Spotlight #2

WWE SMACKDOWN!

Once upon a time, the WWE license (known as WWF at the time) was owned by Acclaim, and they made sucky games. WCW vs. NWO (made by THQ for the N64) was a great game, which made the WWE games look like even bigger shits. The first chances WWE got, they jumped ship and signed with THQ, and the jump paid off. Wreslemania 2000 and No Mercy are consider 2 of the greatest games for the N64. Despite how great they were, W2000 was never ported to the PlayStation. Why? Because THQ was working on a PSX exclusive that would be nothing short of awesome: WWF Smackdown.

When Smackdown came out for the PlayStation, it offered something that no other wrestling game has offered before in such depth: backstage brawling. They didn't half-ass it like EA's WCW Mayhem (If you never heard of that game, you're doing alright; keep it up) and just put a couple of boxes and weapons in a empty room. These were fully detailed areas that interconnected with each other. For once there was a good reason to go backstage. THQ also boosted about it's season mode, but that was ho-hum. You basically went from week to week wrestling. That's basically it. The controls were complicated from their time and took a while for me to get, but once I did, I found the move list to be very deep, deeper than Wrestlemania 2000, and at the time that was saying something. THQ boosted about its season mode, but fans came for the backstage ass kicking, so when a second game was announced, it was time to shift focus.

Next best thing to sex (at the time)

Smackdown 2: Know Your Role came out with an even bigger experience than was thought possible on the humble (snicker*) PSX. It had more wrestlers, match types, moves, and weapons, but the main improvement that drove fans nuts were the backstage areas. THQ developer Yukes went crazy with the whole backstage concept and added a crazy amount of content. There were even set pieces you can throw your opponent into. If I remember correctly, you can irish whip your opponent into the stove in the kitchen, and the stove would blow up. To me, it was the coolest thing I have ever played on PlayStation. I honestly can't think of a better game for the system (fuck Metal Gear Solid). The season mode was more of the same, but now it was 2 player, so that made it more interesting. This was the last game to be released for the PSX, for Smackdown was getting ready to make its PS2 debut.

While being developed, THQ decided to drop the '3' in Smackdown 3 and call it Smackdown: Just Bring It, signifying that there would be a steady release of game, provided that the games sell, with they did. One of the big changes in Just Bring It, besides the better graphics on the PS2, was that this is the first wrestling game by THQ with commentary. Michael Cole and Tazz provided some much needed sound to the matches, but to be honest, it was very shitty. I really could have done without the commentary. I couldn't find that voice option fast enough. Season mode got a big overhaul in that it was only 3 mtaches. I wish I was fuckin kidding; it was only 3 mtaches. What the fuck were they thinking? They must have gotten lazy. Shit, they might as well just handed me the belt. And the load times....the less said the better. Just Bring It was the worst game in the series, but it was still fun. Again there were more moves, more wrestlers, different match types, and of course, more backstage areas. You could even go outside the arena and make it to WWF New York in Times Square. Does anybody remember that restaurant? Yea, anyway, increasing the backstage area was nice, but now they needed to do something besides add more areas. The next game, Smackdown: Shut Your Mouth adressed most of the problems in the game before it. Commentary was much better, and Season mode actually had storylines this time which spanned 2 years. Wrestling in the ring felt better as weapons really connected to the head of the opponents instead of just going through them like every other game before it except Wrestlemania 2000 and No Mercy. The backstage area has been slimmed down a bit, but no one really noticed nor cared because the overall package was such a great improvement. The next game, titled The Next Big Thing, pretty much improved on everything Shut Your Mouth did, plus more. It added the Elimination Chamber, Bra and Panties match, and location specific damage. There was an icon on the screen that showed which body parts were hurt (with red being the most damaged). This allowed players to focus on a body part and go for the submission later. It also took weight into consideration too. No longer can women pick up the Big Show, although weight didn't seemed to matter when doing finishers though. Again, the number of backstage areas decreased, but it was a small price to pay. The Smackdown series was soaring, but it was still time for a change.

