Super Strip Fighter 4 (I'm not kidding!)

Ladies and gents, I think we hit a new low here. I really could not believe this shit. This is so fuckin crazy that I had to cancel what I planned to write about today. Super Strip Fighter 4 is exactly what it sounds like; and Street Fighter parody...with titties. I found it by clicking on random links on the internet (I know that's dangerous but I was bored) when I saw an ad for this game. I clicked on the ad which took me to a japanese website I couldn't read, so I had Google translate for me. Once I found out the name, I spent an hour looking for a website I can download this from (for free of course). When I finally played it, I said to myself "This...is the dumbest shit...I have ever seen...in my life." Is it good? No. Is it funny? Kinda.

FYI: This game is a sex game, so you won't see any pictures or videos about it.

Since it's a Street Fighter clone, I don't need to explain how it works, but instead of six buttons (3 for punches, 3 for kicks), you get five. One of them is for grabs and the other is for focus attacks. Yep, they even copied the focus attacks. You have a decent size group of fighters. Most of them are female of course with only 3 males. One of them I didn't even know was a dude. Creepy. This game has supers and ultras too, but I think to fill up the ultra you have to fall 5 times. Some of the moves are just fuckin nuts. This lucador chick punched me in the mouth. One girl fuckin humped me to death. Well that's not fair. How could I stop her? Why would I want to stop her? When you beat your opponent, you knock the clothes off her. OOOH, okay; I get it now. That's why it's called strip fight...what the fuck were the creators thinking!?They must got some good drugs in Japan. Either way, I was very surprised by how each fighter has been balanced to....aHAHAHAHAHAHA. There aint no damn balance. Combos suck; characters suck; everything fight-wise suck. There are some cool specials, but who the fuck cares?

Let's see: scantily clad women?
Check.
Super moves involving sexy body parts?
Check.
Nudity?
Check.
Just about every element stolen for Street Fighter 4?
Well, it's a parody, so Check
What are we missing?
Oh, yea! Rape!

That's right, you can actually rape your opponents in this game. I think, at least I'm hoping that everyone agreed to this before signing up for this tournament, otherwise I'm gonna feel very uneasy. Isn't that one fucked up insult to injury? You beat your opponent; now it's time to buttfuck her. You know, I heard that all the time in games when someone gets their ass kicked, but I've never seen it literately happen. It's a new one. Apparently, not everyone can rape, and you can only rape if it's of the opposite sex. This is where I would have a joke, but it's.......ah I don't know. I'm speechless.

You know what's funny? This isn't the first game in the series. Yes, they made a Strip Fighter 4 when the original Street Fighter 4 came out; but it goes farther than that. The very first in the series goes way back; it was a parody of Street Fighter 2 called Strip Fighter 2 (there was no 1). Even funnier is the fact it didn't come out for PC. It came out for the home consoles. Granted, it was for the Turbo-Grafx and was never release in the US (thank you wikipedia), but it's still fuckin hilarious. Well, this was a fun adventure, something I don't plan on repeating because I'm afraid it'll break my computer. As a parody, I can't help but to laugh, but as a game, this is fuckin terrible. As porn, it's even worse. Maybe that was the point; I don't know.

Rating: Ass

NOTE: Can't wait for Super Strip Fighter 4 Turbo.

Quick Thoughts on Super Street Fighter 4

Before I rant about my point today, let me just basically tell you what's new in this version. 10 new fighters join the fray, including some from SF3, Alpha, and never before seen characters (if there is someone who can use Hakan, I'll be fuckin amazed). Everyone's complained by how online is structured. That got completely re-worked to be or streamlined and...well...fun. Everyone now has 2 ultras you can chose from, balancing between fighters have been tweaked (except with Seth apparently), and Bonus stages are back....for what it's worth. I'm sure somebody's happy about.

