harder. I'll give you 5 reasons why you should and why you shouldn't buy a Xbox 360, Playstation 3, Wii, PSP, and DSi.
Xbox 360
Why you should:
1. Detachable hard drive
2. Facebook and Netflix (Poke someone while watching a movie)
3. More Exclusive games than PS3
4. More budget and indie games than anyone
5. Xboxlive kicks ass (Others are free, Xbox is good)
Why you shouldn't:
1. Crappy D-pad
2. More ASS budget and indie games than anyone
3. Very high dickhead count on Xboxlive (They won't shut up)
4. Heats up quick (My room gets hotter when I play mine.)
5. It's a malfunctioning piece of shit! (If you buy a refurbished one)
PS3
Why you should:
1. Better exclusives than 360
2. A controller that hasn't changed in 16 years
3. Dollar amount of items that you buy online (not stupid points like Wii)
4. Blu-ray player
5. God of War 3
Why you shouldn't:
1. Takes longer to load games
2. Not backwards compatible (unless you buy an early system)
3. No cross-game chat (have to play the same game to talk to friends)
4. Games lag more (online and off)
5. You have to fuckin install every game into the hard drive
Wii
Why you should:
1. First party games kick ass (game made by nintendo)
2. Simple and fun games
3. Good for exercise
4. Chicks dig it (who wants to play with my Wii?)
5. Wii Store has old school Nintendo games
Why you shouldn't:
1. A shitload of crappy games
2.Your mom likes it
3. Wiimote doesn't always register movements
4. Controller parts are sold separately (that's some bullshit)
5. It's called Wii, I mean c'mon
PSP
Why you should:
1. It's a PS2 Jr.
2. Music and video
3. Most games feel like home consoles games
4. Sharp, clear screen
5. Decent Wi-Fi internet speed
Why you shouldn't:
1. Not many games being made for it
2. Damn near impossible to see screen in the sun
3. Battery doesn't always last long depending on game
4. No second analog (which sucks with FPS games)
5. The PSPgo (avoid at all cost!)
DSi
Why you should:
1. Durable as hell (just don't sit on it Travis)
2. First party games kick ass
3. Loooooong list of games
4. Dual screen gameplay is fun when used right
5. They have Tecmo Bowl! (......what?)
Why you shouldn't:
1. A shitload of crappy games like Wii
2. You don't feel like a grown man holding one
3. Camera is fuckin pointless with cell phones nowadays
4. Dual screen gameplay isn't often used right (or fun)
5. Your little sister has one
Xbox 360
Why you should:
1. Detachable hard drive
2. Facebook and Netflix (Poke someone while watching a movie)
3. More Exclusive games than PS3
4. More budget and indie games than anyone
5. Xboxlive kicks ass (Others are free, Xbox is good)
Why you shouldn't:
1. Crappy D-pad
2. More ASS budget and indie games than anyone
3. Very high dickhead count on Xboxlive (They won't shut up)
4. Heats up quick (My room gets hotter when I play mine.)
5. It's a malfunctioning piece of shit! (If you buy a refurbished one)
PS3
Why you should:
1. Better exclusives than 360
2. A controller that hasn't changed in 16 years
3. Dollar amount of items that you buy online (not stupid points like Wii)
4. Blu-ray player
5. God of War 3
Why you shouldn't:
1. Takes longer to load games
2. Not backwards compatible (unless you buy an early system)
3. No cross-game chat (have to play the same game to talk to friends)
4. Games lag more (online and off)
5. You have to fuckin install every game into the hard drive
Wii
Why you should:
1. First party games kick ass (game made by nintendo)
2. Simple and fun games
3. Good for exercise
4. Chicks dig it (who wants to play with my Wii?)
5. Wii Store has old school Nintendo games
Why you shouldn't:
1. A shitload of crappy games
2.Your mom likes it
3. Wiimote doesn't always register movements
4. Controller parts are sold separately (that's some bullshit)
5. It's called Wii, I mean c'mon
PSP
Why you should:
1. It's a PS2 Jr.
2. Music and video
3. Most games feel like home consoles games
4. Sharp, clear screen
5. Decent Wi-Fi internet speed
Why you shouldn't:
1. Not many games being made for it
2. Damn near impossible to see screen in the sun
3. Battery doesn't always last long depending on game
4. No second analog (which sucks with FPS games)
5. The PSPgo (avoid at all cost!)
DSi
Why you should:
1. Durable as hell (just don't sit on it Travis)
2. First party games kick ass
3. Loooooong list of games
4. Dual screen gameplay is fun when used right
5. They have Tecmo Bowl! (......what?)
Why you shouldn't:
1. A shitload of crappy games like Wii
2. You don't feel like a grown man holding one
3. Camera is fuckin pointless with cell phones nowadays
4. Dual screen gameplay isn't often used right (or fun)
5. Your little sister has one
Friday, February 12, 2010
One Year, and Still Going Strong...Kinda
Well I'll be cunt fuckin damn. Who would have guess that this little blog that shows absolutely no sign of professionalism (or skill) whatsoever would last one year hosted by a lazy nerd who does nothing all day but play games with no real explanation on how he's able to get all the games with absolutely no budget, but hey, here we are. You know, I learned a lot while doing this blog. Mainly it's that a task like this requires one to eliminate any remnants of a personal life (especially if you're playing Dragon Age), but it's more than that. Here's what I've learned.
This bitch is hard
I thought writing reviews off the top of my head would be quick. Then I realized that what you think I your head doesn't necessarily look good in text, so you have to edit. After having nothing but text and the box art pic, I realized my reviews looked dull, so I added pics with captions on the bottom to make it look pretty. After adding videos to a few irrelevant posts, I figured that would be better than pics, which added more to the workload. So now the whole process can take up to 3 hours withouts distractions. Oh yea, I also have to play the games.
People really like DBZ
I really didn't expect any comments under the DBZ double review because...well let's face it, nobody leaves comments, but I got 6 for it. Hmm. I guess people really want to know about it. I wish I get this much coverage for my other reviews, or at least share their thoughts about ninjas, which leads to the next thing I've learned....
Ninjas are awesome!
This goes without saying, but let's say it anyway. You cannot name me one situation where a ninja would be inappropriate. Birthday parties? Of course ninjas can make those great, especially if that guy you didn't invite crashed the party and is being a total douche. Nothing ninja stars can't fix. Just make sure not to touch him or he'll touch you back...with his sword...to your jugular. Sociology class? I sure you know about the rule that if your roommate dies, you gets A's that semester. Same rule applies to your professor, especially if nobody knows how it happened. Now that's ninja. Sex? Three words: flips and flexibility....yea, that's what I thought. See, how can you bet against ninjas? For all you pirate lovers out there, I got 2 words for ya: KUDO CHOP!
I haven't done any Xbox games
And by Xbox I mean Xbox originals. You know, the games for the old heavy ass black brick. Why? Because the games I want cost too damn much. Jet Set Radio Future used topped at $120 online. That is ridiculous. Anyway, if I do review one, you know it's good...maybe...kinda...I don't know. Fuck it.