I want contacts like those!

Maybe it was just me, but the title alone just signified change in the series. Obviously, this game pandered heavily to the feud between the two brands at the time when they decided that each show would have its own set of superstars, and that feud was made more apparent during the story mode. The 2 biggest (and much needed) additions to the game were online play (which I never used so I can't comment) and voice overs. Yes, besides commentary, you would hear the superstars themselves talk during story mode. As great as it was, it was weird to hear them talk and watch as their lips didn't match what they were saying. Everything was mostly good, but somehow backstage areas were pretty out on its ass. You could no longer go from the ring to various parts of the area. Now backstage was treated like matches, and there were only 2 if I remember correctly (parking lot brawl and bar room brawl). It pissed me off immensely as that was Smackdown's signature feature. How could they get rid of it!? Well, this had more to do with the WWE's culture rather than the developers. Wrestlers stopped dragging each other around the areas, and the game reflected that. Ah well. After Smackdown vs Raw, it was unclear where the developers would go after this. At E3 in 2005, they decided to officially treat the franchise like a sports title, and which that, keep the name. The franchise was no longer Smackdown; it was Smackdown vs Raw. Months later, Smackdown vs Raw 2006 came out for PS2 and for the first time on PSP. It was considered the best wrestling game ever made, and with good reason. The first major change was that you couldn't store 5 finishers. In the previous game, you would beat up your opponent to fill up a meter and earn a finisher. you can earn up to 5 of these, meaning you can do your finisher 5 times in a row. Because they were now going for realism, that was removed for a 2 finisher system. You had 2 options: store a finisher, or do it when the meter is full. The stored finisher did less damage than a full meter one, but it was good for getting out of deep shit. It also added a stamina system. The critics raved about it, but I didn't like it so I turned it off. The 2 most important feature of 2006 were the new story mode and GM mode. Story mode had better writing and the words being said actually matched the lips. GM mode basically let you run the show anyway you wanted (almost). You picked the matches, set up the contracts, manage the wrestlers, etc. Since this is a SvR, you had to compete with the GM from the other show to see who can get higher ratings. Fans have been asking for this mode for years, and when it finally showed, they shitted their pants in excitement. Smackdown vs Raw was a continuing success, but to the dismay of Sony fanboys, PlayStation would no longer be its exclusive home. It was time to hit the Box.

Welcome to the Xbox (I am Morpheus)

When the news hit that SvR 2007 would appear on the Xbox 360, everybody was stunned. Smackdown has been a PlayStation exclusive for so long, nobody thought it would come out for any other system. What was more surprising was that the PS3 didn't get a version of the game. There was one planned for the PS3 launch, but was delayed to December because the team had trouble programing it. It was delayed again til after the Christmas season until the developers decided to cancel the project altogether. Whatever. I had an Xbox 360 and a PS2 so I wasn't gonna miss out. Following the example of Fight Night (i.e. blatantly copying), SvR2007 changed their controls so now that grappling is done by the right stick. This kinda made things less complicated in terms of controls, and seemed more responsive. If you clicked on the right stick, you'll do what is called an ultimate control move. You move the right stick in the direction needed to do a move. So, to do a powerbomb, you would flick up on the stick to pick them up, and then flick down to slam them. It was a nice addition, but it had one major flaw: it was irreversible. Once it was activated, there was no way out. Players online would spam these moves until they won. Also, there were now environmental attacks. Drag your opponent to a certain spot, and you can use it to your advantage. Slamming a guys head into the steps never gets old. Doing this drained your stamina, so you couldn't do it too much. Season mode had branching storylines, and GM mode was improved. All in all, it was a great debut for the 360.

