Batman First Impressions

With the demo out, a lot of people wanna know how I feel about the new Batman game. I don't want to go too in depth about it since I'll be doing a review soon, but I came away impressed. The combat was fluid and fits the style of Batman. The tone the game sets is dark and gritty, as dead bodies lined the hallways. This is a T rating game, so don't expect any blood. The stealth element is well done, and I enjoyed taking out enemies without being noticed. The funny thing is, I don't really like stealth games. Normally I wouldn't read too much into a demo, but we may finally have a good Batman game. Now if only Superman would get his shit in gear.

Leisure Suit Larry: Box Office Bust (W)

With the release of Madden 10, the Batman demo which took all fuckin night to download, working on the other blog, and playing other games that'll eventually show up on this blog, you can understand why I couldn't finish this fucker, which is a royal piece of shit. Seriously, it's like they tried to make a piece of shit, and did a shitty job at it. I can't believe it; I really can't believe it, but I finally found a game worse than X-Blades. For some of you who are knowledgeable about the series, you might have noticed something missing in the title. The 'W' is there, but there should be something else. I'll get to that later.

.....Boobs...

Right off the bat, hell even in the batter's box, things go bad when I finally get a chance to move the character around. In the tutorial mission, you're shown how the platforming works, and as I try to get to my goal for maybe a half a fuckin hour, I threw my controller down and turned off my system off. The point I'm trying to make is that THE CONTROLS ARE FUCKIN HORRIBLE! Larry moves like he has a pipe bomb up his ass, and the pipe bomb has a grenade (without the pin) stuck up its ass, and any moment an explosion can cause one hell of an anal evacuation. Not only is his movement awkward and stiff, he's so damn slow, even when he's in full sprint. Now, how am I suppose to jump from platform to platform with bad controls like this? Of course, there are other means to get around. You get to grab vehicles to get around, but dammit they're even worse to control. To top it all off, there was a shooting portion of the game, and it could not be handled any worse. I had to turn it off (again), and put in Call of Duty to remind me what a good shooter is like. I threw my control down so many times in disgust, and right now, I would like to take the time out to apologize to my 360 controller (it's not your fault).

....Boobs...

Here's what you do in the game: go from point A to point B. That's pretty much it. There's some platforming or minigame throw in here and there, but that's mostly what you do. This...is not...fuckin...GAMEPLAY! If I wanted to do nothing but walk around all damn day, I would just play Second Life on my computer. At least in that shit I can have digital sex, although I'm pretty sure the women are actually men. I can hear some of the gears turning in the gamers head about that sex comment. Again, I'll get to that. Anyway, it seems like my sole purpose in this game is to guide Larry to the next cutscene. Although they're nowhere near as long, just the sheer amount of cutscenes can rival any game, even RPGs (maybe even Metal Gear Solid....just kidding). Jesus Christ, I've never been so bored walking in my life. I don't know what the developers were thinking. The funny thing is, the game is very self aware that it sucks, and Larry makes comments based on the suckiness. In one mission, he said "I better hurry up or this may start to feel repetitive." I may have fucked up the quote, but my point is that statement means that this game was designed to be repetitive, which leads me to believe that the developers purposely made a shitty game. I guess the joke's on me for playing it, right? If there's one good thing I can say about this game is that the gaphics look sharp. They're nowhere near the best we've seen for the 360, but it fits the setting. Of course, I'm not that into graphics like that, so it's like complimenting a dog turd on its formation. Who fuckin cares?

....Boobs...