A looooot of Games
I play more games than I thought. It's actually pretty fuckin amazing. I don't know if I should proud of it or not.
Over this past year, I've been asked plenty of questions, mostly by friends who visit the site (and insult me afterwords...assholes) and random people who email me, but I get scared opening random mail for obvious reason, and upon further thought I should remove my email address. Anyway, here's some of the stuff asked to me:
What games would you like to see made or would make yourself?
First would be a puzzle platformer. There's not a lot of those nowadays, and I find myself shifting through Xboxlive Arcade for one decent enough. Obvious, it would have to star a ninja because who better for the job? Another game would be an RPG along the lines of Mass Effect 2 staring ninjas. Ya know you want it. Bioware...make it happen. The game I would make is that game I mentioned way back in my Halo Wars review called Recognize My Genius, and if you go back to the review, you can get the full breakdown. Somewhere, I will add ninjas.
What's your favorite game?
Hmmm. Are we talking recently or of all time? If we talking about all time it's the old Sonic games for Sega. Sonic 1-3 and Knuckles, not that god awful 3D Blast. For 360, I guess it's Call of Duty because I still play that regularly. I even stopped playing Halo. So yea, those are my favs, at least until Recognize My Genius comes out.
What's the one thing you hate about doing this blog?
It has to be the fact that while I'm working, that's when everybody wants to start fuckin talking to me. Texts, calls, and IMs just attack me almost every times. It's like everybody psychically tuned in to see when I start, and then fuckin distract me. Listen friends....cut the shit!
What was the biggest surprise you had while working on the blog?
Easy; the Saints winning the Super Bowl. I know it's not relevant to video games....but damn. Didn't see that when the season started. I will say this, when Super Sunday came, they won me 10 bucks. I may be a Cowboys fan, but Saints....you alright with me. FYI: we'll kick your ass again next year too. WHO DAT getting smacked around by dem Cowboys? That should spark some hate.
What game disappointed you the most?
Actually, Mass Effect 2, but not because the story or gameplay or anything like that. If you haven't played Mass Effect 2, this paragraph has a small spoiler, so if you get snippy about that sort of thing, skip this paragraph. He gone? Okay, so later in the game I finished Tali's loyalty mission, so I went down to where she works on my ship and starting a convo like I do with everyone. She starting dropping hints that she likes me, and by dropping hints I mean ramble like that geeky bookworm loser girl who looks kinda hot if she were to take off the glasses so you ask her if she wanted to do a little something something, and she starts rambling because she wants to, but she's so nervous so she can't get her thoughts out but.....where was I going with this? Anyway, I was gonna bang Tali, but that wasn't my goal. I wanted to do her because I wanted to see her face. Who doesn't want to see a quarian's face? During the love scene, guess what I didn't see...her face. YOU MEAN I PASSED UP MIRANDA AND KELLY FOR YOU TO DENY ME THIS!? HOW DARE YOU!.....I'm sorry; I don't know what came over me.
Why don't you use gamefly instead of buying all your games?
I did at first, but someone was stealing them. I don't know if it was from my mailbox or at the post office, but I didn't get a lot of the games I ordered, so they canceled my account. Ah well, at least I don't have to pay that shit back.
It's been a fun year, at least I think so. I've been drunk through most of it. Seriously, I've actually done reviews drunk before. I had to go back to read them, and say to myself "what the fuck?" So, what do I have planned for this year? Well, I can tell you this much; there will be more liquor. Stay tuned.....and sober. I like to thank my peoples who helped me: Ken, Neil, Bernette at one point, Travis for being a douche, that 2K5 guy, and even people I don't know or care about. Good Night, thanks for reading, and....and....I don't know, fuck it. Kevin aka Fackeen Oresum signing out.
This bitch is hard
I thought writing reviews off the top of my head would be quick. Then I realized that what you think I your head doesn't necessarily look good in text, so you have to edit. After having nothing but text and the box art pic, I realized my reviews looked dull, so I added pics with captions on the bottom to make it look pretty. After adding videos to a few irrelevant posts, I figured that would be better than pics, which added more to the workload. So now the whole process can take up to 3 hours withouts distractions. Oh yea, I also have to play the games.
People really like DBZ
I really didn't expect any comments under the DBZ double review because...well let's face it, nobody leaves comments, but I got 6 for it. Hmm. I guess people really want to know about it. I wish I get this much coverage for my other reviews, or at least share their thoughts about ninjas, which leads to the next thing I've learned....
Ninjas are awesome!
This goes without saying, but let's say it anyway. You cannot name me one situation where a ninja would be inappropriate. Birthday parties? Of course ninjas can make those great, especially if that guy you didn't invite crashed the party and is being a total douche. Nothing ninja stars can't fix. Just make sure not to touch him or he'll touch you back...with his sword...to your jugular. Sociology class? I sure you know about the rule that if your roommate dies, you gets A's that semester. Same rule applies to your professor, especially if nobody knows how it happened. Now that's ninja. Sex? Three words: flips and flexibility....yea, that's what I thought. See, how can you bet against ninjas? For all you pirate lovers out there, I got 2 words for ya: KUDO CHOP!
I haven't done any Xbox games
And by Xbox I mean Xbox originals. You know, the games for the old heavy ass black brick. Why? Because the games I want cost too damn much. Jet Set Radio Future used topped at $120 online. That is ridiculous. Anyway, if I do review one, you know it's good...maybe...kinda...I don't know. Fuck it.
A looooot of Games
I play more games than I thought. It's actually pretty fuckin amazing. I don't know if I should proud of it or not.
Over this past year, I've been asked plenty of questions, mostly by friends who visit the site (and insult me afterwords...assholes) and random people who email me, but I get scared opening random mail for obvious reason, and upon further thought I should remove my email address. Anyway, here's some of the stuff asked to me:
What games would you like to see made or would make yourself?
First would be a puzzle platformer. There's not a lot of those nowadays, and I find myself shifting through Xboxlive Arcade for one decent enough. Obvious, it would have to star a ninja because who better for the job? Another game would be an RPG along the lines of Mass Effect 2 staring ninjas. Ya know you want it. Bioware...make it happen. The game I would make is that game I mentioned way back in my Halo Wars review called Recognize My Genius, and if you go back to the review, you can get the full breakdown. Somewhere, I will add ninjas.
What's your favorite game?
Hmmm. Are we talking recently or of all time? If we talking about all time it's the old Sonic games for Sega. Sonic 1-3 and Knuckles, not that god awful 3D Blast. For 360, I guess it's Call of Duty because I still play that regularly. I even stopped playing Halo. So yea, those are my favs, at least until Recognize My Genius comes out.
What's the one thing you hate about doing this blog?
It has to be the fact that while I'm working, that's when everybody wants to start fuckin talking to me. Texts, calls, and IMs just attack me almost every times. It's like everybody psychically tuned in to see when I start, and then fuckin distract me. Listen friends....cut the shit!
What was the biggest surprise you had while working on the blog?