SvR2008 came out the next year, and it really didn't do much different. Ultimate control moves could now be reversed which was a definite plus. Fighting styles were introduced in this game, but the idea sucked, so they got rid of it in the next game. It did introduced my new favorite match type: ECW extreme rules match. It was essentually a hardcore match but with elements that reminds me of the classic ECW like crowd participation. Also, when you went under the ring, you could select exactly what weapon you wanted. Sweet. Story mode and GM mode was converged into one mode called 24/7 mode. Now you can manage your superstar while going through a story. If you pick a GM, then it's basically GM mode. The problem with this is that after one year, the story repeats itself, and you definitely don't want to hear the same shit over and over again. 24/7 mode sucked balls. SvR2009 thankfully ditched that mode and created 6 character - specific stories for you to play through. This is how it should always be done for now on. There's also a career mode with works like a downgraded 24/7 mode, except more fun to play. Sadly, playing through this mode is the only way to level up your created player. Sucks. The biggest focus for 2009 was the tag team matches. Now tag team have only one bar per team instead of everyone having their own bar. This makes sense since if your partner is getting his ass kicked, you're shouldn't be on the verge of having complete momentum. What you can do, however, is perform a hot tag. Every wrestling fan knows what this is. The guy crawls to his corner and tags the fresh man. He then comes in and clotheslines the first guy, hit the second, and then focus his attention on the first guy again. Do this successfully, and you will earn a special. My favorite improvement above all else is that the AI isn't as retarded as before. Your partner pretty much knows what to do in certain situations. If your getting your ass kicked, he'll started building up the meter for a hot tag. The opponents are a little more aggressive, but still plays chicken when you leave the ring. It's nice to see them finally getting the AI up to snuff. Just like GM mode (which was out on its ass in this game), fans have also been begging for a create a finisher mode, and this game finally brings it to the gamers. It's a little bare-bones, and most moves created looks like you're just putting tarnish on already established moves, but the base is there for them to build on. I can't wait to see what they do with it.

Get Jericho's theme right this time!

Ten games is a long time, but Smackdown continues to kick ass. The one thing I like about THQ and Yukes is that unlike most developers who makes a game on a yearly basis, I feel that they are the only ones who try every year. I swear 2K Sports seem to take a year off every once in a while, and Madden is just now getting their shit together. Smackdown tries something every year; sometimes it's a colossal failure, but I appriecate the effort. Anyway, I just wanted to shed some light on one of my favorite franchises in video games, especially since my first spotlight bash the living hell out of another one. Tune in next time. Wait, when is the next time, anyway? Hmmm. Ah well, keep reading til something pops up.

Best and Worst of Sonic

Someone who read my previous post asked me what I think were the worst Sonic games of all time. I not gonna just lay into more, though. Because I am in such a caring mood, I will list the best Sonic games too. Forgive me for not having pictures.

#5. SONIC 3D BLAST - SEGA GENESIS AND SATURN
This was just downright horrible. It didn't even feel like a Sonic game. There was no speed, no platforming, and barely any loop de loop. The controls sucked balls and the overall gameplay was confusing. You go around this fake 3D world which really looks like a piece of folded paper looking for birds. Why? I don't know, and I don't care. I turned the game off after the first level.

#4. SONIC SHUFFLE - DREAMCAST
If you're gonna rip off Mario, do it right Sega. Sonic Shuffle takes the formula of Mario Party and turns the suck knob to 11. The mini-games were so boring. I guess the best way to describe it would be Mario Party 8 with Sonic. What makes it worse is that I didn't even play the game. I saw the gameplay footage and said "I'm done!" That is pretty fuckin sad.

#3. SONIC THE HEDGEHOG - XBOX 360 and PLAYSTATION 3
Bad controls, bad story, bad level design, and a bad case of beastiality. Need I say more (please don't make me).

#2. SONIC THE FIGHTERS - GEMS COLLECTIONS FOR GAMECUBE
I say Gems Collections (which had a bunch of rarely played Sonic games) because I have no idea where it originated from. Actually, I know it was in the arcades in Japan, but I don't know if it was released in America before the collection. Either way, the game sucked balls. I once told Neil that it was good for it's time, but then I played other fighting games during that time. Pretty much shitted over that statement.