So...what's missing? Well, if you know anything about the Leisure Suit Larry series, you know it's famous for its gratuitous sex. A Larry game should get the 'STS' stamp (meaning sex to sell), but this one doesn't. It has sexy women, plenty of innuendo, and even some raunchy scenes, but these seem to be treated as a formality rather than a selling point. It feels like any reference to sex is there simply because it's a Leisure Suit Larry game. Oh, and there's no nudity. Oh, I'm sure that's gonna piss a lot of Larry fans out there. Now, I can understand why they wouldn't want nudity in the game. Home consoles have a strong stance against strong sexually graphic material, and you really can't go too far. Look at what happened to San Andreas. That doesn't mean sex couldn't be in the game, at least I don't think. In 2005, I've played LSL: Magna Cum Laude for the Xbox, PS2, and PC (to see the differences), and the Xbox version had sex scenes in them (censored of course). So, why did they not do it here? I don't know. Now, I could care less if the girls are naked or not (although I would be lying if I said I wasn't curious); I just wanted it to be funny like the last game. Sadly, the comedy is gone too. Comedy is more important to the series than the sex, and if you don't have that, you don't have a LSL game. I'm not saying they ditched the jokes. They tried so hard to be funny, and that's the problem. If you have to try to be funny, then don't! It was like watching a comic crash and burn onstage. It was painful to watch, and even more painful to listen. In the last game, the gameplay was bad too, but the jokes were so funny that you suffered through it to hear some more. There were also tits, but that's besides the point. Without the jokes, there's no reason to plow through this game, which I didn't. I gave up midway through because I think I developed Super Cancer in the process.

I'm noticing a reoccurring theme here

Dude, I can't even give you a decent closing paragraph about this. It's bad; really bad. If you're a fan of the series, you now know what Sonic fans are going through (we feel your pain). That's out of the way, but the torture isn't over yet. We still got plenty of bad games to go through, including a Sonic game that has the nerve of being a downloadable on the Xboxlive marketplace (OH HELL NO!). Mark my words, we will find the worst Xbox 360 game. As for this game...

Rating: Red Rings of Death

NOTE: All the pics were from the PC version. I guess nobody wanted to get screenshots of the 360 because it means they would have to play it.

Sonic Unleashed Re-post (W)

To start off my agonizing search for the worst game of Xbox360, I look at a game I've already reviewed, and sadly, it's a Sonic game. Since my thoughts are the same now as they were then, I decided to re-post the review for the sake of retrospect (and laziness). The original plan was to do Leisure Suit Larry, but I thought it would be best to get the ball rolling with this game before I review Larry. It will be my next entry, assuming I finish it soon. For those wondering, I'll do the other Sonic game, too. Well, let's get to it. Sorry for the lack of pictures. Blogspot is being a dick.


Sigh* Being a Sonic fan, I'm really not looking forward to writing this one. After playing good game after good game I was bound to run into shit eventually; ironic since a 3rd of the game is about running. This was another friend request so I had to do it, but now I'm wondering why I take requests at all. Months ago I played the Wii version and was mildly entertained, so I figured I'd like something about this version. I did find something, but it's not worth all the bullshit you have to go through to get to the good bits, especially since instead of this crap I could be playing Street Fighter 4 (Seth is cheap as hell!) or GTA4: the lost and the Damned. Oh well, let's talk shittiness.

Normally this is where I relay the plot of the game, but this is a Sonic game. It start with Robotnick (I refuse to fuckin call him Eggman) doing something retarded and ends with SuperSonic saving the day. When the beginning and end are always the same, the plot in between becomes redundant. HEY SONIC TEAM! How about giving Robotnick a break and bring out something or someone new for a change? I won't even explain how he became a werehog because it's just not worth going into.

And don't get me started on the voice acting. Somebody tell sonic team there's a difference between family game and kiddy game. If you want to make a game for the whole family, you don't write dialog that's too kiddy even for seseame street! I swear to God I wanted to kill those fuckin rodents every time they opened their mouths. Tails is supposed to sound like a little boy, but sounds like a very small woman instead. Amy's still a bitch who provides absolutely nothing (which is why Sonic wants nothing to do with her....smart boy). Robotnick is the stereotypical bad guy with the cheezy evil laugh. Chip...well he....ummm....well let me put it this way. Everything about him makes me want to crack the game in half and slit my own throat with the broken pieces. The only tolerable acting is Sonic, and he's not that good to begin with. OH, and you can't skip the cutscenes.

Now, remember when I said running is 1/3 of the game? For those of you who are paying attention, you probably realized that something is wrong since Sonic is known for FUCKIN RUNNING (RIGHT SONIC TEAM?)! Well when you do run, it's the most fun you'll every have with any 3D Sonic game. The controls and camera finally fit a Sonic game, and track design are awesome. My only gripe is that it's almost impossible to complete a stage on the first run. Sonic runs so fast that you won't know you were supposed to move or jump until you fail and die. Which brings up a point: Why do they still have lives? Lives are obselete.