Easy; the Saints winning the Super Bowl. I know it's not relevant to video games....but damn. Didn't see that when the season started. I will say this, when Super Sunday came, they won me 10 bucks. I may be a Cowboys fan, but Saints....you alright with me. FYI: we'll kick your ass again next year too. WHO DAT getting smacked around by dem Cowboys? That should spark some hate.
What game disappointed you the most?
Actually, Mass Effect 2, but not because the story or gameplay or anything like that. If you haven't played Mass Effect 2, this paragraph has a small spoiler, so if you get snippy about that sort of thing, skip this paragraph. He gone? Okay, so later in the game I finished Tali's loyalty mission, so I went down to where she works on my ship and starting a convo like I do with everyone. She starting dropping hints that she likes me, and by dropping hints I mean ramble like that geeky bookworm loser girl who looks kinda hot if she were to take off the glasses so you ask her if she wanted to do a little something something, and she starts rambling because she wants to, but she's so nervous so she can't get her thoughts out but.....where was I going with this? Anyway, I was gonna bang Tali, but that wasn't my goal. I wanted to do her because I wanted to see her face. Who doesn't want to see a quarian's face? During the love scene, guess what I didn't see...her face. YOU MEAN I PASSED UP MIRANDA AND KELLY FOR YOU TO DENY ME THIS!? HOW DARE YOU!.....I'm sorry; I don't know what came over me.
Why don't you use gamefly instead of buying all your games?
I did at first, but someone was stealing them. I don't know if it was from my mailbox or at the post office, but I didn't get a lot of the games I ordered, so they canceled my account. Ah well, at least I don't have to pay that shit back.
It's been a fun year, at least I think so. I've been drunk through most of it. Seriously, I've actually done reviews drunk before. I had to go back to read them, and say to myself "what the fuck?" So, what do I have planned for this year? Well, I can tell you this much; there will be more liquor. Stay tuned.....and sober. I like to thank my peoples who helped me: Ken, Neil, Bernette at one point, Travis for being a douche, that 2K5 guy, and even people I don't know or care about. Good Night, thanks for reading, and....and....I don't know, fuck it. Kevin aka Fackeen Oresum signing out.
Thursday, December 3, 2009
Favorite Music in Gaming
After playing through Portal again (great game by the way), listening to the end song made me think about my favorite music in games. So, as a change of pace, I like to talk about (in no particular order) my favorite songs, soundtracks, and songs based on games. And no, it's not only regulated to Xbox.
Sonic the Hedgehog 2 & 3 Soundtrack
If I had to describe the Sonic 2 soundtrack in one word, I would ask you for 2 more words, then I would say "Catchy as Hell!" My 2 personal favorites are Chemical Plant Zone and Oil Ocean Zone. Sonic 3's soundtrack just fit with everything you were doing, and to top it off, it was made by Michael Jackson.....it's true.
Super Mario Bros. World 1-2
Do do do do dodo....do do do do dodo....do do do do dodo....do do do do dodo....dodo do do do do do do do do dodododododo do do do. Yea, World 1-1 is iconic, but 1-2 is just plain hot. You can kick a freestyle off of that if your good enough. Imagine that
Portal: Still Alive
This is was inspire me to make this post. After beating the game, instead of being treated to cake (lying bitch), your treated to a catchy little tune sung by the A.I. GLaDOS who you just blew up. Little note: On the Left 4 Dead 2 demo, there's a jukebox in a shop. If you press X, it plays one of 4 songs. Continually shuffling through all 4 will unlock a 5th song, which is of course...Still Alive. Somehow that song fits while in the middle of a zombie apocalypse.
Mortal Kombat: by some dude
This song was actually made for the movie, not the game, but fans refer to it as the unofficial theme song to Mortal Kombat, mainly because it kicks ass. I don't know what it is, but when I hear it, I'm inspired to just go out....and kick some ass; it's UNEXPLAINABLE!
Mickael Jackson's Moonwalker for Sega Genesis
Yea, the game sucked more balled than what Michael himself was accused of doing, but it featured some of his best songs, and they sounded awesome, especially for a system who's soundchip wasn't that advanced. 8-Bit music has never sounded this good. Plus, it's freakin MJ.
NBA Live exclusives
Now, most of the time, the music is licensed, but when EA asked an artist to do a track exclusive to the game, it almost always comes out hot. My favorite is by Sean Paul in 2004 (think it's calling Number 1, not sure) followed by Still Bigger Than by Dead Prez....which upon retrospect is just a remix of their hit Hip Hop, but who cares; it's HOT!
Grand Theft Auto 3's Game FM
We've been through this 6 times with GTA, and yet GTA 3's Game radio still beats all the other Hip-Hop stations. The songs aren't necessarily better, but the fact it didn't use any well knowns (Rotce the 5' 9 is close) makes it more impressive. Plus, it was the first, and you can never forget your first.
DJ Hero's Poison vs. Intergalactic by DJ AM (RIP)
This entry doesn't count, by I don't care. This mix is fuckin hot. Go to my DJ Hero review if you want to see the vid.
LittleBigPlanet's Soundtrack
It just has that laid back feel no matter what stage your on. It's the kind of music everyone can enjoy....when you're playing the game of course. I'm not putting it into my Ipod anytime soon. My favorite music is when you're in the fake Mexican land.
I feel like I've done this kind of post before, but whatever. It's Just something I threw together because of Still Alive. Also, there is a way to find the cake in Portal. There are plenty of ways shown on youtube, but I've only seen it done on the PC version. I tried on the Xboxlive version....didn't work.
Sonic the Hedgehog 2 & 3 Soundtrack
If I had to describe the Sonic 2 soundtrack in one word, I would ask you for 2 more words, then I would say "Catchy as Hell!" My 2 personal favorites are Chemical Plant Zone and Oil Ocean Zone. Sonic 3's soundtrack just fit with everything you were doing, and to top it off, it was made by Michael Jackson.....it's true.
Super Mario Bros. World 1-2
Do do do do dodo....do do do do dodo....do do do do dodo....do do do do dodo....dodo do do do do do do do do dodododododo do do do. Yea, World 1-1 is iconic, but 1-2 is just plain hot. You can kick a freestyle off of that if your good enough. Imagine that
Portal: Still Alive
This is was inspire me to make this post. After beating the game, instead of being treated to cake (lying bitch), your treated to a catchy little tune sung by the A.I. GLaDOS who you just blew up. Little note: On the Left 4 Dead 2 demo, there's a jukebox in a shop. If you press X, it plays one of 4 songs. Continually shuffling through all 4 will unlock a 5th song, which is of course...Still Alive. Somehow that song fits while in the middle of a zombie apocalypse.
Mortal Kombat: by some dude
This song was actually made for the movie, not the game, but fans refer to it as the unofficial theme song to Mortal Kombat, mainly because it kicks ass. I don't know what it is, but when I hear it, I'm inspired to just go out....and kick some ass; it's UNEXPLAINABLE!