#1. SONIC....WE'LL SAVE THAT FOR LATER

Yea, we're gonna save the worst Sonic game ever till the end of the post. Now is our list for the best Sonic games.

#5. SONIC HEROES - PS2, XBOX, GAMECUBE, and PC
I have many complaints about this game, but in terms of gameplay, this is the best 3D Sonic game ever made. If Sonic Adventure didn't have all that extra shit like fishing, it would be #5 instead of Heroes. Plus, this was the first time Sonic became available to everybody.

#4. SONIC THE HEDGEHOG - GENESIS
Of course the first game ever makes the list. I don't know what 'blast processing' means, but back in the day, all I knew is that it made Sonic awesome. Unless your Genesis had a copy of Sonic 2 with it, there was no reason to not have this game.

#3. SONIC ADVANCE 3 - GAMEBOY ADVANCE
The Sonic Advance series stuck to it's roots while adding slightly new features like grinding on rails. Sonic Advance 3 was clearly the best in the series because you had a partner who can help you reach places if you wanted to. I was tempted to put Sonic Rush in this spot, but that game (as awesome as it is) was too kiddy. We're talking Sonic Heroes kiddy. Thankfully, they didn't really talk in Sonic Advance so kudos.

#2. SONIC AND KNUCKLES - GENESIS
"NO FREAKIN WAY! I GET TO PLAY AS KNUCKLES!" Those were the first 2 sentences I said when I got my copy of Sonic and Knuckles. Not only was it a stand alone game (which was awesome), you could put in Sonic 2 or Sonic 3 in the SaK cartridge and play those games as Knuckles. It was the best thing ever.

#1. SONIC CD - SEGA CD
Arguably the best Sonic game ever made. Sadly, it was made for Sega CD so nobody but the hardcore played it. It was everything that made Sonic great, plus it had time traveling. If you go through a gate, you have to run fast enough to either warp to the past or the future depending on which gate you went through. Every time you changed time periods, the background, music, and even the course layout changed to a certain degree. If it's not the best, it's definitely the most inventive. Trying to unlock the true ending though is a bitch. It's the only Sonic game I've ever own that I couldn't get the true ending. If you have a Gamecube or Wii, look for the Sonic Gems Collection if you wanna play it. That game alone is worth it.

Here are some honorable mentions for the worst list:

SHADOW THE HEDGEHOG - PS2, XBOX, AND (for all I know) GAMECUBE
Technically it's not a SONIC game, but it was a fuckin horrible game in the Sonic universe. Still, not Sonic so not on the list.

KNUCKLES CHAOTIX - SEGA 32X
Again, not Sonic.

SONIC SPINBALL - GENESIS
A lot of people hated that game, but I liked it. Sure it was hard as fuck, but still...

SONIC UNLEASHED - XBOX 360 AND PS3
The running stages fuckin saved it's ass from the worst list, but it's still in my hall of shame for Xbox 360

SONIC AND THE BLACK KNIGHT - WII
Didn't play it, so I can't call it. Probably deserves a spot on the list though. The gameplay footage didn't tell me much, so I can't call it like I did with Sonic Shuffle.

DR. ROBOTNIK'S MEAN BEAN MACHINE - GENESIS
Another Mario ripoff (Dr. Mario), but it wasn't that bad.

SONIC RIDERS - PS2, XBOX, GAMECUBE, AND PC
It's not bad enough.