To get to the running though, you have to go through the other 2/3 of shit the developers shoveled in for some reason. First let's start with the hub world. Its soooooo fucking useless, but they make you go through it. I can't even describe all the stuff you have to do, but know this: In order to move on to the next stage, you have to have a certain number of coins to open the door. If you don't, that means backtracking through previously beaten levels. What a lame way to lengthen gameplay (yes, I said lame). Then there are the nighttime werehog levels. Initially you think "well this aint too bad" but then it feels so boring after 2 levels. The level design sucks and the combat (while fun to see what combos Sonic has) is extremely easy. There's no attack patterns to learn, no real change in enemies, or any real reason why not to press the Y button over and over to quickly end the fight. In the end, it's a pointless gimmick there to appeal to........you know what, I have no idea who this appeals to.

So how can I absolutely hate the Xbox360 version but find the Wii version mildly entertaining? Well let's start with the hub world. In the 360 version, you're forced to do stuff and collect coins; on the Wii there is no real hub world and the doors open almost automatically. Basically 1/3 of the game is cut out of the Wii version. Also the nighttime levels are cut into 5 minute stages and have less enemies to fight. On the 360, levels can take up to 30 minutes, you can't save in the level, and you have to look for coins throughout to open doors later. Lastly, the Wii version doesn't take forever to beat. Yea the daytime levels aren't as fast as the 360, but at least they're feasible to beat on the first try (except Eggmanland....Son of a Bitch!).

I'm not suggesting you get either version of this game, but if you're a big Sonic fan, then go for the Wii version if you own one. For the XBOX heads out there, stay away! If someone puts this game in your Xbox360, call the police because you just got raped (or something similar to that).
I'm not ready to end the Sonic franchise; maybe it just needs a new developer because Sonic Team obviously can only create shit.

Rating: Red Rings of Death

We know it's terrible, but is it the worst? No. Like I said, the running stages are very fun, and if it was just that shit, we wouldn't be having this discussion. In fact, I think I would still play this over X-Blades, but maybe that's just my fandom talking. Can there be something worse? I think our next game can be. Leisure Suit Larry, I'm hoping you disappoint.

NOTE: Isn't it funny how the better version was co-develop by Dimps, and Sonic Team fully developed the shitty version? Kinda supports my new developer theory, don't it? Isn't it also funny that I'm entirely too lazy to do another post?

TMNT: Turtles in Time Re-Shelled (XBLA, PSN)

On August 5th, at exactly 10:42 pm, I downloaded Turtles in Time. On August 6th, at exactly 12:37 am, I fuckin finished it. I spent the next 4 days pondering whether or not I should even do this review, but since this is insanely popular, I have to bash it. It's the American way. If you haven't played the original game, then this review means nothing to you because you weren't going to buy it anyway unless you're a TMNT fan. For those who have, this game bought back a lot of memories I had at my cousin's house. We would played for hours overheating the SNES trying desperately to beat it, but to no avail, until he got a game genie (who remembers that?). When I heard that there were to be a remake for the Xboxlive Arcade, I was generally excited, and after playing the game repeating, I can honestly say...I WANT MY FUCKIN MONEY BACK! It's not that Ubisoft did anything wrong with recreating a game that was good, but it WAS good, and what was good then isn't exactly good now. TMNT: TIT (HA! I love acronyms) did not age well, and my boredom is the proof.

For all the TIT (HA!) fans out there, it should be noted that this game is a recreation of the arcade version, not the SNES version, so you will recognize some differences if you didn't play the arcade version. The Technodrome stage that followed the sewer surfing segment is gone. That stage was an SNES exclusive. In fact, the boss in the sewer surfing stage (Rat King I believe) is also gone. Once you get to the end of the stage, Shedder sends you to Prehistoric Turtlesaurus. At the end of Prehistoric Turtlesaurus, you fight Cement Man, not Slash. At the end of Skull and Crossbones (the pirate ship), you don't fight Bebop and Rocksteady. Instead, you fight Tokka and Rahkar, who were in the left out Technodrome stage. Once you get to the final boss, you don't face Super Shedder; you face Shedder in his normal form. Why Ubisoft chose the arcade version over the SNES is a mystery to me, especially since the SNES version is the one most gamers identify with when talking about TIT (HA!). The only reason I can think of is that the SNES version is licensed by Nintendo, and Nintendo didn't want their version of the game to be released for their competitors. If that's the fact, Nintedo you greedy bastards.