Mickael Jackson's Moonwalker for Sega Genesis
Yea, the game sucked more balled than what Michael himself was accused of doing, but it featured some of his best songs, and they sounded awesome, especially for a system who's soundchip wasn't that advanced. 8-Bit music has never sounded this good. Plus, it's freakin MJ.
NBA Live exclusives
Now, most of the time, the music is licensed, but when EA asked an artist to do a track exclusive to the game, it almost always comes out hot. My favorite is by Sean Paul in 2004 (think it's calling Number 1, not sure) followed by Still Bigger Than by Dead Prez....which upon retrospect is just a remix of their hit Hip Hop, but who cares; it's HOT!
Grand Theft Auto 3's Game FM
We've been through this 6 times with GTA, and yet GTA 3's Game radio still beats all the other Hip-Hop stations. The songs aren't necessarily better, but the fact it didn't use any well knowns (Rotce the 5' 9 is close) makes it more impressive. Plus, it was the first, and you can never forget your first.
DJ Hero's Poison vs. Intergalactic by DJ AM (RIP)
This entry doesn't count, by I don't care. This mix is fuckin hot. Go to my DJ Hero review if you want to see the vid.
LittleBigPlanet's Soundtrack
It just has that laid back feel no matter what stage your on. It's the kind of music everyone can enjoy....when you're playing the game of course. I'm not putting it into my Ipod anytime soon. My favorite music is when you're in the fake Mexican land.
I feel like I've done this kind of post before, but whatever. It's Just something I threw together because of Still Alive. Also, there is a way to find the cake in Portal. There are plenty of ways shown on youtube, but I've only seen it done on the PC version. I tried on the Xboxlive version....didn't work.
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Best and Worst of Sonic
Someone who read my previous post asked me what I think were the worst Sonic games of all time. I not gonna just lay into more, though. Because I am in such a caring mood, I will list the best Sonic games too. Forgive me for not having pictures.
#5. SONIC 3D BLAST - SEGA GENESIS AND SATURN
This was just downright horrible. It didn't even feel like a Sonic game. There was no speed, no platforming, and barely any loop de loop. The controls sucked balls and the overall gameplay was confusing. You go around this fake 3D world which really looks like a piece of folded paper looking for birds. Why? I don't know, and I don't care. I turned the game off after the first level.
#4. SONIC SHUFFLE - DREAMCAST
If you're gonna rip off Mario, do it right Sega. Sonic Shuffle takes the formula of Mario Party and turns the suck knob to 11. The mini-games were so boring. I guess the best way to describe it would be Mario Party 8 with Sonic. What makes it worse is that I didn't even play the game. I saw the gameplay footage and said "I'm done!" That is pretty fuckin sad.
#3. SONIC THE HEDGEHOG - XBOX 360 and PLAYSTATION 3
Bad controls, bad story, bad level design, and a bad case of beastiality. Need I say more (please don't make me).
#2. SONIC THE FIGHTERS - GEMS COLLECTIONS FOR GAMECUBE
I say Gems Collections (which had a bunch of rarely played Sonic games) because I have no idea where it originated from. Actually, I know it was in the arcades in Japan, but I don't know if it was released in America before the collection. Either way, the game sucked balls. I once told Neil that it was good for it's time, but then I played other fighting games during that time. Pretty much shitted over that statement.
#1. SONIC....WE'LL SAVE THAT FOR LATER
Yea, we're gonna save the worst Sonic game ever till the end of the post. Now is our list for the best Sonic games.
#5. SONIC HEROES - PS2, XBOX, GAMECUBE, and PC
I have many complaints about this game, but in terms of gameplay, this is the best 3D Sonic game ever made. If Sonic Adventure didn't have all that extra shit like fishing, it would be #5 instead of Heroes. Plus, this was the first time Sonic became available to everybody.
#4. SONIC THE HEDGEHOG - GENESIS
Of course the first game ever makes the list. I don't know what 'blast processing' means, but back in the day, all I knew is that it made Sonic awesome. Unless your Genesis had a copy of Sonic 2 with it, there was no reason to not have this game.
#3. SONIC ADVANCE 3 - GAMEBOY ADVANCE
The Sonic Advance series stuck to it's roots while adding slightly new features like grinding on rails. Sonic Advance 3 was clearly the best in the series because you had a partner who can help you reach places if you wanted to. I was tempted to put Sonic Rush in this spot, but that game (as awesome as it is) was too kiddy. We're talking Sonic Heroes kiddy. Thankfully, they didn't really talk in Sonic Advance so kudos.
#2. SONIC AND KNUCKLES - GENESIS
"NO FREAKIN WAY! I GET TO PLAY AS KNUCKLES!" Those were the first 2 sentences I said when I got my copy of Sonic and Knuckles. Not only was it a stand alone game (which was awesome), you could put in Sonic 2 or Sonic 3 in the SaK cartridge and play those games as Knuckles. It was the best thing ever.
#1. SONIC CD - SEGA CD
Arguably the best Sonic game ever made. Sadly, it was made for Sega CD so nobody but the hardcore played it. It was everything that made Sonic great, plus it had time traveling. If you go through a gate, you have to run fast enough to either warp to the past or the future depending on which gate you went through. Every time you changed time periods, the background, music, and even the course layout changed to a certain degree. If it's not the best, it's definitely the most inventive. Trying to unlock the true ending though is a bitch. It's the only Sonic game I've ever own that I couldn't get the true ending. If you have a Gamecube or Wii, look for the Sonic Gems Collection if you wanna play it. That game alone is worth it.
Here are some honorable mentions for the worst list:
SHADOW THE HEDGEHOG - PS2, XBOX, AND (for all I know) GAMECUBE
Technically it's not a SONIC game, but it was a fuckin horrible game in the Sonic universe. Still, not Sonic so not on the list.
KNUCKLES CHAOTIX - SEGA 32X
Again, not Sonic.
SONIC SPINBALL - GENESIS
A lot of people hated that game, but I liked it. Sure it was hard as fuck, but still...
SONIC UNLEASHED - XBOX 360 AND PS3
The running stages fuckin saved it's ass from the worst list, but it's still in my hall of shame for Xbox 360
SONIC AND THE BLACK KNIGHT - WII
Didn't play it, so I can't call it. Probably deserves a spot on the list though. The gameplay footage didn't tell me much, so I can't call it like I did with Sonic Shuffle.
DR. ROBOTNIK'S MEAN BEAN MACHINE - GENESIS
Another Mario ripoff (Dr. Mario), but it wasn't that bad.
SONIC RIDERS - PS2, XBOX, GAMECUBE, AND PC
It's not bad enough.