I've heard a lot of people complained that all this could have been done as a downloadable (some of them don't even own neither game so whay the fuck are they running their yaps?) and that Capcom is lying when they say they can't. I have to agree with Capcom for 2 reasons. The first reason is the revamped online mode. Explain to me how that would have worked out with the online mode already on the disc. You can't delete the old one. You can't rewrite it. You can't do shit to it because once it's written on the CD, the content is permanent. You know when you get an update on a game, and it fixes some of the problems in the game (like lag)? It normally uses save files or creates its own files into your hard drive. If you were to take that same game to someone's house and play it, none of the fixes would be there because they're on your hard drive, not your drive. What you are basically asking (and some demanding) is that for Capcom to fuck with the CD, which is fuckin impossible. Point number 2, and the most important part I might add, is that even if it is possible that they can do that, even if they can add all that shit by downloadable, what difference would it have made? YOU WOULD STILL HAVE TO FUCKIN PAY FOR IT! Would it have been cheaper? I doubt it. The fuckin extra costumes in the first game set you back 10 bucks. Imagine what just one character would have cost, let alone TEN! Then you have the ultras, the bonus stages, the new stages, and online mode that'll probably have to be added so everyone can play online. At the very lowest, we're looking at 30 bucks here. A $10 difference here is basically just splitting hairs (just ask GTA4 owners). Besides, why wouldn't you want a disc to carry around to a friend's house or two? You that lonely? The only reason I can see people complaining about it not being a downloadable is because they either don't want another CD (which is reasonable) or they thought that shit would have been free, and that's fuckin retarded. Damn, now I feel like playing Street Fighter

Someone asked me if I would do a review for Super Street Fighter 4. I say no, but I'll think about it when they release Super Street Fighter 4 Turbo.

Mortal Kombat Fatalities: Stars of Shaolin Monks

This is why I love Mortal Kombat.

MLB 10: The Show vs. MLB 2K10

As someone who truly sucks when it comes to baseball.....I am more than qualified to tell you which one is better because the way I see it, if I can figure it out, anyone can.

Pitching:
In the Show, you still use the tried and true meter. Press X button to start a pitch, press it again to choose power, and press it one more time to get it in the sweet spot. Easy. In 2K10, you have to move the right analog stick in the motion dictated by the pitch (i.e. back then forward for fastball). There are usually 2 motions: the first motion is your windup. As you windup, 2 circles appears, one small one that expands as you windup, and one stationary. The second motion is the pitch and that releases the ball. You want to release the ball when the expanding circle aligns with the stationary one for max power, or at least close to it. If it expands too large, you'll overthrow it, and underthrow it if it's too small. Yea, I really can't fuckin explain it, that's why The Show is better. I will say this. In the Show, even if you're off by a little bit, you're pitch can go way the fuck off-course. It depends on the pitcher and what pitches he has good command over. 2K10 is more accurate, but you'll fuck up more often.

Winner: MLB 10: The Show


Batting:
The Show once again takes the easy route: press X for contact and press Square for Power. You can use the left stick to have some control over where the ball goes....SOME. 2K10 is pretty easy too; flick the stick up for contact, flick it down then up for power, and flick it left or right to take a defensive swing. That's right, defensive swings. Now you can hit a ball foul if you think it's a strike but you won't get good wood on it. On the easier difficulties, you can pretty much knock everything foul, but up the difficulty and you'll see pitchers' best stuff, and even defensive swing can regularly get you out. I like it.


Winner: MLB 2K10


Fielding:
I can't fuckin stand fielding in 2K10. You'll almost always the wrong person to make the play, they throw the ball to slow, and they overthrow/underthrow it too fuckin often. Fielding is just too fucked up.

Winner: MLB 10: The Show


Presentation:
The commentary for The Show is awesome. I believe most of it is stuff you heard in previous games, but because they add new stuff every year, it seems like they have something to say for every situation. Top notch. 2K10, on the other hand, repeats itself way, way too much. Announcing went downhill for the series ever since John Miller and Joe Morgan left. The Show also features once of the most realistic crowds in sports game to date, and fan reactions are so lifelike like going for foul balls. Also, the number of people in the stands match real life. In the start of a Rays game, there are little to no people. Maybe the crowd increases as the game goes on. With a more popular team like the Mets, the arena starts off half empty, then is full to capacity by the 3rd. Of course, Yankee games are almost always fuckin full.

Winner: MLB 10: The Show

Game Modes:
Same modes all-round. Nothing special in my opinion. I will say that in MyPlayer/Road to the Show modes, being a catcher is boring as all hell. At least in the Show, you can call out pitches. In MyPlayer, you're just sitting there.