Smack!

This is how you play TIT (HA!): You walk right, you press attack a lot, you walk right, you press attack a lot, a boss appears, you press attack a lot, and you turn off the game. All you do is press attack, and it's the same combo throughout the whole game. That was fun back in 1991, but in today games, we need more complicated moves. I mean, it's so simple, it makes it so hard to even review it. Unlike the original game, you can attack in 8 directions instead of only left and right, which makes thing a lot easier give or take your level of difficulty. Instead of having 2 turtles, you can now have 4 player co-op with all the turtles. The graphics have also been beefed up to match modern day standards. Everything else has been faithfully recreated, for better or worse (mostly worse). You also get unlimited continues, which makes sense since you can't feed quarters into your system. That would be weird if your 360 said you need more quarters to play. And where would the quarters go when the machine got full? If they disappeared, I would run my fuckin ass out of there. I'd probably shit myself too. Like you wouldn't. I played it once with another person, and it was slightly more entertaining. I didn't play with 3 other people, but I think having all 4 turtles on the screen would turn things into a clusterfuck. How would you be able to tell who's who. Like I said, I didn't play it like that, so I can't really comment yet. All the traps and bosses are cheap as hell and will drain your health fast. This was an arcade game after all. They were design to eat quarters with punishing difficulty, but still, not being able to avoid some of these attacks are fuckin annoying.

If you can't beat them, twirl

You will die. You will die a lot. You will die at least once per stage. Despite doing nothing but pressing one button, I can't get over how fuckin hard TIT (HA!) can be. Now, I could have put it on an easier level, but that's not the game was supposed to be played. So I drank some Red Bull, coffee, Pepsi, and pure liquid caffeine, had a smoke, beat my chest, gird my loins, and put that son of a bitch on hardcore difficulty. It took 2 hours to finished it. I would have finished it sooner, but Tokka and Rahkar wouldn't fuckin DIE! And after all the pain I went through to get to the final boss, Shedder was a cakewalk. Then after you beat it, you're left with this "What should I do now?" feeling. All you can do is turn it off, and play a real game like.... X-Blades....AAAhahahahahahahahahahahahaha.....haaaaaa sorry.

TIT (still funny) isn't worth it at all. Here's an idea: download a SNES emulator, download the game, and play it for free. Don't waste your $10 like me. To think, they were gonna charge $15 for it. This shit ain't worth $5.

Rating: ASS (to the 4th power)

NOTE: Ten Rules of Gaming does not condone the illegal use of emulators. To legally use one, you must own the system and the game you are playing, but hey, whatever you do on your computer is your own business. Enjoy your TIT.

Spotlight #2

WWE SMACKDOWN!

Once upon a time, the WWE license (known as WWF at the time) was owned by Acclaim, and they made sucky games. WCW vs. NWO (made by THQ for the N64) was a great game, which made the WWE games look like even bigger shits. The first chances WWE got, they jumped ship and signed with THQ, and the jump paid off. Wreslemania 2000 and No Mercy are consider 2 of the greatest games for the N64. Despite how great they were, W2000 was never ported to the PlayStation. Why? Because THQ was working on a PSX exclusive that would be nothing short of awesome: WWF Smackdown.

When Smackdown came out for the PlayStation, it offered something that no other wrestling game has offered before in such depth: backstage brawling. They didn't half-ass it like EA's WCW Mayhem (If you never heard of that game, you're doing alright; keep it up) and just put a couple of boxes and weapons in a empty room. These were fully detailed areas that interconnected with each other. For once there was a good reason to go backstage. THQ also boosted about it's season mode, but that was ho-hum. You basically went from week to week wrestling. That's basically it. The controls were complicated from their time and took a while for me to get, but once I did, I found the move list to be very deep, deeper than Wrestlemania 2000, and at the time that was saying something. THQ boosted about its season mode, but fans came for the backstage ass kicking, so when a second game was announced, it was time to shift focus.