And now, for the worst game in Sonic history:
#1. SONIC R - SEGA SATURN
You would think a Sonic racing would be the shit, but oh my god, it is the worst thing I have ever played. It's fuckin worst than X-Blades. Yea, I said it. Sonic moves slower than fuckin Mario, and that in of itself ruins the game. Do they stop there? FUCK NO! There had to fuck it up more. The track design is just shit; absolute shit, and there's only 5 of them. How many good racing games do you know have only 5 tracks? In fact, how many shitty ones do you know have only 5 tracks? To make matters worse (OMG it gets worse), you have to go off the path to look for tokens and chaos emeralds in ordere to unlock stuff, but everything you collected will be taken away from you if you don't win the race. So I have to leave the race, find shit, then get back into the race and win? FUCK THAT! And what's up with the fuckin music? Now, I like the singer, but this music does not belong. In fact, this may be the worst music I have ever heard in a Sonic game period. Nothing I can say can really describe how bad this is. You have to see it youself. Watch.
NOTE: I'm tired of beating up on Sonic.
#5. SONIC 3D BLAST - SEGA GENESIS AND SATURN
This was just downright horrible. It didn't even feel like a Sonic game. There was no speed, no platforming, and barely any loop de loop. The controls sucked balls and the overall gameplay was confusing. You go around this fake 3D world which really looks like a piece of folded paper looking for birds. Why? I don't know, and I don't care. I turned the game off after the first level.
#4. SONIC SHUFFLE - DREAMCAST
If you're gonna rip off Mario, do it right Sega. Sonic Shuffle takes the formula of Mario Party and turns the suck knob to 11. The mini-games were so boring. I guess the best way to describe it would be Mario Party 8 with Sonic. What makes it worse is that I didn't even play the game. I saw the gameplay footage and said "I'm done!" That is pretty fuckin sad.
#3. SONIC THE HEDGEHOG - XBOX 360 and PLAYSTATION 3
Bad controls, bad story, bad level design, and a bad case of beastiality. Need I say more (please don't make me).
#2. SONIC THE FIGHTERS - GEMS COLLECTIONS FOR GAMECUBE
I say Gems Collections (which had a bunch of rarely played Sonic games) because I have no idea where it originated from. Actually, I know it was in the arcades in Japan, but I don't know if it was released in America before the collection. Either way, the game sucked balls. I once told Neil that it was good for it's time, but then I played other fighting games during that time. Pretty much shitted over that statement.
#1. SONIC....WE'LL SAVE THAT FOR LATER
Yea, we're gonna save the worst Sonic game ever till the end of the post. Now is our list for the best Sonic games.
#5. SONIC HEROES - PS2, XBOX, GAMECUBE, and PC
I have many complaints about this game, but in terms of gameplay, this is the best 3D Sonic game ever made. If Sonic Adventure didn't have all that extra shit like fishing, it would be #5 instead of Heroes. Plus, this was the first time Sonic became available to everybody.
#4. SONIC THE HEDGEHOG - GENESIS
Of course the first game ever makes the list. I don't know what 'blast processing' means, but back in the day, all I knew is that it made Sonic awesome. Unless your Genesis had a copy of Sonic 2 with it, there was no reason to not have this game.
#3. SONIC ADVANCE 3 - GAMEBOY ADVANCE
The Sonic Advance series stuck to it's roots while adding slightly new features like grinding on rails. Sonic Advance 3 was clearly the best in the series because you had a partner who can help you reach places if you wanted to. I was tempted to put Sonic Rush in this spot, but that game (as awesome as it is) was too kiddy. We're talking Sonic Heroes kiddy. Thankfully, they didn't really talk in Sonic Advance so kudos.
#2. SONIC AND KNUCKLES - GENESIS
"NO FREAKIN WAY! I GET TO PLAY AS KNUCKLES!" Those were the first 2 sentences I said when I got my copy of Sonic and Knuckles. Not only was it a stand alone game (which was awesome), you could put in Sonic 2 or Sonic 3 in the SaK cartridge and play those games as Knuckles. It was the best thing ever.
#1. SONIC CD - SEGA CD
Arguably the best Sonic game ever made. Sadly, it was made for Sega CD so nobody but the hardcore played it. It was everything that made Sonic great, plus it had time traveling. If you go through a gate, you have to run fast enough to either warp to the past or the future depending on which gate you went through. Every time you changed time periods, the background, music, and even the course layout changed to a certain degree. If it's not the best, it's definitely the most inventive. Trying to unlock the true ending though is a bitch. It's the only Sonic game I've ever own that I couldn't get the true ending. If you have a Gamecube or Wii, look for the Sonic Gems Collection if you wanna play it. That game alone is worth it.
Here are some honorable mentions for the worst list:
SHADOW THE HEDGEHOG - PS2, XBOX, AND (for all I know) GAMECUBE
Technically it's not a SONIC game, but it was a fuckin horrible game in the Sonic universe. Still, not Sonic so not on the list.
KNUCKLES CHAOTIX - SEGA 32X
Again, not Sonic.
SONIC SPINBALL - GENESIS
A lot of people hated that game, but I liked it. Sure it was hard as fuck, but still...
SONIC UNLEASHED - XBOX 360 AND PS3
The running stages fuckin saved it's ass from the worst list, but it's still in my hall of shame for Xbox 360
SONIC AND THE BLACK KNIGHT - WII
Didn't play it, so I can't call it. Probably deserves a spot on the list though. The gameplay footage didn't tell me much, so I can't call it like I did with Sonic Shuffle.
DR. ROBOTNIK'S MEAN BEAN MACHINE - GENESIS
Another Mario ripoff (Dr. Mario), but it wasn't that bad.
SONIC RIDERS - PS2, XBOX, GAMECUBE, AND PC
It's not bad enough.
And now, for the worst game in Sonic history:
#1. SONIC R - SEGA SATURN
You would think a Sonic racing would be the shit, but oh my god, it is the worst thing I have ever played. It's fuckin worst than X-Blades. Yea, I said it. Sonic moves slower than fuckin Mario, and that in of itself ruins the game. Do they stop there? FUCK NO! There had to fuck it up more. The track design is just shit; absolute shit, and there's only 5 of them. How many good racing games do you know have only 5 tracks? In fact, how many shitty ones do you know have only 5 tracks? To make matters worse (OMG it gets worse), you have to go off the path to look for tokens and chaos emeralds in ordere to unlock stuff, but everything you collected will be taken away from you if you don't win the race. So I have to leave the race, find shit, then get back into the race and win? FUCK THAT! And what's up with the fuckin music? Now, I like the singer, but this music does not belong. In fact, this may be the worst music I have ever heard in a Sonic game period. Nothing I can say can really describe how bad this is. You have to see it youself. Watch.
NOTE: I'm tired of beating up on Sonic.
Saturday, July 4, 2009
Tired ol' Cliche`
Doing that list of what I want out of certain games was fun, but now it's time to be a little broader. This time I want to change or eliminate overused elements developers persist on putting in their games.
STOP WITH THE QUICK TIME EVENTS:
STOP WITH THE QUICK TIME EVENTS:
God of War was a good game; I'm glad we're all in agreement on that, but that doesn't mean you can litter the market with QTE's, especially since most developers can never do them right. For the record, Shenmue for Dreamcast was the first to do it, but no one gave a shit till Kratos started using them, so he gets a lot of the credit. Most QTE's happen at random when you least expect it, making it almost impossible to be ready for them. It's just a pointless (and sometimes frustrating) mini-game of simon says that developers throw it to make things seem better, but really, they're just fooling themselves (like rappers using auto-tuner). God of War didn't do that. Most QTE's were triggered by the player, meaning you knew what was about to happen and you had complete control, and that's something the other developers haven't grasp. The only other game to do QTE's right was Ninja Blade, but that game did it too much.