And now, for the worst game in Sonic history:

#1. SONIC R - SEGA SATURN
You would think a Sonic racing would be the shit, but oh my god, it is the worst thing I have ever played. It's fuckin worst than X-Blades. Yea, I said it. Sonic moves slower than fuckin Mario, and that in of itself ruins the game. Do they stop there? FUCK NO! There had to fuck it up more. The track design is just shit; absolute shit, and there's only 5 of them. How many good racing games do you know have only 5 tracks? In fact, how many shitty ones do you know have only 5 tracks? To make matters worse (OMG it gets worse), you have to go off the path to look for tokens and chaos emeralds in ordere to unlock stuff, but everything you collected will be taken away from you if you don't win the race. So I have to leave the race, find shit, then get back into the race and win? FUCK THAT! And what's up with the fuckin music? Now, I like the singer, but this music does not belong. In fact, this may be the worst music I have ever heard in a Sonic game period. Nothing I can say can really describe how bad this is. You have to see it youself. Watch.





NOTE: I'm tired of beating up on Sonic.

Spotlight #1

Sonic the Hedgehog

Remember when Nintendo ruled the planet? There wasn't a single person alive who wasn't playing Mario. Yes, Nintendo was sitting high and mighty on top of its throne, looking down at the video game kingdom with content (just like right now, kinda). It seemed that none could challenge Nintendo and the beast they created in Mario, but then Sega arrives with a new weapon to combat Mario and his fat, creature stomping, no princess ass getting overalls. Yea, that last part didn't make sense, but anyway. They created Sonic the Hedgehog, and nobody has seen anything like it. It was Awesome! Using blast processing (whatever the fuck that means), Sega was able to create a game that moved faster than any other game at the time. You would think that kind of thing would be reserved for something like racing, but no; they picked platforming. It like someone said "Hey, let's make a game like Mario, but moves really fast and has loop de loops. Trust me, the kids will shit their pants." And shit our pants we did. What's not to love? The music kicked ass, the level design kicked ass, the gameplay kicked ass, and the hero was so likable and unexpected. I mean, who associates hedgehogs with speed? In fact, who the fuck knew hedgehogs existed before this game? As more games were produced, it was clear that Sonic was a mother fuckin force to be reckoned with, but sadly, around the Playstation/ Saturn/N64 years, Sonic hit a brick wall even he couldn't spin dash though: 3D. I'm going to assume everyone knows the hotness that was the early Sonic games, so in my first installment of Spotlight, we (as in 'me') will talk about the constant failure that is Sonic in the 3rd dimension.

Sonic has appeared in a number of 3D games for the Saturn, but nobody played them. Most of them were never released outside of Japan, or they didn't finish making them. The ones that did come out (Sonic Jam and Sonic R) were never played because no one own a fuckin Saturn. Hell no, not with PlayStation and N64 out. Although the first official 3D Sonic was Sonic 3D Blast, the first TRUE 3D Sonic game didn't come out till 1999. The Dreamcast has just been released, and on launch day we were treated to Sonic Adventure: Sonic running in 3 dimensions. It even had other characters you can play as. Some old and some new. At the time, because I was such a huge Sonic fan, I thought it was the most awesome thing to be put in disc form. Of course, I was blind to the shit that was in that game, but that will explained in a bit. In 2001, Sonic Adventure 2 was released, and suddenly things didn't seem so cool. This game didn't take one step back. Hell, it didn't even take 5 steps back. In order to measure the steps this game took back, you need to go on a fuckin road trip cross country. Let's go in depth. The gameplay was split into 3 modes. One mode was running, the other was shooting, and the third was finding gems. Think about what I just said: shooting and finding gems. Do those sound like something that belong in a Sonic game? Fuck no. To makes things worst, those modes were boring as all hell. See, when you play as Knuckles or Rouge the Bat, you're in this area to freely roam wherever you please. Think of it as open world gameplay, except the area is a lot smaller. You spend your time looking for pieces of the Master Emerald so you can put it back together. It's soooooooo boring. All you do is look around for shards. Why? Why why why!? These aren't segments you could save for later either. You had to do this if you wanted the next Sonic stage. Seriously, I spent nearly an hour looking for one piece. Really, just ONE FUCKIN PIECE! That's not the end of the problems; oh no, not by a long shot. The levels were so unimaginative and bland. I feel like they purposely TRIED to make shitty levels. The controls were loose like a 2 dollar hooker, and the camera is so shit, I'd swear it was fuckin with me the whole time. The music was terrible, which surprised me because the Genesis games had awesome music (I even downloaded the soundtrack). The voice acting was god fuckin awful to the point where you wanted to slap anybody who looked at you with 2 eyeballs. The thing that really pissed me off was the story. It introduced Shadow the Hedgehog to the world in the weirdest way possible. Shadow was created 50 years ago as an attempt to create the ultimate life form. Okay, then explain this: HOW THE FUCK DID THEY WIND UP WITH A HEDGEHOG!? Were dragons unavailable? What the fuck? And here's the kicker: change the color of his fur to blue, and he's a fuckin clone of Sonic. It's like someone kidnapped Sonic, and then dumped him in a pool of emo. In that case, if Shadow is the ultimate life form, what the fuck does that make Sonic? Just when things couldn't get more confusing, the final boss appear, a giant lizard that is said to be the ultimate life form. SO WHAT THE FUCK IS SHADOW!? OH MY GOD! Let's just move on.