Next best thing to sex (at the time)

Smackdown 2: Know Your Role came out with an even bigger experience than was thought possible on the humble (snicker*) PSX. It had more wrestlers, match types, moves, and weapons, but the main improvement that drove fans nuts were the backstage areas. THQ developer Yukes went crazy with the whole backstage concept and added a crazy amount of content. There were even set pieces you can throw your opponent into. If I remember correctly, you can irish whip your opponent into the stove in the kitchen, and the stove would blow up. To me, it was the coolest thing I have ever played on PlayStation. I honestly can't think of a better game for the system (fuck Metal Gear Solid). The season mode was more of the same, but now it was 2 player, so that made it more interesting. This was the last game to be released for the PSX, for Smackdown was getting ready to make its PS2 debut.

While being developed, THQ decided to drop the '3' in Smackdown 3 and call it Smackdown: Just Bring It, signifying that there would be a steady release of game, provided that the games sell, with they did. One of the big changes in Just Bring It, besides the better graphics on the PS2, was that this is the first wrestling game by THQ with commentary. Michael Cole and Tazz provided some much needed sound to the matches, but to be honest, it was very shitty. I really could have done without the commentary. I couldn't find that voice option fast enough. Season mode got a big overhaul in that it was only 3 mtaches. I wish I was fuckin kidding; it was only 3 mtaches. What the fuck were they thinking? They must have gotten lazy. Shit, they might as well just handed me the belt. And the load times....the less said the better. Just Bring It was the worst game in the series, but it was still fun. Again there were more moves, more wrestlers, different match types, and of course, more backstage areas. You could even go outside the arena and make it to WWF New York in Times Square. Does anybody remember that restaurant? Yea, anyway, increasing the backstage area was nice, but now they needed to do something besides add more areas. The next game, Smackdown: Shut Your Mouth adressed most of the problems in the game before it. Commentary was much better, and Season mode actually had storylines this time which spanned 2 years. Wrestling in the ring felt better as weapons really connected to the head of the opponents instead of just going through them like every other game before it except Wrestlemania 2000 and No Mercy. The backstage area has been slimmed down a bit, but no one really noticed nor cared because the overall package was such a great improvement. The next game, titled The Next Big Thing, pretty much improved on everything Shut Your Mouth did, plus more. It added the Elimination Chamber, Bra and Panties match, and location specific damage. There was an icon on the screen that showed which body parts were hurt (with red being the most damaged). This allowed players to focus on a body part and go for the submission later. It also took weight into consideration too. No longer can women pick up the Big Show, although weight didn't seemed to matter when doing finishers though. Again, the number of backstage areas decreased, but it was a small price to pay. The Smackdown series was soaring, but it was still time for a change.

I want contacts like those!

Maybe it was just me, but the title alone just signified change in the series. Obviously, this game pandered heavily to the feud between the two brands at the time when they decided that each show would have its own set of superstars, and that feud was made more apparent during the story mode. The 2 biggest (and much needed) additions to the game were online play (which I never used so I can't comment) and voice overs. Yes, besides commentary, you would hear the superstars themselves talk during story mode. As great as it was, it was weird to hear them talk and watch as their lips didn't match what they were saying. Everything was mostly good, but somehow backstage areas were pretty out on its ass. You could no longer go from the ring to various parts of the area. Now backstage was treated like matches, and there were only 2 if I remember correctly (parking lot brawl and bar room brawl). It pissed me off immensely as that was Smackdown's signature feature. How could they get rid of it!? Well, this had more to do with the WWE's culture rather than the developers. Wrestlers stopped dragging each other around the areas, and the game reflected that. Ah well. After Smackdown vs Raw, it was unclear where the developers would go after this. At E3 in 2005, they decided to officially treat the franchise like a sports title, and which that, keep the name. The franchise was no longer Smackdown; it was Smackdown vs Raw. Months later, Smackdown vs Raw 2006 came out for PS2 and for the first time on PSP. It was considered the best wrestling game ever made, and with good reason. The first major change was that you couldn't store 5 finishers. In the previous game, you would beat up your opponent to fill up a meter and earn a finisher. you can earn up to 5 of these, meaning you can do your finisher 5 times in a row. Because they were now going for realism, that was removed for a 2 finisher system. You had 2 options: store a finisher, or do it when the meter is full. The stored finisher did less damage than a full meter one, but it was good for getting out of deep shit. It also added a stamina system. The critics raved about it, but I didn't like it so I turned it off. The 2 most important feature of 2006 were the new story mode and GM mode. Story mode had better writing and the words being said actually matched the lips. GM mode basically let you run the show anyway you wanted (almost). You picked the matches, set up the contracts, manage the wrestlers, etc. Since this is a SvR, you had to compete with the GM from the other show to see who can get higher ratings. Fans have been asking for this mode for years, and when it finally showed, they shitted their pants in excitement. Smackdown vs Raw was a continuing success, but to the dismay of Sony fanboys, PlayStation would no longer be its exclusive home. It was time to hit the Box.