WHAT'S WITH ALL THE LOVE?
If there's a male lead in the game, Im always expecting some chick to come along for him to plug. In some games it makes sense (like Mass Effect and Prince of Persia), but when added to games like Silent Hill Homecoming, you can't help but to think the developers are off their fuckin rocker. Does there really need to be a romantic sub-plot? Can I please go through one game without there being sexual tension between the man and woman?
WHAT'S WITH ALL THE LOVE?
If there's a male lead in the game, Im always expecting some chick to come along for him to plug. In some games it makes sense (like Mass Effect and Prince of Persia), but when added to games like Silent Hill Homecoming, you can't help but to think the developers are off their fuckin rocker. Does there really need to be a romantic sub-plot? Can I please go through one game without there being sexual tension between the man and woman?
IS THIS A WALL OR A WALKWAY?
I hate invisible walls. You're just walking along, minding your own business, killing whatever you see, and then all of a sudden, you're running in place because you're not suppose to go down that hallway. If I can't go that way, why the fuck did you bother rendering it in the first place?
SO WAIT...WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?
No one plays fighting games for the story, but if you're have them, they have to make sense. I'm looking at you Soulcalibur 4 and Blazblue. Fighting games aren't the only ones that stink. Each genre has a game with writing so bad, it...well....not....okay....to.....I got nothing, but dammit if I had some jokes, I would lay it on thick. Never...EVER...have the mail room boy write your shit again.
I'M DROWNING!!!!!!!
I am so sick and tired of protagonists who can't swim. How am I suppose to buy that this guy is a badass, and he doesn't even know how to navigate a fuckin pool?
CHEATER! CHEATER! OOOOO, YOU FUCKIN CHEATER!
I hate cheap ass boss fights and AI. One hit and I'm dead from an attack I can't see coming or dodge? Fuck you. The worst part is when it happens off-screen.
BLEEP! BLOOP! YOU WALKED ACROSS THE ROOM!
I like achievement points. They usually make me feel good for doing something awesome. Before, you did stuff for your pride, but now you can be rewarded with points. You can't do shit with the points, but you can brag about how high your score is if you want to be a douche about it. What I don't like is when they give points for arbitrary shit, most of which you HAVE to do to proceed. Beating the first boss: 100 points. What the fuck? The system doesn't work if you're just giving them out. Make me work for my mother fuckin points.
I DON'T NEED 2 LINES
One liners are like good booze: always use in moderation. It's all good up to a point, but then you're dizzy, throwing up, saying things you shouldn't, and regretting all of it in the morning. Booze has that same effect. Protagonists who do nothing but sprout one liners (I'm looking at you Vin Diesel) are clearly devoid of personality and try to compensate with most boring smartass quotes.
PUT SOME DAMN CLOTHES ON, WOMAN!
I like the female body as much as the next guy, but it's not necessarily something I want to focus on when I'm kicking ass. For once, I would like to see a sensible dress woman doing her thing. It's kinda hard for me to respect her when her buttcrack is showing for no good reason.
I'm probably missing some things, but I can't of any right now. Maybe I'll update it later. Maybe you guy can give me some ideas? No...no you won't. You never do. Bastards.
I hate invisible walls. You're just walking along, minding your own business, killing whatever you see, and then all of a sudden, you're running in place because you're not suppose to go down that hallway. If I can't go that way, why the fuck did you bother rendering it in the first place?
SO WAIT...WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?
No one plays fighting games for the story, but if you're have them, they have to make sense. I'm looking at you Soulcalibur 4 and Blazblue. Fighting games aren't the only ones that stink. Each genre has a game with writing so bad, it...well....not....okay....to.....I got nothing, but dammit if I had some jokes, I would lay it on thick. Never...EVER...have the mail room boy write your shit again.
I'M DROWNING!!!!!!!
I am so sick and tired of protagonists who can't swim. How am I suppose to buy that this guy is a badass, and he doesn't even know how to navigate a fuckin pool?
CHEATER! CHEATER! OOOOO, YOU FUCKIN CHEATER!
I hate cheap ass boss fights and AI. One hit and I'm dead from an attack I can't see coming or dodge? Fuck you. The worst part is when it happens off-screen.
BLEEP! BLOOP! YOU WALKED ACROSS THE ROOM!
I like achievement points. They usually make me feel good for doing something awesome. Before, you did stuff for your pride, but now you can be rewarded with points. You can't do shit with the points, but you can brag about how high your score is if you want to be a douche about it. What I don't like is when they give points for arbitrary shit, most of which you HAVE to do to proceed. Beating the first boss: 100 points. What the fuck? The system doesn't work if you're just giving them out. Make me work for my mother fuckin points.
I DON'T NEED 2 LINES
One liners are like good booze: always use in moderation. It's all good up to a point, but then you're dizzy, throwing up, saying things you shouldn't, and regretting all of it in the morning. Booze has that same effect. Protagonists who do nothing but sprout one liners (I'm looking at you Vin Diesel) are clearly devoid of personality and try to compensate with most boring smartass quotes.
PUT SOME DAMN CLOTHES ON, WOMAN!
I like the female body as much as the next guy, but it's not necessarily something I want to focus on when I'm kicking ass. For once, I would like to see a sensible dress woman doing her thing. It's kinda hard for me to respect her when her buttcrack is showing for no good reason.
I'm probably missing some things, but I can't of any right now. Maybe I'll update it later. Maybe you guy can give me some ideas? No...no you won't. You never do. Bastards.
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Birthday Wishlist
IT"S MY BIRTHDAY! Like every other year, I plan on asking for a bunch of shit I probably will never get (new car, paid off student loans, sex with my girlfriend, etc), but it doesn't hurt to ask. This time around, I'm aiming my wishlist towards the game developers. I take a list of my favorite games, and I say what I want to be added, deleted, or changed. See if you agree.
GHOSTBUSTERS:
UFC 2009: UNDISPUTED:
GHOSTBUSTERS:
Let me drive the fuckin Ecto-1
Give me partners that don't need reviving every 5 minutes
Stop making me do all the work
Give me partners that don't need reviving every 5 minutes
Stop making me do all the work
UFC 2009: UNDISPUTED:
Limit the Flash KOs
Give people who disconnect the loss. Don't make the match invalid.
GEARS OF WAR 2:
If it takes a thousand bullets to kill someone online, why even bother with a cover system?
SONIC THE HEDGEHOG:
Give people who disconnect the loss. Don't make the match invalid.
GEARS OF WAR 2:
If it takes a thousand bullets to kill someone online, why even bother with a cover system?