See? Same fuckin guy!

After Sega quit the console making business and stuck strictly to games, they remade the 2 Sonic Adventure games for GameCube and the first one for PC. I didn't want to be caught dead with SA2 again, so I decided to download SA for PC. The minute I booted it up, the flaws I missed the first time around out of excitement became perfectly clear to me. The controls were good for their time, but still too loose, and the camera messed up in spots. It was understandable the first time around, but since this is a remake, you would think some fuckin changes would be made. The music and voice acting were terrible, AGAIN, but it was more tolerable than SA2. Sonic Adventure divided the story into 6 parts, one for each character, and each character contributes to the story in some way, which is kinda impressive. You play as Sonic, Tails, Knuckles, Amy, Gamma, and Big. Sonic stages were fun, like they were supposed to be. Tails' stages were basically racing Sonic to the finish line. That too wasn't bad. Then things go way the fuck off course, and it's these fuck ups that lead to the mess that was Sonic Adventure 2. Knuckles has you looking for the shards. It was a dumb idea, but at least it was more manageable. SA2 gave you stupid ass hints that didn't help much at all. In SA, glowing dots points the way for you if you touch them. Easy, right? Well, if that's the case, why even bother having it in the fuckin game? Then there was Amy's part, and this is the first time most people were introduced to her. The hardcore fans know that her first appearance was actually on Sonic CD for Sega CD, and we like her better then. She wasn't so fuckin annoying. Anyway, in SA, she's walking down the street (and this cutscene even makes a reference to Sonic CD if you pay close attention...and played Sonic CD) when some robot starts chasing after her and some bird she found. So her stages are setup like this: make it to the end of the stage and avoid the robot. It's like cute and cuddlely fused with Resident Evil Nemesis and suffered head trauma through the fusion process. What makes this so painful is that she moves so fuckin slow. What the fuck? I thought this was a Sonic game; why the fuck is she moving like she got a dildo up your ass (no fanart please)? If I was being chased, I would get my shit in gear and haul ass. Not Amy. She just lightly jogs away from danger. I needed therapy after that shit. Then there's Big the Cat who fishes.....yea. The last part was the robot Gamma who shoots stuff. It was fine, but didn't fit with the game. Then again, they had fishing, so what the fuck do I know. After those 2 remakes, Sega would finally release a brand new Sonic game, and it was released on all systems. Now, it was Xbox owners' turn.

How do you think this will turn out?