Welcome to the Xbox (I am Morpheus)

When the news hit that SvR 2007 would appear on the Xbox 360, everybody was stunned. Smackdown has been a PlayStation exclusive for so long, nobody thought it would come out for any other system. What was more surprising was that the PS3 didn't get a version of the game. There was one planned for the PS3 launch, but was delayed to December because the team had trouble programing it. It was delayed again til after the Christmas season until the developers decided to cancel the project altogether. Whatever. I had an Xbox 360 and a PS2 so I wasn't gonna miss out. Following the example of Fight Night (i.e. blatantly copying), SvR2007 changed their controls so now that grappling is done by the right stick. This kinda made things less complicated in terms of controls, and seemed more responsive. If you clicked on the right stick, you'll do what is called an ultimate control move. You move the right stick in the direction needed to do a move. So, to do a powerbomb, you would flick up on the stick to pick them up, and then flick down to slam them. It was a nice addition, but it had one major flaw: it was irreversible. Once it was activated, there was no way out. Players online would spam these moves until they won. Also, there were now environmental attacks. Drag your opponent to a certain spot, and you can use it to your advantage. Slamming a guys head into the steps never gets old. Doing this drained your stamina, so you couldn't do it too much. Season mode had branching storylines, and GM mode was improved. All in all, it was a great debut for the 360.

SvR2008 came out the next year, and it really didn't do much different. Ultimate control moves could now be reversed which was a definite plus. Fighting styles were introduced in this game, but the idea sucked, so they got rid of it in the next game. It did introduced my new favorite match type: ECW extreme rules match. It was essentually a hardcore match but with elements that reminds me of the classic ECW like crowd participation. Also, when you went under the ring, you could select exactly what weapon you wanted. Sweet. Story mode and GM mode was converged into one mode called 24/7 mode. Now you can manage your superstar while going through a story. If you pick a GM, then it's basically GM mode. The problem with this is that after one year, the story repeats itself, and you definitely don't want to hear the same shit over and over again. 24/7 mode sucked balls. SvR2009 thankfully ditched that mode and created 6 character - specific stories for you to play through. This is how it should always be done for now on. There's also a career mode with works like a downgraded 24/7 mode, except more fun to play. Sadly, playing through this mode is the only way to level up your created player. Sucks. The biggest focus for 2009 was the tag team matches. Now tag team have only one bar per team instead of everyone having their own bar. This makes sense since if your partner is getting his ass kicked, you're shouldn't be on the verge of having complete momentum. What you can do, however, is perform a hot tag. Every wrestling fan knows what this is. The guy crawls to his corner and tags the fresh man. He then comes in and clotheslines the first guy, hit the second, and then focus his attention on the first guy again. Do this successfully, and you will earn a special. My favorite improvement above all else is that the AI isn't as retarded as before. Your partner pretty much knows what to do in certain situations. If your getting your ass kicked, he'll started building up the meter for a hot tag. The opponents are a little more aggressive, but still plays chicken when you leave the ring. It's nice to see them finally getting the AI up to snuff. Just like GM mode (which was out on its ass in this game), fans have also been begging for a create a finisher mode, and this game finally brings it to the gamers. It's a little bare-bones, and most moves created looks like you're just putting tarnish on already established moves, but the base is there for them to build on. I can't wait to see what they do with it.

Get Jericho's theme right this time!