SONIC THE HEDGEHOG:
How about a script that doesn't sound like it was written by Sesame Street
Stop with the fuckin game-changing gimmicks
Stop letting Sonic Team develop your games
Stop telling us you have the core fanbase in mind when you clearly don't
Kill half of the cast (We need Sonic, a less pussy version of Tails, and Knuckles)
Concentrate on running AND RUNNING ALONE!
Stop trying to be like Mario
Could you please cover Rogue's cleavage (or better yet, KILL HER)
No more beastiality (that was creepy in the first 360 game)
Get new voice actors
Get music that's actually good
Stop with the cliche stages (how many times must Sonic go into space? Really?)
STOP CALLING HIM EGGMAN!
Maybe keep Shadow (MAAAAYBE)
Get rid of the Lives systems (we don't need them anymore)
Are checkpoints really necessary for stages that take 2 minutes to beat?
Stop being outdone by the handheld versions
In fact, be more like the handheld versions
Stop ending the game with Supersonic (it's old, predictable, and a DBZ ripoff)
Bring back special stages
Stop with the fuckin useless Hub worlds
No more game lengthening ploys (make a 2 - 3 hour budget title instead)
If you can't do any of that, KILL THE FRANCHISE
And stop giving me reasons to makes a long ass list of complaints
SKATE 2:
Stop letting Sonic Team develop your games
Stop telling us you have the core fanbase in mind when you clearly don't
Kill half of the cast (We need Sonic, a less pussy version of Tails, and Knuckles)
Concentrate on running AND RUNNING ALONE!
Stop trying to be like Mario
Could you please cover Rogue's cleavage (or better yet, KILL HER)
No more beastiality (that was creepy in the first 360 game)
Get new voice actors
Get music that's actually good
Stop with the cliche stages (how many times must Sonic go into space? Really?)
STOP CALLING HIM EGGMAN!
Maybe keep Shadow (MAAAAYBE)
Get rid of the Lives systems (we don't need them anymore)
Are checkpoints really necessary for stages that take 2 minutes to beat?
Stop being outdone by the handheld versions
In fact, be more like the handheld versions
Stop ending the game with Supersonic (it's old, predictable, and a DBZ ripoff)
Bring back special stages
Stop with the fuckin useless Hub worlds
No more game lengthening ploys (make a 2 - 3 hour budget title instead)
If you can't do any of that, KILL THE FRANCHISE
And stop giving me reasons to makes a long ass list of complaints
SKATE 2:
Make vert ramp skating easier
Improve the camera angle
Let us build our own parks (not just our own spots)
WWE LEGENDS OF WRESTLEMANIA:
Fix the fuckin control scheme
Focus on the greatest matches of Wrestlemania
Don't just stop at 15; Relive all the Wrestlemainas
Add Shawn Michaels vs Undertaker from WM25 (best match ever)
For the long of god, fix the create an entrance mode
GRAND THEFT AUTO 4 / SAINTS ROW 2:
The formula is getting old. Do something different
STREET FIGHTER 4:
Punish spammers in some way
GUITAR HERO:
Stop milking your franchise!
RED FACTION: GUERRILLA:
Give me more buildings to blow up
Make shooting actually fun
Rockets need to do more damage
Mars sucks!
PROTOTYPE:
Make side missions that are worth a damn
Calm down with all the enemies (it can get too much)
I wanna fly, not glide (and I don't mean with a helicopter)
I can't kill innocent people and be a hero. That's a big ass contradiction
Hunters are fuckin annoying early on. Change that
Isn't a disguise compromised if I jump from a building?
Actually, ignore the question above (the game's hard enough as is)
X-MEN ORIGINS: WOLVERINE:
There's too much backtracking; it's like they forgot it's not God of War
Stop jumping back and forth between past and present
BIONIC COMMANDO:
You know I'm gonna complain about the story, right?
You swing at the same speed no matter what. Make swinging better
Make shooting better
And give me more ammo!
Get rid of radiation zones
Don't ever hire Steve Blum again
SPIDER-MAN: WEB OF SHADOWS:
Don't make Peter Parker sound like a bitch again
Make a more interesting story
Fix the framerate
Let me swing around the city when I'm done with the game
This may sound dumb, but how about a new city?
Let Spider-Man go to Tokyo or something to chase down a villian
Who the fuck is Moon Knight!?
No more Marvel trivia
Add Deadpool (not the Wolverine movie version). He's funny
MADDEN NFL:
Stop defenders from developing superpowers to intercept the ball
CALL OF DUTY / MODERN WARFARE:
(FYI: Call of Duty and Modern Warfare are now 2 different franchises)
Stop infinitely spawning enemies when I don't advance
Stop spawning me in the middle of airstrikes
[Update: They decided to put Call of Duty back into the Modern Warfare 2 title]
HALO:
Explain who the fuck the Forerunners are
Make a better story
Add boss fights
Add a RedvsBlue side story (that would be awesome)
ROCK BAND:
Stop letting Guitar Hero kick your ass
WWE SMACKDOWN VS RAW:
Make the controls less complicated
It's time to do something drastically different (you guys are due)
Have downloadable characters that are worth a damn
Be able to import guys from Legends to this game (like they did for SVR)
NBA 2K:
Fix the damn glitches
Make disconnects count as losses
Stop making all big men scorers in the paint (you've gotten better at that)
Give me cheat codes in order to stop Kobe
No more 4th quarter rubber banding (everybody is suddenly clutch)
XBOXLIVE ARCADE:
Improve the camera angle
Let us build our own parks (not just our own spots)
WWE LEGENDS OF WRESTLEMANIA:
Fix the fuckin control scheme
Focus on the greatest matches of Wrestlemania
Don't just stop at 15; Relive all the Wrestlemainas
Add Shawn Michaels vs Undertaker from WM25 (best match ever)
For the long of god, fix the create an entrance mode
GRAND THEFT AUTO 4 / SAINTS ROW 2:
The formula is getting old. Do something different
STREET FIGHTER 4:
Punish spammers in some way
GUITAR HERO:
Stop milking your franchise!
RED FACTION: GUERRILLA:
Give me more buildings to blow up
Make shooting actually fun
Rockets need to do more damage
Mars sucks!
PROTOTYPE:
Make side missions that are worth a damn
Calm down with all the enemies (it can get too much)
I wanna fly, not glide (and I don't mean with a helicopter)
I can't kill innocent people and be a hero. That's a big ass contradiction
Hunters are fuckin annoying early on. Change that
Isn't a disguise compromised if I jump from a building?
Actually, ignore the question above (the game's hard enough as is)
X-MEN ORIGINS: WOLVERINE:
There's too much backtracking; it's like they forgot it's not God of War
Stop jumping back and forth between past and present
BIONIC COMMANDO:
You know I'm gonna complain about the story, right?
You swing at the same speed no matter what. Make swinging better
Make shooting better
And give me more ammo!
Get rid of radiation zones
Don't ever hire Steve Blum again
SPIDER-MAN: WEB OF SHADOWS:
Don't make Peter Parker sound like a bitch again
Make a more interesting story
Fix the framerate
Let me swing around the city when I'm done with the game
This may sound dumb, but how about a new city?