Sonic made his debut on the Xbox in 2004, and it featured 3 persons team based gameplay. One person was speed, one was flight, and the other was power. You use their specific skills to get past obstacles. You'd expect this game to be a piece of crap, right? Well, it was actually good. In fact, I consider it the only good 3D Sonic game unless you count Sonic Riders for PSP. The speed was there, the level design was nice, the team based gameplay felt necessary, the goal is simple (reach the goal), special stages came back, and all and all, ALMOST everything seems to fit....kinda. There were still some problems that made me cringe. The controls were soooo loose, I fell off the edge a lot simply by trying to make a turn. The camera is at it's worst in this game, forcing me to stop to readjust it. I'm starting to think the cameraman has ADD or something. Every time I enter a new area, the camera would go "OOO a butterfly!" and look the other way as I died. Asshole. When they released the PC version, the camera was a little better, but still a pain in the ass. The music could possibly be the worst I've ever heard in any video game EVER! The voice acting wasn't as bad as before, but the lines they were given were so bad. "Let's show him the real power of teamwork!" "We can win with the power of teamwork! YEA!" WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT!? IS SONIC SPONSOR BY NICK JR. NOW!? HOW DARE YOU INSULT ME WITH THIS BULLSHIT!? I need a beer. Despite this, Sonic seemed to be heading in the right, and if that's true, then the next game was a complete fuckin U-Turn.

I gotta admit, that picture is badass

Yes, Shadow the Hedgehog got his own game, and it played liked shit. Everything that made Sonic Heroes good is now bad, and what was bad is now worse. Even the mission structure is retarded. Each stage has 3 missions, and what mission you wanted to complete depends on whether or not you want to be good, bad, or neutral. Missions are usually about collecting something or destroying things. Why? Why am I doing this in a game about fuckin running!? It forces me to slow down, and I don't like that one bit. I admit that this isn't technically a Sonic game, so it can open up for more ideas, but just like Sonic, Shadow is built for speed, SO LET HIM FUCKIN RUN!! Why are there cars? I don't need them. He fuckin faster than they are. Why does he have a gun? SERIOUSLY, WHY DOES HE HAVE A GUN!? The idea of him holding a gun seemed badass at the time, but damn, that shit did not work out. This game was such a mess. Then, Sonic Riders came out a few months later. It was Sonic...on hoverboards...let's move on. After the shitstorm that was Shadow and Sonic Riders, You'd think it would be over. You would think the move on to the next gen console Xbox 360 would be a great thing for the series. Sonic the Hedgehog came out for 360, and judging from the title, it seemed like a new beginning for Sonic. When you actually play it, however, you feel the need to kill yourself. This game can be politely described as the worst Sonic game ever, and best described as BULLSHIT BANANA BUTTRAPE! You would think they would have learned from their mistakes on Shadow the Hedgehog, BUT THEY DIDN'T LEARN A GOD DAMN THING! Why is Sonic running slower? That's right, SLOWER! Why is Shadow STILL using vehicles? Who the fuck is Silver the Hedgehog? In fact, why make another hedgehog? The worst part of this game, THE ABSOLUTE WORST PART, was the relationship developing between Sonic and a human girl.....I'm gonna let that marinate in your mind for a bit..............grossed out yet? This game was herpes in disc form, and the point where most people pretty much gave up on Sonic. When Sonic Unleashed came out, nobody cared. It was Sonic, and therefore must suck. Then Sega released video of the running stages, and people were stunned. Could it be they finally got it right? Then they introduced the Werehog.......yea. Everyone gave up again before the game was even released. Read my review if you want to know about it.

Sonic, We need to talk about my contract.

If Sonic is so awful, why does he keep coming back? Because every game he makes sells over a million copies. Why? Because he's Sonic. The only person in video games more loved than him is Mario. Every time he fucks up, we're quick to give him another chances. He's also popular with the kids. Seriously though, how do little kids know about the awesomeness of Sonic? Did they play their parents' Genesis? Anyway, Sonic has such a strong sub-culture, there's no way he's going nowhere. He has cartoons, comics, songs, and even porn.....yea....google it. You're gonna be mad at me when you do. Tune in next time when we shine our spotlight on another figure of Xbox.


NOTE: Seeeeggaaaaaaa!