Winner: Draw


WINNER: MLB 10: THE SHOW

Idea for a Game

This is gonna sound weird, bit I say bring back Sonic the Fighters. I know, I know, the first game is number 3 on my Sonic shit list, but it was the mid-90s and everyone was excited about 3D and 3D fighters in the arcades. Of course Sega would be compelled to make a Sonic fighting game. It just didn't work out. But you know what, Sonic Battle for the Game Boy Advance was not that bad. Hard as fuck (or maybe that's just the emulator) but not bad. I think it's time to try it again, but this time, we bring in the pros. We either call on Arc Systems (creators of Blazblue and Guilty Gear) or Capcom. I prefer Capcom because they have worked with Sega before. You make it a 2D fighter that's simpler than Street Fighter but still demands a lot of skill. It can be done; they did it for JoJo's Bizarre Adventure on the Dreamcast.......look it up. I say we bring in the entire video game roster (which is pretty fuckin big to begin with), and we have fanart characters too. You'll really give hardcore fans something to nut about when you add Ashura, Venus, and Purity (aka Becky...for some reason) the Hedgehogs. Yes, I know about them because I do my research....by clicking random links on Youtube. Hey, you can even use these fanart characters to make new games to experiment with instead of fuckin up Sonic games. Anyway, add as many people as you can. If you can, see if you can add characters from the Archie comics, too.Yea, there's gonna be a lot of clone fighters, but it aint a Capcom fighter without them in my opinion. Plus it's pretty much unavoidable. Some of you are thinking "This isn't gonna work." If you are, you must not know Capcom. They can make anything work in a 2D fighter. Just ask Marvel. And drop the 'the' in Sonic 'the' Fighters. In fact, call it Sonic Fighters 2 just to trip people up.

[Neil] How the hell did you come up with this idea?
Watching sprite battles on Youtube....plus I had like 45 minutes to type something before it was midnight and the day ended, and I couldn't just say 'hi' again.

Top Ten Sequels That Need to Be Made

 After the announcement of Marvel vs Capcom 3, it had me thinking. What other games need to make another appearance? So, after days of contemplating and playing old ass games, I've come up with my top ten games that needs a sequel.
Okay, here are the rules for the top ten list:
No insanely popular games like God of War or Halo (because that's just a gimmie)
No games with sequels already announced (NBA Jam)
No games that are part of a trilogy (Mass Effect) or finished their trilogy (God of War)
No games released in 2009 or 2010


10. Vector Man/Comix Zone
I couldn't pick one, so I decided to add them both. Hey, it's my list, and I can do whatever I want. And let's give it up for vectorman's kick ass soundtrack. It's pretty fuckin Impressive for a Genesis game.


 


9. SSX
This is undoubtedly the most awesome snowboarding series of all time. I was gonna say Snowboard Kids, but thinking of that game made me wonder...what the fuck happened to SSX? EA....make it. It'll help your company from sucking.



8. San Francisco Rush
Burnout, meet your daddy. This arcade game was freakin nuts with its shortcuts and crashes and people cursing when they crashed while going for a shortcut....or maybe that was just me. Let's bring this one back, and keeps the wings from SFR 2049.




7. Battletoads
It was 2D beat em up goodness, and I want another one. And don't fuck it up like you did TMNT: TIT (ha).




6. Star Fox
Normally, I would say this is a gimmie, but I don't know anymore. They've been unusually quiet on this one. The only statement they released (to gameformer magazine I believe) is that they are looking for a studio they can do the fox justice. Let's just hope he STAYS IN THE PLANE this time, and maybe the occasional tank. Oh, and add 4 player local and online co-op.




5. Power Stone
That review is coming soon, as soon as I get a hold of Power Stone 2....that doesn't run me 100 bucks.




4. Wave Race
How many jet-ski games have you played in your life? Think about it......that's what I thought. Wave Race made you care.




3. Killer Instinct 3
Rare....we want it. You know we want it. We know you want to make it. So what's the fuckin holdup? I wanna do my ultra combo dammit. The funny thing about it is that when you first look at it, you think Mortal Kombat clone, but then you play it and it takes a life of its own.




2. Jet Set Radio
I must be the only person who loves this game. Why is that? Maybe not a lot of people heard of it. I don't know, but you owe it to yourself to play this game, either the Dreamcast's Jet Grind Radio or Xbox's Jet Set Radio Future.





1. Conker
You know, I used to think - like everyone else - that Goldeneye was the best damn game for the N64. Then I played Conker's Bad Fur Day, and in my opinion (I'm almost positive you'll disagree with on this) Conker shits all over 007. It's very simple really. 007 aged poorly, and now I can't really go back and play it. Maybe for a little bit of nostalgia, but not for a long session of serious gaming. Conker, on the other hand, plays better than half the platformer games out now, and that's the N64 version. I'm not even talking about the Xbox remake. This should have had a sequel a long time ago. What the fuck happened? What are they; allergic to awesome?

I just wanted to say.......

Hi.