Let Spider-Man go to Tokyo or something to chase down a villian
Who the fuck is Moon Knight!?
No more Marvel trivia
Add Deadpool (not the Wolverine movie version). He's funny
MADDEN NFL:
Stop defenders from developing superpowers to intercept the ball
CALL OF DUTY / MODERN WARFARE:
(FYI: Call of Duty and Modern Warfare are now 2 different franchises)
Stop infinitely spawning enemies when I don't advance
Stop spawning me in the middle of airstrikes
[Update: They decided to put Call of Duty back into the Modern Warfare 2 title]
HALO:
Explain who the fuck the Forerunners are
Make a better story
Add boss fights
Add a RedvsBlue side story (that would be awesome)
ROCK BAND:
Stop letting Guitar Hero kick your ass
WWE SMACKDOWN VS RAW:
Make the controls less complicated
It's time to do something drastically different (you guys are due)
Have downloadable characters that are worth a damn
Be able to import guys from Legends to this game (like they did for SVR)
NBA 2K:
Fix the damn glitches
Make disconnects count as losses
Stop making all big men scorers in the paint (you've gotten better at that)
Give me cheat codes in order to stop Kobe
No more 4th quarter rubber banding (everybody is suddenly clutch)
XBOXLIVE ARCADE:
Make me care you still exist
DRAGONBALL Z BURST LIMIT:
Add more people
Get rid of the drama pieces (they break flow)
MORTAL KOMBAT VS DC UNIVERSE:
Let's not make this game again
It's not bad, but still, don't ever do it again
FABLE 2:
Give me good side shit to do
If my guy is gonna have a wife, at least let's watch them fuck
My kid sucks; Let me kill him
Mass Effect:
More action, less talking
More alien lesbian scenes
Stop glitching
JAPANESE RPGs:
Stop existing
TOM CLANCY'S HAWX:
More online modes
More variety in missions
Make a more believable story
HALO WARS:
More interesting story please
And there you have it: my long ass list of what I wanna see done. If you disagree, well......fuck it.
NOTE: Maybe I should leave Sonic alone now. I know the font size on Ghostbusters and UFC is wrong. I can't fix it. It's a fuckin struggle to do remedial shit on this blog system.
DRAGONBALL Z BURST LIMIT:
Add more people
Get rid of the drama pieces (they break flow)
MORTAL KOMBAT VS DC UNIVERSE:
Let's not make this game again
It's not bad, but still, don't ever do it again
FABLE 2:
Give me good side shit to do
If my guy is gonna have a wife, at least let's watch them fuck
My kid sucks; Let me kill him
Mass Effect:
More action, less talking
More alien lesbian scenes
Stop glitching
JAPANESE RPGs:
Stop existing
TOM CLANCY'S HAWX:
More online modes
More variety in missions
Make a more believable story
HALO WARS:
More interesting story please
And there you have it: my long ass list of what I wanna see done. If you disagree, well......fuck it.
NOTE: Maybe I should leave Sonic alone now. I know the font size on Ghostbusters and UFC is wrong. I can't fix it. It's a fuckin struggle to do remedial shit on this blog system.
Sunday, March 15, 2009
WWE Smackdown vs Raw/TNA Impact Wishlist
I like wrestling games because it's the one type of game where you can beat the living hell out of someone for as long as you want (unless he's kicking your ass). As good as they are, they are far from perfect (especially TNA Impact). Here's a list of what I would like to see in wrestlers.
DIVAS/Knockouts worth playing as:
Does anybody actually play as the women in the WWE games? No because they are a fucking joke. They are weak, slow, and generally only there for eye candy (just like in real life) with the exception of Beth Phoenix, Mickie James, and Victoria. TNA didn't actually include women in their game, but if they would have been anything like SmackdownvsRaw Divas, it might have been for the best. I'm not saying get rid of them, but at least give me a reason to play as them (no offense to the ladies out there).
Change in controls:
DIVAS/Knockouts worth playing as:
Does anybody actually play as the women in the WWE games? No because they are a fucking joke. They are weak, slow, and generally only there for eye candy (just like in real life) with the exception of Beth Phoenix, Mickie James, and Victoria. TNA didn't actually include women in their game, but if they would have been anything like SmackdownvsRaw Divas, it might have been for the best. I'm not saying get rid of them, but at least give me a reason to play as them (no offense to the ladies out there).
Change in controls:
This is a tricky one. If the controls are too simple, then it limits what you can do, but if they're too complex then the game becomes hard to pick up. The Legend of Wrestlemania game (March 27) is said to reach that middle ground, but the jury is still out on that one. Plus I played the demo, and that seems to be not true. Review coming soon.
Better Create a Wrestler Mode:
Better Create a Wrestler Mode:
In TNA, the CAW mode is so bare bone, it's hard to make the guy you really want. That definitely needs to be beefed up. In Smackdown, A little more options for the hip-hop community would be nice. Plus, how about clothes and accessories that don't look like they were painted on my guy's skin?
Fix the fuckin Created Entrances:
Fix the fuckin Created Entrances:
This is strictly a Smackdown issue. When you create an entrance for your wrestler, it won't work if you hold a title belt. You have to have a pre-rendered entrance for belts, so all your hard work in making an original entrance becomes a waste once you win a title. Now you're forced to either pick an entrance from the list of pre-renders so both entrances are the same, or not win a title at all, which is impossible in SvR2009 because you need to go through career mode to level up your guy, which means you have to win belts.
Keep the Story Modes:
Keep the Story Modes:
Both games had the right idea by making stories. In terms of Smackdown, add more superstar specific stories, and add one for a created player. For TNA, make sure your next one is more creative.
Have wrestlers act like they're suppose to:
Have wrestlers act like they're suppose to:
The Undertaker never celebrates by pumping his hands in the air on the turnbuckle. In fact, he never celebrates at all. Put Taker in a tag match though, and he'll do just that. We need our wrestlers to act like themselves at all times or it'll take us out of the experience.
Downloadable content actually showing up:
Downloadable content actually showing up:
I'm waiting THQ (good job Midway).
Better nicknames for CAWs:
Better nicknames for CAWs:
My guy is nicknamed The Ghost. Neil's guy is The Criminal. That's the best we had to work with. C'mon guys, I'm sure you can come up with better names than that (They should come out with Bukkakke Man, just to see how many parents will catch that).
Smarter AI:
Smarter AI:
I've been asking this for years. In TNA: the computer is dumb as rocks, and this becomes more evident in tag matches. In Smackdown, the AI is actually somewhat smart for the first time in it's long series, but it still has a way to go. It's still not aggressive enough, and even though the AI knows what to do in standard tag matches, it still needs work when it come to tornado tag.
Manual Targeting:
Manual Targeting:
I don't know what made THQ stop with manual targeting, but I want it back. I'm tired of the game switching my target when I'm kicking some guy's ass. It really screws me up when I'm trying to pin someone and then suddenly I attack the guy next to me when I don't want to.
Thought of something I missed?
Thought of something I missed?
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