Ten games is a long time, but Smackdown continues to kick ass. The one thing I like about THQ and Yukes is that unlike most developers who makes a game on a yearly basis, I feel that they are the only ones who try every year. I swear 2K Sports seem to take a year off every once in a while, and Madden is just now getting their shit together. Smackdown tries something every year; sometimes it's a colossal failure, but I appriecate the effort. Anyway, I just wanted to shed some light on one of my favorite franchises in video games, especially since my first spotlight bash the living hell out of another one. Tune in next time. Wait, when is the next time, anyway? Hmmm. Ah well, keep reading til something pops up.

Which game is the worst?

I often hold X-Blades up as the standard of bad video game design, but is it the worst Xbox 360 game? Well, it's the worst I've ever played, but I think there are other games out there far worse. So what's the worst? That's what I'm gonna find out. I surfed the internet to find the worst reviewed games, and I will play them to see which one is definitely the worst. Whenever you see the (W) in the title, you know that's one of the game so as to not confuse it with any other games I might review. The first game on the list is Leisure Suit Larry: Box Office Bust. Something tells me I'm gonna be crying when this is all over, not to mention the fact my hall of shame will explode with entries.

The Left 4 Dead 2 Petition

Left 4 Dead owners were promised new content to be regularly released by Valve. Soon after, Valve announced the sequel will be released this fall, one year after the original. This pissed off some people and now there's a petition to stop the release of the game. So far, roughly 40,000 people signed it. Apparently, they feel that this game coming out so soon means that the developers abandoned the first game and won't fulfill on their promised to release content for it, and even if they did, it wouldn't matter because gamers would buy the second game and ignore the first, killing the first game's online community. Despite the fact that these angry gamers make some good points, I am completely against them on this one.

The first point I like to make is that IT'S JUST A STUPID FUCKIN GAME! I'm assuming these people (although I'm probably wrong) have more important things to worry about in life. I love games. I love logging on to this blog to talk about games, but neither are a top priority in my life. If I'm struggling with work and school and have no time for the Xbox, I'm not gonna sacrifice either to make time. Basically, I'm saying I have a life outside gaming, but it sounds like these crybabies don't. I bet most of the people who signed it just did for the hell of it. They'll probably buy L4D2 the first day. It's like how people complain about how Madden never changes each year, yet it's still in their living rooms. By the way, an online petition? Really? You think EA Games gives a chocolate coated glitter sprinkling flying fuck about an online petition?

If you're mad that you think Valve lied to you, then you obviously never dealt with a salesperson before. Besides, why would you believe what some guy you don't know says to you anyway? Quite frankly, Valve doesn't owe these people anything. They don't have to make downloadable stuff. I know that's usually their thing to keep expanding on old games, but how quickly did these people forget that the game is published by EA, and EA is the video game conpany equivelant to Darth Vader (or maybe Dick Cheney). Besides, it's not a good idea to buy a game because you think downloadable content is coming. Both Mortal Kombat and Mass Effect didn't coming through with their promises, but you don't hear fans bitching about it. Hell, I've been waiting 3 years for Mass Effect to come out with more than just one download. This is why you pay for what you're getting right away, not for what may come down the line. If you bought L4D because you weren't satisfied with the four short campaigns, but heard there will be more, you're a sucker. That like buying a car in Arizona with the promise of an air conditioner to be installed on a later date.

The final point I have to make is that none of these people have played the game, so they have no idea what's in it to make these claims. All they saw were videos of it at E3, and does that really tell us anything? Gamers, remember when we saw videos for Sonic Unleashed? It seemed like Sonic was once again the shit, but it turns out to be shit. Remember Superman Returns? That game seemed like they finally got Superman right, and it did, but ultimately suffered from being rushed, and therefore the missions sucked, but that a review for another time (wink*). My point is videos don't do shit but stir up hype. It's not until you get your hands on a controller do you know what a game is really about. Granted, the game will probably be more of the same, but still......

This petition isn't gonna do shit. This isn't really a controversy if you ask me. This is a bunch of people whining because they want extra stuff. Instead of trying to stop the release of the sequel, why not just playing altogether? They won't do that. They love their precious game too much. It baffles me how they can feel like they've been cockslapped across the lips, but still support the game by playing it. I don't know, man. Maybe I'm missing something here. Maybe I'm just completely wrong about my whole assessment of the situation. Well, all I know is this: I didn't buy Left 4 Dead, and I don't feel cheated at all. HA!